The Kindness of Sharing Stories

"Anytime you share life stories with other people, you know, you are acknowledging their humanity and kind of accessing some things about yourself, and other people start to expect things about themselves.  It's kind of like a fellowship."
~ Jill Scott

On a recent trip, I found myself asking people I met (a driver, a passenger on the plane) about themselves and hearing their stories.  I was fascinated with what they shared both because I am naturally a curious person and also because it helped me to better understand the reality of their country.  It is wonderful to share stories with friends as those interactions serve as additional ties to each other, but it is also nice to share stories with people we encounter along our life journey.  Those somewhat random instances represent connection and a recognition of our shared humanity.

The Kindness of Uncommon Manners

"A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out."
~ George Bernard Shaw

About a week ago, I ran into a professional colleague at a wake.  We were walking out at the same time and he insisted on walking me to my car.  He then opened and closed my car door.  This man has impeccable manners, which are a reflection of the considerate and thoughtful person he is.  It is no surprise that he is incredibly successful and very well regarded by everyone who knows him.

I was reminded of him the other night when I drove a group of teenagers to a dance.  The oldest member of the group was a 14-year-old 9th grader, the son of a dear friend.  I must admit that I felt much more comfortable that my children were accompanied by this responsible and well-mannered young man.  When I took several of the teens to eat afterward, this young man opened and closed my car door (inspiring my younger son to do the same).  Whenever I would speak to him at the restaurant, he would turn in his seat to look at me.  And when I asked them if they had fun, he said, "Yes and I am not saying it to be polite."

I asked this young man's mother what she and her husband do to raise such a wonderulf young man, and in her lovely way, this woman nonchalantly said that it is "just" who he is.  Of course, I believe his parents have a hand in this, too.  And I also think that years from now, he will be like my professional colleague -- successful and well thought of in no small part because of his kindness.

The Kindness of Elevator Greetings

"Our humanity comes to its fullest bloom in giving.  We become beautiful people when we give whatever we can: a smile, a handshake, a kiss, an embrace, a word of love, a present, a part of our life... all of our life."
~ Henri J.M. Nouwen

While traveling in Central America recently, I noticed that people greet each other as they enter elevators.  In fact, people also acknowledge each other as they arrive at elevator banks.  It is a nice custom that recognizes other people's presence -- actually, their existence and dignity.  I decided that it might be a nice practice to embrace.  Having lived and worked in various elevator buildings over the years, I have probably ridden most of the time with folks (including me) who did not acknowledge others. 

Kindness at Airport Security

"Excellence is to do a common thing in an uncommon way."
~ Booker T. Washington

On a recent business trip to El Salvador, I discovered that TSA PreCheck does not save you from having to remove your shoes in that country.  But I also experienced uncommon chivalry.  At each airport security checkpoint (yes, there were two), an agent carried my very heavy roller board off the conveyor belt for me.  What a bonus!

The Kindness of Being "Pendiente"

"Compassion may be defined as the capacity to be attentive to the experience of others, to wish the best for others, and to sense what will truly serve others."
~ Joan Halifax

I tried to find the English translation of the Spanish "pendiente," but there seems to be none.  In fact, one of the on-line dictionaries I consulted admitted there was no direct translation, and offered "attentive" and "keeping an eye on..." as being close.

In the absence of a spot-on translation, I will put forth that being "pendiente" of someone is keeping in mind what is going on and important to that person and letting her know that she matters to you.  When I read the quote about compassion above, I thought that came close.

I experienced the kindness of having friends be "pendiente" of me at the tail end of a recent business trip that took me to Central America.  On my last day of the trip, I woke up to a series of text messages that ranged from wishing me a safe flight to asking me at what time my flight was for prayer purposes.  As I read the messages, I thought, how nice to have people be "pendiente" of me.  Those kindnesses made me feel thought of and loved, and they were especially appreciated as I was far from home.

The Kindness of Text Support

"Surround yourself with people who provide you with support and love and remember to give back as much as you can in return."
~ Karen Kain

One of the marvels of modern communication is that support is frequently only a text away. While I was on business travel recently, a friend texted me every day, which not only made me feel much more connected, but also made me laugh and feel less far away.

Kindness for the Traveling Mom

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child."
~ Sophia Loren

I was out of town on business when two friends, a married couple, arrived for a visit.  On one of the nights that I was gone, they went out to dinner with the rest of my family -- and then sent me a photo!  There is no better gift for the traveling mom than a photo of the family she misses. 

Kindness and Two Sisters

"Helping others isn't a chore; it is one of the greatest gifts there is."
~ Liya Kebede

On a recent overseas visit, I went on a sightseeing tour with a group of work colleagues.  We were joined by two nuns -- one approaching 90 and the other much younger.  The younger nun was accompanying the older religious.  In this capacity, she helped her get in and out of the van, assisted her as we made our way through cobblestone streets and looked after her at meals.  Frequently, they walked hand in hand as the younger sister steadied the older one.  The younger nun did all her helping with a smile and gentle kindness. 

Kindness and a Badge

"Every minute of every hour of every day, you are making the world, just as you are making yourself, and you might as well do it with generosity mad kindness and style."
~ Rebecca Solnit

I recently attended a very large outdoor religious event. Thousands of people were expected, and I was attending with a group of my work colleagues and a couple of special guests. Some members of our group had managed to obtain VIP passes that would enable them to special seating. However, we had not been able to secure a pass for one of our guests.  On our way to the event, a young woman who had a VIP pass gave her pass to the guest.  I  was amazed to see her kind gesture.

The Kindness of "No Pressure"

"But when women are moved and lend help, when women, who are by nature calm and controlled, give encouragement and applause, when virtuous and knowledgeable women grace the endeavor with their sweet love, it is invincible."
~ José Martí 

My mother recently graciously offered to take me to the airport. I gratefully accepted the ride as I needed to get to the airport after getting the children off to school. I called my mother as I was going home to let her know that I would be running a few minutes behind.  She told me to let her know when I was ready, and then added, "No pressure."  Those two words greatly calmed me down and I arrived at the airport with plenty of time.

The Kindness of an Easy Yes

"A true friend encourages us, comforts us, supports us like a big easy chair, offering us a safe refuge from the world."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Recently, I wanted to attend the wake for the father of a friend, so I called one of my dearest mom friends to ask if I could leave my children at her house for a bit.  Of course, she said -- her usual reply.  I stopped by a restaurant to get take out in an attempt to feed my children before taking them to my friend's house.  But no matter, when my children walked into my friend's house, they were immediately hungry and sat down to eat along with her children.

I truly appreciated that my friend watched my children and that she fed them, but what meant the most to me was her generosity of spirit, which is always ready to say yes.

Kindness Remembered

"The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth..."
~ Albert Einstein

I recently had a conversation with a local high school teacher whom I had not spoken to in probably a couple of decades.  We had gotten to know each other through a political campaign in which we were both involved about 30 years ago.  It so happened that a mutual friend was with him and they called to say hello.  The teacher shared that my sister had done him a favor about 20 years ago by getting him and several other teachers a special tour in our nation's capital.  He asked me to thank my sister for him.  There is a good chance that my sister does not remember her kindness toward him, but he certainly remembers and still appreciates it.  Conversations like these continue to remind me how very much kindness matters.

The Kindness of a Well-Mannered Teen

"The happiest conversation is that of which nothing is distinctly remembered, but a general effect of pleasing impression."
~ Samuel Johnson

Recently, I was on an early-morning visit at one of my children's schools and I ran into a classmate of my daughter's.  The teenager greeted me very appropriately and warmly, and we had a brief conversation.  As I was leaving, she also gave me a compliment.  I am not sure whether to ascribe the kindness to the teenager or to the parents who have taught her well, but no matter.  In my book, good manners and making others feel good = kindness.  Every time.

The Kindness of a Voicemail Message

"Never suppress a generous thought."
~ Camilla Kimball

A college friend of mine left me a voicemail message over the weekend.  It was in response to a text that I sent her on Mother's Day.  It was one of the sweetest voicemail messages that I have ever received and she brought a big smile to my face.  You never know when a text or a message will brighten someone's day or arrive precisely when it is needed.

The Kindness of Spousal Support

"In a relationship, each person should support the other; they should lift each other up."
~ Taylor Swift

I recently was involved in organizing an event for work, which also happened to be a family event, and I wanted to have my family there.  But mobilizing our crew -- especially very early on a weekend morning -- is not always easy.  My husband made sure that all my children were dressed (including bows in hair!) and ready to go, and we arrived minutes before my scheduled 7 am arrival time.  I appreciated that support more than he can imagine.

Kindness in a Bundt (or Maybe 3)

"Dessert is like a feel-good song and the best ones make you dance."
~ Chef Edward Lee

On a recent Friday night, my daughter and I were invited to a mother-daughter party at another mom's home.  I was juggling children's activities, so I stopped by the party for a little while.  The mother had everything beautifully decorated, including three Bundt cakes in different flavors that looked incredibly delicious.  I admired them and she shared what flavor each was.  Unfortunately, I left before dessert was served.  I went on to another engagement and my husband picked up my daughter later.  When my daughter saw me, she handed me a covered plate with my name on it.  The mother who hosted the party had sent me a slice of each of the cakes.

The Kindness of Admitting Mistakes

"Even a mistake may turn out to be the one thing necessary to a worthwhile achievement."
~ Henry Ford

I recently sat at a business lunch with a group of people whom I only know professionally.  One gentleman shared how he had changed a significant political viewpoint based on a mistake.  He had publicly opposed something only to realize that he had been wrong.  So he has publicly admitted that he was wrong and can even joke about it.  His willingness to do that has paved the way not only for significant contributions to the public debate from him, but also for others to shift their viewpoints and evolve in their thinking.

The Kindness of Being Gracious (or Making It Easier to Ask for Favors)

"I think sometimes it is more important to be gracious than to win."
~ Dorothy Kilgallen

I don't like asking people for favors.  But I find myself time and time again needing to ask one of my dearest mom friends for after-school assistance.  This last time I began with, "I am embarrassed to ask, but..."  She immediately responded that why would I be embarrassed when she has asked me to do some such thing that is nothing compared to my constant asks.  But I do appreciate her graciousness.

The Kindness of Taking Care of Those We Love

"Love begins by taking care of the closest one -- the ones at home."
~ Mother Theresa

A friend of mine's mother died about a year ago, leaving her father behind.  My friend has lovingly incorporated her father into her life.  Dinner now includes not only my friend and her husband, but also her father.  And vacations do as well.  Although my friend would never consider what she does as kind, it is a wonderful example of taking care of those closest to you. 

Unexpected Kindness in a Parking Lot

"Charm is a product of the unexpected."
~ José Marti

I recently was trying to make my way to a church for a funeral Mass.  The Mass was on a church property that includes a church and two schools, and I was having a hard time figuring out where the Mass was and where I should park.  The parking lot was full and I could not tell where in the cluster of buildings the church might be.  There was a gentleman in a golf cart who appeared to be a security guard or custodian.  I stopped to ask him where I should park and if he knew where the funeral Mass might be.  He told me that there were three churches on the property and that I should look around for parking.  I drove by where I thought the Mass might be and saw two police officers waiting outside.  I asked them if they knew where I might park and they directed me to a driveway.  Not convinced, I drove back by the gentleman in the golf course, who then said to me, "You have been pretty nice, so I am going to help you."  (I had earlier seen him chase a car out of a place it should not have been.)  He told me to drive around one of the rows of cars and then directed me to park across three cars.  When I asked him what those people would do if they needed to leave, he said, "Don't worry about it -- those are my students."  I asked him if I should leave him my keys.  "No," came the reply, "I know what you look like -- I'll come find you."  As I was getting out of my car, he drove up in his golf cart and told me he would drive me to where the Mass was.  I accepted his kind invitation and managed to arrive at the Mass in a much better state than if I had walked in the heat.  As I was walking to my car after the Mass, I stopped by his golf cart and attempted to give him a tip, but he refused.  "Can't I buy you a cup of coffee?" I asked.  Still no.  I thanked him again and left, grateful for his unexpected kindness.

The Kindness (and Legacy) of Making Others Feel Welcomed

"Each day holds a surprise.  But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us.  Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy.  It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity."
~ Henri Nouwen

I went to the wake for my sister-in-law's grandmother tonight.  When I heard that this wonderful woman had unexpectedly passed away yesterday, on Mothers' Day, what I thought about was how welcoming she had always been to me.  When my youngest brother introduced us to his fiancée's family, the grandmother immediately made me feel welcomed.  And she made me feel that way every time I went to her house and every time I saw her.  With her characteristic smile and good humor, she had a way about her that drew people to her and that made them feel welcomed and special.  That is what people were talking about at the wake and I couldn't help thinking what an amazing legacy that is.

Kindness (and Acknowledgment) on Mothers' Day

"The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness.  When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe.  You relinquish that position to your children."
~ Jessica Lange

It is nice to be feted on Mothers' Day!  I enjoyed waking up to not only kisses, hugs and presents, but also texts from some of my favorite people.  I also enjoyed spending time with my family and with my mother, whom I am blessed to still have.  One of my favorite felicitations came from a neighbor who stopped on his way to walk his dog to wish me a Happy Mothers' Day.  "You really deserve it," he said.  "I see how you run around."  I truly appreciated his very unexpected acknowledgment.

Happy Mother's Day to all moms!  We each do the best we can, sometimes more than we think we can.  And I know that I could not do a fraction of what I do without all my friends -- moms and non-moms.  A very big and heartfelt thank you!

The Kindness -- and Strength -- in a Hug

"I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words."
~ Ann Hood

One of my children recently had to make a presentation in front of her class.  She was extremely nervous about the assignment, which involved memorizing two and a half pages of text and reciting it.  I asked her how it had gone.  First, I received a monosyllabic answer, and then she explained that when she got up in front of her class, she began crying.  But then her best friend got up and gave her a hug, and she was able to do it.  I have written about her very special best friend before, but this girl's kindness continues to amaze me and warm my heart.

The Kindness of My Very Funny Friend

"I love people who make me laugh.  I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh.  It cures a multitude of ills.  It's probably the most important thing in a person."
~ Audrey Hepburn

On a recent Friday, I was at the airport on my way home from a week-long business meeting.  I was so tired that I sat down at the gate, rested my head on my suitcase handle and thought I might just doze off.  Then I began receiving a series of very funny texts from one of my dearest friends.  At one point, I was not even sure what he was talking about, but I was laughing out loud and shaking in my seat.  He reminded me that we have been engaging in the same banter for several decades.  I had felt exhausted and was even on the brink of cranky, but his sense of humor not only made me laugh, but also gave me perspective and a renewed sense of gratitude for so many things, including my very hilarious friend (who has a whole host of other terrific qualities).

The Kindness of a Special Treat

"This is the power of gathering: it inspires us, delightfully, to be more hopeful, more joyful, more thoughtful: in a word, more alive."
~ Alice Waters 

I recently attended a meeting with colleagues whom I see two or three times a year.  The last time that we were together (five months before), I had been especially excited about the dessert at one of our meals -- chocolate-covered pretzels.  I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the colleagues in charge of ordering our meals had remembered my fondness for that particular treat and ordered it again.

Through Fear to Kindness

"Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will."

~ W. Clement Stone

A woman I know stopped to grab lunch at a Whole Foods.  As she was walking back to her car, a man asked her for money to eat at the nearby Wendy's.  She didn't stop and continued to her car.  As she thought about why she did not help him, it occurred to her that it was fear, not necessarily a rationale fear, but fear nonetheless.  She got in her car and drove to the Wendy's and saw him outside.  She told him to wait because she was going to get him a gift card, so she went through the drive-thru and did just that. 

More on Kindness and its Ripple Effect

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.  Every act creates a ripple with no logical end."
~ Scott Adams

No matter how much I write about kindness, I am still in awe of its ripple effect.  As I wrote yesterday, one of my children flipped out because she thought she had forgotten that an assignment was due.  When I e-mailed the teacher, she kindly wrote back immediately to let us know that it was not due until the next day and that she would check in with my daughter about it.  The kindness of the teacher's immediate response set the tone for my day. 

A couple of hours later, I arrived at a business appointment.  As I was waiting for the person I was meeting, the receptionist told me that he wanted to speak to me on the phone.  The young man was very apologetic and said that he was feeling sick and was at the doctor's and had honestly forgotten about our appointment.  I told him not to worry and to call me when he returned, and I would come back.  He was very grateful, but I told him it was no big deal, which is how I felt.  And I have no doubt that the teacher's kindness was the inspiration for my generosity of spirit. 

Teacher Kindness via E-mail

"Can I see another's woe, and not be in sorrow too?  Can I see another's grief, and not seek for kind relief?"
~ William Blake

One of my children dutifully studied for two big tests over the weekend only to wake up on Monday and realize that she had not completely memorized a passage from a book that she needed to present.  She was crying and distraught, convinced that it was due that day.

I understand that we cannot solve all of our children's problems and that we need to teach them responsibility, initiative and all the rest.  But... every so often, they need a little help.  So I e-mailed the English teacher to double-check when the oratory was due.  This wonderful woman (and I did think she was terrific even before this) replied within 10 minutes and let me know that it was not due until the next day and that she would check in with my daughter to see how she was doing with it.  When I told my daughter that it was not due that day, she was instantly and visibly relieved. 

I certainly don't expect anyone, much less a teacher, to respond immediately to an e-mail.  But I am so glad that this teacher did.  Her kindness -- and the relief it brought both to my daughter and to me -- set an example and the tone for the rest of my day.

Coupons and Kindness at CVS

"Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone about you, and you will be surprised what a happy life you will lead."
~ Charles M. Schwab

Earlier today, I ran into a neighbor at my local CVS.  She shared that she was shopping as her 20 percent coupon expired today.  Half kidding, I asked her why I didn't have that coupon.  Next thing I knew, she was asking the cashier why her friend could not have the same coupon -- I told her not to worry, that it was fine.  The cashier told me to check my e-mails on my phone to see if I had a coupon and I found one. He managed to scan it from my phone and I received 25 percent off my purchase!  As I was walking toward the car with my purchases, I once again ran into my neighbor.  She was very pleased that she had managed to get me my discount.  She also told me that she loves the skin creams that she uses, which she buys at CVS, and encouraged me to try them.  She then gave me a coupon for the creams, so that I could buy them at a discount.

The Kindness of Being Interested

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people, than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."
~ Bernard Meltzer

I recently returned from overseas and have had several friends express interest in what I saw and learned on my trip.  One friend called and we had a wonderful visit over the telephone as he peppered me with questions that I was happy to answer.  He later texted me to thank me for sharing my stories.  Last night, my lovely friend came over for a visit to hear about the trip.  I shared my photos as well as experiences with her.  It has been so nice to share my trip with my friends; their interest has helped me to process what I saw and heard, and is a thoughtful expression of their friendship.

Kindness, Quick and Simple

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention."
~ Oscar Wilde

I recently took a small group of girls to lunch, teenagers and preteens.  As we were shown to a large booth, I realized that someone would have to share a banquette with me.  I began to say, "Well, it looks as though someone will have to sit with me..."  But before I could finish, one of my daughter's friends slid in next to me.  (This was the same girl who greeted me with "I really missed you!"  when I returned from a trip.  Yes, I love this girl.)