Reflections on Kindness at Year End

"I shall pass this way but once; any good that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being; let me do it now.  Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
~ Etienne de Grellet

As the year draws to a close -- much faster than any of us can believe, I am grateful for the many kindnesses that have come my way:  the generous and thoughtful kindnesses of friends and family, and the random kindnesses from strangers.  All of it has enriched my life tremendously.

I wish you a new year filled with kindness as well as health and peace, joy and love.

The Kindness of a Cup of Tea

"Come, let us have some tea and continue to talk about happy things."
~ Chaim Potok

I have a lovely friend whose manners and graciousness are not only kind, but also harken back to another era -- a kinder, gentler, slower time.  The other day, my children went to her home for a play date.  We chatted when I dropped them off and when I went to pick them up, she invited me to join her for a cup of tea.  I can't remember the last time I sat for tea or coffee at someone's house.  Life sometimes gets too crazy busy.  But the holidays is a perfect time to slow it down, to let kindness lead the way to rambling conversations over tea with a friend at her kitchen table.

The Kindness of the Thoughtful Host

"What is there more kindly than the feeling between host and guest?"
~ Aeschylus

During the holidays, we were invited to dinner at the home of some dear friends who are always incredibly thoughtful.  I was especially appreciative that one of the hosts, a fantastic cook and baker, remembered that I cannot eat a certain combination of foods.  He made some delicious hors d'oeuvres and made sure to leave off one of the ingredients, so that I could eat the savory dish.  I was thinking about how kind he was when I remembered the beautiful cake that he made and decorated for one of my daughters' birthdays a couple of years ago.  Being at these friends' house always feels like being home.

Ever-Present Kindness

"Do something wonderful, people may imitate it."
~ Albert Schweitzer

I have a very special friend who is one of the most thoughtful and kind people I know.  Last Christmas, we went to her house on Christmas Day and our two families exchanged gifts.  This year, they went out of town for Christmas, so I figured we would exchange gifts when they returned.  But my friend, ever several steps ahead, gave me a beautiful plant and a gift bag full of Christmas treats before she left.  When we opened the bag on Christmas morning, we found books and favorite holiday goodies.  During her vacation, my friend has texted me most days.  She asks me what I am doing, says that she hopes that I am relaxing and sends me photos.  Although she is thousands of miles away, my friend's kindness is ever-present.

The Kindness of a Young Man

"Kind words do not cost much.  Yet they accomplish much."
~ Blaise Pascal

Several weeks ago, a group of us went to what used to be our high school hangout (back then, ID -- fake or otherwise -- required).  But now it seemed to have become somewhat family friendly and we had a great time dancing the night away with our children.  So I decided that it would be a nice thing to do one evening during the holidays.  However, I did not take into account that because it was the holidays, there would be many college students at home and so the place I imagined would be great for dancing with the children turned out to be frat party Animal House-like.  After eating, we hurried to get the bill and leave.  I was disappointed and felt badly that the evening had not gone according to plan, especially as I had invited a family that had not been with us the last time.  As we parted with our friends, I apologized to them and to their children.  Their son, a very polite young man in 9th Grade, said, "When we go somewhere to eat, I focus on the food and the food was amazing."  With his gracious kindness, this young man made me feel much better about the evening.

The Kindness of the Small Gesture

"Small gestures can have a big impact."
~ Julianna Margulies

Some days, when I think about the kindnesses that crossed my path, what stays with me are the small gestures:  Someone serving me something to eat at a family gathering, someone taking my plate after I finish so that I can continue a conversation, someone handing me a utensil...  Those very small gestures of kindness that cost very little, but that make things nicer.

Kindness on Christmas

"Christmas is the perfect time to celebrate the love of God and family and to create memories that last forever.  Jesus is God's perfect, indescribable gift.  The amazing thing is that not only are we able to receive this gift, but we are able to share it with others on Christmas and every other day of the year."
~ Joel Osteen

Sometimes kindness is as simple as an unspoken truce among siblings -- no fighting on Christmas Day.  Perhaps that is more miracle than mere kindness.  But whatever the reason, it works for me.  May the miracles of Christmas linger.

Quiet Kindnesses

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."
~ Norman Vincent Peale

Earlier today, I looked out my window at the colored Christmas lights hung outside my home and thought about how much I like them.  Those lights take me back to my grandparents' house, to the Christmases of my childhood where there was warmth and magic and surprise.  It occurred to me that these lights are one of many quiet kindnesses from my husband.  Things just happen sometimes; magic just appears.  He does many kind things in his quiet way.  I had wanted outdoor lights, but didn't mention it and then all of a sudden, there they were.

A while back, a chain that my daughter wears every day broke.  I meant to get it fixed, but I had not gotten around to it.  One day, I noticed that she had it on again.  I asked her how it got fixed and she said that my husband had taken it to be repaired.  I had never asked him to do it and yet somehow, it got done.

Christmas is a time for kindness and for magic and for miracles...

Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!

Birthday Kindness at Christmastime

"Christmas, my child, is love in action.  Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas."
~ Dale Evans

One of my children has a December birthday and I was touched by how many friends, including those from out of town, called or texted to wish her a Happy Birthday.  Two friends from out-of-town shipped gifts to arrive in time for her birthday.  Given how crazy this time of year is, it amazes me that people can be so thoughtful and generous to take the time to do all the things that sending a gift through the mail involves. 

The Kindness of a Grandfather

"Just because someone's dead doesn't mean it's over.  My grandfather died more than 25 years ago, but I still think of him a lot and smell his smell."
~ Julian Clary

My grandfather would have been 94 today, but he died more than 30 years ago.  Still, the day to me is always special, always reminds me of him.  December 22nd was an early Christmas of sorts.  While I was in college, it was always the day by which I had to be home -- had to because I wanted to.  My grandfather was a special person, the father figure in our daily lives.  A family physician, he still made house calls and we accompanied him to the hospital on Sundays when he went to make rounds.  He was smart, well-read and funny.  Once on his birthday -- and to my mother's horror, he let us stick our fingers in his cake.  And he was always there for us, the first to arrive for Visiting Sunday at sleep-away camp, the one who took us to the dentist and who picked us up when we ran out of gas, and the one to send us whatever we needed while we were in college.  So many kindnesses, many specific ones and others simply part of the fabric of who I am. 

"Make Haste to Be Kind"

"Life is short and we have never too much time for gladdening the hearts of those who are travelling the dark journey with us.  Oh be swift to love, make haste to be kind."
~ Henri-Frédéric Amiel

I had been intrigued by a dismissal prayer that I heard at our local Episcopal Church.  Not long ago, I asked the deacon about the blessing that he always shares at the end of the service.  Today, I received a beautiful Christmas card from him with the quote attached to a one-page biography of its author, Henri-Frédéric Amiel, a 19th century Swiss philosopher, poet and critic.  I find the idea of making haste to be kind one that I want to remember, especially during this Christmas season.

The Kindness of Paying Attention

"Tell me to what you pay attention and I will tell you who you are.
~ José Ortega y Gasset

I have a friend who is one of the kindest people I know.  She is a very supportive friend and goes out of her way to help others.  So it should not have surprised me that when I peeked into the bag that she gave me full of Christmas treats, I immediately saw two items that I absolutely love.  There are some people who have the capacity to truly hear what others are saying.  And that is a gift.

The Kindness of Acceptance

"Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality, it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness."
~ Eckhart Tolle

My teenage daughter has a friend who seems wise beyond her years.  An only child, she is very comfortable around adults.  She is well read and mature, and a great conversationalist.  Recently, I saw her having a conversation with my much younger son. I asked her later what they had been talking about and she said Greek mythology.  Another mom friend observed that this young woman accepts people where they are at.  So whether she is talking to a same-age friend, to an adult or to someone much younger, this girl extends the kindness of acceptance.  And that is an incredible gift.

The Kindness of Wisdom

"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
~ Audrey Hepburn

A woman I know was worried about a school-related situation with one of her children, nothing serious, but she was very troubled by it.  She called a good friend, whose wisdom she greatly values.  The friend, who was at work and no doubt busy with year-end responsibilities, listened patiently and with compassion.  She also offered a different perspective.  At the end of the conversation, the friend said, "I think things are finer than you think."  Familiar with her friend's wise counsel, the woman I know took those words to heart and felt great comfort.  Less than two hours later, the situation had resolved itself.  And the woman I know remembered her friend's words as well as her wisdom and kindness.

Christmas Kindness in the Air

"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind.  To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas."
~ Calvin Coolidge

Despite the craziness and a general feeling that we don't have enough time to do everything we want to do, buy every present we would like to buy, and be everywhere we would like be, there is something about Christmas that makes it special.  In part, I think we find Christmas a reason to be our better selves, the kinder, gentler version.

My son has enthusiastically gotten into the Christmas spirit.  I am not sure whether it is visions of Christmas morning or the school recital to which he is looking forward or maybe just the general magic of it all that has him especially happy.  This morning, I heard him say, "Good morning" to one of our grumpier neighbors.  She seemed startled, but mumbled a response.  My son smiled and continued on his merry way.  I think he may just have brightened her day a little.

The Kindness of a Christmas Surprise

"I don't think Christmas is necessarily about things.  It's about being good to one another, it's about the Christian ethic, it's about kindness."
~ Carrie Fisher

A woman I know was missing her Christmas tree.  She had managed to send out her Christmas cards, but the hustle bustle of activity had gotten in the way of her organizing the annual tree buying expedition and of getting the ornaments and other decorations out of storage.  And then one night, she got home with her children to find that her husband had arrived before them and set up the tree and bought boxes of new ornaments to decorate it.  It reminded her of a Christmas almost 20 years earlier when her then-boyfriend showed up at her apartment with her first tree and boxes of ornaments.  Same guy.

The Incredible Kindness of Saving the Day -- Again

"Friendship is a sheltering tree."
~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

So what do you do when a water main breaks and streets are closed off and you can't get to your children?  Thank goodness for the terrific mom friend who comes to the rescue -- yet again -- and picks up your children and takes them to her house, has them bathe, feeds them and meets you later just in time for a quick change in the car so that they can play in a concert.  I'm not sure how you thank someone for the kindness that saves your day -- again.

The Kindness of Late-Night Driving

"Your friend is your needs answered."
~ Khalil Gibran

Having children, especially as they grow older -- but not old enough to drive, requires driving.  A lot.  Some of us don't mind early morning school runs while others have trouble with mornings.  And some of us early birds can't do the late nights.

On a recent Friday night, four moms and their four daughters piled into one mom's car for the drive to a party that was farther than at least a couple of the moms were comfortable driving.  The crew chauffeur, a teacher who wakes up early, good naturedly drove around as they tried to find the party house.  On the way back from the party, one of the passenger moms fell asleep.

It takes a village to raise our children.  And thank goodness that our village includes kind moms who don't mind late-night driving.

The Kindness of Surprise Childcare

"The best thing you can ever have is peace of mind, it is a basking fire to keep a cold heart in warmth, and a fortified confidence to be proud of.
- Michael Bassey Johnson

I try not to impose on my friends for childcare, especially because I travel and often need to ask.  On a recent weekend, I came up with less than ideal arrangements, so that my husband and I could attend a funeral.  And then my lovely friend sent me a text to see if any of my children were up for a photography class adventure with her daughter.  All of them jumped at the chance and off they went with my friend for a photography class and a pizza lunch.  My husband and I were able to attend the funeral with the peace of mind that comes from knowing your children are being well taken care of -- thanks to my friend's kindness.

The Kindness of Sharing Memories

"Memories of our lives, of our works and our deeds will continue in others."
~ Rosa Parks

I went to the wake for a dear friend of mine's father tonight.  It was a tough thing to do on a very busy evening that required incredible juggling on both my husband's and my parts.  But my friend is more family than friend and I wanted to be there.  It turns out that I was the one who received a gift.

At the wake, I ran into an older gentleman whom I know.  I knew that he had known my late father when they were children and that they had made their First Communion together, but I did not know much else.  When I mentioned the First Communion, the gentleman shared that not only had they made their First Communion together, but also that he had been in the same class with my father for seven years, beginning in kindergarten.  He then went on to tell me how smart my father was and how it was impossible to topple him from first place in the class.  "Every year, it was the same thing," the gentleman recalled.  He also told me about my great-grandparents' house, which he had occasion to visit and which I have never seen.  I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with this gentleman and appreciate his kindness in sharing memories of my late father.  For me, it was an invaluable gift.

 

The Kindness of an Invitation

"When autumn darkness falls, what we will remember are the small acts of kindness: a cake, a hug, an invitation to talk, and every single rose."
~ Jens Stoltenberg

I have a friend who has her priorities in order.  She schedules things that are important, and says no to things that are not a priority.  Recently, she invited a group of friends to her house for a coffee.  "Otherwise, I won't see some of these women before Christmas," she explained.  There is kindness in a special invitation that shows you care.

The Kindness of Crushed Strawberries

"Friendship... is not something you learn in school.  But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."
~ Muhammad Ali

One of my daughters and several of her school friends designed their own Secret Santa gift exchange this year.  The girls all sit together at lunch and they decided that each day or every other day, they would bring small treats for each other and then something a little bigger at the end.  I have not been asked to buy anything, so I was curious about what passed for treats.  Today, my daughter shared that her Secret Santa had brought her pink lemonade and pink marshmallows.  Pink lemonade?  "Yes, she knows I like pink," my daughter explained, "so she crushed strawberries into lemonade for me."  My daughter could not stop talking about the homemade lemonade with the crushed strawberries as I marveled at the impact of a little thoughtful kindness.

The Kindness of Sharing Laughter

"All you need in the world is love and laughter.  That's all anybody needs.  To have love in one hand and laughter in the other."
~ August Wilson

Laughter is truly the best medicine.  I was thinking about that after I hung up with one of my dearest friends.  I had been discussing a work issue with him and he shared a hilarious story, which had me howling.  Later, I watched a completely meaningless and intelligible-only-to-them exchange between my daughter and her best friend.  They are teenagers, but thankfully not the perennially sulky kind, and they enjoy being silly.  Whenever I see them laugh at their own goofiness, I invariably end up laughing, too. 

During the best times, laughter is just plain fun.  And during life's more difficult moments, laughter is at the very least a respite from our troubles.  But it also gives us hope that we will be happy -- and even silly -- again.

***



P.S.  In the spirit of silly, Happy Birthday to Donny Osmond!  He may be 57, but in the hearts of many, he will always be our teenybopper heartthrob.

Kindness Between Two Sisters

"For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to lift one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands."
~ Christina Rosetti

I recently attended a Mass at my children's school.  As I was waiting for the children to exit the church so that I could say hello to my daughters, I ran into one of my daughter's classmates who was waiting to say hello to her younger sister.  The older sister, a teenager, had to leave with her class before the younger one came out from the church, but I promised I would tell the younger sister that she had wanted to say hello.  As I left the church, I thought about the big feelings that were reflected in that older sister's small kindness.

The Kindness of Not Wanting to Impose

"Do not impose on others what you yourself do not desire."
~ Confucius

During a recent weekend, I was attending an orchestra performance in which my children were participating.  I was there early as I had taken them for rehearsal.  Arriving early also means being able to get a good seat.  I texted a friend of mine whose child was also in the performance to ask if she wanted me to save seats for her, which I had already gone ahead and done.  She called me and said that she would love it if I could save seats for her, but not if it was going to bother others.  I smiled when we hung up as I thought about how this friend of mine, who is an incredibly kind and generous person, tries to never impose.

Kindness Among Teen Girls

"Generosity is not always tax deductible."
~ Ken Solts

At a friend's birthday party, I ended up speaking with two teenage girls.  To my surprise, one of the girls said to the other, "Everyone likes you because you are so nice."  The girl was very sincere in complimenting her friend.  And during an age where there seems to be girl drama everywhere, it was refreshing to see kindness.

The Kindness of Creating Adventure

"Adventure is worthwhile in itself."
~ Amelia Earhart

On a recent evening, I found myself out on a "school night," with one of my children in tow, on a tour of street art in a part of town I don't usually frequent.  We ended up eating dinner late, getting home even later and not quite happy when the alarm clock when off the next morning at its usual time.  But it was fun!

A few nights later, I found myself dancing -- with all of my children -- at a place that I used to frequent in high school.  Back in the day, it required your being 18 or having a fake ID to get in.  But it seems to have evolved into a somewhat family friendly outdoor restaurant with a live band and dj.  We danced until we could not dance any more.

As the group of us left the restaurant, we thanked our hostess and dear friend, who is the queen of creating unusual opportunities for fun and getting us out of our comfort zones in the process.  Her thoughtfulness and kindness take us places we normally wouldn't go.  And in doing so, she helps us to create new adventures.

The Kindness of "Take Your Time"

"Nobody sees a flower really; it is so small.  We haven't time, and to see takes time - like to have a friend takes time."
~ Georgia O'Keefe

At a recent school book fair, I watched a mother struggle to work the cash register.  She was reading a card with instructions as she tried to ring up another mother's purchase.  The cashier mother was getting flustered, but the other mother said, "Take your time -- I'm not in a rush."  She immediately put the cashier mother at ease, which helped her figure out how to finish ringing up the sale.  The two mothers ended up having a friendly chat.

The Kindness of Talking It Through

"Things are never quite as scary when you've got a best friend."
~ Bill Watterson

Life throws challenges our way -- some we handle better than others.  Sometimes we don't even know where to begin, how to dig in or even what needs to be done.  Then we are blessed with the trusted friend who helps us to talk things through and create a road map.  And that kindness makes everything much less scary.

The Kindness of Moms Helping Moms

"As you grow older, you will discover that you have two helping hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others,
~ Audrey Hepburn

I have a mom friend who is a school teacher.  She has limited free time given her work and family responsibilities.  The other day, she had the rare day off.  She texted me to say that she was going to get a birthday gift for the daughter of a mutual friend and to ask if I wanted her to get my gift as well.  Miraculously, I had actually planned ahead and bought a present.  But I truly appreciated her thinking of me on one of the few days that she had to get things done.

A Legacy of Kindness

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."
~ Henry Adams

My third-grade son takes a Creative Writing class after school.  Today he came home and asked if I wanted to read an essay that he had written and then read aloud to the class.  He said he was supposed to write about a friend. 

When I began reading my son's essay, my eyes filled with tears.  He had written about a special friend who "isn't on earth anymore."  He wrote:  "That person was fun and kind.  We talked a lot.  She was always happy and never sad.  She was an adult."  My son wrote about a teacher at his former school, a woman who became a family friend and who died two years ago.  I was amazed that he remembered so many things about her -- that she gave him popcorn, that her classroom was a special place, that she and I used to talk... and talk and talk.  He also wrote, "Whenever I saw her, she was smiling at me and at everyone else."

Anyone who knew this very special person will always remember her smile.  She shared it generously and it lit up the room the moment she walked in.  The memory of it also stayed with you.  I miss her very much and am grateful not only for her friendship, but also for all she taught me.  But I was stunned that my son could remember so much and that she had impacted him so profoundly.  Kindness has a way of lasting -- it can even outlive us.

When my son saw my teary eyes, he said, "Mama, don't cry."  And then he added, "But I cried in my mind a little."

The Kindness of an Important Reminder

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."
~ John Wooden

Sometimes we just need to be reminded about what is important, about truths that we can easily forget in the hustle and bustle of the every day. 

Today I read an article about a Maryland father and blogger in his early 40s.  Diagnosed with lung cancer, he faces limited time on earth with his wife and his two children, who are four and six years old.

In a blog post in June, he announced that he had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer.  He also shared an "epiphany" that he had four years ago driving home after a vacation where he couldn't really have a good time because he was obsessing about things he had to do.

He wrote:

"I realized I had been experiencing the biggest tragedy of human existence: I was having the time of my life, and I didn't even know it. 

"That was a good day, since once you make that decision, man... You're in Heaven every single second of your life.  And it went on and on, and things only got better, because I made a conscious decision one summer day, on the drive home from Bethany Beach, and was able to repeat that decision subconsciously from that moment on.  It made the difference between a living Hell, where I was always behind, always unhappy, and always unfulfilled -- always a step behind on my writing, my relationship with my wife, with friends, and with my kids, and a living Heaven, where even if I had wanted more out of life, I always knew I had it all.

"I believe in Heaven on Earth, and I believe it's found anywhere you seek it."

I appreciate the kindness of that reminder.  It nudged me to enjoy my own little slice of heaven when my son asked to "snuggle wuggle" before he fell asleep.

Kindness at an Intersection

"God has given us two hands - one to receive with and the other to give with.  We are not cisterns made for hoarding; we are channels made for sharing."
~ Billy Graham

A woman I know had been looking for the veteran in camouflage whom she usually sees at a certain intersection.  She had bought a bag of nonperishable food items and a grocery store gift card for him the day before Thanksgiving and was eager to give them to him.  She had driven by the intersection where she usually sees him three times, but nothing.  A couple of days later, she made a small detour from her intended route to go by the intersection and there he was.  She called out to him and gave him the bag as well as the gift card.  He thanked her and said that he had been looking for her, too.  He shared that he was running out of the food that someone had given him on Thanksgiving.  Before driving away, the woman asked him, "What do you need?" He told her that he needed clothes and shoes, and told her his shoe size.  As they were leaving, her daughter said, "I know what we can get him for Christmas."

The Kindness of a Friendly Face

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
~ Mother Teresa

At an intersection in my city, there is a veteran dressed in camouflage who walks around the cars with a cup for donations.  We don't know what he collects money for, but people I know give him money or food.  With a gentle manner, he is always friendly and gracious.  The other day, a woman I know saw him and rummaged through her purse until she found a couple of dollars to give him.  She called him by name and gave him the money.  "It's good to see a friendly face," the veteran said.  "Some people were looking at me as I were the enemy."  The irony of that was not lost on the woman.

Thanksgiving, Red Apples and Kindness

 "I'm thankful for every moment."
~ Al Green

There are some things that my husband does that make me cry -- but not in a bad way.  Today, it was red apples.

A dear friend of mine's mother died in March.  It was a huge loss for my friend and her family.  My friend's mother was a wonderful woman -- kind, good-hearted, wise, and funny.  She was an honorary grandmother to my children and I considered her a friend, although she would always tease me that my husband was her favorite.

For years, we had been going to my friend's mother's house for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was always fun, casual and easy, and included extended family and friends.  My friend's mother used to make these delicious apples that were peeled, boiled and colored red.  Sweet and delicious, the apples were a favorite Thanksgiving treat for my husband, who is a vegetarian.  My friend's mother used to say that they were a pain to make because they took so long, but she knew that my husband loved them, so she made them.

This year, my friend hosted Thanksgiving at her house.  It would be bittersweet as it was also my friend's 15th wedding anniversary.  My husband said he would make the apples and was determined to do so.  We searched for recipes on the Internet and came up with nothing.  I told him not to worry about it.  But my husband decided to try to make them without the recipe.  He peeled dozens of apples and tried various things in the kitchen.  I had no idea how it would turn out, but when I went into the kitchen a while later and saw the peeled apples boiled and red, I could hardly believe it.

When I saw my husband carrying the tray filled with the red apples that he had so lovingly made in honor of a very special woman we all loved, my eyes filled with tears.  And I know that my friend appreciated his kindness, too.

Kindness on Thanksgiving Eve

"If you are really thankful, what do you do?  You share."
~ W. Clement Stone

A woman I know had stopped at the grocery store to pick up a quick lunch as well as some supplies for a veteran she sees at a busy intersection.  At the cashier, she noticed that there was a gentleman behind her who seemed a little impatient.  To her surprise, he told an older woman behind him who was buying a juice to go ahead of him.  As the older woman fumbled to find the money in her purse, the woman I know took the juice from her and added it to her groceries.  The older woman thanked her and was on her way.  The gentleman then said to the woman I know, "That was a very kind thing to do."  And she acknowledged that he was the one who had let the woman go before him.  There seemed to be quite a bit of kindness in the air on Thanksgiving Eve.

The Kindness of An Offer

"Helping someone is what life is all about."
~ Willie Stargell

Sometimes, you end up not needing the favor or the help, but you do appreciate the offer. 

A few weeks back, I was focused on a home project that I did not know how to handle or even where to begin.  I mentioned it to a friend and she immediately offered to come over and help me with it.  We haven't set a date yet, but I feel much better knowing that I can count on her.  Her offer has already helped me. 

More recently, a friend asked me if I wanted to have lunch on my late father's birthday, so that we could reminisce about him.  I couldn't meet her that day, but it meant the world to me that she thought of it. 

Reaching out to someone and reminding that person of our friendship can sometimes be just what that person needs -- and there is great kindness in that.

Kindnesses Past and Present

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives."
~ John F. Kennedy

My father died 14 years ago today.  I seem to always be a little sad on the anniversary of his passing.  But I do remember with great appreciation the many kindnesses that were extended to me and to my family.  From friends who got out of bed to come to the wake to people I never expected at the Mass, the expressions of sympathy were very comforting.  Those kindnesses live forever in my heart.

Fast forward 14 years.  Random kindnesses came my way today and they were especially appreciated.  A work colleague sent me a very sweet and thoughtful e-mail.  One of my funniest friends sent me a welcomed dose of his clever texts.  I received a box of chocolate-covered pretzels in the mail from a colleague, who knows I like them.  A dear friend wanted to see me for a quick chat.  My friends and colleagues who reached out had no idea that the day had special meaning for me, but those expressions of friendship made a big difference today.  And I am grateful.

The Kindness of Offering Encouragement and Solutions

"There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend."
~ Katharine Butler Hathaway

I have a friend who is the queen of finding solutions.  I will share a challenge with her and she will immediately give me encouragement and offer possible solutions.  Then, she will text me, "I have been thinking about..." and share more helpful thoughts.  Her kindness always makes me feel supported and gives me the sense that together we can tackle most challenges.

Kindness Saves the Day

"The only people who you should get even with are those who have helped you."
~ John Southard

Imagine a working mother who is on a five-day business trip hundreds of miles from home...  She leaves a chart on the refrigerator (several copies, of course) with what she thinks are all the necessary details, the things she keeps in her head -- when PE uniforms are needed, what activities are after school, who is picking up whom...  And then, on the most complicated day, she receives a text from the babysitter that she has been in a car accident and is at the hospital.  Thankfully, the babysitter, who was alone in the car, is fine, but there is that complicated day to worry about.

Right after I received the text from our sitter, I also received at text from one of my best friends who had heard about the accident.  "What do you need me to do?" she asked.  Many texts later, the patchwork solution involved a willing grandmother who rescheduled an appointment and a dedicated friend who drove more than a bus driver to shuttle my children and hers everywhere they needed to go.  Kindness truly saved the day -- and my sanity.

Kindness After You're Gone

"A purposeful act or extension of kindness to another is never wasted, for it always resides in the hearts of all involved in a chain of love."
~ Molly Friedenfeld

I heard a very interesting story from a cab driver recently.  He shared that he had worked in California as a chauffeur for a wealthy woman in her 80s.  When she died, he was surprised to learn that she had left him the use of her beautiful home in Pasadena for a year as well as his salary for that time.  I asked him how he had liked using the house.  He said that he had stayed in it three nights and had some friends over, but that he preferred to go back and stay in his small apartment.  "It's always nice to be with your own things," he said.  He did enjoy his year off and was grateful for the kindness she had left behind, which I think continues to inspire him.  After he dropped me off, he was on his way to return a mobile phone that a customer had left behind the previous day.

The Kindness of Keeping Confidences

"Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us."
~ Elbert Hubbard

Two professional female colleagues met after work for drinks.  They talked about work and their personal lives.  One of them shared personal information that she did not usually tell work colleagues and asked the other woman to keep it confidential. "No worries," the other woman said.  "I am a vault."

The Kindness of Silly

"I don't have a master plan, but I try to be thoughtful when I can and also silly. It's part of the fun."
~ Josh Charles

To borrow loosely from Gordon Gekko, silly is good.  I suppose there was a time in my life when I might have been hesitant to admit that, but the older I get, the more I relish silly.  I love the silly texts that my friends send me -- especially when I am out of town on business and in need of human connection.  I love the silly things that my children and I do together.  I even love silly conversations with business colleagues after a long day of meetings.  Silly is fun.  Silly can make us laugh.  And there is kindness in giving each other the space and acceptance to be our silly selves.

The Kindness of a Walk

"I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk."
~ Tony Robbins

On a recent business trip, I found myself with the likely prospect of having to walk from an office building to my hotel after hours and through a sketchy part of the city.  As I stood in the lobby of the building deciding what to do, two colleagues who were headed elsewhere came out of the elevator. I asked one of them whether he thought it was safe for me to walk to the hotel. No, he replied.  And then he turned to his colleague, "Let's walk her to the hotel and then we'll take a cab.  It will only take five minutes."  It took a little longer than five minutes, but I was very grateful for the kindness.

The Kindness of Waiting

"Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we wait."
~ Joyce Meyer

When my children were little, I used to tell them that patience is "waiting with a smile" -- because if we are upset about waiting, then that is not being patient.

I was reminded of this while attending a series of business meetings with colleagues in another city.  We had traveled from different parts of the country for this event.  One of my colleagues e-mailed me the evening I arrived to see if I wanted to walk over to the meeting site with her the next day.  Of course, I replied.  The next morning, I was running a few minutes late, so I texted her that she could go on without me. "I don't mind waiting," she replied.  A few minutes later, I met her in the hotel lobby and we walked to our meeting together.

The kindness of waiting was something I continued to observe that day as the group moved from the business meeting site to the evening event locale and then to the hotel. Colleagues, who didn't know each other very well, graciously and patiently waited for each other.  The city was cold and I have no doubt that we all missed our families, but the kindness we shared warmed out hearts.

Kindness in Sharing... Love

"Love is the beauty of the soul."
~ Saint Augustine

A woman I know was traveling for business to a city that was colder than she anticipated.  On the morning of her flight, she hurried to get several things done, including leaving things organized for her family. She was getting increasingly rattled as she tried to put together several weather appropriate outfits for her various business meetings.  In frustration, she finally uttered that age-old complaint to her husband: "I have nothing to wear!"  Overhearing the conversation, her teenage daughter brought one of her sweaters to see if it might work. It was too short for her mother, but the mother was very touched by her daughter's kindness. She realized that she was incredibly blessed and pesky wardrobe issues didn't really matter a whole lot.

The Kindness of a Rapid Response Team

"I believe the world is one big family, and we need to help each other."
~ Jet Li

A few weeks ago, one of my special mom friends was out of town.  My friend is very organized and had a detailed plan in place to take care of her children's school pick-ups and activities.  But one of her daughters became concerned that no one would pick her up and I received a call from the little girl at school.  I knew that her mother was about to catch her plane back, but I did not want to worry her.  So I reached out to another mother to check on the arrangements.  Things were fine and under control.  When my friend arrived, she called me and said she was sorry about the call from her daughter and the ensuing confusion.  I assured her that there was nothing to apologize for and that her "rapid response team" was at the ready. 

When it was my turn to travel, I received a very reassuring text from my friend:  "Don't worry about a single thing this next week.  I am here and ready for quick response."  The kindness of that peace of mind is truly priceless.

The Kindness of a Happy Voice

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
~ Marcel Proust

The other day I really needed to hear a happy voice.  I had gone to the funeral of a third cousin, a man who died in his late 70s, and it had impacted me more than I expected.  He had been born the same year as my late father and because the relation was on my father's side, it reminded me of my father.  I was sad and all I could think of was that I wanted to hear a happy voice.  I called two girlfriends, but did not reach them.  As I was wondering what to do next, I received a text from one of my all-time favorite people, "Darling, is everything okay?"  Oh my goodness, I thought, how could he possibly know?!  His question was prompted by a technical snafu that resulted in his not receiving my blog post, which made him worry about me.  But his thinking about me and reaching out could not have been better timed.  He called me on my cell and just hearing his voice lifted my mood.  We had one of our usual madcap conversations and I found myself laughing -- and beyond grateful for the kindness of his happy voice.

The Kindness of Positive Reinforcement

"The consequences of an act affect the probability of its occurring again."
~ B.F. Skinner

I believe in thank you notes -- I really do.  Sadly, it always seems that I am behind on my social correspondence... sigh.  I write thank you notes because I think it is kind to do so, because I believe in good manners and in etiquette, and -- believe it or not -- because I like to!  Some may think me crazy, but there it is.  I don't always manage to write my thank you notes.  And while I encourage my children to write them, we don't always manage to do that either. 

Earlier this week, I wrote about a friend of mine's hosting a special birthday party for my son.  My son wrote my friend and her family a thank you note, which was very heartfelt and sweet.  My friend received the note and sent a text message saying how much she and her husband enjoyed it, and that it was "the best thank you note ever!"  I read the message to my son, who beamed with pride and insisted that I read the message to his siblings.  There is nothing like the kindness of positive reinforcement to encourage a child's good behavior!

Stealth Kindness

"If you can't return a favor, pass it on."
~ Louise Brown

Not long ago, it was the birthday of someone who is close to me.  Every year, I get this person the same special gift, which I buy at a local shop.  I try to purchase gifts ahead of time, but this time, I hadn't, so I planned to go on the day of the person's birthday, buy the gift and present it to her.  I called the shop about something else and spoke to someone who works there.  This woman has become a friend over the years.  I told her I would see her later as I had to stop by to purchase the gift.  That is when she told me that the store was closed for holiday preparations.  I had never known the store to close for that reason.  I told my friend that I did not know what I would do as I had been planning to stop by to get the gift -- and a substitute gift would not do.  "Don't worry," she said.  "Come by and call me when you are outside, and I will let you in.  I will have the gift wrapped and ready for you."  So I did, and I slipped in and out of the store as stealthily as I could -- she told me that they had turned away customers all day. 

A Kindness Leader

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
~ John Quincy Adams

A friend of mine recently commented on a speaker she had heard.  My friend was in awe of the charismatic speaker's abilities.  In fact, my friend said that she wished she had the skill to speak like that.  But I told my friend -- who is one of the most pro-actively kind people I know -- that I would rather have someone with her action-oriented kindness than someone else's beautiful words.  With her actions, my friend inspires others to do more and to become better versions of themselves.  That makes her a leader in my book.

Sweet Kindness

"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

Recently, I found myself scrambling at the last minute to find a hostess gift for a dinner party.  I decided that I wanted to take a box of alfajores, a Peruvian delicacy that is sold at a small shop close to where I lived.  I called the shop a few minutes after 5 pm and asked when they closed.  "We close at 5," the gentleman on the phone said.  I asked if by any chance they had a box of the small cookies left.  No, the man replied, but I can put together a box of other sweets for you.  "And you'll wait for me?" I asked.  Yes, the man said and explained that he would be there for another 5-10 minutes.  I drove as quickly as I could to the shop, climbed the stairs to the second floor of the shopping center and ran to the door.  The man welcomed me inside and said, "You didn't have to run."  He had the box of sweets for me all wrapped up and included a box filled with other desserts for me to try.  And then he said, "I have an alfajor saved for you," and handed me one of the delicious treats.  Sometimes, kindness is extra sweet.

The Kindness of a Ninja Turtle Birthday Party

"Cakes are special.  Every birthday, every celebration ends with something sweet, a cake, and people remember.  It's all about the memories."
~ Buddy Valastro

One of my closest mom friends was out of town when one of my children had his birthday party, so she and her family were not able to attend.  But she promised my son a special celebration. 

Recently my friend invited us over for dinner to celebrate my son's birthday.  She greeted us at the door wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle t-shirt -- complete with a cape!  (My son is a big fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and his favorite color is green.)  She had prepared a make-your-own-pizza evening for the children (the Ninja Turtles love pizza) and a viewing of the latest Ninja Turtle episode.  The plates were green and there was a delicious chocolate birthday cake complete with a Ninja Turtle on top! 

 

It is no wonder that the other day, my son referred to my friend as his friend.  But isn't that what friends are?  Special people who pay attention to what is important to us and who show us through their kindness that they care.  In doing so, they create memories that last forever.

The Kindness of Sharing Laughter

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face."
~Victor Hugo

After reading my post yesterday, a dear friend of mine e-mailed me with a list of things that made him happy.  He concluded with, "You are right... lots of things make us happy!  Most of them have to do with laughter."  For more than three decades, this friend of mine and I have laughed through all kinds of life situations -- including a few that would make others wonder how we could possibly laugh.  But laugh we have and that laughter has gotten us through.  There is no doubt in my mind that there is kindness in sharing a laugh.

The Kindness of a Question

"Research has shown that the best way to be happy is to make each day happy."
~ Deepak Chopra

I have a special friend and professional colleague who lives in Norway.  The other day, she posed a question to me via e-mail:  "What is one small thing you did that made you happy yesterday?"  Because this friend of mine is both wise and thoughtful, I immediately wanted to tackle the question.

At first, and ever the A-seeking student, I must confess I felt a sense of panic -- Yikes, what did I do yesterday?  But that gave way to reviewing my day in search of happiness nuggets.  I found it interesting how the smallest things made me happy.  The tiniest one was a scent -- the smell of a baby shampoo that I used when my children were little.  And, of course, I could not stop with identifying one thing; I wanted to identify more.  I realized that for me, human interaction is very meaningful, so a conversation with a friend whom I always find hilarious found its way to my list.  A business call made the list because I found it intellectually engaging.  And a light moment of laughter and silliness with my children also made me happy.  Doing yoga would have been on my list -- had I managed to do it the day before.  But I did practice the day my friend asked me and I immediately thought of that.

My friend's question gave way to another one for me:  What does it take to get us to those moments of happiness?  That requires more thought.

I am grateful to my friend for her kindness in asking such a thought-provoking question.  I leave the same question with you:  What is one small thing that you did that made you happy yesterday?

A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way

"Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree."
~ Marian Wright Edelman

Nothing beats a little kindness to begin the day.  As I was dropping off my son at school early this morning, one of the safety patrols -- a 4th Grader -- opened our car door and said "Good morning" to my son and to me.  He then said to my son, "Watch out for the puddle."  My son stepped around the rain puddle and was on his way.  I smiled as I drove away, delighted that my son is in the company of friendly, polite and kind children.

The Kindness of Checking Up on Our Friends

"The language of friends is not words but meanings."
― Henry David Thoreau

I have a very dear friend with whom I communicate daily.  It might be by text, e-mail or telephone, but we communicate about all kinds of things.  No matter how many conversations we have, we always have a pending list of topics to discuss.  Recently, she sent me a text in the morning, which I somehow did not see.  She found it odd that I had not responded to her text, so later that day, she called to check up on me.  She said she figured there might be something wrong with my phone.  Given the crazy busy lives that most of us -- including my friend -- lead, I was touched by her kindness in checking up on me.

The Kindness of Fairy Godmothers

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."
― Thomas Aquinas

Working moms plan with school schedules in mind, lining up babysitters and child care for the work times not covered by school.  But what happens when there is no school and your business meeting is earlier than the babysitter can get to you?  You call one of your Fairy Godmothers, who works, too, but who manages to arrange her life, so that she can meet you at a designated spot early in the morning and take your child and keep him until the babysitter can get to her.  And then she folds her fairy wings and goes on with her day after she has quietly saved yours.