The Kindness of Remembering Together

"The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering."
― Bruce Lee

This afternoon, I ran into the son of a dear friend who died 18 months ago.  The son had seen me enter a restaurant where he was eating and came to our table to say hello.  He showed me a photo in which his sister looked uncannily like their mother.  My hair stood on end, we hugged, our eyes filled with tears...  When my family and I were leaving the restaurant, we looked for the son.  He saw us and again got up from his table to say goodbye.

My friend -- his mother -- is missed very much and, of course, by no one more than her family.  I was very touched by this young man's kindness in making an effort to say hello to me and in his giving us both an opportunity to remember her -- together.

Kudos for Kindness

"The greatest challenge of the day is: how to bring a revolution of the heart, a revolution which has to start with each one of us?"
― Dorothy Day

A very special friend of mine who works overseas wrote recently to say that he was trying to help a friend who is going through a hard time, but he was not sure what to do.  He wrote, "He's my friend and I want to supportive, but I feel helpless.  It seems my only option is to do any and all kindnesses I can just to try to eliminate other stresses, minor though they may be."  Wow, I thought, talk about kindness!  My friend is trying to do "any and all kindnesses" he can.  Imagine what the world would be like if everyone embraced his approach.

Girls, Hugs and Kindness

"I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words."
― Ann Hood

So much is written and said about "mean girls" and I certainly see enough of it, so I am thrilled when I see the opposite.  This evening as we were leaving a school event, two girls called out my daughter's name.  She ran to where they were and they gave her big goodbye hugs.  My daughter was new at the school just nine months ago and now she feels very much at home there.  She has developed great friendships with several girls at the school and I know that kindness is at the heart of those relationships.

The Kindness of Openness

"Compassionate action emerges from the sense of openness, connectedness, and discernment you have created."
― Joan Halifax

A woman I know was leaving a school event this morning.  As she drove out of the campus, she stopped her car and rolled down her window to compliment one of the other mothers on her daughter's performance.  It was a mom she did not know well.  The mother approached the car and said, "I have to ask you a favor."  Of course, the woman I know replied.  "Since you are a spiritual person, I was wondering if you would pray for our nephew..."  She went on to explain that her teenage nephew had just been diagnosed with cancer.  The woman I know promised to pray for him.

A few minutes later, the woman I know remembered that she had wanted to reach out to another mother about an issue with one of her children.  The mother she planned on calling was not someone she knew well, but for some reason, she felt comfortable consulting her.  She sent the mother a text asking when might be a good time to talk.  Two minutes later, the other mother called and they talked about the issue.

As the woman I know continued on her way, she thought about the chain of events -- one woman asking another for help, who in turn asked another...  She was grateful that the first woman had asked her for prayers -- even if she didn't feel like the spiritual person the other woman imagined her to be. 

 

There is kindness in opening our hearts to others.  When we open our hearts, things we might not expect happen.  Openness encourages connection, which makes way for compassion and allows us to care for and support each other.

Kindness of the Unforgettable Kind

"My heroes are and were my parents.  I can't see having anyone else as my heroes."

― Michael Jordan

 

One of my dearest friends was in San Francisco this weekend.  He and his sister had taken their parents there for an early 60th anniversary trip.  Their parents had never been to the Bay Area, but had always wanted to go.  And although my friend and his sister have their own families, they went just the four of them.  I asked him when was the last time he and his sister had traveled with their parents like that.  About 40 years ago, he figured.  He sent me a photo of the foursome by the Golden Gate Bridge.  They looked so happy and I was glad that they were able to share such a memorable experience.

Once we become parents, we spend most of our time providing and caring for our children.  How wonderful that -- despite very busy professional lives and children of their own -- these grown children were so thoughtful to plan a very special trip for their parents.  That's kindness of the truly unforgettable kind.

Kindness in a Shell

"If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out.  To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it."
― Mother Teresa

One of the Kindness Muses was visiting from out of town and brought us a lovely gift of small decorated shells.  The shells are trimmed in gold paint and have inspirational messages written on the inside.  One of our shells has "The Lord is My Shepherd."  Others have one-word messages:  "Faith" and "Trust."  The Kindness Muse shared that the shells were painted by a woman who runs a car service.  The woman gives the shells to her customers and to others as her contribution to making the world a kinder place.  Her messages in the beautifully decorated shells are reminders of what's important.

The Kindness of Focus

"When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are blessed in abundance."
― Joel Osteen

I have a friend who is incredibly focused -- she makes things happen.  When she sets her sights on something, watch out!  So many people benefit from the kindness of her focus, but she shrugs it off as no big deal.  Over the years, her efforts have ranged from setting up a Chinese language school for preschoolers to planning meaningful family vacations overseas to organizing events to celebrate others.  Her latest venture was helping with her great aunt's 90th birthday celebration.

This weekend, generations of the family gathered to celebrate the great aunt's 90th birthday.  They traveled across the country and across the state.  Everyone had a wonderful time and benefitted from my friend's endless reserve of focus and generosity.

The Kindness of Enjoying Shared Silliness

"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans.  It is lovely to be silly at the right moment."
― Horace

One of the things that continues to amaze me is the kindness that can be shared through laughter or even silliness.

A woman I know usually opts for conservative colors when painting her nails.  But every so often, she ventures out into the wild -- especially on her toes.  She has not been pampering herself too much lately, so she decided to schedule that rare manicure and pedicure.  Encouraged by the manicurist, she decided on a robin's egg blue for her toes.  The Tiffany blue-like color on her toes made her smile, so she sent a photo of her happy feet to one of her college friends in another state.  The friend loved the color and asked for the name so that she could do the same.  Then the woman sent the photo to another friend who replied, "Love it!!  It would make me happy looking at them!  What more can you ask?"

Certainly having friends who are kind enough to share in life's sillier moments is one of the greatest blessings in life.

The nail polish's name: " Where's My Chauffeur?"  And speaking of silly, I don't suppose that I should share that this woman has an imaginary chauffeur, who is the twin of her dear friend's chauffeur...  And these are only two of the many characters in their fantasy world.

The Kindness of Knowing What Someone Needs

"We cannot accomplish all that we need to do without working together."
― Bill Richardson

On the days when I accompany one of my children to an after-school activity, I try to pick up my other child and drive her to another school campus for her activity.  If I don't drive the second child, she ends up walking (albeit with supervision) to where she needs to go.  Because it's hot and they carry such heavy backpacks, I try to pick her up whenever I can.

The other day, I realized that I could not shuttle one child to the other campus, and still arrive in time to go to the after-school activity with the other.  As I was feeling a little badly about it, I received a friend from my terrific friend and co-mom saying that she was driving my daughter, along with hers, from one campus to the other. 

The Kindness of Waiting

"Patience is not simply the ability to wait -- it's how we behave while we're waiting."
― Joyce Meyer

Sometimes we just can't wait.  It seems that most of the time, we are rushing, trying to make it from one place to another...

A woman I know found herself with a couple of hours -- to herself!  She decided to cross a few errands off her list, one of which was framing a drawing that one of her children had made.  When she arrived at the framing store, the owner was attending to an older man in a wheelchair who was having several pieces framed.

The owner looked up and said, "I am so sorry.  We've just started.  It's going to take a while."

"No problem," the woman I know I said.  Because -- for once -- it really wasn't.  She sat down and waited about 20 minutes.  And she didn't mind. 

Later, the woman remembered how she used to define patience for her children when they were small:  "Patience is waiting with a smile."

The Kindness of Sharing What is in Our Hearts

"Your example, even more than your words, will be an eloquent lesson to the world."
―St. Madeleine Sophie Barat

In February, I wrote about a young teacher at my children's school.  I had observed her during a school visit to a nursing home, and I was inspired by the kind manner in which she reached out to the home's elderly residents.  In a subsequent visit to another nursing home, I drew on the example of this young woman.

Today, at a Mass at my children's school, I witnessed an extraordinary announcement.  This same young teacher -- in her 20s -- stood up at the end of the Mass and shared with everyone that she has made the decision to join religious life.  You could hear audible gasps from those in attendance and many of the adults were teary eyed as we heard this young woman talk about listening to her heart.  Once again, I found myself inspired by this amazing young woman. 

There is great kindness in sharing what is in our hearts.  It can not only touch others, but also inspire all of us to become our better selves.

The Beauty of Recognizing Kindness

"It is one of the beautiful compensations in this life that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping himself."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Just when you wonder whether focusing on kindness matters...  Your son says on the way to school:  "Look, Mama, that crossing guard is helping an old woman cross the street.  That's kindness!"  Ah, talk about warming a mother's heart.

Kindness on the Road

"Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic."
― Dan Rather

Thankfully, I had left enough space between the white van in front of me and my car, so that when the van crashed into the car in front of it, I had enough space to stop.  Because it was a two-lane road (one lane in each direction), I was stuck behind the accident.  Cars behind me began honking their horns, but I could not see how to get around the two cars involved in the crash and was just hoping that the cars would pull over to the side of the road sooner rather than later.

As I was trying to patiently wait, an elegantly dressed older woman knocked on my window.  She asked me if I thought I could get around the accident on the right.  We both looked at the space and decided that would not work, so she decided that she would help me get around on the left.  She directed me around the accident and I was on my way.  I know that I was not the only driver thankful for the kindness of that anonymous stranger.

The Kindness of the Rosary

"The greatest method of praying is to pray the Rosary."
― Saint Francis de Sales

A very good friend of mine's mother died two months ago today.  It has been a huge loss for my friend and her family.  Last night, my friend went to the Chapel of the Blessed Sacrament and prayed the Rosary.  While there, she received a text from her husband asking her to come home.  She wondered if everything was alright.  When she arrived, her best friend from high school and her mother were there praying the Rosary, and they had brought a statue of the Virgin Mary for her.  My friend thought their kindness was incredibly special.  In the midst of loss, the heart can still be touched by kindness.  Perhaps that is when we need it most.

The Kindness of Fathers

"My father said there were two kinds of people in the world: givers and takers.  The takers may eat better, but the givers sleep better."
―Marlo Thomas

Two sisters were complaining that their dress shoes were a bit too snug.  They needed to wear the shoes to an orchestra performance.  Given what the day looked like, their mother figured that there was no time to buy new shoes and that they would be seated for the performance, so they would be fine.  Their father ran out and bought them new shoes while they were rehearsing.

The Kindness of Friendship in the Early Morning

"I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sometimes kindness gets an early morning start.  This morning, the first text I received was just before 6 am and then there were several before 9 am.  Friends and I exchanged texts that included thank yous, reminders about another friend's birthday and just checking-in texts.  Many people believe that technology has made us anti-social and cite the example of children and adults playing with their phones while in social situations.  But there are upsides to this technology, too.  The days of preparing elaborate menus to have the girls over for lunch may be gone for most women, but we now have new ways of staying in touch, of letting each other know that we are thinking about each other.  Some days, kindness arrives early via text.

The Kindness of Real Friendship

"Real friendship, like real poetry, is extremely rare ― and precious as a pearl."
― Tahar Ben Jelloun

I am not sure how I would describe "real" friendship, but I do know it when I see it.  And I feel very blessed to have experienced it many times in my life.  When I think about that above and beyond friendship, I remember those people who have been there through good times and bad times, and those who have accompanied me through all kinds of adventures.

I recently experienced one of those real friendship moments.  After a couple of weeks of major juggling and practicing the illusion of bi- and tri-locating, I ran up against a snag.  About a month ago, I wrote about a day coming up where three things were scheduled and how my steadfast friend was going to help me through.  Well, the day arrived.  Thankfully, one of the events was rescheduled.  But without my steadfast friend, I never would have made it to one of my children's recitals and an important business event.  I ran out of the recital with the faith that my steadfast friend would be there in her car at the ready to take me to the other event, so I could hop out and try to maintain the illusion of calm that I usually aim for.  And that is precisely how things went.  No doubt that is real friendship.  I know it when I feel it.

Kindness on the Playground

"Gratitude is the reflection of kindness and rests deep in the heart."
― Ken E. Hall

The other day two Second Grade boys were playing on the school playground.  One said to the other:  "I wish I could be like you because you are so nice.  And that is a gift from God."  The other boy later shared the comment with his mother and asked, "Am I a reflection of kindness?"

The Kindness of a Reminder

"What a circus act we women perform every day of our lives.  Look at us.  We run a tightrope daily, balancing a pile of books on the head.  Baby-carriage, parasol, kitchen chair, still under control.  Steady now!"
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Very recently, I found myself― somewhat reluctantly― asking another mother for help.  I say reluctantly only because I thought that I should be able to manage it all.  This wise mother of four said something that I have been sharing because it seems that we, especially women, have a penchant for trying to do it all.

"You have to ask for help," she said.  "We have to get over the Wonder Woman thing."

So much kindness in that simple reminder.

The Kindness of Setting You Straight

"I hate being wrong, but I love it when I am set straight."
― Harlan Ellison

A woman I know has a very good friend who sets her straight every now and again.  I guess you could call it tough love.  Sometimes, this friend gives her professional advice; sometimes, it's personal.  It always comes from a place of love, but it also is very directive.  Recently, she told the woman I know, "You have to make your own happiness."  Hopefully, we all have friends who are kind enough to tell us what we need to hear, even when it is not what we would like to hear.

Mothers ― Kindness that Lasts Forever

"Our mothers give us so many gifts.  They give us the precious gift of life, of course, but they also leave treasured lessons that can guide us along our journeys even when they are no longer with us."
― Maria Shriver

I hope that Mothers' Day has been filled with joy for all the mothers, grandmothers, aunts and friends who share their kindness with all of us.  That kindness stays with us even after they are gone. 

Last night, a very special friend who lost her mother two months ago hosted a dinner in her mother's memory.  Today, the daughter of a dear friend of mine who died a year and a half ago shared a photo of her new baby daughter.  Those mothers may be gone, but their love lives on in their children, their grandchildren and in all those whose lives were touched by their kindness.

The Kindness of Suspending Judgment

"A hasty judgment is a first step to recantation."
― Publilius Syrus

I was reminded of a certain kindness the other day -- because I did not practice it.

t was around 8 am, and I was at the security desk of an office building, waiting for someone to sign me in.  The security guard was friendly and professional, and he greeted everyone with a "Good Morning" as they walked in.  Nearly everyone returned the greeting.  However, one woman walked by and did not say anything.

A few minutes later, I said to the security guard, "Do some people not say 'Good Morning'?" 

He replied, "Oh, that woman who just walked by?  She's deaf." 

A Long Day, An Abundance of Kindness

"Abundance is not something we acquire.  It is something we tune into."
― Wayne Dyer

Today has been a long day...  I woke up at 3 am in another state and caught a flight back home just in time to finish preparing for an important family celebration tomorrow.  Earlier this week, I was not sure how it would all work out.  And then today, a funny thing happened:  an abundance of kindness came my way. 

It began before dawn with a cashier at the airport who could not have been friendlier.  When I asked him where the tip box was, he said his boss did not allow tips.  When I boarded the plane, before I could even pick up my bag to load it into the overhead compartment, another passenger -- a middle-aged guy with long white hair -- asked me if he could help me with it.  He stowed the bag for me and I never saw him again.

Once home, I hurried to catch the tail end of Mass at my son's school as well as a school photo sale.  Two friends of mine, who made it to the sale before me, saw photos of my son and bought them for me.

Another friend woke up hours earlier than usual on her day off to take one of my children to school.  My mother changed and juggled important appointments and meetings to run around and help with my errands.

One of the things that I realized I had forgotten to do was to get additional parking permits for our street.  They usually take 24 hours.  When I called the police department, the woman who answered told me I could still get them.  And then when I arrived, she issued them immediately so that I would not have to return to pick them up and she gave me more than is usually permitted.

My quintessential move-a-body friend e-mailed me to say that he could pick me up for lunch.  When I told him my crazy errand schedule would not allow such a fun thing, he talked to me for a while, made me laugh and shrugged off the most recent favor he has done for me.

A childhood friend flew in from the other side of the country to be with us.  And a dear friend who had to go out of town and can't join us texted me several times to see how the preparations were coming along.

This afternoon, a beautiful box arrived with cupcakes from a famous (and favorite) cupcake store in another part of the country, courtesy of thoughtful friends. 

 

One of the guys at the bank gave me a beautiful red rose for Mothers' Day.  And after a change in children's plans coupled with too much to do forced me to cancel the all-too-rare manicure appointment, the manicurist called to say that she could see me at 8 pm -- a time when she is usually happily home.

Sometimes it seems as though the universe conspires against us and everything that can go wrong will.  And then there are other days -- like today -- when even in the midst of a somewhat stressful, hurry scurry day, there is so much kindness to enjoy.

The Kindness of Keeping Confidences

"Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence."
― George Washington

Not long ago, I overheard my children talking with a friend.  Their friend shared that she was going to participate in the school talent show with another friend.  My children asked the logical question:  "Who?"  This little girl shared that her friend did not want her to tell anyone beforehand.  As my children tried to pry the name out of her, I told them to respect this little girl's honoring her friend's wishes.  There is great kindness in keeping another's confidence.

Kindness... Out of the Mouth of Babes

"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment."
― Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Yesterday I found myself taking a gaggle of children to a school service activity.  I drive to this activity a couple of times a month because one of my children participates in it.  However, my child decided that she needed to meet with a teacher instead, so I had a carload of children, none of whom was mine.  As I was taking the children back to school, they were very polite and thanked me for driving them and for having snacks for them.  Then one of them said, "And you're always smiling."  She touched my heart and, of course, I figured I better keep smiling.

The Kindness of Unlocking a Door

"Be an opener of doors."
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

A woman I know was having a real juggling kind of afternoon.  In addition to her own children, she ended up shuttling another four children to where they needed to go.  And she had an important business errand that her husband had asked her to do at the bank.  The children drop offs took longer than she anticipated.  As she watched the clock near the bank closing time, she drove steadily toward the bank.  She arrived at the bank two minutes after closing and the lobby doors were locked.  The bank manager was walking past and she looked at him with her best "I need a favor" look.  Sure enough, he opened the locked doors and let her in.  She breathed a huge sigh of relief and thanked him.  The bank manager could have played things by the book and kept the bank doors locked.  Instead, he decided to be kind, and enabled this mom to accomplish the seemingly impossible.

The Kindness in a Reminder

"The language of friendship is not words, but meanings."
―Henry David Thoreau

Kindness arrived this morning in the form of an e-mail from a lovely friend.  Knowing of the event I am hosting this weekend, she wrote:  "Please don't forget to call me if you need anything!!  I know you know, but just a little reminder."  Her e-mail did indeed remind me of something that is obvious and yet easily obscured when we are overwhelmed:  There are people who care about us and who are willing to help us at a moment's notice ― the beauty of friendship. 

The Kindness in a Ring

"I heard a definition once: Happiness is health and a short memory!  I wish I'd invented it, because it is very true."
― Audrey Hepburn

Several years ago when I was going through a difficult time, a friend gave me a silver ring that had four words inscribed inside, "This too shall pass."  She had had one made for herself some time before and has since given them to her friends as needed. 

The other day, I felt momentarily overwhelmed and reassured myself with those four words.  I remembered my friend's kindness in giving me the ring and appreciated her thoughtfulness again.  And then I laughed to myself because I could not remember what difficulty I had been facing when my friend gave me the ring.

The Kindness of a Thoughtful Friend

"Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of one another."
―Eustace Budgell

I have a friend who does not consider herself a thoughtful person.  The evidence naturally is to the contrary.  Next weekend, I have a big family event, but I am travelling for business and returning the day before.  This afternoon, my friend sent me a photo of a centerpiece that she had seen at a similar event.  She sent the photo not only because I was hosting the same kind of event, but also because the centerpieces were not made from fresh flowers and would be easy for me to do given my travel schedule.  When you are worried about something, it is nice to know that there are friends who are thinking about how to make your life a little easier.

Kindness Begets Kindness

"Kindness begets kindness evermore."
― Sophocles

I received a lovely text from our hometown hero's wife today.  She said that the kindness showed to her husband by our community was like no other and that he was speechless, which she said was "very difficult" for him to be.  I have no doubt that the community-wide kindness will be something that stays with him and with their family forever.  And for the members of the community, it was the least they could do for him and his family.

The Kindness of a Hometown Hero

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself."
― Joseph Campbell

Tonight, our community welcomed home one of its own from his latest tour in Afghanistan.  This combat veteran is a loving husband and father of three who felt strongly that he wanted to serve his country after 9/11, so off he has gone several times, putting himself in harm's way in various countries to protect his own country.  Our hometown hero is a kind man with a big heart.  And as a small token of its appreciation, our community organized a parade and a community-wide welcome home celebration for him.