The Kindness of Being On Someone's Side

"A true friend unbosoms freely, advises justly, assists readily, adventures boldly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably."
― William Penn

Good friends are always on your side.  That doesn't mean that they don't suggest that you consider another point of view or, in some cases, tell you that you are flat-out wrong.  But the kindness that good friends can demonstrate -- especially during times of conflict and other challenging moments -- is letting you know that they are there for you.  To support you, to hold you up, to embrace you when that is all that can be done.

The other day, I texted a friend to thank her for being so supportive and for being on my side during a difficult time.  "Always!" she texted back.  That doesn't mean that she always tells me that I am right -- she doesn't.  To me, that means that she is ALWAYS on my side, which is more about being AT my side.

Kindness in Remembering Kindness

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.  For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
―Khalil Gibran

A woman I know was having a bad day -- the kind of day that includes tough conversations, tears, and emotional exhaustion.  Unexpectedly, she received a very sweet and thoughtful e-mail from an out-of-town friend recalling a kindness that the woman I know did nearly four years ago.  "It is a kindness that I will never forget!" the out-of-town woman wrote.  Little did the writer know that her appreciating something her friend did a few years ago was a much-needed kindness on a rough day.

Kindness and Lent

"Lent is a time to renew wherever we are in that process that I call divine therapy.  It's a time to look what our instinctual needs are, look at what the dynamics of our unconscious are."
― Thomas Keating

Today is Ash Wednesday and the beginning of the Lenten season.  At a Mass today, the priest shared a humorous story about a French priest who was walking through the streets of Paris on a cold night with a bag of pastries that he had just bought when a thief tried to rob him.  When the priest opened his coat and the robber saw the clerical collar, he said, "Oh, Father, I am sorry.  I would not have tried to rob you if I had known you were a priest."  The priest offered the thief a pain au chocolat, but the thief replied, "Oh, Father, I couldn't -- I gave chocolate up for Lent."  The priest's point today was that Lent is an opportunity to soften our hearts, to become kinder people -- not to give up things that don't really make us better people like the thief and his giving up chocolate.

What can each of us do to become a kinder person during Lent?

Kindness at the Bank Drive-Thru

"It's your outlook on life that counts.  If you take yourself lightly and don't take yourself too seriously, pretty soon you can find the humor in our everyday lives.  And sometimes it can be a lifesaver."
―Betty White

Sometimes kindness can be extraordinarily simple -- like telling the woman who is waiting in front of you at the bank drive-thru that you are thinking about going around the car taking forever with the drive-in teller to get to the drive-up ATM.  But this woman is waiting for the ATM, too.  The woman thanks you for your thoughtfulness and you get back in line behind her.  And then the two of you watch as a guy walks up to the ATM and uses it while the two of you wait.  Sometimes you need a sense of humor with your kindness.

The Kindness of the Mutual Pep Talk

"Many a friendship, long, loyal, and self-sacrificing, rested at first on no thicker a foundation than a kind word."
―Frederick William Faber

Earlier today, I was e-mailing with a friend who is doing some incredible stuff -- participating in a triathlon and then some.  She is an inspiration and has been working very hard to meet her goals.  But as we all do, she has her moments of doubt.  As we discussed our "moments" and e-mailed positivity back and forth today, she wrote, "Love the mutual pep talk."

Life is pretty terrific, but it has some challenges.  I think of it as scuba diving where you need a buddy.  The ocean depths are pretty neat, but not to be ventured solo.  And so it is with our life journey.  I am grateful for all my buddies and the pep talks we give each other along the way.

Forgetting Kindnesses Shared

"Blessed are those who give without remembering and take without forgetting."
― Elizabeth Bibesco

Yesterday, I spent two hours in the company of a wise and wonderful 80-year-old woman.  She is the owner of a violin shop and we had gone to purchase a couple of violins.  She has always impressed me as a kind-hearted and generous woman.  Not only does she come across that way in terms of how she conducts her business, but also she seems to have a special way of connecting with people.  I have heard her share snippets of her life when she thinks that the listener would benefit from hearing them.

While we were at the shop yesterday, a woman walked in with a beautiful flower arrangement for her.  "Thank you for your kindness," the woman told the shop owner.  "You were so kind..."

When the woman left, the violin shop owner chuckled and said, "I don't remember what I did."

That is the way it seems to be with some of the kindest people.  They are the way they are and can't imagine being any other way.  And often, they forget the kindnesses they do even as their kindnesses live on in the hearts of those whose lives they have touched.

But lest I get the wrong idea, the violin shop owner looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said:  "You never want to be too good -- you miss the fun in life."

The Kindness of Unconditional Love

"Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do.  Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children."
― Alex Haley

My grandmother died 15 years ago today.  Remembering her is bittersweet because I still miss her.  She was about a month shy of her 87th birthday, but her death still shocked me because I expected her to live probably forever.  Even as the adult I was when she died, I could not fathom my life without her.

This morning, my siblings and I traded memories of our grandmother via text.  It included "Beauty," which is what she called her granddaughters.  But through the sadness and the great memories what shines powerfully is her unconditional love.  Always there, never wavering.  We found it when we ran into her arms, when we called her from our beds in the middle of the night when we woke up scared...  It was there at the other end of the phone when we called -- collect, of course -- from college.  I never doubted her love.  And that is a tremendous kindness -- a gift, really.  My grandmother's unconditional love continues to sustain me and I suspect it always will.