Kindness Outside Orchestra Rehearsal

"Obviously, you would give your life for your children, or give them the last biscuit on the plate.  But to me, the trick in life is to take that sense of generosity between kin, make it apply to the extended family and to your neighbour, your village and beyond."
~ Tom Stoppard

On a recent evening as one of my children and I left orchestra practice, another orchestra mom approached me with a bag.  She said that her son had outgrown some of his orchestra clothes and did I think that my son might have use for them.  This mother and I have never exchanged much more than hellos as we pass each other at practices and performances, and I was struck by her very unexpected kindness.

The Kindness of a Door Opened

"And as I've gotten older, I've had more of a tendency to look for people who live by kindness, tolerance, compassion, a gentler way of looking at things."
~ Martin Scorcese

Recently, my children and I met up with another family for an evening frozen yogurt outing.  As I walked to my car, I realized that my friend's teenage son was walking with me.  This is, of course, the young man who is an amazing door opener.  (I have written about his once scaling a bush to open my car door.)  And his accompanying me to the car was to do just that.  It had been a while since I had gotten the royal door-opening treatment and it was greatly appreciated.

The Kindness of a Hand

"Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it's at the end of your arm; as you get older, remember you have another hand:  The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others."
~ Audrey Hepburn

On a recent evening, I attended an event at a school gymnasium for one of my children.  On the way up the stands, I noticed that the first step was a doozie -- it was quite high.  Sometime later, I made my way down the bleachers.  As I approached the last step, a woman I didn't know who was already on the gym floor, extended her hand and helped me down.  Talk about a hand when you need one!

The Kindness of a Phone Call and the Gift of Time

"Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small.  We haven't time, and to see takes time - like to have a friend takes time."
~ Georgia O'Keefe

My lovely friend called recently to check in.  We usually see each other almost weekly, but it had been a couple of weeks at least.  We had a very nice conversation, which ranged from serious to silly and back again.  We laughed, which is always a gift.  Time went by and before we knew it, we had been on the phone for nearly an hour.  It was wonderful to talk with her and I very much appreciated her taking the time.

The Kindness of "Don't Stress"

"The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence."
~ Norman Vincent Peale

The other day, a professional colleague told me, "Don't stress."  Many times when people tell you that, they are simply telling you not to worry about whatever is causing you angst.  But in this case, my colleague was telling me not to worry about something because she would take care of it.  That's a "don't stress" that works.

Kindness at the Sub Shop

"Kindness and politeness are not overrated at all.  They're underused."
~ Tommy Lee Jones

A woman I know accompanied her daughter to a sub shop that they frequent, although usually the mother waits for the daughter outside in the car.  After her daughter ordered, the gentleman at the cash register asked the mother if the girl was her daughter.  Yes.  The gentleman went on to tell the mother that her daughter is one of the most polite and nicest people who comes into the store.  Yes, the mother beamed.

Choosing to Act Out of Kindness

"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles."

~ Washington Irving

 

I have a college classmate whom I don't see as often as I would like, but we have a special friendship.  A very kind person, he will send me things that he reads or hears about kindness.  And every time I hear from him, I smile and I am grateful for his friendship.  He is the kind of person who chooses to act out of kindness.

 

This is what he sent me today:

Note to Self:  "What is my purpose in life?"  I asked the void.  "What if I told you that you fulfilled it when you took an extra hour to talk to that kid about his life?"  Said the voice.  "Or when you paid for that young couple in that restaurant?  Or when you saved that dog in traffic?  Or when you tied your father's shoes for him?  Your problem is that you equate purpose with goal-based achievement.  God or the universe or morality isn't interested in your achievements... just your heart.  When you choose to act out of kindness, compassion, and love, you are already aligned with your true purpose.  No need to look any further." 

 

With a special thanks to Paul at NotetoSelf -- One Man's Journey to Become a Better Person by Talking to Himself, the author of this gem. http://notetoselfphilosophy.com/ 

The Kindness of a Teacher's Words

"None of us got where we are solely by pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.  We got here because somebody -- a parent, a teacher, an Ivy League crony or a few nuns -- bent down and helped us pick up our boots."
~ Thurgood Marshall

A teacher at my children's school who does not even have my children in class called today to give me feedback on a presentation that one of my children made at school.  She not only shared with me how well my daughter had presented, but also spoke with me at length about opportunities that my daughters might want to pursue in their areas of interest.

The Kindness of Joy

"A sense of humor... is needed armor.  Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life."
~ Hugh Sidey

On a recent morning, I received a voicemail message from one of my dearest friends.  She was just calling to say hi, but the message conveyed her joy and good nature.  I smiled when I heard it and kept smiling every time I remembered it.

The Kindness of a Purse Returned

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."
~ Tennessee Williams

On a recent evening, my family and I ate dinner at a neighborhood restaurant.  After we finished, we went for dessert at a new sweet shop close by.  All of a sudden, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  One of the waiters at the restaurant handed me my purse, which I had inadvertently left behind. 

The Kindness of a Violin Substitute

"Getting money is not all a man's business; to cultivate kindness is a valuable part of the business of life."
~ Samuel Johnson

The other day, our violin teacher let us know that she would not be able to come for lessons as her son and husband were both sick, and she did not want to spread the germ wealth.  But she had arranged for her sister, also a violin teacher, to come for lessons if we would like.  I was delighted and greatly appreciated her thoughtfulness.

The Kindness, Beauty and Sadness of a Farewell

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."
~ Lao Tzu

I recently attended a funeral Mass for a woman who lived in my community.  She lived a long life -- she would have been 87 this year, although the last few years were difficult as she suffered from a degenerative disease.  Her husband of 66 years lovingly cared for her.  At the end of the Mass, the widower stood up, looking a bit more frail than usual, but also looking determined -- determined to say his piece.  He shared that he wanted to say a few words in Flemish, which was their native language.  I do not understand Flemish, but I understood -- as did everyone else in that church -- what he was saying.  And I am sure that I was not the only one to wipe away tears.

The Kindness of Taking the High Road

"We're all pilgrims on the same journey - but some pilgrims have better road maps."
~  Nelson DeMille

The high road seems to usually be the better way to go.  But what about when taking the high road is not your first instinct?  Recently, I encountered a situation where a mistake had been made that got in the way of something I was trying to accomplish.  I was upset and wanted to call the person to task.  The person working with me on this project told me to take the high road.  As I watched him handle the situation with graciousness, I told him that I appreciated his tact.  He responded:  "Easy for me to do.  I just think about what I want to say and then say the opposite." 

The Kindness of Dinner and Goodies

"No man or woman can be strong, gentle, pure, and good, without the world being better for it and without someone being helped and comforted by the very existence of that goodness."
~  Phillips Brooks

A former law firm colleague of mine (who incidentally went on to great things) used to say, "Don't try to get anything done on a Monday -- just try to get through."  On some Mondays, getting through is tougher than usual.  But imagine that after one of those particularly trying Mondays, your former college roommate who happens to be in town drives out to where you live and takes you and your children to dinner.  She shows up with carefully chosen gifts for each of the children -- and for you!  And your goodie bag includes two beautiful lip glosses that she carefully chose based on your coloring.  Goodness like that is bound to change your day.

The Kindness of a Thoughtful Text

"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles."
~ Washington Irving

Earlier today, I received a text from my lovely friend.  She sent it to me and to another mom friend with whom we frequently go to a nearby pizza place.  My lovely friend shared that on her way back from out of town, she had stopped to pick up dinner from our favorite pizza place and thought about us.  I smiled at her thoughtfulness and have no doubt that her text brought a smile to our other friend as well.

Witnessing Kindness

"I actually think that the most efficacious way of making a difference is to lead by example, and doing random acts of kindness is setting a very good example of how to behave in the world."
~ Misha Collins

While visiting an amusement park over the weekend, I saw a mother taking a photo of her husband with their two children.  Another mother who was pushing her young child in a stroller stopped and asked if they would like her to take a photo of all of them.  The first mother said yes and the stroller mother took the photo.  I found myself smiling as I witnessed this small, but meaningful act of kindness.  I was reminded -- again -- how kindness benefits the giver, the receiver and bystanders.

The Kindness of a Good Traveling Companion

“The purest and most thoughtful minds are those which love colour the most.’

 -  John Ruskin

We recently traveled on a weekend with another family and I was struck by how thoughtful the other mother was.  As we navigated to our destination, she texted me with helpful updates.  If she arrived at a restaurant first, she texted me to tell me exactly where it was.  She went out of her way to make sure that I had information that would make my life easier.

The Kindness of a Reminder

“My wife, whenever I’d go off to work and I’d be kind of anxious, she’ll say, ‘Remember, have fun.’  Oh, I forgot, thanks for the reminder.  Because sometimes we do forget.  We take it all too seriously and there’s a lot of joy to be had wherever you are.”

  - Jeff Bridges

The other day I was going somewhere that I didn’t particularly want to go – only because I preferred to stay home.  When I told one of my friends where I was going, she said, “Have fun!”  I thanked her for the reminder and realized that what I was doing should be and would probably be fun – if I would just let it be.

The Kindness of Interest

"The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life."
~  William Morris

I recently had lunch with one of my college housemates.  A warm and gracious woman, she is always interested in others.  When we sat down for lunch, her first question was about my children.  She asked about each one and remembered what we had talked about each of them in previous conversations.  She has an incredible ability to connect with others and a significant part of it, I'm sure, is her interest in what really matters to the other person.

The Kindness of Tuning Help

"It takes generosity to discover the whole through others.  If you realize you are only a violin, you can open yourself up to the world by playing your role in the concert."
~ Jacques Yves Cousteau

One of my children is using a violin that seems to always be out of tune.  A day or two after the violin teacher is here, the instrument is no longer in tune.  Our violin teacher is in our area between lessons and she has told us to reach out to her, so that she can stop by and tune the violin.  Unfortunately, when we texted her recently to see if she could come by for a quick tuning, she was out of town.  But she contacted another student of hers, a teenager who lives close by, and he graciously stopped by to tune our violin.

The Kindness of "Greater Tenderness"

"There is an organic affinity between joyousness and tenderness, and their companionship in the saintly life need in no way occasion surprise."
~ William James

I was blessed to attend a Jesuit university (Thank you, Mom!).  During the Advent and Lenten seasons, the university sends out beautiful daily devotionals.  In anticipation of Lent, which begins tomorrow, the Vice President for Mission and Ministry at Georgetown University, Rev. Kevin O'Brien, S.J. wrote the following:

"As I reflect on my own discipleship at the start of the retreat, I follow the lead of Pope Francis in this Jubilee Year of Mercy and strive to live with greater tenderness:  to treat others and myself more gently.  What virtue or disposition do you seek to cultivate with God’s help?  If you instead seek freedom from a disposition or habit, consider a different kind of fast: fasting from fear, cynicism, or excessive critique, for example.  As we go about these spiritual exercises, we are careful not to turn the retreat into a self-improvement regime.  More fundamentally, this is a privileged time to encounter God’s abundant grace, with which all things are possible."

Father O'Brien's message left me wondering:  How can we treat others and ourselves more gently, especially during this season of Lent?

 

I posed the question over dinner to my children and hope that it will serve as a focal point as we journey through Lent this year.

The Kindness of a Gift of Chairs

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.  For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
~ Khalil Gibran

One of my good friends has an eye for great design.  Her good taste is only superseded by her generous spirit.  A couple of months ago, I was showing her a style of chair that I wanted for my dining table and she told me, "Don't buy it -- absolutely not!"  I immediately thought that she did not like the style.  But she didn't want me to buy the chairs because she had been given several of the same style and she said she would give them to me.  Sure enough, I now have four beautiful chairs that I really wanted.  I recently received a call from her followed by a text with a photo of two chairs that she thought would look really good in my children's room.  The office next to hers was giving them away and she wanted to know whether I wanted them.  Funny enough, I had had my eye on those chairs.  My friend is always on the lookout for good design and for ways to make her friends happy.

The Kindness of Supportive Parents

"What kind of influence did my parents have on my life?  Well, they had the most influence.  These are the people who are closest to me.  My parents are very positive people.  They've been supportive.  They're always there."
~  Derek Jeter

An eighth grader whom I met recently is raising funds for a nonprofit organization.  He began doing this as part of a service project.  But his "project" has taken on a life of its own.  For several months, he has raised money by selling donuts, by convincing the music teacher at school to donate a portion of the proceeds of a school production and by setting up a website.  But the most impressive way that he raises funds is by standing up at church and asking the congregation to support his cause.  On a recent weekend, he spoke at seven Masses.  I was fortunate enough to hear his presentation at one of them and he is amazing.  What is equally impressive is his parents' support.  This effort is clearly a family affair -- led by parents who recognize their son's talents and do whatever it takes to support him.  His mother and two younger siblings were staffing a table outside the church while his father was inside with him.  His presentation at all the Masses took up most of their weekend, but they all seemed happy to do it.

The Kindness of Sharing Your Gifts

"Balance, peace, and joy are the fruit of a successful life.  It starts with recognizing your talents and finding ways to serve others by using them."
~ Thomas Kinkade

Earlier today, I attended a Doctoral Recital for a cellist we know.  It was something that would have been easy for us to miss -- sometimes it seems we are just too busy or tired to make it to an event like this. But we made it and what a treat it was.  I sat there just enjoying the music.  There was nothing else to do, nothing to accomplish.  It was a break from hurrying and scurrying, from doing doing and then remembering everything else that has to be done.  Through this young woman's playing and singing, I was transported to other worlds, to memories and things imagined.  I heard Bach and Ravel as well as original pieces by this young woman and a terrific piece by a violinist I know.  As I considered how blessed I was to be there, I also thought how wonderful that this young woman shares her gift with others.  Aptly, her name is Joy.

The Kindness of a Very Polite Little Boy

"Politeness is a desire to be treated politely, and to be esteemed polite oneself."
~ Francois de la Rochefoucauld

At the end of a long week, I was entering a building with four children and all of us were loaded with items, ranging from backpacks to a hot pizza box.  A boy, who could not have been older than seven, saw us and opened the door for us.  As we all approached the elevator, he stood by the door of the elevator, holding it open and making sure that we all got in.  We all thanked him.  When we exited the elevator, one of the teenagers with me said, "I don't think I have ever seen a more polite boy." 

The Kindness of Healthy Eating Support

"I get by with a little help from my friends."
~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Two mothers I know decided that it was time -- time to lose weight.  Again.  Actually, one mom decided and somehow convinced the other one to go along.  The other mom was skeptical about this buddy system approach to weight loss.  She is the kind of person who never enjoyed study groups, who never joined a play group...  But convinced of her friend's kindness, she went along.  And the buddy system has turned out to be not only effective, but also great fun.  The two moms send photos of their meals to each other during the day and share tips for healthy eating.  And in each other's kindness and encouragement, they find much-needed support.

After-Hours Kindness

"It's the teacher that makes the difference, not the classroom."
~ Michael Morpurgo

I recently attended an open house event in the evening at one of my children's schools.  During the reception, I met one of my son's teachers and spent a few minutes talking with her.  After a few minutes, we parted and I ended up speaking to another parent.  A little later, the teacher returned with a folder in her hand.  She had gone to her classroom and brought back my son's work, which she proceeded to show me. 

Kindness in a Building Lobby

"No barrier or boundary surrounds the heart of a person that loves their self and others."
~ Shannon L. Alder

There are some kindnesses that are so spontaneous...  I recently saw a 10-year-old boy who was standing in a building lobby with his mother waiting for the elevator suddenly run to a door that was a good 15 yards away to help an elderly man who was trying to get through the door with his walker.  The elderly man was very grateful.  And the boy's mother, initially startled by his unexpected run, smiled.

A Thank You for a Long-Ago Kindness

"'Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say.  I say that one a lot.  Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding."
~ Alice Walker

A couple of days ago, I wrote about a friend who told me how much he appreciated the nun who taught him to read more than 40 years ago.  With a little help from a friend, my friend found the nun living in a retirement community in California.  She is now 95 years old.  My friend wrote a beautiful essay about how much he appreciated her help and how she had profoundly impacted his life.  He posted it on the website of the retirement community and also sent it to the nun who runs the place.  The director of the retirement community wrote back and shared that she would be reading his thoughtful remembrance at a community meeting today, so that all the retired religious who live there could enjoy it as well.