When Kindness Isn't Easy ...

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.”
― Plato

What do you do when being kind isn't easy?  A college friend asked me yesterday about kindness and feeling compassion for difficult clients.

Doing kind things for most people is lovely, nice and even fun.  But what about when a request comes in from that friend or relative who knows no limits or you have a tough situation with your difficult co-worker or the unreasonable client?  I see the struggle with my children. 

"Why do I have to [fill in the blank]?"  one of my children will occasionally protest in the middle of a sibling battle as I try to mediate.  "It's not fair!"

Isn't that how we feel, too?

A childhood friend recently shared: "Kindness is a real 'biggy' with me. I've had to deal with many unpleasant situations throughout the years that sometimes come with being an 'ex-wife,' the other parent, and I've always told myself 'be the example, always show kindness.'  I did it for the sake of my son, to try and be a good Christian and, because I knew it would help me through it.  I was not going to live my life being angry and hating.  And, I hoped that along the way, maybe kindness would soften some hearts ... if it didn't soften them, hopefully it made them think!"

The other day, someone asked me for a favor.  Had it been another person asking or even a stranger, I would not have given it a second thought; I would have done it instantly.  But it was one of those people who press my buttons, whose requests I dread ...  However, on this particular occasion -- and certainly because of this very intentional kindness journey -- I decided not only to do what the other person asked, but also to do it "immediately and cheerfully."  In my mind, I had a neon sign flashing ACT OF EXTREME KINDNESS.  I felt as though I was getting ready to bench press.  (Vivid imagination here; I don't do weights.)

But something funny happened on my way to extreme kindness, which I initially did quite grudgingly.  My attitude of determined (ok, maybe even forced) kindness helped me through -- just as my friend said.  And my heart actually felt lighter!  Almost unnoticed, the resentment slipped away.

Steve Maraboli in Life, the Truth and Being Free says:  "How would your life be different if ... You stopped making negative judgmental assumptions about people you encounter?  Let today be the day... You look for the good in everyone you meet and respect their journey."

That may very well be impossible in the case of difficult ex-spouses, but it might be worth a try with others.