Kindness and a Napkin

"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness."

~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

The other day, we were at the church hall for breakfast after the morning service and sitting at a U-shaped table with many others.  One of my children was sitting next to me and when I looked up, she had salad dressing not only on her mouth, but also on her cheek.  I looked down at the table for a napkin, but didn't find one.  A nanosecond later, a doctor who was sitting across from us handed me a napkin across the table.  He was in the middle of a conversation and did not seem to miss a beat.  

Kindness and a Church Service

"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important that your own."

~ H. Jackson Browne, Jr.

On a recent Sunday, we arrived at church before the service began.  A mom in the pew in front of us was lamenting that her husband had decided to watch a football game instead of joining the family at church.  She said that she was surprised to see her husband wearing his football shirt as she got their three children ready.  The mom admitted to a degree of huffing and puffing around the house before she left.  I smiled empathetically -- those things happen; sometimes spouses don't make the choices we would prefer.  And then just as the service was beginning, the back door of the small church opened and in walked her husband -- without his football shirt.  He slid into the pew with his wife and gave her a hug and a kiss.  Call me sentimental, but there was not much I could do as I felt my eyes water.

The Kindness of a Shared Salad

"God has given us two hands -- one to receive with and the other to give with.  We are not cisterns made for hoarding; we are channels made for sharing."

~ Billy Graham

On a recent Saturday morning over coffee, friends of ours -- a couple -- shared an experience they had had with a homeless person the day before.  They were on their way home from work when they saw a homeless man at the intersection asking drivers for help.  The husband asked him if he would like salad, which his wife was bringing home from the office.  Immediately, the gentleman's face lit up with a smile and he told them yes and that it was perfect because he was a vegetarian.  The wife also gave him some muesli that she had.  The man thanked them profusely.  The husband said that it felt so good to help someone else, even in such a small way.  

The Kindness of Celebration

"We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give."

~ Winston S. Churchill

I recently had lunch with a former colleague and good friend.  She has had a rough time lately, including losing her partner of 15 years.  But that has not dimmed her capacity for giving.  She shared that a colleague of hers had celebrated a big birthday not too long ago.  (The birthday is so big that we have not arrived there yet.)  My friend then showed me photos of the celebrations that she had arranged for this colleague at work.  The night before the woman's birthday, my friend and others had stayed behind at the office to decorate the birthday girl's cubicle.  On the morning of the big day, my friend went to a specialty (and very donut shop and bought boxes of amazing concoctions to begin the birthday celebration.  My friend also hired mariachis to serenade the woman at work.  I have no doubt that the woman with the big birthday will never forget the wonderful celebration that my friend arranged for her.  And my friend managed to do this despite a heart that still aches.

Remembrances of Kindnesses Past

"Blessed are those who give without remembering and take without forgetting."

~ Elizabeth Bibesco

Sometimes I remember snippets of kindness that happened years ago.  It makes sense that we remember the major kindnesses, but it is fascinating to me that we remember the small ones, too.  For whatever reason, I recently was thinking about when I was pregnant with one of my children -- more than a decade ago -- and a colleague and dear friend would meet me at my car in the parking garage of where we worked to help me with whatever I was carrying to the office.  I also recalled friends who came to our house to make dinner for us when I was pregnant or the children were little.  And just a couple of nights ago, I shared with a random stranger who was talking about his brother's first baby that one of the greatest gifts I was given after one of the children was born was my sister-in-law holding the baby for a couple of hours.  Those kindnesses were priceless to me then and remain with me. 

Kindness in Reverse

"I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship."

~ Brené Brown

The other day as I was driving, I somehow ended up too far up at an intersection and blocking the pedestrian crosswalk.  I looked behind me to see if there was any room to back up and the driver behind me motioned for me to back up.  Such a small thing, but in that brief exchange, the other person demonstrated connection, understanding and help.

Kindness, a Field Trip and Photos

"Sharing is good, and with digital technology, sharing is easy."

~ Richard Stallman

I really enjoy going on my children's field trips.  Given that I am at the tail end of those experiences, I jump at every opportunity.  But I was not able to go on a recent field trip.  As I wondered how things were going, I was surprised to see two photos on my phone.  One of the teachers had kindly sent me pictures of my son having a wonderful time.  Definitely a great gift. 

The Kindness of Being Considerate

"One who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others.  He is considerate of others' feelings and courteous in his behavior.  He has a helpful nature.  Kindness pardons others' weaknesses and faults.  Kindness is extended to all -- to the aged and to young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high."

~ Ezra Taft Benson

I recently called a senior colleague at work -- something I rarely do.  When he answered, I asked if he had a couple of minutes.  He said he was heading out to a meeting, but gave me a couple of other times that same day when I could reach him.  I thought it was incredibly considerate of him to pick up when he so easily could have not.

The Kindness of a Bottle of Water

"Service is a smile.  It is an acknowledging wave, a reaching handshake, a friendly wink, and a warm hug.  It's these simple acts that matter most, because the greatest service to a human soul has always been the kindness of recognition.

~ Richelle E. Goodrich

The other day, a mom friend texted me to share the following story:  She was jogging in her neighborhood and came across one of those yard waste pick-up teams.  One of the gentlemen offered her a bottle of water.  She was very touched because she would be back in her air conditioning in 15 minutes, but the gentleman cleaning up the waste would be in the heat for much longer.

The Kindness of a Neighbor, Part 2

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.  A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."

~ Saint Basil

The woman I know who was asked to be a lector at her church became more nervous as the day of her reading for the first time approached.  But her neighbor had promised to sit next to her and get her through.  And there he was in the front row.  The neighbor went over the instructions with her, showed her at what distance to place the microphone, and said he would tap her on the shoulder every time that she had to get up to read.  The woman went up and did the first reading.  As she finished and began to walk back to her seat, she saw her neighbor punch his fist in the air -- the way someone would to cheer a great accomplishment.  The woman imagined that is how someone might react when another person wins a race (something she knows nothing about but decided must feel pretty good).  The neighbor got her through the three times she had to make her way to the altar.  After Mass, she told him how much she appreciated his kindness.  "It was nothing," he said and the woman believed that he had no clue how much he had helped her.  Sitting on his other side during Mass was a gentleman who would be doing the readings the following week and whom he was coaching, too.

The Kindness of a Truck in Reverse

"Did I offer peace today?  Did I bring a smile to someone's face?  Did I say words of healing?  Did I let go of my anger and resentment?  Did I forgive?  Did I love?  These are the real questions.  I must trust that the little bit of love that I sow now will bear many fruits, here in this world and the life to come."

~ Henri Nouwen

I was walking on the sidewalk in the downtown area of a nearby city when I stopped as I approached an alley because a truck was blocking my path.  I planned to wait until the driver pulled out onto the street.  But seeing me, the driver backed up the truck and signaled me to pass.  I smiled and waved.  He waved back.  It was a small thing, maybe even a tiny thing, but consider the different impact of an interaction when someone cuts us off in traffic or does something unkind.  Both kinds of interactions stay with us for a bit.  And in this case, every time I think about the truck backing up, I smile.

The Kindness of "Being Here"

"Family is not an important thing.  It's everything."

~ Michael J. Fox

I recently read an article by a mother who was reflecting on what she had been doing for the past 25 years.  Years back, she had left her job as an attorney to take care of her first child and then stayed home as two more children came along.  She realizes that what she has done for 25 years is "been here" for her family.  And she has been happy to do that.

I know so many parents, mothers and fathers, who have changed their life plans to raise their children.  Some have been able to stay home full time.  But many have tweaked jobs and professional aspirations to be able to parent in a way that makes sense to them.  I know women who have given up dreams of being a law partner or foundation president and men who have passed up opportunities for professional advancement that would involve too much travel and time away from home.  I know one father who won't spend more than one night away from his family.  I can't imagine that any of them regret those decisions.

The Kindness of a Neighbor

"When one neighbor helps another, we strengthen our communities."

~ Jennifer Pahlka

A woman I know was asked by the priest at her parish if she would serve as a lector.  How could she say no?  Although she has read at special Masses, the idea of having to do all the readings as well as the announcements gave her no small amount of anxiety.  She has a neighbor who is a regular lector.  Aware of her angst, he offered to sit next to her the first time that she serves as a lector, so that he can coach her along.  The woman is already eternally grateful to her neighbor.

The Kindness of "Framily"

 "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."

~ Richard Bach

I recently heard the term "framily" -- friends who are like family.  To my surprise, I found the word in the Urban Dictionary.

So many of us are blessed with framily.  They are the people who arrive early and leave late.  They help to set up and clean up after your children's birthday parties.  They are the ones who accompany you through life's tribulations and its joys.  They host your baby showers and help you through the loss of loved ones.  Our framilies help us navigate the journey of life.

A Teenager's Kindness

"Friends... they cherish one another's hopes.  They are kind to one another's dreams."

~ Henry David Thoreau

My lovely friend has -- no surprise -- two lovely children.  Her older child is an 11th grader, a very kind and polite young man.  On a recent outing for pizza, I observed him talking to two of the younger boys, both 5th graders.  It was amazing to watch this 11th grader in conversation with the other two.  At the end of the evening, I thanked him for being so kind to them.  The next day, his mother said to me that he was confused by my thanks -- he considers them friends.

The Kindness of a Directional Rescue

"People rescue each other.  They build shelters and community kitchens and ways to deal with lost children and eventually rebuild one way or another."

~ Rebecca Solnit

My mother has certainly rescued her share of people, but every so often, we all need an assist.  We recently were at a birthday celebration in a nearby town.  My mother was planning on joining us, but got very lost.  Although I tried to direct her on the telephone, it did not work.  A good friend of mine's husband became my mother's knight in shining armor.  He left the party and went looking for her.  It took him more than half an hour to find her and bring her back, but rescue her he did.

The Kindness of a Ride to the Airport

"Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends.  It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes."

~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

There are times when balancing work and family life is harder than others.  Recently, a child's birthday, a school field trip and a key business trip collided into a perfect storm.  As I tried to find my way through, I found an airport but no way to get there from a retreat spot.  Enter the story's hero: our school principal.  She volunteered to drive me to the airport, which was about an hour away from where we were.  I was completely overwhelmed by her generosity and kindness.  Things did not work out perfectly, but they worked out as well as they could have when you are faced with a perfect storm -- thanks to her.

Kindness, a Young Driver and Hope

"All kids need is a little help, a little hope and somebody who believes in them."

~ Magic Johnson

A mother I know was driving home with her two teenagers when a car in the next lane got a little too close.  The mother swerved a bit to avoid the car.  As she caught up with the other driver, she saw that he was a teenager intently focused on texting on his phone.  He sped up ahead of her and at one point went off the road a bit.  A mile or so later, the mother found herself next to him as they approached a stop light.  Once again, the young driver was looking down and tapping his phone keys with both hands.  The mother honked her horn and when the young man looked up, the mother motioned to him to stop using his phone.  Surprisingly, he looked at her sheepishly and put the phone down -- perhaps only for a moment, but the mother could always hope for more.

Kindness and Random Smiles and Sounds

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.  These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."

~ Joseph Addison

As I rushed through an airport this week, I smiled at an airline employee who was pushing an empty wheelchair,  He smiled back; I smiled inside.  As I tried to make my way from one concourse to another in an unfamiliar airport, I opted for the moving walkways.  Oops, this one was not working.  As I walked across the metal non-moving walkway, I heard beautiful piano music.  A gentleman was playing a piano in an open area between two concourses.  I turned toward the music and smiled, feeling my spirits lift.  And I saw other people turn toward the music and smile, too.

Kindness in a Vase

"Charm is a product of the unexpected."

~ José Martí

My mother called me on a recent morning to say that she had dropped off a vase of mine that she had at my front door.  I thanked her for returning it -- not that there was any rush.  When I saw the vase, I was surprised to find three beautiful red roses in it.

Kindness and Acolytes

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.  A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."

~ Saint Basil

The other day, two fifth-grade boys were serving as acolytes at a school Mass.  One of the boys, who has more experience, was carrying the large cross.  The other boy said he wanted to carry it, so the first boy said "ok" and gave it to him.  

The Kindness of More than a Little Help

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."

~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney

I'm sure that not a week goes by when I don't get a little help from my mom friends.  This week, it was a text reminder about an evening meeting at school.  The week before, it was an assist in purchasing costumes that were needed for an activity.  And very frequently, it is the comfort of conversation -- the "oh, really, at your house, too?" moments that make us feel a little better as we navigate the wonderful and yet challenging journey of raising children.

Kindness and Tiramisu

"Kindness can come from someone on Twitter, it can come from someone on the street, it can come from someone at work.  Without kindness, I don't know what I would do.  The greatest part of life is the simple things."

~ Andie MacDowell

For several years, I have been getting one of my dearest friends a certain treat for her birthday -- tiramisu from a restaurant she really likes.  The challenge is that she lives in New York and I don't.  But thanks to the wonderful manager of the restaurant, we have been able to manage this.  This year, with hurricane preparations in my world, I called a day ahead of time, but could not get through.  On the morning of my friend's birthday, I called again but no answer.  I wrote an email to the manager and then began thinking about what else I could get my friend.  At just about noon, I decided to call one more time.  The manager answered.  When I began explaining, he said not to worry -- he had received my email, looked up my friend's name and office address from previous years, and he was having the tiramisu prepared and would have it delivered.  When I tried to give him my credit card number, he said that he would call me later as he was in the middle of the lunch rush.

Hurricane Kindness

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand."

~ Henri Nouwen

Hurricanes are scary -- even when they miss you as one just did where I live.  I was touched to receive texts and emails from friends and professional colleagues.  One of them was from a professional colleague whom I have not seen in years, but she always reaches out to me when a hurricane is in my vicinity.  Another email came from a colleague in another country who I know is busy managing hurricane response, but she wrote nonetheless.  It is nice to know that people are thinking about you and hoping that you are okay.

Kindness and a Backpack

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

~ Aesop

The other day as I was leaving the bank, a mother driving a golf cart with two children on the back was driving out of the parking lot.  As she advanced, one of the children's backpacks fell off the cart.  A woman walking through the parking lot ran and picked up the backpack, walked to the mother's cart and gave it to her.  The mother was very appreciative.

More on Kindness and Car Help

"The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others."

~ Albert Schweitzer

A friend's car battery died recently.  Concerned about how her son would get to school the next day, she called parent friends who live close by to see if they could take him.  They said yes and asked what my friend was going to do about the battery.  My friend was planning on calling AAA.  The husband of the other family told my friend that he would arrive faster.  He then went to her house and charged the battery.  The car was working again in minutes.

Kindness on the Side of the Road

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."

~ Hebrews 13:2

An older woman I know works in the evenings as a housekeeper.  On her way to work, one of her tires blew out on a busy street.  She pulled over to the side as best she could and called her son, who said he would get there as soon as he could, but he needed to pick up his daughter from daycare.  The woman sat and waited in her car.  A gentleman, who seemed to be on his way home from work, stopped and asked her what was wrong.  She speaks very little English and he spoke little Spanish, but she pointed and he understood.  After asking her if she had a spare, he rolled up his sleeves and changed her tire.  The woman was so grateful, but all she could do was put her hands together in thanks and point to heaven.  I am sure the Good Samaritan understood.

The Kindness of a Cheering Section

"Love is cheering and sharing and compassion and giving and receiving.  Love  is an action thing more than a word thing, that brings comfort or joy or relief to anyone or anything."

~ Ziggy Marley

One of my high school friends (elementary school, too) recently had her first book published.  Last week, she had a presentation and book signing at a local book store.  A group of her friends from high school showed up and sat in the front row.  During her presentation, she made reference to the fact that her oldest friends were there.  Dinner, silliness and laughter followed her book store appearance.  She said it was a very special night.

Kindness on the Road

"You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."

~ John Bunyan

At a gas station recently, I saw a car with its fuel door ajar and the gas tank lid on top of the car.  The woman driving the car was about to turn out of the station and onto a busy street.  A gentleman in the car behind her got out of his car and ran to hers.  He tapped on the car to get her attention and then put the tank lid back on and closed the fuel door.  The woman got out of her car and thanked him.