Kindness Between Mermaids

"Our truest nature is to help others, and to protect and love them.  We care about others, and delight in seeing others happy and safe."
~ Bryant McGill

"I'm so happy for you!" one mermaid said to the other.

That was part of a conversation I overheard between two mermaids -- or two girls, which is what most people would think. Unless you have seen them swimming with their big tails swishing through the water behind them and then it would be hard to say that they are not mermaids.

But let's call them girls.  These two are not the same age and don't go to the same school. They do live close to each other, but when I overheard their telephone call, they were in different states as one was on vacation.  What they do share is a fascination with mermaids.

One of the girls called the other to let her know that her mermaid tail had arrived. The other one had gotten hers a couple of weeks before.

It truly amazed me to hear the joy that both expressed. The one who called was thrilled to share the news that her mermaid tale had arrived, and the other could not stop telling her friend how happy she was for her.

The Kindness of Making It Easy to Ask

"Guard we'll within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation..."
~ George Sand

We all know people of whom we don't like to ask favors because it seems hard. But then there are those people who make it easy to ask.

I needed a small favor today and I immediately thought of a woman I know. Although I certainly don't know her well, she is someone who is easy to talk to, very thoughtful and easy to ask.

It is kind to do favors for people, but there is also kindness in making it easy for the other person to ask.

An Unexpected Kindness, An Incredible Gift

"The best things in life are unexpected -- because there are no expectations."
~ Eli Khamarov

My husband and I had dinner on our own tonight -- a rare thing.  Even more rare given that we are at violin camp with our children.

This special treat was a gift from our violin teacher, who is also here with her husband and toddler. She offered earlier today to have a play date with all the children, so that my husband and I could go out to dinner. I initially said no because I did not want to impose. Then she texted me to extend the invitation again and I accepted.

We went to a restaurant that I have been wanting to try for four years. And my children had a play date with their favorite toddler as well as a visit to an ice cream parlor.

Knowing our violin teacher, I imagine that she does not think that her kindness was a big deal, but it meant a lot to us.  In addition to our having a very pleasant evening, it is nice to know that someone cares enough to be so thoughtful.

A Buzz About Kindness

"It's a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research and study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other."
~ Aldous Huxley

A couple of weeks ago, a college friend who lives overseas sent me an article about an act of kindness.

At a baseball game in Detroit, a man anonymously bought souvenirs for two children and left them with a note that said, "Thanks for teaching your kids the greatest game ever."

The father who received the note and the gifts wrote that thanks to the anonymous stranger's kindness, the children "now associate the game with not only excitement, drama, and competition, but also with grace, empathy and benevolence."

I love reading stories about kindness and there seem to be more of them lately. Could there finally be a buzz about kindness?

The Kindness of a Special Friend Named Kate

"The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am blessed with a special friend named Kate. She is actually the mother of one of my college housemates, who is herself one of my dearest friends.  During college, I would have long talks with Kate and ask for her advice. She was always straightforward with me, kind and never judging.

Although I had not seen Kate for several years, a couple of years ago during a summer road trip, we were close to where she lived. I called her and it was as if I had just seen her.  She delighted in meeting my children.

A road trip once again brought us to the state where she lives, so we were fortunate to have brunch with her today. Although she is approaching 80, you would never know it. She has always retained the glamour of having once modeled and she has an elegance that is timeless.  She also has a mischievous twinkle in her eye that keeps her forever young.  Very patiently and lovingly, she listened to my children as they told her stories and showed her pictures.  We had a leisurely meal and then went to an ice cream parlor together.

Kate was incredibly kind to me during my college years; I knew that she was only a phone call away. And that natural kindness is such a part of her. We enjoyed it today as she asked about my family and my job, as she joked with my husband and showered my children with attention.

The Kindness of Remembering a Feast

"Nothing is really lost as long as you remember it."
~ Ally Condie

July 26th is the feast of St. Anne. When I was growing up, "Santa Ana," as we referred to the day, was very special -- a group birthday of sorts as my grandmother, my mother, my sister and I all have Ana in our names.  We would give each other gifts and get together for a family celebration.

But my grandmother has been gone for 15 years and my sister has moved out of state. So Santa Ana has lost a little of its big dealness, although my mother still honors the day.

We celebrated early this year as I would be traveling. And then when today arrived, I was thinking about -- and missing -- my grandmother. But I received a very thoughtful text from one of my best friends who was in Australia on business to let me know she was thinking of me on my feast day.  And one of the Kindness Muses, who never met my grandmother, sent me an e-mail wishing me a Happy St. Anne's Day and saying that she knew that it was a special day for me and remembering my "beloved grandmother." She sent me a beautiful picture of St. Anne from a book as well as a novena that she was praying to St. Anne (and to St. Joachim, whose feast it also is).

Life changes, we lose people we love and others come into our lives. And one of the kindest things is when people we know remember those whom we have loved and lost, whether they knew them or not.

The Kindness of Responding to a Message... to a Wrong Number

"We must be kind and gentle gardeners with people and nature."
― Bryant McGill

A woman I know received a message yesterday on her mobile phone from a young man:  "Susie, call me.  I need your help."  Well, this woman's name is not Susie, so she decided to call the young man to let him know that he had reached the wrong number.  She had no idea whether the young man needed help with choosing a new lamp or updating his resume or something more serious, but she did not want him to miss getting the assistance he seemed to need.  The young man told her that he appreciated the call.

The Kindness of Enthusiastic Appreciation

"Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts."
― Alan Cohen

Today is the birthday of one of my very special Kindness Muses.  She does not live in town, so early this morning, my children and I called and left a singing Happy Birthday message on her voicemail.  A couple of hours later, I received a text saying that she had not heard her phone ring as she was riding the metro to work and thanking us very enthusiastically.  "I just listened to that wonderful, joy-filled voice mail!  Thank you, all of you!  I loved it and am happy I can listen to it over and over...  I cannot wait to see all of you and hug the kids."  She also texted my children to let them know how much she enjoyed their message.

This Kindness Muse is one of those people who is herself "joy-filled."  She is generous and thoughtful, and always expresses her appreciation.  I have no doubt that she has positively impacted my children with her enthusiastic appreciation of phone calls, drawings and thank you notes received.  Her kindness in expressing her gratitude reminds my children of the impact they can have on others.

Counterintuitive Kindness

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."
―Thich Nhat Hanh

Sometimes kindness doesn't cost much.  For example, when you are not in a rush and you let someone cut in front of you in traffic.  Maybe that costs you a few seconds.  Or when you smile at someone, which doesn't cost you anything at all and makes everyone feel better.  But what about when you think kindness might cost you something -- maybe seconds or minutes when you are already late?

The other day as I was running a little late in morning rush-hour traffic, I decided to do an experiment.  Instead of trying to inch forward at every turn and not letting anyone get in front of me, I would actually let people in front of me here and there.  What was the most it could cost me in terms of time?  And then a funny thing happened on my way to kindness:  After the third car, I was feeling much better.  I was less stressed about running a few minutes late and I felt better that I could still remain connected to people around me.

The Kindness of Perspective

"Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact.  Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth."
―Marcus Aurelius

Recently, I shared with a friend that I don' t like going to the dentist (even thought my dentist is fabulous, by the way).  This friend told me that she loves going to the dentist because she always feels better after she goes.  In fact, she said that she would like to go more often than every six months.  And that got me thinking...  It reminded me that I am very fortunate to have a dear friend as a dentist, especially because she is patient and kind, and that I am blessed to have access to great dental care. 

Sharing a different perspective can sometimes get the other person to shift in her thinking, and that is often a good thing.  And while I may still need to draw on my yoga breathing and think of my favorite things as I sit in the dentist's chair, listening to my friend's perspective moved me a little further away from my discomfort and closer to a place of gratitude.

The Kindness of Early-Morning Laughter

"I love people who make me laugh.  I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh.  It cures a multitude of ills.  It's probably the most important thing in a person."
― Audrey Hepburn

Yesterday, I wrote about a 12-year-old girl who helped an elderly couple at an airport by serving them food while they were all stuck at the airport due to a flight delay.  This young girl's kindness did not end there.  When she and her family finally reached their destination at 2:30 am, although she was half asleep, the young girl thanked the pilot for staying awake and flying everyone home.  Her comment made everyone around them laugh and probably made the pilot's day.

Kindness in the Midst of Delays

"Kindness is an inner desire that makes us want to do good things even if do not get anything in return.  It is the joy of our life to do them.  When we do good things from this inner desire, there is kindness in everything we think, say, want and do."
― Emmanuel Swedenborg

One of the Kindness Muses wrote to me from her vacation with a "proud mommy moment."

She and her family, which includes a 12-year-old and an eight-year-old, were at the airport waiting for a flight that was delayed until the wee hours of the morning.  They were standing in line waiting for complimentary pizza when they noticed an elderly couple sitting next to the line along with a wheelchair and cane.  My friend's 12-year-old daughter walked up to the couple and asked if they wanted her to get them some food.

"She was just as happy to get them food and drinks as they were to receive it," my friend shared.

That's how it is with acts of kindness.  They give joy to the giver and the receiver -- even when other things are not going as we planned.  

The Kindness of Generous Hosts

"What is there more kindly than the feeling between host and guest?"
― Aeschylus

We have friends, a married couple, who are incredibly kind.  They are friendly and welcoming, and great hosts.  The other night, they hosted a dinner at their home and invited people from different parts of their lives, from their children's school and from their church.  In addition to delicious food, guests were treated to an impromptu performance by world-class opera singers and a pianist.

At the end of the evening, one of the women guests expressed hesitation about driving home late at night.  The husband host offered to drive her and her children home -- even though it would take him more than an hour to do so.  She said that she thought she would be fine as long as she did not leave any later, so he helped her to corral her children and to say goodbyes a little faster than might otherwise have happened.  The host walked the woman and her family to their car and said that if she changed her mind on the way home to call him.  "I'll be right here," he said.

Frequently, when things are hard to do, they are made easier when we know that there are people supporting us and ready to help when we need them.

The Kindness of Stepping In

"Every charitable act is a stepping stone toward heaven."
― Henry Ward Beecher

At a dinner party recently, one of the hosts was taking photos of the guests.  He took photos of some of the couples and then tried to take one of a woman who was there without her husband.  She smiled, but said, "Oh c'mon, don't take a photo of me by myself."  As she was trying to gamely go along, a woman she just met jumped up from her chair and got in the photo with the woman being photographed.  A small kindness, but the woman being photographed felt much less self-conscious smiling with someone else next to her.

The Kindness of Saying the Rosary

"I know that when I pray, something wonderful happens.  Not just to the person or persons for whom I'm praying, but also something wonderful happens to me.  I'm grateful that I'm heard."
― Maya Angelou
 
I received a text from my lovely friend today, asking me about my colleague Mike (whom she does not know), and letting me know that she said two rosaries for him.  I appreciate my friend's kindness in praying for my colleague and in paying attention to something that is important to me.  I have no doubt that her openness to prayer and to praying for someone she does not know is part of what makes her so very special.  As Maya Angelou said, something wonderful happens to you when you pray.

Sometimes Kindness Takes A While

"Kindness is not about instant gratification.  More often, it's akin to a low-risk investment that appreciates steadily over time."
― John Radnor

I read a lovely story today about a young woman who surprised her stepfather on Fathers' Day with a Porsche just like the one he used to have before he married her mother.  Years before, the stepfather had saved money to restore the 1973 Porsche 914, but instead used the money on the wedding to the young woman's mother.  The young woman, who lives in California, spent two years looking for an identical car, which she eventually found in Arizona.  She had it transported to Pennsylvania where her parents live and had it restored, and then presented the car to her stepfather as a thank you for everything that he has done for her.  The stepfather was moved to tears.

A Chain of Kindness

"A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes.  It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results."
― Wade Boggs

Earlier today, I e-mailed a colleague to inquire about our friend Mike.  He e-mailed me back to ask for my number, and then called me.  He filled me in on how Mike was doing -- he is still in Intensive Care, but his sense of humor and kindness are intact.  After I hung up with this colleague, I realized that I had gotten to know Mike through him.  This other colleague had called to walk me through some reports and then told me about an interesting project that Mike had worked on, and so I got to know Mike.

It occurred to me that kindness is such a chain...  One colleague generously reached out to me, he connected me to Mike, Mike shared many kindnesses with me, then Mike has an accident and everyone who knows him is thinking about him, praying for him, trying to figure out how to help and being kind to each other in the process... 

A month ago, Mike wrote this about kindness:  "It seems to be a lost art that has been discouraged by a business mentality and looking out for number one. It seems to be surviving barely among other endangered species such as subtlety and reverie. I do aspire to do something kind in this lifetime."

Mike has done so many kind things and generated a chain of kindness that has touched many people, who now are keeping him in thoughts and prayers.

Kindness, Reverie and Prayer

"Prayer is the medium of miracles; in whatever way works for you, pray right now."
― Marianne Williamson

A few weeks ago, a very kind colleague of mine sent me an e-mail that said "Time for a little reverie!" and included a link to a website where one can observe live cams with animals in their natural habitats.  The e-mail gave me a pause, a moment of serenity and perspective, on a busy day. 

This colleague is a very kind and generous man.  And I had been thinking about him this morning because we frequently check in on each other.

As I left a meeting later in the day, I received the sad news that he suffered a bad fall yesterday and is in the hospital in intensive care.  Please keep my colleague Mike G. in your prayers.

The Kindness of Saying No Graciously

"I think sometimes it is more important to be gracious than to win."
― Dorothy Kilgallen

I have a friend who has a very gracious way of saying no.  When she can't do something, she always says no kindly.  For example, if she is invited somewhere, but cannot go, she shares how much she would like to and that she is sorry that she cannot go.  And then she generally proposes another plan.  I don't think I have ever heard her say no without offering an alternative.  This kindness in dealing with friends and invitations is greatly appreciated, and it is no surprise that she has many wonderful relationships and a busy social calendar.

Reminders of Kindness

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.  Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."
― Charles R. Swindoll

Today as I looked at an orchid in my house, I remembered and appreciated again the kindness of my friend who sent it.  The orchid reminds me of what a great friend he is and how he has always been there for me, and, of course, it reminds me of his thoughtfulness in sending the beautiful plant.  I read recently that one should only keep things that bring one joy.  Reminders of kindness have a way of doing that.

The Kindness of Making Others Feel Special

"Being a star just means that you just find your own special place, and that you shine where you are.  To me, that's what being a star means."
― Dolly Parton

My children have a friend who is a star in the way Dolly Parton describes it.  Without fanfare, she is comfortable in her skin, she is generous with others and she shines right where she is.  She has many lovely qualities, and one that stands out is her capacity to encourage others.  We all remember things that adults or other children said to us growing up.  They stay with us.  And sometimes, what we remember from our peers isn't all good. 

The other day, my son told me that this little girl told him that he has "musical qualities."  He was very proud of that, although I am not sure that either one of us knew what it meant.  So the next time that I saw this little girl, I asked her about it and she told me that he has a "musical ear."  

"Whenever I hear him sing a song, he sings it correctly," she said.  "Most people sing songs one key higher."

This little girl is quite musical herself as she plays the piano and the drums, and I imagine that she knows what she is talking about.  But more important than that is how she made my son feel  ― she made him feel special.  And I have a feeling that he will remember her kindness for a long time.

The Kindness of Respecting Availability

"The mobile phone... is a tool for those whose professions require a fast response, such as doctors or plumbers."
― Umberto Eco

We live in a world of instant messaging, instant responses...  Sometimes, it seems that our capacity for waiting for responses has significantly decreased.  In many workplaces, there is a rule about responding to e-mails within 24 hours, but some people expect replies much faster and have trouble with anything other than an immediate response to an e-mail or text.  It's as if we have forgotten to think about the other person's availability.

I appreciate people who begin a conversation by asking, "Is this a good time to talk?"  Recently, a friend of mine took it one step further.  She texted me to say that she did not want to disturb me while I was working, so could I call her later in the day.  That type of kindness makes me want to make the call.

The Kindness of Celebration

"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
― Oprah Winfrey

Recently, I shared some good news with a dear friend.  It was nothing major, but she texted back:  "Let's celebrate!"  When I read her text, I immediately smiled because her reaction reminded me of what a good friend she is.  Whether we officially celebrate or not doesn't really matter.  Her joy on my behalf felt like a very enthusiastic and celebratory hug. 

The Kindness Filter

"Before you speak, ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful.  If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid."
― Bernard Meltzer

In the constant effort to keep our family focused on kindness, I came up with an idea today ―  the kindness filter.  As a concept, it certainly is not new and the quote above has been paraphrased and attributed to many people.  But as my children and I were talking in the car early this morning, I suggested that we run what we say through a "kindness filter."  If it doesn't pass through the kindness filter, then perhaps we should not say it.  At the very least, the idea of a filter is a way to remind ourselves to align our behavior with our values.

The Kindness of Sharing Knowledge

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it."
―  Margaret Fuller

Some days, when I reflect on the kindest thing that I have experienced or seen, it is frequently the sharing of knowledge.  I have generous colleagues who don't seem to mind answering my questions and sharing tips on how to be more effective.  And I have mom friends who share all kinds of information from parenting tips and articles to programs that may be of interest to my children. 

Over the weekend, I spent time reading a book that a work colleague had recommended and which I am finding incredibly useful.  This morning, another colleague walked me through a scheduling program with which I was not very familiar.  And this evening, I received a call from one of my mom friends to tell me about a summer program that her husband had found that would benefit our children and she encouraged me to enroll them.  I get by with a lot of kindness from my friends...

The Kindness of Civility

“Civility is not a specific code of behavior as much as it is a call to unrelenting preemptive thought, and steady effort to care about influence on others.”
―  John R. Dallas, Jr.

It’s nice to observe kind acts as they unfold in an everyday kind of way.  Today, I saw a gentleman help a stranger carry a large dresser off a loading dock.  I later watched as the same man held the door open for someone else.  Those everyday acts of kindness represent a civility that makes the world a nicer place and that seems to reflect a connectedness among us.  And they help me not get so angry when I find that someone has thrown a piece of chewing gum onto the hood of my car.

The Kindness of a Spontaneous Gift

"Ultimate spiritual awareness unfolds when you're flexible, when you're spontaneous, when you're detached, when you're easy on yourself and easy on others."
― Deepak Chopra

Recently, I was at the home of my lovely friend and remarked on a very pretty beach bag that was hanging from one of her dining room chairs.  "It's yours!" she said.  I looked at her perplexed and she explained that she had bought it as a gift during her vacation, couldn't remember whom it was for and had already distributed all her vacation gifts.  And since I liked it, she wanted me to have it.  I protested and said that she should keep it, but she insisted.  So, I left her house with my new beautiful beach bag.  I like it, I really do, but what I like about it even more is that it reminds me of my friend's kindness.

The Kindness of Going Outside Your Comfort Zone

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
― Neale Donald Walsch

Sometimes we brave the limits of our comfort zone to be kind.  A grandmother I know recently engaged in a couple of activities that were beyond her comfort zone because her grandchildren wanted her to.  In one case, she braved the waves at a beach resort -- and messed up her recently coiffed hair.  In another, she drove a golf cart in a parade.  We each have different comfort zones that might not make sense to others, but for all of us, going beyond the limits of our zones is a challenge.

A Lovely Reminder About Kindness

"Here's something I know to be true, although it's a little corny, and I don't quite know what to do with it:  What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness."
― George Saunders

A lovely friend of mine recently returned from vacation and brought me a very thoughtful gift ― George Saunders' book, "Congratulations, by the way ― Some Thoughts on Kindness."  Mr. Saunders is the writer, MacArthur Genius Award recipient and Syracuse University professor who made headlines last year after his commencement speech on kindness went viral.

I keep the small book in a place where I see it many times a day, next to a vase with my favorite flowers.  I turn it over to reread the quote about failures of kindness, which is printed on the back cover.  It makes me wonder what opportunities I am missing ― where perhaps I have not stretched far enough in the kindness department, nearly always because it's hard.  I love kindness when it's of the Hemingway "pretty to think so" variety, the kind that makes you feel better and doesn't cost you a whole lot emotionally.  Ah, but then there is the other kind ― kindness that is hard because it involves difficult people or complicated relationships.  And that is where I find it is easier to fail.  My hope is that this little jewel of a book will remind me to keep stretching. 

The Kindness of Front Desk Fabien

"If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another."
― Winston Churchill

A woman I know had to travel for business recently.  To make her early morning flight, she had to wake up at 4 am.  A few hours after arriving in the destination city, she would be giving a presentation to a group of new colleagues.  She knew that she would not be getting much sleep the night before and wanted to make sure that she could freshen up before the presentation, so she called the hotel the day before traveling.  She was lucky enough to speak to a wonderfully friendly fellow named Fabien.  She explained the situation and asked Fabien if there was any way that she could get an early check-in.  Fabien said that he would be on duty the next day and would do everything he could to help.

The next day, the woman arrived at the hotel with one of her work colleagues.  The colleague checked in first and was told that his room was not ready yet.  When the woman approached the desk, she saw the name tag on the employee ― it was Fabien.  She introduced herself and he said in a low voice, "I've been saving your room."  Her colleague wondered how she had gotten a room when he had not, and although the woman felt a little badly for him, she was grateful for Fabien's kindness.  Although she was not at her best on three hours' sleep, she at least felt presentable.

The Kindness of Humor

"Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you."
―Langston Hughes

I have a long-time friend who is one of the most reliable friends imaginable.  He is also incredibly kind -- and funny.  His humor has seen us through many of life's challenges over the more than three decades that I have known him.  He has been at my side during life's most joyous occasions as well as through difficult times.  Frequently, his kindness is expressed through his very witty and original sense of humor.  It can come when I least expect it in the form of an outrageous photo or comment that he sends via text or it can be a humorous response to a challenging situation.  I know there is nothing that he wouldn't do for me -- and nearly always, that means making me laugh.