Be Present, Be Kind to Yourself

“Be present in all things and thankful for all things.”
― Maya Angelou

A couple of days ago, as I enjoyed that strange half-awake meditative state of "shavasana" in yoga class, I thought about the "soundtrack" of my life.  I am not sure if it was the sounds of little girls enjoying a ballet class in the other room or something else ...  But whatever triggered it, I thought, days come and go, years pass ... and I have worried about so many things.  And it occurred to me:  What do I want the soundtrack of my life to be?  Do I want it to be filled with static -- angst, pettiness, ruminations of grudges, gossip, negative thoughts?  Or do I want the soundtrack to reflect the intentional enjoyment of my life -- children's laughter, songs I enjoy, pleasant conversations, the sounds of the ocean, birds chirping?  We only have so much bandwidth.  How do I want to use mine?

As I left the yoga class, I lowered my car window and listened to the sounds of the birds that were there for me to hear.  I also saw a bright yellow butterfly fluttering dance-like along the trees by the side of the road.  And I thought, I want the flitting butterfly to be part of my life.  I want to see the butterfly more.  I can easily fill my mind with worries of so many things, some real, some possible, some imagined ...  Or I can fill my thoughts, my heart and my life with the enjoyment of abundant blessings.

About a month ago, I heard a Jason Mraz song, Living in the Moment, that has profoundly impacted me.   Part of it goes like this:

I will not waste my days

Making up all kinds of ways

To worry about all the things

That will not happen to me

So I just let go of what I know I don't know

And I know I only do this by

Living in the moment

Living my life

Easy and breezy

With peace in my mind

I got peace in my heart

Got peace in my soul

Wherever I'm going,

I'm already home

I'm living in the moment

I want to live "easy and breezy."  I am trying to be kind to me.

Keep Paying It Forward

“Be kind. Always if you have a choice, be kind.”
― Anne Rice

Anne Rice's advice bears repeating.  Every day, I am amazed at the choices we have and how frequently the choice to be kind -- or not -- is before us.

Yesterday, I was in a building elevator and an older gentleman with a Visitor's Pass stepped in.  I asked him to what floor he was going and pressed the number for him.  When he stepped out of the elevator, I saw him looking around trying to figure out where he should go.  In my mind, I thought, "Should I ...?"  Just as the elevator doors were closing, I stuck my hand between them to pause the elevator, and I asked him where he was going.  He told me and I pointed him in the right direction.  I told him to "have a good day" and with a big smile, he responded "have a better one."  I can't imagine that it took more than a minute to pay forward what I am constantly receiving.

A few hours later, I received extraordinary kindness from an employee at a home improvement store, who went out of his way to show me where I could find what I was trying to buy.  When I mentioned in passing that something I had purchased at the store was not what I initially thought, this employee asked me if I minded his sharing that with the manager.  The employee's "kindness" resulted in my getting a completely unasked-for credit.  Not surprisingly, this employee put my purchases in a cart, walked me to my car and then unloaded them.  When I asked if I could tip him, he said no.

In the last few days alone, I have experienced incredible acts of kindness.  Some of them even seemed heaven sent.  I am grateful for them, and just keep trying to pay it forward.

Kindness and a Cold One

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.
- Aesop

One of the simple and easy ways that my children and I practice kindness is by returning stray grocery carts in the parking lot to the cart collection area.  For whatever reason, in this particular lot, the carts are frequently left in the middle of empty parking spaces, which are pretty hard to find.  A cart in the way is another challenge to parking.

Our corralling the carts started the first week of our kindness project.  It is something that we frequently do when we are in that lot.  Depending on how much time we have, we return just one cart or we may retrieve carts for a while. 

Earlier this week, there seemed to be an unusually high number of carts in the parking lot and we had some time, so we decided to spend a few minutes doing it.  As we were returning the carts, a friend and one of her children were coming out of the store with their groceries.  We offered to return their cart once they were done unloading.  But before we could get to their cart, the son returned theirs.  A few minutes later, as we were returning the last carts, we saw a box -- of beer!  -- in a cart and suspected that it might belong to our friends.  I called my friend and she drove back.  "You saved the day -- what an act of kindness!" she exclaimed as we put the box in their car.  Not that she is a beer drinker, but she does have a son home from college who was looking forward to a cold one.

 

Kindness and Saying Goodbye

"When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”
―  Dalai Lama XIV 

Several years ago, a good friend's grandfather died, just before turning 103.  He had lived a long, good life.  A hard worker, he had dedicated himself to his family.

When my friend made the funeral arrangements, she told the funeral director that a small chapel would suffice.  Her grandfather was, after all, nearly 103, so the family did not expect many mourners or flowers.

But Don José, as he was known, was beloved as is his family, so the people came and the flowers came.  The funeral director had to open another chapel to accommodate the flowers and when that chapel was filled, the flowers lined the hallway in the funeral home.

At the cemetery, the wreaths of flowers were placed on top of the grave.  After most of the mourners had gone, there were a handful of us left with his granddaughter.  It was an overcast day.  Every bit as practical and generous as her grandfather, my friend offered flowers to those of us who were there.  She gave some to me for my relatives' graves, which are in the same cemetery.  Then she gave some flowers to another friend to take home.  But there were still so many flowers...

Before we knew it, my friend was taking flowers from the mountain of wreaths on her grandfather's grave and putting them on other people's graves.  We followed suit.  It was a surreal experience.  We went from grave to grave placing flowers until it seemed that all the graves in sight were adorned with flowers.  My friend's kindness and generosity brightened the cemetery on that otherwise gray day.  And the experience has stayed with me. 

"I always remember that day as a happy day, which made me realize that when you finish a sad chapter with a smile, all you will remember is the smile," my friend recalled recently.  "Based on that, I can talk about it without crying.  The last chapter with my grandfather was crazy and funny -- we put flowers all over the graves and then went out to dinner.  It was a great celebration of life ... Acts of kindness are amazing because what they do for you is much more than what you do."

Facing Fear with Kindness

"When you learn to smile at your fear, to be with your fear, you become an authentic friend to yourself, and thereby develop confidence."
― Pema Chödrön

After yesterday's post on smiling, a dear friend wrote that she has been at the hospital with her mother who had surgery:  "I’ve also been smiling at everyone in the hospital because as you know hospitals can be scary places.  Practicing smiling more is a very good thing. " 

Wow, I thought, she  is being kind in a scary place by smiling, facing fear with smiles.  If anyone can light up the room, it is this friend of mine -- she smiles, she is kind, she is funny.  I have no doubt that she is a tremendous source of support and kindness for her mom -- just what the doctor would order for someone going through surgery.  But I also imagine that her easy smile and breezy laughter extend her kindness to the nurses and hospital personnel.

Sometimes, when we are afraid either for ourselves or for others, it is hard to smile.  Instead of smiling, we tense up.  And sometimes, we don't show others the compassion and kindness that we would like because we are afraid.

Smiling at fear is a way to be kind to yourself as Pema Chödrön says.  It is a way of looking at the fear, seeing it and yet knowing that it is going to be okay -- being with the fear is what Chödrön says will ultimately get us to a place of bravery.  She encourages us to "look honestly into ourselves, so that we can be fearless, gentle people."

Smiling during scary times and in scary places can be a manifestation of kindness not only to others, but also to ourselves.

Small Acts... Big Impact

"Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways, it can change someone else's life forever."
― Margaret Cho

I love to smile!  I really do.  It is so easy and such a simple thing, and yet it impacts people.  If nothing else, it is very hard to be in a bad mood if you turn up the corners of your mouth.  And I am inspired by what Mother Teresa said:  "Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”

For the last couple of weeks, we have been "sharing smiles" as part of our kindness project, so we try to smile wherever we go.  One of my children is at an age where scowls sometimes come more frequently than smiles.  As we continued making the rounds of doctors' offices for check-ups yesterday, I encouraged the children to practice "sharing smiles."

When the doctor's assistant, someone we had never met before, came into the examining room, she said to my not-always-smiling child:  "You have the most gorgeous smile!  Did you know that?"  My child beamed and so did the smile.

As we were leaving, I thanked the doctor's assistant and told her how much I appreciated her comment.  I do believe that her noticing my child's smile and saying something to her ― that small act of generosity ― impacted my child.  Forever?  Who knows, but I will take more smiles any day!

Please, Pass the Compliments ...

"What a nicer, happier world it would be if more of us told each other nice things more often!"
― Letitia Baldrige, The New Manners for the '90s

“Sincere compliments cost nothing and can accomplish so much.  In ANY relationship, they are the applause that refreshes.”

―  Steve Goodier, Prescription for Peace: Sixty-Second Readings to Help You Build a Better Life

Another way to be kind:  Sharing compliments.  Years ago, I decided that I would say nice things to people instead of just thinking them and I would also try to pass along compliments when I heard them.  So whenever I hear something nice about someone (on the personal or professional front), I tell that someone. 

For example, I heard a speaker, in accepting an award at an event, thank two people we both knew and identify them as his mentors.  But neither one of these people was at the event.  So I passed along the compliments to both of them, who were not only very appreciative, but made a point to thank the speaker for his thoughtfulness.  Good feelings all around.

A week and a half ago, a good friend of mine was not able to join a group of us for a celebratory lunch.  But on the way home with another friend, this woman's name came up and nice things were said about her.  I sent the friend who was spoken about a text telling her that her ears should have been ringing and I shared the compliment.  The woman I texted happens to be one of the sweetest people I know.  Not surprisingly, she doesn't gossip and is amazing at keeping confidences. 

I found it interesting yesterday when I received this message from her about my post on gossip:  "I have been trying hard not to gossip.  Funny how we teach our children one thing and then we do another.  Well, teaching by example is a better option!" 

My friend then shared that during Mass, she had seen a man whom she knew and she leaned over to her husband and said, "Remind me later to tell you about him."  Her very clever husband, who had also heard about the gossip post, said, "This isn't gossip, is it?"  To which my friend proudly replied, "No.  He is a really nice guy and I wondered if you knew him."

For most of us, there is always room for improvement on the gossip front.  Let's instead, pass the compliments.

Kindness and Gossip

Let anything you hear die with you;
never fear, it will not make you burst!
― Sirach 19:10 (The Old Testament)

Sunday seems like a good day for a Bible verse and for addressing a difficult type of kindness -- not gossiping.

About four years ago, I went on a retreat and was given a Bible.  In the back of this version, there was a plan to read the Bible in a year by reading three or four passages per day.  It seemed incredible to me that I had never read the entire Bible, so I decided to do it.  How hard could it be with a few readings per day?  Well ... it actually took me more than two years to read the whole Bible.  (Among other things, reading the Harry Potter series intervened.)

I am very glad that I read the Bible.  No surprise, I learned a lot.  The Old Testament, however, is not easy reading.  There were times when I read parts out loud because I could not get through it any other way.  I was amazed by how much terrific advice there is in the Bible and how many times gossip is addressed.  Although I didn't think of myself as a gossip, the many admonitions against it in the Bible made me watch myself more closely.  And the Sirach passage that gossip "will not make you burst" always makes me chuckle, a little uncomfortably because it is so accurate -- sometimes we feel that we might just BURST if we don't share what we have heard.

In her wonderful New York Times bestseller The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin discusses the various things she did over the course of a year to boost her happiness.  During the month of June, her focus was on friendship and one of her pieces of advice is "Don't Gossip."  Rubin realized that even though she did not consider herself a mean-spirited person, she engaged in more gossip than she liked.  Admitting that gossip can be fun, she says that gossip is an example of something that brings you happiness in the short term, but that you give up for happiness in the long term.    

Rubin's words rang true with me.  Even though my children can quickly finish the adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say...",  I knew when we undertook this summer project that there was room for improvement in the gossip department.  That gossip is unkind needs no explanation.

Not indulging in gossip can be hard at first, like eating healthily or exercising, but the longer that you stay on your new path, the more you build a different habit, and the less you want to revert to the old way, especially when it is not who you want to be. 

But forget kindness for a moment:  It is actually against your self-interest to gossip.  Rubin also introduced me to "spontaneous trait transference."  Researchers have found that when someone attributes positive or negative traits to someone else, the listener will often attribute the same traits to the speaker.  So, if you say that someone is "selfish," guess what trait your listener may attribute to you?

Life being how it is, it may just be impossible to never gossip again -- just as I will probably never be able to give up chocolate chip cookies.  But when I don't want to eat something unhealthy, I tell myself that I won't care tomorrow about what I didn't eat today.  So, too, I try to remind myself that I will not "burst" if I don't repeat something that is less than kind.

It's About the "Good Joy"

"Kindness brings good joy to your heart."
― My 7 year-old son

Today marks two weeks since we began the kindness project and I decided it was time for a check-in.  How have we been doing?

When I asked my youngest, who is 7, how long we had been at this, he responded, "20 days?"  And when I asked him what he had learned, he told me about the "good joy."

For our family, our kindness project is giving a theme to our summer.  It has made it easier to talk about the virtue and value of kindness.  (Don't think that I don't get some eye rolling, but what would parenting be without it?)  My hope is that this project is giving our children a good sense of the many ways that we can be kind and perhaps encouraging a life-long habit.

For my part, I learn every day.  One of the things that has struck me is that kindness is usually a choice -- not between being mean and being kind, but between doing nothing and being kind.  Kindness requires a little thought, a little action -- "intentionality" (as a friend of mine wrote me early this morning).  Our kindness journey reminds me of how we can make little changes in our world and how much "good joy" kindness can bring to others' hearts and to our own.

When Kindness Isn't Easy ...

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato

What do you do when being kind isn't easy?  A college friend asked me yesterday about kindness and feeling compassion for difficult clients.

Doing kind things for most people is lovely, nice and even fun.  But what about when a request comes in from that friend or relative who knows no limits or you have a tough situation with your difficult co-worker or the unreasonable client?  I see the struggle with my children. 

"Why do I have to [fill in the blank]?"  one of my children will occasionally protest in the middle of a sibling battle as I try to mediate.  "It's not fair!"

Isn't that how we feel, too?

A childhood friend recently shared: "Kindness is a real 'biggy' with me. I've had to deal with many unpleasant situations throughout the years that sometimes come with being an 'ex-wife,' the other parent, and I've always told myself 'be the example, always show kindness.'  I did it for the sake of my son, to try and be a good Christian and, because I knew it would help me through it.  I was not going to live my life being angry and hating.  And, I hoped that along the way, maybe kindness would soften some hearts ... if it didn't soften them, hopefully it made them think!"

The other day, someone asked me for a favor.  Had it been another person asking or even a stranger, I would not have given it a second thought; I would have done it instantly.  But it was one of those people who press my buttons, whose requests I dread ...  However, on this particular occasion -- and certainly because of this very intentional kindness journey -- I decided not only to do what the other person asked, but also to do it "immediately and cheerfully."  In my mind, I had a neon sign flashing ACT OF EXTREME KINDNESS.  I felt as though I was getting ready to bench press.  (Vivid imagination here; I don't do weights.)

But something funny happened on my way to extreme kindness, which I initially did quite grudgingly.  My attitude of determined (ok, maybe even forced) kindness helped me through -- just as my friend said.  And my heart actually felt lighter!  Almost unnoticed, the resentment slipped away.

Steve Maraboli in Life, the Truth and Being Free says:  "How would your life be different if ... You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter?  Let today be the day... You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey."

That may very well be impossible in the case of difficult ex-spouses, but it might be worth a try with others.

Make Someone's Day

"Go Ahead ... Make My Day"
― Made famous by Clint Eastwood (originally by Mack Pierce)

The phrase that we associate with Clint Eastwood was a line his character used in the 1983 movie Sudden Impact and was written by Charles B. Pierce, an independent filmmaker.  It originally came from Pierce's father Mack, who used to tell him when he was young, "Just let me come home one more day, without you mowing that lawn, son just go ahead ... make my day."

There are so many small ways to make someone's day.  (No lethal weapons involved.)

A dear friend from college who lives in New Jersey and works for a big corporation wrote yesterday:  "I found $10 today on the floor in my office.  I went around to the folks sitting in cubes and asked if anyone lost $10 and I found the person who did!  She was very happy.  I could have just stuck it in my pocket but it seemed like a lot of money and it didn’t feel right.  The person who lost it said 'you made my day.'"

Another good friend, a very-happy-go-lucky person, shared that on a day when she was feeling unusually "blah," she saw an older woman at the drugstore, who was wearing black leggings, a sequenced top and sandals with a big yellow hibiscus.  It caught my friend's attention that the woman had gotten really dressed up to go to the drugstore, so my friend decided to talk with her.

"I actually went up to the lady and told her how elegant she was," my friend said.  "Well, that made my day... because the lady's face lit up like a baseball stadium ... and she went on to explain to me why she had chosen her outfit.  At that point, I realized that when you make someone's day, in return they make yours.  Kindness has a way of bouncing back toward you."

Go ahead ... make someone's day.

Punctuality as Kindness

"Punctuality is the politeness of kings."
― Louis XVIII of France                            

I was thinking about punctuality as kindness yesterday.   I tend toward the organized (at least in my mind) and I think being polite is important (and kind, actually), so I greatly value punctuality and admire people who practice it consistently.

One of the few quotes that I found on punctuality is the one attributed to Louis XVIII.  Apparently, before the French Revolution, kings did not need to be punctual as everyone had to wait for them.  I imagine this is still true as I have no doubt that no one leaves if Queen Elizabeth is late.  But Louis XVIII felt that punctuality was one way that a king could show respect for his people and hence the quote.

Punctuality does seem to have much to do with respect.  We all know how we feel when we wait longer than feels reasonable at a doctor's office or for a friend.  One of the things we feel is disrespected.

A dear friend of mine who is both an executive at a multi-national corporation and a dedicated mother always seems to run on schedule.  A devoted friend, she is one of those people who not only shows up, but also arrives on time or early.  I asked her about it. 

"People's time is valuable," she said.  "If I arrive late, I may be impacting something else they are going to do that day.  I also think that punctuality is a way of showing that the other person and their time is important to you. "

Yesterday, I arrived to a morning meeting a few minutes late (which made me feel very stressed out), so I was especially pleased with myself when I left with enough time to arrive early with my children to their dental appointment.  I noticed how relaxed I was on the drive, not stressed, and it was that sense of having ample mental space that made me think about punctuality as kindness.  It is so much easier to think of something as kindness if we are practicing it, as opposed to engaging in its opposite.

As one of my children was in the dentist's chair, our dentist and I were discussing this blog and I shared with her my latest idea -- about punctuality as kindness.  I went on about Louis XVIII, which I had researched as I sat in her waiting room.  And I recounted how I had been a few minutes late this morning, but how being early to this appointment had made me think about punctuality.

"You were late here, too, " she said.

"What?!" I gasped.  Just not possible.  I was so proud to have been 10 minutes early.

"No, your appointment was two hours ago," she said.  "The kindness was that we saw you!"

Oops.  I guess sometimes when you think you are the giver of kindness, you may be the unexpected recipient of it.

Kindness through Service

Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
― Lao-Tzu, philosopher

One of the synonyms of kindness is generosity.  Giving -- of time, talent or treasure -- is not just about being generous.  It's about reaching out and connecting with others.

I had not really thought about service as kindness, but when we first embarked on our kindness journey, I asked some friends of my children for ideas. (That was when I was worried that we would not find enough kind things to do.  Silly me!)  A wise-beyond-her-years 10-year-old asked if my children were altar servers (the children who help the priest during Mass).  Yes, I enthusiastically replied.  To which she said, "that's kindness."  So thanks to our wise little friend, my children have been altar serving more than I can usually persuade them to do and I have realized that service is an expression of kindness.

Last week in the daily Oprah newsletters that arrive via e-mail, there was an article, "6 Ways to Give Back Without Leaving Your Couch."  I am not sure whether it was our  kindness project or my desire to not leave the house for a while after the end-of-school madness that had me click through to the article. But whatever the motivation, I read with great interest about an organization called Catchafire.  Catchafire pairs individuals interested in donating their expertise with organizations that need their assistance.  I was very impressed not only with the purpose of the organization, but also with its website and the professionalism of its staff.  Thanks to Catchafire, I spent more than an hour yesterday helping an organization several states away from the comfort of my desk chair.  Whether you are interested in donating some time or just learning about an organization doing great work, I encourage you to check out www.catchafire.org.

The Magic of Kindness: Inspiration and Encouragement

Kindness has so many facets to it...  Inspiration and encouragement, slightly different, but related, are among them.

My friends Meg and Nickelle have been great sources of inspiration for me.  I am pretty sure that I would not have begun this blog without their examples as inspiration, which encouraged me, too.  Please check out their blogs at:  www.megnocero.wordpress.com and www.nickellecrowley.wordpress.com.

Encouragement is a powerful way to be kind.  I have certainly been the recipient of many kindnesses manifested as encouragement along my various journeys.  Just a couple of days ago, another friend who constantly inspires and encourages me wrote me a thoughtful e-mail:  "Don't let anyone discourage what you have planned.  REMEMBER... He may be sending you out to change someone's life around!"  How is that for a gift of kindness?  (Thank you, Aurora.)

 

On Saturday night at the event I mentioned in a prior post, I heard a young man, still a teenager, talk about his journey crossing the U.S.-Mexico border as a child of 12.  As I listened, I was amazed at his courage not only for what he had endured years before, but also for speaking to a room full of people about something that was so difficult.  After he spoke, I thanked him for sharing his story.  He said that he didn't think that he had done a good job speaking... the same thing most of us think when we have that common thread of insecurity.  When we said our goodbyes, I looked him in the eye and told him again that he had done a great job.  A small kindness, but the type of encouragement that has frequently helped me.

A few days earlier, after a birthday lunch with a group of girlfriends, one of them, a very successful professional in her late 40s, asked me, "Do you know who my best friend is?" I had a couple of guesses at the ready, but before I said anything, she said: "My mother."  I was surprised and asked her why.  She said that her mother always supports her and shared an example of her mother believing in her when others didn't.  We joked that we all need someone who thinks we are "the bomb."  And isn't that what we are called to do?  Certainly as parents, we are called to love our children, to give them that encouragement and inspiration as they go on their own journeys. 

When I began this adventure in kindness, I thought of kindness almost as a luxury, a little extra thing to do, optional even. But as I go, I am realizing how important it is to be kind and how very powerful it can be.  Inspiration and encouragement can lift our spirits and help us soar.  Like sprinkling a little fairy dust on our dreams.  Magic.

Happy Fathers' Day!

Today's act of kindness:  A prayer of Thanksgiving for our fathers, those who are still with us and those who are not.  They live in our heart always. 

Patience = kindness = love

"Love is patient, love is kind."
― 1 Corinthians 13: 4

That verse from Corinthians was one of the first things I thought about this morning, just before I realized, "I did what?! A blog... really?"

When my children were little, I used to tell them, "Patience is waiting with a smile."  After all, if you are waiting in a bad mood, that is not exactly patience, right?

As I think about kindness, it occurs to me that patience has a lot to do with being kind.  In a recent Oprah newsletter, columnist Leigh Newman writes that an "enormously kind" thing that you can say to someone is "Take your time. I'm not in a rush."   Think grocery store cashier line, restaurant, wherever.

Because life -- and notably information -- seems to be coming at us at breakneck speed, we feel that we need to live fast.  Moms are notorious for this:  rush, rush, rushing... pick-ups, drop-offs, errands, trying to work, paint, write (ha!) ...  So what happens when we decide to show -- to give -- patience? 

I decided today that patience would be our way to show kindness.  My children and I talked about it a lot and I think they all made a super effort to be patient, especially at an event this evening when adult conversations went on way past any reasonable bedtime.  I also noticed that we continue to get better about holding doors, letting others go first, etc.

But as I focused on patience, I realized that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to be patient with them.  (I didn't say it was easy...)  And so earlier today, as I sat with one of my children, who was deciding whether a tummy ache would keep us from attending an event that my husband wanted us to go to, I thought about what an extraordinary gift it was -- to just be with my child, to not think of hurrying, to wait and let it be.  That might have made it easier to be patient with myself a while later as I drove to the event and got lost in a university maze of buildings and parking lots.  Fortunately, I had no idea (and neither did my husband who was waiting for us) that he would be getting a lovely award at this event or being patient with the children and myself might have been impossible.

Today I learned that patience is an incredible gift.  And as with most gifts, the giving benefits not only the recipient, but also the giver.

P.S.  I asked my husband whether I could mention his award on my blog and he said no, so I won't tell you that he was given the "Heart of Gold" award by a wonderful group of young people whom he has been helping.

Here we go!

“My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.”
―  Dalai Lama XIV

Last Saturday -- the first day of the children's summer vacation, my family embarked on a summer project -- 72 Days of Kindness.  Inspired by another mom's family project that focuses on niceness, I decided that at least one member of our family would perform an act of kindness every day during the summer.  I liked the notion of kindness because I tell my children that our family motto is "loving-kindness" (which is, of course, completely aspirational).  We had a family meeting and everyone went along with the idea, although one of my children wondered if 72 days was too long and couldn't we do fewer days.  I wasn't sure whether we would find enough "kind" things to do.

Because I am big on reflection and writing, we also began a journal about our kindness journey.  I have each of us answer four questions:

What did I/we do to be kind?
How did it help the other person?
How might it have made that person feel?
How does it make me feel?

I figured, why not encourage kindness and empathy?!

Just a week into it, the project has turned out to be a fascinating journey.  When you begin a journey, you have an idea of where you are headed... maybe, but you are always surprised along the way.  And so it is with this journey.

First, I can't believe that I wondered if we would find enough things to do.  There are so many that we could do every day.  The opportunities to be kind abound and they present themselves as the day unfolds.

I have been amazed by how much kinder we are all trying to be -- to others and to each other.  I also have noticed that frequently we have the "option" of being kind, and because we have embarked on this project, we are making kindness our choice.

Another thing that has been amazing is that it seems the more open we are to being kind, the more kindness we seem to receive.  I am not sure how that works, but it does!

Favorite acts of kindness?  I love putting coins in expired or nearly expired meters.  An anonymous act, but great fun.  And one day this week when I was thinking how easy it was to be kind if you could spend money, I ran into some items at the school's lost and found that were easy to return.

My son says his favorite act of kindness is hugging his mom...

And the one that makes the most difference?  For me, it has been the kindness that comes from being present to someone else, from truly listening to another person with as little of "my stuff" in the way as possible.

So please join me on this journey.  I would love to learn about your experiences along the way.