The Kindness of Capturing the Big Moment

"You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."
― John Bunyan

A dear friend of mine (a move-a-body friend if ever there was one) went to New York to celebrate his 50th birthday.  Last Saturday, he and several college buddies went to a bar that they frequented in their youth.  One of his female friends was accompanied by her boyfriend, who -- in a complete surprise move -- got down on one knee and proposed.  This only added to the celebration.  There was a group of guys at the table next to them cheering during the proposal and wondering what celebration would be next.  (One of them asked if there would be a baby shower, too.)   As that group was leaving, one of them approached my friend's table.  He said that he had taken some good photographs of the proposal and would be happy to send them via e-mail.  A lovely kindness from a stranger.

The Kindness in a Question

"Questions are like gifts.  It's the thought behind them that the receiver feels.  Love is specific.  The more attention and time you give to your questions, the more beautiful the answers become."
― Glennon Melton

Not all questions are kind -- as most of us know.  But there can be great kindness in a question.  When we remember something that is important to the people about whom we care and ask them about it, we let them know that we care about them.

The quote from Glennon Melton is from an article that she wrote for The Huffington Post earlier this year, "The Questions That Will Save Your Relationships."  In the article, she writes about the beauty of questions -- especially specific ones -- and how they can help us get closer to the people we love.

The Kindness of "Have a Happy Day"

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
― Abraham Lincoln

I like to wish people a good day or a nice day, but this morning, a woman I did not know in an elevator wished me a "happy" day.  And it got me thinking... what would it look like to have a happy day?  To approach everything -- most things -- with a happy attitude -- even the challenges?  As I thought about it, it seemed that putting a smile on my face would be a good first step, which reminded me of a woman I wrote about a while back who signs her e-mails "smiles."  None of these approaches is a quick fix, but I do think they can serve as reminders to us, as habits to cultivate.  And just as with laughter yoga, once you begin feigning laughter, real laughter comes.  I suspect (and I believe the happiness literature supports) that if we make an effort to be happy, which probably necessitates some gratitude, we can raise our happiness quotient.  I am willing to give it a try.  My attempt may not last more than a couple of hours, but I appreciate this woman's putting the notion in my head nonetheless.  Have a happy day J!

Kindness in a Voice

"My mother had a beautiful, soothing voice that made me melt."
―Gloria Estefan

Each in different parts of the country, two friends from college were talking over the weekend, sharing the challenges of everyday life.  One of them told the other, "I just had to hear your voice."  After they hung up, the other friend realized how much comfort she, too, found in her friend's voice.

When people are meaningful in our lives, we long to hear the kindness in their voices.  Across distance and years, just hearing a certain voice can make us smile and warm our hearts.  I still remember -- and sometimes can even hear -- the voices of those whom I love and who are no longer here.

The Kindness of Peace of Mind

"Work and live to serve others, to leave the world a little better than you found it and garner for yourself as much peace of mind as you can.  This is happiness."
―  David Sarnoff

Two mothers I know got together last week.  As their children played together, they coordinated schedules because one was going out of town for a few days.  "We can never both be gone at the same time," the mother who was leaving always says.  Later that day, she e-mailed her friend, "Thank you for the gift of peace of mind. I can leave tomorrow knowing that you are only a phone call away."

Peace of mind is an incredible thing.  Many of us make all kinds of arrangements trying to provide it for ourselves, financially, professionally...  But despite our best laid plans, we frequently need others.  And there is a special comfort in knowing that we can count on certain people to be there for us and to share the kindness of peace of mind.

Kindness and Inspiration

"We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us."
―Joseph Campbell

A woman I know received a call today from her mother.  "You inspired me to do an act of kindness," her mother said.  The mother went on to recount an experience that she had at a shopping mall.  As the mother was leaving in a hurry to an important appointment -- getting her hair done, an older woman with a child approached her and asked her for directions to a pediatrician's office.  When the mother told the older woman that it was on the other side of the mall, the older woman sighed at the distance.  Thinking about what her daughter might do, the mother asked the woman if she wanted her to drive them to the doctor's office -- even though she had never before invited a stranger into her car.  The older woman agreed and the mother drove her and the child to the pediatrician's office.  Although the mother arrived a few minutes late to her appointment, her hairdresser was running late and did not give her a hard time.

The Kindness of Imparting Knowledge

"For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return."
― Leonardo da Vinci

Several years ago (ok, decades), I had the amazing fortune of studying in Florence, Italy -- a truly idyllic experience.  Thanks to a terrific art history professor, I fell in love with Italian Renaissance painting and sculpture.  Last year, thanks to Google, I found her teaching at one of the ivy league universities here in the United States. 

Though I was not sure that my former art history professor would remember me, I wrote to let her know what an impact she had made on me, and how I still remembered the paintings and her vivid descriptions.  She wrote back right away to say that it was nice to hear and that perhaps my children would share my enthusiasm for the Renaissance.  She shared that another one of her students in Florence now had a daughter taking an art history course.  She closed by saying:  "It's a wonderful thing to see how those magical times, now long ago, live in new ways."

This weekend, I walked through the National Gallery, drawn as always to the Italian Renaissance works.  To my great surprise and thrill, one of my children wanted to see the Italian Renaissance paintings so much that she was not happy when I insisted on taking a tour before.  After the tour, as I walked with my daughter among the Italian Renaissance paintings, I pointed out the colors and the figures in much the same way that my professor had decades earlier.

I wrote to my professor to tell her about the experience at the museum with my daughter.  She wrote back:  "I was just thinking this morning how we don’t know anything that we don’t remember and that in a sense memory is knowledge and that I was glad I’d always insisted that people memorize the works they studied so they’d always have them.  And there you are – enjoying the paintings you still have all these years later.  I’m so glad!"

Rooted in her great love for the art and in her wisdom, my art history professor gave me an incredible gift years ago, one that I am trying to impart to my children.  And so the kindness that she shared during a magical time lives on in a new way.