The Kindness of Helping Hands

"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know."
― W.H. Auden

Attending a children's birthday party today, I was reminded of the kindness of parents helping each other at parties.  As the mother of several children, I have quite a few parties each year and I am always amazed -- and very thankful -- for the surprise help that I get.  I try very hard to be ready before guests arrive, but it doesn't always happen.  Invariably, and without any coordination, parents step in to do whatever needs to get done.  The early-bird parent will help to set out the food, other parents help during the party by taking gifts or cutting and passing out cake, and then there are the saints who help with the clean up.  I have rarely asked anyone for assistance during a party, and yet I am always so pleasantly surprised at the kindness of other parents (sometimes my friends, sometimes acquaintances) who jump in and work together to make things go as smoothly as possible, which greatly relieves my stress.  I appreciate their help more than I could ever express.

Kindness at the Mall

"A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind."
― Richard Dehmel

Earlier this week, my mother experienced unexpected kindness at the mall.  Despite a fractured hand in a cast, my mother was not deterred from holiday shopping for her grandchildren.  After buying several things at one of the large department stores, she was getting ready to leave when the sales person said that she would help her with her shopping bags.  My mother was very surprised when the young woman not only took the bags to her car, but also loaded her trunk.

"It was such a sweet thing," my mother said.  "Her kindness made me feel so good.  She went the extra mile, which she didn't have to do.  I told her that it was nice to see someone as kind as her."

Several days later, my mother still thinks fondly of this young woman's kindness. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.  Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."
― Denis Waitley

If we are truly grateful, then we must be kind.  The two go hand in hand.  We all have so much for which to be grateful.  And if we manage to really tap into that gratitude for our abundance of blessings, what does that mean for how we live and treat others?

The Kindness of Saying Nice Things

"You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late."
―Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yesterday I received an e-mail from a friend, reminiscing about another friend who died last year:  "She was always so generous with her compliments -- never lost a moment to say something nice that was on her mind.  Happy and secure.  She is missed!!"

How often do we think something nice and then don't say it?  Why miss the chance?  As Emerson says, we never know when we may lose that opportunity.  There are some people who make it a point to say the nice things that cross their minds.  Our friend never missed an opportunity to be kind.  And although she is no longer with us, she is lovingly remembered for her generosity of spirit.

The Kindness of Sharing Remembrances

"'There is no death, daughter.  People die only when we forget them,' my mother explained shortly before she left me.  'If you can remember me, I will be with you always.'"
― Isabel Allende, Eva Luna
 

As I wrote yesterday, my father's birthday and the anniversary of his passing are one day after the next because he died the day before his 63rd birthday.  I celebrate my father's birthday as well as those of my grandparents because they were -- and continue to be -- important people in my life.  Their birthdays were always significant dates as I was growing up and they still are.  I use those occasions to talk with my children about the people whom I continue to love and who figure so prominently in who I am.  It is important to me to remember them and I am so touched when someone else remembers them, too.  I find connection, comfort and strength in those shared remembrances.  It's as if someone is extending a strong hand to steady me as I continue to navigate the difficult terrain of love and loss.

On Sunday, the anniversary of my father's passing, a friend texted me:  "I am thinking of you.  I know this is a difficult day.  I never met your father, but I am positive a part of him lives on through you."  Her thoughtfulness made me feel better.  I received a couple of other messages on his birthday yesterday -- one from a childhood friend whose father shares my father's birthday.  And another message from the daughter of a friend who died a year ago yesterday.  I couldn't believe that she remembered my father's birthday in the midst of her own sadness.

Over the years, I have been very touched when people share that they remember my loved ones.  The late father of a friend of mine endeared himself forever to me when he mentioned that he had known my father and that he thought I looked like him.  When my grandmother died, another friend wrote to me about the beautiful things she remembered about my grandmother, including her hands...  That e-mail was sent to me more than 14 years ago and the thought of it still warms my heart.  I always smile when I think that this friend took the time to write to me about my grandmother.  (In a lovely coincidence, she shares my grandmother's birthday.)

When someone remembers our loved ones or acknowledges our loss, that kindness touches our hearts in a very special way because it recognizes an important part of who we are that others usually don't see.  It acknowledges that our loved ones, as well as the love we feel for them, do indeed live on in us.

A Child's Kindness

"We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children that makes the heart too big for the body."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

This evening, my children and I made a cake to celebrate my father's 76th birthday.  My father died 13 years ago yesterday -- a day before his 63rd birthday.  When we put the candles on the cake to sing Happy Birthday, my eight-year-old ran to get his violin and played Happy Birthday to his grandfather.  My son's kindness brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart.  It was one of those moments that I will always treasure.

Another Little Kindness with Big Impact

"In music, in the sea, in a flower, in a leaf, in an act of kindness...  I see what people call God in all these things."
―Pablo Casals

A teacher friend of mine texted me a couple of days ago to ask if I was at the School Mass so that I could take a photo of her daughter who was performing.  Unfortunately, I wasn't.  My friend was there, but as an inveterate rule follower, she was sitting somewhere where she could not really see her daughter.  She was disappointed and doubting the merits of her good-girl tendencies.  But later that day, someone came through.  Another mom sent my friend two photographs and a video of her daughter.  My friend was very happy and appreciative of the other mother's kindness.  The other mother may have wondered whether to bother taking a photo (maybe photos had already been taken) or whether to send them.  But in the end, this other mother decided to reach out, to act and in so doing, she made another mother's day.  What continues to be very apparent is that we never know how greatly our seemingly small kindnesses may impact the other person.

The Kindness of "Don't Rush"

"Never be in a hurry; do everything quietly and in a calm spirit.  Do not lose your inner peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.
― Saint Francis de Sales

Sometimes (ok, most of the time), I feel as though I am living a hurry scurry life -- shuttling children to where they need to go, making it to meetings and events, trying to get things done, hours and days flying by...

After-school and weekends feel particularly harried. This morning, I was trying to get children ready (bathed, dressed and fed) to make it to a party, violin lessons, another party and maybe a pre-party activity.  Throw in some morning drama and everybody is mad at mom, then add torrential rain and you have LATE!

I don't like to be late.  In fact, I truly dislike it.  I happen to think that it is rude and unprofessional.  Interestingly enough, that does not mean that I am always punctual.  Many times, it feels like a Herculean task to arrive on time.  Today, it felt positively Sisyphean.  (In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was a king whose punishment was rolling a huge boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and then have to roll it back up the again.)

For today to have worked well, precision on the time front was required.  And not happening.  I was not worried about having one of the children arrive late to a birthday party.  But I was concerned about being late for violin lessons.  And then I received this text from the violin teacher:  "A little later will be better here if it's more convenient for you."  I nearly jumped for joy.  Feeling less inadequate, I took one child to the first party and continued on my way.  It was all going to work out, I told myself.  Until -- I went too far in the wrong direction in the torrential rain.  I was getting ready to text the teacher when she texted me.  "Don't rush -- I'm here all afternoon.  I see it's raining."

 "Don't rush."  Ah, kinder words have never been spoken or texted.  Our violin teacher has always been a special person, but today, she was my Kindness Hero.

A Tale of Two Sisters

"It's about sharing.  You just give what you have to give wherever you go, and you let God handle the rest."
―Lindsay Wagner
 

One sister was in town visiting with another, and they went together to a bookstore.  As they were leaving, there was a man outside asking for help.  One of the sisters went to her car to get a gift card for a fast food restaurant and gave it to the man.  "What a great idea," the other sister said.  The sisters began talking about kindness and being able to help others, both those who really need something and those for whom it is just nice to do something.

The sister who was visiting shared that she recently had been shopping and found a fragrance she really liked.  A young woman who was the sales person told this sister that she really liked it, too, but confided that she could not afford it.  When she was done shopping, the sister bought the perfume and gave it to the sales person.  "It felt so nice to be able to do that," she said.

The kindness of sharing changes us.  It connects us to others -- sometimes to what they need, sometimes to what they would like.  It can also help us shift to a mindset of abundance -- a place where we realize that most of us have more than we need. 

The Kindness of Making Someone's Day a Happy Day

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person.  Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
― Albert Schweitzer
 

After a very long day yesterday, I finally made it home close to midnight.  Through bleary eyes, I saw a small blue envelope on top of the mail pile.  My name and address were neatly written by what looked like a young person's hand.

I was delighted and surprised to find that it was a thank you note from one of my daughter's friends.  The week before, this girl had celebrated a special day in her life and I had made her a dip that she likes.  She was so thoughtful in her note.  She thanked me for taking the time to make the dip and then said:  "It made my Happy Day truly a Happy Day."

Thank you notes are rare and at the same time they can seem perfunctory, but we never know how they will impact the recipient.  They seem to have a funny way of arriving precisely when we can use a kind word.  This girl's thoughtful kindness not only brightened my day, but also inspired me to be more diligent in my expressions of appreciation and to continue to encourage that in my children.

This very special girl made my day a happy day!

A Mother's Gracious Kindness

"Kindness is the touch of an angel's hand."
―James L. Gordon

Recently, I was amazed by the very generous kindness of a mom I know.  Her daughter was receiving a special honor at school.  However, the daughter's best friend was not.  This mother was incredibly gracious with both her daughter's best friend as well as the girl's mother.  She got the two girls together in a rare weekday play date and she was very thoughtful in how she spoke to the other mother about the honor her daughter had received.  In an era when so many parents seem eager to one up each other with their children's accomplishments, it was refreshing to see this mother's kindness. 

The Kindness of Withholding Comment

"Choose being kind over being right, and you'll be right every time."
― Richard Carlson

This morning, a friend of mine shared that her husband had taken their daughter to the hospital last night because of a minor stomach issue.  I asked her why he had not gone to the urgent care center that is about a block from their house.  "That is what I told him when he got home!" she said.  She went on to tell me that her husband had been none too pleased when she brought it up after he had come back home with his daughter.  Her husband questioned the point of her commenting after he had gotten the little girl treated.  Even though I shared my friend's reaction to her husband's choice, I had to agree with her husband. 

 

And it got me thinking...  How often do we make a comment that is no longer relevant?  The kind of comment that only seems to say, "I'm right" or "I could have done it better."  What if we took a moment to be kind instead of getting in the last word?

Monday Morning Kindness

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.  A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."
― Saint Basil

Sometimes on Monday mornings, I can feel a little overwhelmed -- so much to do and not sure where to begin.  Years ago, I worked with a very successful attorney who used to say, "Don't try to get anything done on a Monday -- just try to get through."  Wise words, I decided on the spot.  But I usually forget them.

This morning, as I was trying to work my way through my mental fog, I received a thoughtful text from a good friend:  "Just thought of you and hope you are having a great day."  Needless to say, her unexpected text made me smile and my pile of "stuff" did not seem as daunting.  Kind words do change us; they often help us shift just enough to become centered again and regain our perspective.  A little kindness definitely helps along the journey.

The Kindness of Officer Vicki

"The end result of kindness is that it draws people to you."
― Anita Roddick
 

As part of a school assignment, one of my children had to write a letter thanking someone in her community.  When she showed me her letter, I was delighted to see that it was written to Officer Vicki -- our local D.A.R.E. officer.

A dedicated police officer, Officer Vicki goes into the schools in our community and talks to the children about staying safe and making good decisions.  She has a great way about her that combines being a role model with being friendly and approachable.  The children love her and remember things that she says.  My children like to greet her whenever we see her on the street.

Officer Vicki holds a special place in our heart.  When one of my children was in pre-school, he was a little nervous about police officers.  I shared that with Officer Vicki and she invited him to the police station, where she gave him a special tour.  She then took him to the fire station next door for another behind-the-scenes look.  My son has always remembered that.

Most police officers take an oath that pledges integrity and upholding the law.  Officer Vicki has added a special brand of kindness to her oath.

The Kindness of Recognition

"Service is a smile.  It is an acknowledging wave, a reaching handshake, a friendly wink, and a warm hug.  It's these simple acts that matter most, because the greatest service to a human soul has always been the kindness of recognition."
―  Richelle E. Goodrich

The other day I ran into a friend of mine in the grocery store.  She told me that she had seen my children and wanted to find me to say hello.  She gave me a big hug and said how nice it was to see me.  She could not have known that her hug was especially appreciated -- needed even -- on that day. 

I have thought about my friend's kindness several times since then and it keeps making me smile.  That is one of the many amazing things about kindness -- the memory of it wonderfully lingers.

The Kindness in a Stamp

"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world."
― Desmond Tutu

A mom friend of mine gets a very enthusiastic greeting from one of the security guards at our children's school.  The greeting seems to be a cross between a cheer and a flamenco dance. 

 

The other day my friend explained that she ran into the guard at the post office one day and he was very upset because he needed a stamp and the self-serve machines were out of order.  The guard apparently was very stressed because he was late returning to work.  My friend told him that she would mail his envelope as she always keeps stamps in her car. 

"He was so grateful," my friend said.  "He couldn't believe I would help him.  It was really not a big deal at all.  Later that afternoon, I gave him a book of stamps for his car.  He acted like I handed him a million dollar check."

That's how it is with those seemingly small acts of kindness.  Small for us perhaps, but a huge help for the other person.  And beyond the actual help itself is the gift that someone cared enough not only to pay attention, but also to act.

The Kindness of a Man Named Jesus

"And remember, I am with you always..."
―Jesus, Matthew 28:20

A woman I know had to have a medical test done -- an MRI, which requires the patient to lie still inside a tube-like machine.  To say that the woman was anxious is probably an understatement.  She was both afraid of the test and of the results.

On the morning of the test, she arrived at the test center and was teary-eyed before she even entered the test room.  When she saw the machine, she became increasingly nervous.  There were two techs in the room, a woman and a man.  They put her in the machine, so that she could experience how it would be.  She asked to come out immediately and began crying.  Her whole body shook.  She had trouble calming down and the female tech told her that she should probably call her doctor, get some sedation and do the test on another day given how anxious she was.  The woman felt overwhelmed.  She was scared and sad and feeling badly that she might not be able to get the test done. 

Very gently, the male tech asked her whether she would try it one more time.  He said that they were in no rush.  He came up with a couple of ways that she would be more comfortable, including covering her eyes with a small towel, so that the woman would not know if she was inside the machine or out.  He kept his hand on her shoulder as they slid her inside the machine and then kept his hand on her head while she tried staying in it for a little bit.  He talked reassuringly to her while they tried it one more time.  The woman decided that she would do it. 

As she lay inside the tube, the woman counted seconds, she prayed, she tried mightily to think happy thoughts -- anything to stay calm.  She thought about family and friends she loved, she even thought about candy she liked...  At some point during the test, the woman remembered the male tech's name.  It was Jesus!  The thought struck her as funny, bizarre and awesome all at once.  She thought perhaps she had imagined it.  Still inside the machine, she asked the female tech, "Is his name really Jesus?"  Yes came the answer. 

The woman knew that she never would have been able to endure the test but for the kindness of a man named Jesus.

Later that day, the woman's doctor let her know that the test results were fine.  She took a deep breath and thanked God for the results, for her doctor and for Jesus.

Kindness in the Rain

"We change the world a little each day with our kindness."
―Tom Giaquinto
 

Just before school dismissal today, it began to pour -- the type of rain that makes you wonder how long you can drive in it given that you can't see very far.  Although the rain had abated some before the children began to be dismissed, the teacher who was standing in the school driveway calling the students on the walkie-talkie was getting wet.  Seeing this, a dad who was picking up his daughter gave the teacher his umbrella.

"He is such a nice man," said a friend of mine who saw the very kind act.  And indeed, this father is an incredibly thoughtful and generous man.  He is the type of person who sees opportunities for kindness and then acts upon them in a quiet and unassuming way, and in so doing, brightens his corner of the world.

The Kindness of Positive Messages

"You are loved and cherished.
You have nothing to fear.
There is nothing you can do wrong."
― Eben Alexander, Proof of Heaven

Today in yoga class, our teacher read to us from Eben Alexander's bestselling book, Proof of Heaven.  The passage above is what Dr. Alexander says that he learned from his near-death experience.  Our yoga teacher challenged us to repeat those three sentences to ourselves as a mantra, a message to ourselves.  She said that we would feel differently in the poses if we did.  Not surprisingly, she was right.  Whenever I was having a hard time in a pose, I repeated the message to myself and it made me feel better both about me and about what I was doing.

There are so many messages that we give to ourselves on a daily basis and not all of them are positive.  In fact, I am guessing that we are harder on ourselves than we are on others.  So what happens if we decide to be kind to ourselves by reminding ourselves that we are loved?  It is the message that we give to the people we treasure most.  Why not include ourselves?

Honoring our Peacemakers

"Blessed are the peacemakers..."
― Matthew 5:9

Veterans' Day was originally called Armistice Day.  It was established to commemorate the end of the First World War, which ended at 11 o'clock in the morning of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918.  The holiday was renamed Veterans' Day in 1954 by President Eisenhower and pays tribute to all American veterans -- living or dead -- who have served their country.  I think of it as a day to honor our peacemakers -- those brave women and men who have served in an effort to secure peace for all of us.

In addition to thanking our peacemakers and to saying prayers for them and their families, I am wondering whether each of us can do something to bring a little peace to our corner of the world, whether it is our family, our workplace, or our community.  Perhaps we can honor our peacemakers with a little kindness.

The Kindness of Intentionality

“One person with commitment accomplishes more than a thousand with an opinion.”
― Orrin Woodward

A very special mom friend of mine lives her life with an intentionality that I hugely admire.  It manifests itself in big things:  She can put together a language-school for preschoolers, trips to the other side of the world and family gatherings that are more conference than reunion.  And it is evident in many other ways.

Last night, we enjoyed a dinner that she had committed to and made happen.  We called it the "international dinner" as the several families that attended brought dishes representative of their countries of origin.  The moms in the group had talked about it for a while, but my friend was the one who sent out the e-mails, circulated the possible dates and hosted it.

Amidst our crazy busy lives, we took an evening to celebrate our different cuisines, to get to know each other a little more, and to have an old-fashioned good time.  It would not have happened without the kindness of my friend.  And it reminded me of the many experiences I have enjoyed because she also made them happen.

Inspiring Kindness Under Difficult Circumstances

"We should be inspired by people... who show that human beings can be kind, brave, generous, beautiful, strong -- even in the most difficult circumstances."
― Rachel Corrie

I have a friend who I think is simply lovely.  I don't know that the word does her justice, but it is the first word that comes to mind when I think about her.  I also would say that she is kind, brave, generous, beautiful, strong...  And indeed in the most difficult circumstances.

My friend has been through a lot in the last two years, but she has walked through the challenges of her life with grace and kindness. 

She called me the other day to relate a story about someone who was not particularly nice to her; rude would probably be a better characterization.  My friend was perplexed by the lack of kindness that seemed completely without reason.  When I saw my friend yesterday, she shared that she had decided to be nice to the person who had been unkind to her because, after all, who knew what this other person might be going through.

Whether it is in facing the truly big challenges of our journey or the pesky annoyances of everyday life, my friend approaches it all with a kindness that is inspiring.

A Thanksgiving Ritual of Kindness

"Gratitude is the inward feeling of kindness received.  Thankfulness is the natural impulse to express that feeling.  Thanksgiving is the following of that impulse."
― Henry Van Dyke

Yesterday I found my way back to one of my favorite places -- a yoga studio in a nearby neighborhood.  The teacher whose class I took always has something thought-provoking to share and this time she encouraged us to engage in a new Thanksgiving ritual during the month of November.  She suggested that every time we are tempted to complain about a situation, we should instead find something in the situation for which to be grateful.  For example, when we want to complain about how hard a pose is during yoga class, we can instead be grateful that our bodies can move the way they do and that we can exert ourselves that way.

Intrigued by the idea, I have been trying to put it into practice.  During yoga class, I enjoyed being appreciative instead of my frequent mental groaning.  Being thankful is a much kinder and more pleasant option.  And in just the day or so that I have been trying to live by this suggestion, I have found myself being kinder to myself and to others.

Kindness in a Postcard

"Anyone who ever gave you confidence, you owe them a lot."
― Truman Capote, Breakfast at Tiffany's

More than two years ago, a dear friend from college sent me a postcard while she was on vacation in Provincetown on Cape Cod.  The card has a black and white image of Audrey Hepburn in her Breakfast at Tiffany days.  My friend said that the photo made her think of me and wrote:  "'Being Audrey' is definitely a state of mind...  It seems you are enjoying yourself 'being [you].'"  I keep the postcard by the mirror I use every morning.  It gives me a little boost of confidence, encouragement from someone whose opinion I value, which on some days comes in especially handy.  It reminds me that my friend thinks about me -- probably more often than I know -- and that she took a few minutes during her vacation to tell me.  I don't know if she even remembers sending the postcard, but her kindness continues to make me smile.

The Kindness of the Families Who Serve

"Faith is the first factor in a life devoted to service.  Without it, nothing is possible. With it, nothing is impossible."
― Mary McLeod Bethune 

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the kindness of the brave women and men who serve our country in uniform.  For many of them, their service is made possible by the families they leave behind.

I have a very special friend whose birthday is today.  She has a wonderful husband and three children.  But today, she and her children will celebrate without her husband and their father.  He is in Afghanistan serving our country.

I am in awe of his service.  After 9/11, he joined the Navy Seabees.  He has been on various tours in dangerous parts of the world, including Iraq and Afghanistan.  He doesn't like being away, but he feels a tremendous duty to his country.

Alongside his service is that of his wife, a dedicated mother and teacher who juggles a job and three children while her husband is away.  She does it with a never-wavering smile, a great attitude and a deeply rooted faith.  She is a source of inspiration for her family, her friends and the families of the children she teaches.

I am grateful for the women and men who serve our country.  And I also deeply appreciate the kind service of their families.

Kindness and the Ticket-Writing Ambassador

"I have always depended on the kindness of stranger."
― Tennessee Williams

While walking through the shopping district of a nearby city, I saw what appeared to be a city employee with Ambassador written across the back of his shirt.  He seemed to be stopping at parking meters.  Intrigued, I asked him what being an Ambassador for the city entailed. 

"Well, I walk up and down the street checking on the meters," he said.

"You're an 'Ambassador' and you give parking tickets?" I asked.

"Yes, that's what I said when I started the job," he said.

A very friendly guy (ambassador material to be sure, but for his task), he said that he is amazed by how happy some people get when they see him giving tickets to other people.  "It's really mean," he said.

I then asked him whether it was illegal for people to put money in other people's expired meters.

"Who's going to stop them?" he said.  And he shared that sometimes as he is getting ready to write a ticket, someone will ask if she can put money in the meter for the person.

"It's refreshing," he said.  "To know that there are people still like that.  And they're complete strangers."

Within the ticket-writing Ambassador beats a kind and hopeful heart.

Kindness That Remains

"There are two kinds of teachers: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot that you can't move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies."
― Robert Frost

I was reading The New York Times this weekend -- and thinking about how much I enjoy it.  As I did, I remembered how I began reading it in the first place and the memory took me back more than 35 years.

I had several teachers in high school who stood out, including the English teacher who decided she needed to use an 8th Grade grammar book to teach us how to write English correctly.  It worked and I remember her fondly still. 

But there was another teacher who played a significant role in my life, not only in high school, but also in the decades after.  This teacher was no ordinary teacher and she had not had an ordinary life.  We used to say that she had lived through all the wars she taught, which was actually true given that she had been born in 1908.  She had been a part of American and world history -- a fact that sometimes created controversy among the school community where she ended up teaching.  But no matter, this teacher always held her head high and never made apologies for her life.  One of the classes she taught was Contemporary History and in order to get an A in her class, we had to have a Letter to the Editor published in the local paper.  That is how I began writing Letters to the Editor.  (Years later when one of my letters was published in The New York Times, she saw it and wrote to let me know.)  At one point, she was named Director of our high school and it became harder for her to teach her Contemporary History course, so she enlisted me as her Teacher's Assistant.  I frequently "taught" the class on my own, and as part of the deal, she got me a subscription to The New York Times -- reading it was part of being an educated woman, she told me. 

In addition to getting me completely and forever hooked on The New York Times, this teacher was a guiding force in my life.  She reviewed my college essay and rejoiced with me when I was accepted at my first-choice school.  During my freshman year in college, when a friend of mine was killed, I called her and she comforted me, sharing her experience with the loss of a friend. 

We were friends for more than 20 years.  When she moved to the other side of the country to be closer to her family as she got older, I visited her as often as I could.  She taught me about growing old gracefully and how each stage of life offers its own pleasures.  A lifelong learner, she participated in a book club at her retirement community and remained active in community activities.  When she died at the age of 94 more than 10 years ago, I was profoundly sad.

Remembering how I began reading my favorite newspaper brought back memories of decades of kindnesses that steadied me and gave me strength, and that continue to influence me.

The Kindness of Considering Others

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go."
― Oscar Wilde

In today's New York Times, there was an interesting article about manners and flying.  It mentioned bare feet on planes as an etiquette gaffe.

We live in a complicated world of human connections and interactions.  On the one hand, we have become increasingly more connected.  I marveled last summer at the ability to "FaceTime" with friends in China.  There they were on an iPad screen available for our viewing and communicating pleasure.  And yet on the other hand, we create our own personal worlds while we are with other people.  For example, we can have numerous silent conversations via text or e-mail while in the presence of others.  Recently, I was in the car with my husband -- not talking to him, but engaged in three different conversations via text with friends.

Regardless of the why -- although I can't help thinking that it is in part due to distraction, we sometimes seem to forget our surroundings.  We have all listened to too-loud, one-sided mobile phone conversations in public places or been subjected to cigarette or cigar smoke we would prefer to avoid.  There is kindness in taking a look around and remembering where we are long enough to consider how our actions might affect others.

The Kindness of Slowing Down

"Slow down everyone.  You're moving too fast."
― Jack Johnson

One of my out-of-town Kindness Muses sent me an article about "Slowing time" and it triggered my thinking about the kindness in taking things just a little more slowly.

October seemed to be a crazy busy month, culminating in the rush-rush of getting out the door to trick-or-treat.  The costumed children and their parents seemed to be out even earlier this year -- as early as 4:30!  When I was a child, we waited until it got dark to trick-or-treat.  Yes, I know things change, but we seem to live in such a hurry...

Soon, it will be December and then things truly become a blur as we rush through life on our way to Christmas.  But I am wondering if perhaps in November -- the month of giving thanks, we can be kind to ourselves and to each other by slowing down.  We could look at each other in the eyes a little more.  We could take a few breaths or moments of meditation before tackling our day.  We could slow down long enough to give thanks for our blessings and the many kindnesses that come our way.  I could be wrong, but I think there is kindness in slowing down.

The Kindness of Every-Day Saints

"In God’s great plan, every detail is important, even yours, even my humble little witness, even the hidden witness of those who live their faith with simplicity in everyday family relationships, work relationships, friendships. There are the saints of every day, the 'hidden' saints..."
―Pope Francis
 

Today is All Saints' Day.  I went to a beautiful Mass this morning that celebrated saints and other holy people of the Americas.  Those big names of the Catholic Church are the ones we know, but as Pope Francis said, there are every-day saints among us.

For me, every-day saints are the people whose lives I admire, people who try to be gentle and generous, humble and true.  They are the people who ease the burden of others while handling their challenges with faith, grace and good humor.  They are people like all of us, who just try to live their lives by their guiding principles, by their faith.  Every-day saints are kind people.

My every-day saints include the steadfast friend, the mother who always helps me with my children as if it is the easiest thing in the world, the friend whose unexpected call brightens my day, the doctor who spends more time with me than makes economic sense, and the person on the other end of the phone who is friendly and helpful beyond what I have reason to expect.  The kindness of my every-day saints gives me great joy.  And it reminds me that through our simple and small acts of kindness, we can all share with each other a little bit of sainthood.