Kindness at the Gas Station

"Encourage, life and strengthen one another.  For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all.  For we are connected, one and all."
― Deborah Day

I was pleasantly surprised when I pulled into a gas station today and a woman actually pulled her car out of the way, so that I could pull up my car next to the pump.  We ended up next to each other pumping gas.  "You didn't have to move," I said.  "Oh, I know how it is," she answered.  I thanked her.  After a day of driving in what seemed like madness, it was nice to find kindness at the gas station.

Kindness Among 8-Year-Olds

"Happiness exists on earth, and it is won through prudent exercise of reason, knowledge of the harmony of the universe, and constant practice of generosity."
― José Martí

At a small birthday dinner for a 2nd Grade girl, an eight-year-old boy wanted to sit next to a friend whom he doesn't see every day.  Without being asked, one of the other boys got up and gave the boy his seat.  The first boy's mother thanked the little boy who moved.  The boy who moved did not say a word about what he had done until he saw his mother sit down to write her blog and then he told her that he could help.

Kindness, Friends and Bumpers

"God wants you to live for others and to live that presence well."
― Henri Nouwen

Yesterday, I was reminded of just how fragile life can be and how precious friendship is.  After meeting another mom for yogurt, I was driving home with my children when I was involved in a fender bender.  No one was injured, thank goodness, but I was shaken up.  I called the friend who had just been with me and she came back and stayed for an hour while the paperwork was done.  She entertained my children and made me feel a whole lot better.  When it was time to go, the fender that fell off my car surprisingly did not fit in the back of my car, so she put it in her van.  Later that evening, she texted me to say that she had just gone out to her car and seen my fender again.  It made her smile because earlier when she had told her husband that I had been in an accident and that she was going to where I was, he asked her, "How do you plan on helping?"  She said she was going to offer moral support -- a gift of kindness that was just what I needed.  But as it turns out, I needed her van, too.

The Kindness of Teaching Children Manners

"In my book, all manners are is thinking of somebody else."
―Penelope Keith

The other day, I was at one of my children's schools and a group of six or seven 8th Graders walked by me.  I know most of them, but only one acknowledged me and said hello.  He happens to be the son of a friend of mine and I know that his parents emphasize kindness and courtesy.  Greeting someone is a very basic kindness, which honors the person who is being greeted as well as the greeter.  Kindness begins when we think of the other person.  Parents who teach their children manners are being kind both to their children and to the people with whom their children come into contact.

Kindness and Smiles at School

"The most valuable possession you can own is an open heart.  The most powerful weapon you can be is an instrument of peace."
―Carlos Santana

It was Parent Appreciation Day at one of my children's schools today, which means that the parents visit their children's classrooms and then join their children for an all-school Mass.  One class was singing at the Mass, so the parents were watching them practice.  A woman I know has a son in that class, and was watching him and his classmates practice when she noticed that a little girl who had just been singing very enthusiastically looked very sad.  The little girl seemed as though she was going to cry.  When they stopped singing, the woman asked the little girl why she was so sad.  The little girl said that her father had left and that her mother was not there.  The woman told the little girl that she would take photos of her to send to her mother, and asked the little girl if she could give her a hug.  She said yes, so the woman gave her a hug.  During Mass, the woman ended up sitting across from where the little girl was standing, so she waved at her and took her picture.  The little girl smiled and waved back.  The woman was glad to be there for her son -- and for the little girl, too.  During the Sign of Peace, the woman blew the little girl a kiss.  The little girl smiled and blew one back.

The Kindness of Friends in Battle

"The lessons from the peace process are clear; whatever life throws at us, our individual responses will be all the stronger for working together and sharing the load."
― Queen Elizabeth II

I believe in carefully choosing our battles.  Life is way too short to take issue with most things that annoy us or that are not to our liking.  But every so often, an issue comes up that is either so important on the merits or significant because it impacts us, and we need to address it.  For conflict-averse people, that can be particularly difficult.  But it is much easier when friends join you.

The other day a friend of mine went into battle to advocate for something we both agreed was important.  She did not emerge unscathed.  But thanks to her kindness, progress on the issue was made. 

The Kindness of a Stranger

"Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat people -- your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.
― Barbara Bush

A woman I know was trying to find parking in an apartment complex, but all the visitor spots were taken.  She drove around the parking lot for 20 minutes to no avail.  Then she saw a young man getting into his car.  She asked him if he had any suggestions about where she could park.  He pointed out the various places where there was visitor parking and she told him that she had already tried all the areas.  He asked her how long she was going to be and she told him that it would be a couple of hours.  He told her that she could park in his space as he would be gone for a few hours.  She thanked him and parked in his space.  A couple of hours later as she was getting ready to get in her car and leave, the woman made a card thanking the young man and included a gift card to Dunkin' Donuts.  She taped it to a bush in front of the young man's parking space and hoped that he would find it and know that she truly appreciated his kindness.

The Kindness of New Friends

"Each day holds a surprise.  But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us.  Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or joy.  It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity."
― Henri Nouwen

Tonight I attended a gala-type event at my daughters' school.  It was a beautiful event set in the school's Mediterranean Revival building.  There were many people and at various times, I "lost" my husband and the other people I was talking to.  Enter my relatively new mom friends -- woman I have seen a handful of times over the last few months.  They were friendly and made me feel at ease immediately.  The kindness of these new friends added enjoyment to the evening. 

More Kindness at The Home Depot

"Courteous treatment will make a customer a walking advertisement."
― James Cash Penney

Last summer, I wrote about Kindness Heroes at The Home Depot.  It amazes me that I continue to find kindness there.

A couple of weeks ago, I was replacing some vertical blinds, but I had a problem with the mounting of one set.  During a recent visit to the store, I mentioned it to Jovanne, a sales associate who was helping me.  I was having trouble explaining to her what was wrong and she suggested that I take a photo of the blinds and send them to her.  I sent her the photo of it a couple of days ago, and received two e-mails from her in return.  In the first e-mail, she told me how to fix the problem.  In the second e-mail, she sent me the link to a blinds installation guide that included a picture of what I needed to do.  If that isn't kindness in customer service, I don't know what it is.  Needless to say, I just keep going back to The Home Depot.

The Kindness of Example

"Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing."
― Albert Schweitzer

I believe in thank you notes.  I do not always write as many as I would like and I feel as though I am always woefully behind on my social correspondence.  But I truly believe that writing a note by hand to thank someone who has given me a gift, invited me to something or done something special for me is the least I can do to acknowledge the person's thoughtfulness.  And the truth is I actually like writing them.

I have shared this belief with my children and I try to get them to thank the people who give them gifts.  The thank you notes don't always happen, and we need to try harder, but I think they know it's important -- at least to me.

A couple of weeks ago, I got a big assist in the thank you note department.  One of my children's teachers sent a lovely handwritten thank you note to my daughter for the Christmas gift that we had given him.  The present was a baked good, certainly nothing extravagant.  (Just before the holidays, I wrote about the impact that his effusive verbal thank you had on my daughter.)  This teacher's note serves as an example to my daughter about thoughtfulness, about good manners, about kindness.  A mother can talk, talk, talk, but there is nothing like the kind example of a well-respected teacher.

Kindness at the School Office

"I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words."
―Ann Hood

When I think of the kindness that I would like children -- my children, all children -- to receive at school, I usually think of the teachers.  But there are many other people at school who on a daily basis extend kindness to the children.  The other day, one of my children was having a rough day.  She was trying hard to hold in her emotions, but the wise woman who works at the school office saw through my daughter's attempts at bravery and gave her the hug that she desperately needed.  It definitely takes a village to raise children and, in the best villages, there is lots of kindness to go around.

The Kindness of Wise Counsel

"The fellowship of true friends who can hear you out, share your joys, help carry your burdens, and correctly counsel you is priceless."
― Ezra Taft Benson

It is not easy to provide friends with wise counsel, but some people are amazing at it.  Recently, I needed to write a letter on an issue about which I was emotional -- basically, I felt wronged.  It was one of those things that has bugged me for days and I woke up thinking about it.  I sat down and tapped out a letter, and then called a friend of mine.  This friend is lovely.  She is smiles and joy and support -- always.  But behind the gentle and kind face is the sharp mind of a lawyer.  She shared my anger and made me laugh.  Then, she helped me to think through what I truly wanted to accomplish.  Thanks to her kindness, I was able to see through my emotions, to gain clarity, and to edit my letter to communicate what I needed to say.

The Unforgettable Kindness of Being There

"The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend."
― Henry David Thoreau

A few months ago, I wrote about the kindness of a move-a-body friend -- the kind of friend who helps you do whatever needs to be done, no questions, no judgment, no hard time. 

I feel very blessed to have the friends I do and I am grateful for them every day.  Recently, my husband was out of town and I felt doubly blessed by the kindness of my move-a-body friends.  As with most people (probably all of us), I do some things well and then I am completely overwhelmed by others.  And when I feel overwhelmed, I don't get far.  Enter those diehard move-a-body friends.  One of them came over on Friday night to help me with a home maintenance project that I needed done.  I knew that she would rather be sleeping, but there she was.  It reminded me of years back when we tackled covering our children's school books together.  (At the time, that was an overwhelming task!)  And then yesterday, along came my other knight in shining armor.  He has saved many a day in the more than three decades that I have known him.  From saving me from my fear of the dark in college to being with me at key moments in my life, this friend is as good as they come -- and then some.  He helped me with several things I needed to do around the house, but mostly, it was his presence that was the greatest gift.

Many times, kindness is about being there, getting there -- even when you would prefer not to, even when it would be easier not to.  The kindness of being there when you are needed is invaluable and, for me, truly unforgettable. 

The Kindness of Being Helpful

"I'm touched by the idea that when we do things that are useful and helpful -- collecting these shards of spirituality -- that we may be helping to bring about a healing.
― Leonard Nimoy
 
I have a friend, one of the Kindness Muses, who is truly one of the kindest people I know.  The other day, she called me to ask if I still had the clown costume that one of my children had used three years ago for a school activity.  Sure, I said, but I wondered what it was for.  It seems that another mother had approached my friend to see if she had a clown costume.  My friend didn't have the costume. but she took it upon herself to look for it.  I don't know on how many doors she knocked, but when she called me, I was happy to help.

Responding with Kindness

"Be friendly to everyone.  Those who deserve it the least need it the most."
― Bo Bennett

A woman I know was turning into a fast-food restaurant to get her children a quick snack before the afternoon's activities.  As she paused momentarily to let another car out of the restaurant's parking lot, a man in a truck behind her honked his horn, apparently because she was not moving quickly enough.  As she got in the drive-thru lane, she noticed that the man was still behind her.  When she paid for her children's food, she paid for the man's order as well.  As she stopped at the second window to pick up her order, she saw that the man was waving at her with a smile.  The good that she felt from countering his impatience with kindness replaced the small trace of annoyance that she might have otherwise felt over their brief encounter. 

The Kindness of Hot Chocolate on a Cold Day

"All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
― Charles M. Schulz

Where I live, the temperatures don't usually dip below 80 degrees.  In the 70s is sweater weather and in the 50s, as it was today, is downright cold!  Although I was wearing a sweater vest, I was cold most of the day.  Earlier this evening, as I waited for two of my children to finish orchestra practice, one of my dearest mom friends arrived with cups of mint hot chocolate!  She had made it at her house and brought it in disposable coffee cups (with covers!) for my children and me.  There were marshmallows -- and incredible kindness -- in that delicious hot chocolate.

The Kindness of Yoga

"Yoga is about compassion and generosity towards others.  It means being mindful of the world around us."
― Christy Turlington

Earlier this week, I was at one of my children's schools for a Mother-Daughter activity that included a yoga class.  I was nothing short of thrilled.  Although the class was only 30 minutes, the instructor managed to make it gentle enough for neophytes and challenging enough for those of us who wanted to get in some real yoga.

After the class, I spent a few minutes talking to the instructor, who is an alumna of the school.  After working in New York in a fast-paced corporate job with too much travel, she decided to focus on something that made more sense for her and so she got into the wellness business.  Now, she teaches yoga and provides health coaching.  She shared that a couple of times a month, she volunteers to teach yoga to parents at the local children's hospital.  She volunteers at the hospital and at other places because she believes that everyone -- regardless of financial situation -- should enjoy the benefits of yoga.  For her, yoga is about kindness to herself and to others.

Kindness in a Wave

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment."
― Henry David Thoreau

Kindnesses come in all shapes and sizes.  They can be HUGE and those are certainly very special or they can be small.

Yesterday I was having one of those moments that come along more often than I would like and I wondered, How will I make it through the day?  Thankfully, my brain kicked in and reminded me that I would get through the same way that I have gotten through all the other days in my life.*  And it was nothing major that was troubling me, just scheduling -- getting here, getting there, getting it all done or close to it.

As I was driving along on my way somewhere, I needed to get into another lane and not having much luck.  And then I received that wonderful kindness of a wave -- another driver letting me in.  With that simple and momentary graciousness, that driver made my life easier and I appreciated it.  We don't know each other and probably never will, but there was kindness in that wave.

*  I actually decided to figure out how many days I have made it through.  It seems I am closing in on 20,000.  One would think that I would have gotten the hang of it by now.

Kindness at the CVS Photo Desk

"There are no extra pieces in the universe.  Everyone is here because he or she has a place to fill, and every piece must fit itself into the big jigsaw puzzle."
― Deepak Chopra

Today was Mother-Daughter Day at my daughters' school.  One of the activities entailed making our own puzzle by drawing on a blank puzzle template.  It occurred to me that it would be nice to have a box in which to keep the puzzle pieces and I remembered that I had a small cookie tin at home.  After the activity, I  picked up the cookie tin and headed to my local CVS.  I printed out a few photos, including two that I wanted to paste on the tin and then went looking for glue.  I wasn't sure what kind of glue would work, so I grabbed a bottle of school glue as well as a bottle of rubber cement and took them to the employee at the photo desk on the off chance that he might have a sense of which would be better.  Lizardo, the fabulous photo desk guy, immediately took charge.  He said that I could not use the school glue and had to use the rubber cement.  Lizardo asked me to cut the photos and let him do the rest.  For the next half hour or so, Lizardo worked on my project -- which was much more complicated than I had anticipated -- while he juggled his cashier duties by jumping on to the register next to his.  Without missing a beat, he would ring people up and then return to the rubber cement project.  End result:  When I picked up my daughter at school, I handed her a lovely tin with a photo of our puzzle on the outside and a photo of the two of us on the inside of the lid.  Who knew that in this era of self check-out, I would find an abundance of kindness at the CVS photo desk?

The Kindness of a Few Minutes

"The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.  The best way to understand people is to listen to them."
― Ralph G. Nichols

Someone I know was navigating a challenge.  At the supermarket, she ran into another woman who had dealt with a similar issue.  Although the other woman is not a good friend of hers, the woman I know shared her difficulty.  The other woman spent a few minutes talking to the woman I know, giving her encouragement and offering to help her whenever needed.  After a hug, they both continued on their separate journeys.  While the other woman probably did not think too much of the time she shared with the woman I know, the moment of connection and empathy was a kindness greatly appreciated.

* * *

Thanks to my husband who is always on the lookout for things related to kindness, I came across an organization, Life Vest Inside, whose mission is "to empower and unite the world with kindness."  Its website, www.lifevestinside.com, has really great information, including a presentation on The Science of Kindness that explains the many reasons that kindness is good for our health, and a video, Kindness Boomerang, that cannot help but inspire you to find opportunities to be kind, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU&feature=em-share_video_user.

The Kindness of the Connector

" Communication - the human connection - is the key to personal and career success."
― Paul J. Meyer

Lately, I have been hearing more about "connectors" in the business arena -- those people who know how to network and connect others.  Some people even make a living from it.  I have a friend whom I met through a colleague in another city.  This friend is an amazing connector, but she does it from the heart and with a kindness that is both generous and uncommon.  Yes, she has made connections for me that have resulted in business opportunities.  But she also has gone out of her way to help me with personal matters and has been generous with her advice.  More than a year ago, she came up with an idea to schedule monthly check-in calls to make sure we stayed in touch.  During those calls, we discuss subjects ranging from our children to our work.  Sometimes, specific things come out of our calls; always, we feel better from having connected and bounced ideas or situations off each other.  As she e-mailed today about setting up our calls for 2014, I marveled at her kindness and counted it among my blessings.

The Generous Spirit of a Friend

"If truth doesn't set you free, generosity of spirit will."
― Katerina Stoykova-Klemer

I have a friend to whom I turn for all kinds of help.  She is bright and very competent, and as a mother of four, she is very experienced in all kinds of mommy situations.  She also happens to be a nurse, which comes in handy.  When my daughter nearly fainted at a school Mass and had to be carried out by one of her teachers a few years ago, I was thankful that my friend was there.  I called her again last night to help me figure out a minor, but nonetheless important, health-related situation.  She never cares at what time I call and offered for me to go to her house even though it was late at night. Then today, she left some bandages that I needed for me.  Always willing to help, her generous spirit is a wonderful gift of kindness to her friends.

The Kindness of a Text

"Kind words do not cost much.  Yet they accomplish much."
― Blaise Pascal

Today seemed especially busy and I was exhausted way before the day's end.  But midway through the day, I received a lovely text message from a girlfriend whom I don't see as often as we would both like.  Just thinking about her makes me smile because she is a joyful person whose enthusiasm about life is nothing short of contagious.  She wrote:  "Thought of you so I am sending you a note to say I love you!"  Never underestimate the power of a few kind words.

The Kindness of Not Humiliating Others

"It has always been a mystery to me how men can feel themselves honoured by the humiliation of their fellow human beings."
―Mahatma Gandhi

I watched a very short video today (about 50 seconds) on Upworthy (www.upworthy.com) that really made me think, http://links.upworthy.mkt5937.com/ctt?kn=9&ms=ODEwNTcwNgS2&r=NTk3ODUxNzUxMTIS1&b=0&j=MTk1MTMwNjM0S0&mt=1&rt=0.  It was a snippet from an interview of Jennifer Lawrence, star of the "Hunger Games" by Barbara Walters.  "Why is humiliating people funny?" Lawrence asked.  She said that the media should take responsibility for the impact that putting down people -- particularly in the area of looks -- has on the younger generation.  She specifically took issue with the word "fat" and said that she thinks it should be illegal to call people that. 

The video snippet reminded me of a conversation I had with someone a couple of days ago.  This person remarked that we often feel the need to "poke" people with a snide remark or a comment that establishes who is up and who is down.

I don't know why we engage in making fun of others, although most comedians have made a living from doing it and frequently the person who is the life of the party does it, too.  I wonder whether it comes from our own insecurities and if we can "poke" someone, humiliate someone (even slightly), then we think that we might feel better.  All this made me wonder whether I could -- for the most part -- say only kind things to people and refrain from saying something unkind unless it was truly necessary.  Not sure, but it is definitely worth a try.

The Kindness of Not Blaming

"Remember, you and you alone are responsible for maintaining your energy.  Give up blaming, complaining and excuse making, and keep taking action in the direction of your goals -- however mundane or lofty they may be."
―Jack Canfield

One of my favorite yoga instructors talked about not blaming in class today.  She said that for us to go around blaming others and ourselves detracts from enjoying the beautiful life that surrounds us.  She said that blaming puts us in victim mode instead of letting us focus on what we can contribute and enjoy in each moment.  I have been giving it a try and I confess that it's not easy, but there is kindness toward others and ourselves to be found in letting go of the blame game.

Let Kindness Begin With Me

"Your success and happiness lies in you.  Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."
―Helen Keller

In many ways, today feels like the first day of the New Year ― or at least the first regular day of the New Year.  For me, the Feast of the Three Kings marks the end of the holidays and the children are back in school, so it's time to get back with the program.

I know that I am not the only one who dragged herself to exercise today.  During my yoga class (my preferred mode of exercise), I wondered what it would look like to be kind to myself in 2014.  In the last few days, I have read stories about the high failure rate of New Year's resolutions.  So...  I am making an unusual one:  I will do something to be kind to myself every day.  For me, it will be mostly about exercise.  But a green smoothie with spinach and cactus will count, too.  As will a manicure!  Or a leisurely read.  There are plenty of other things that I would like to accomplish in 2014, but a happier ― and hopefully healthier― me seems like a good place to begin.

The Kindness of a Thoughtful Friend

"Give back in some way.  Always be thoughtful of others."
―Jackie Joyner-Kersee

One of the Kindness Muses is a mom I met when two of our children were in pre-school.  I like to think that we look out for each other in all kinds of mommy ways -- sharing information about school events and school projects, snapping photos of each other's children when the other is not around, picking up and taking care of each other's children...  But I must admit that she is a much better shopper than I am.  Today, she called from one of our favorite stores:  Shirts for our boys were on sale and then half price.  She asked me what size and colors I wanted.  Bottom line:  My son has two new shirts for $9.  My heart is always gladdened by the kindness of my very thoughtful friend.

Kindness at the Urgent Care Center

"If you find it in your heart to care for somebody else, you will have succeeded."
― Maya Angelou

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter ended up with a gash on her chin that required a visit to a nearby urgent care center.  We went back two days later to check on the wound.  Then on Christmas Day, the gash seemed to reopen, so back we went.  And then we went a fourth time to check on that.  We visited that urgent care center four times in 12 days.  At each visit, everyone -- from the reception desk staff to the medical staff -- was very friendly and made our visit actually pleasant.

Two days ago, a friend from out-of-town hurt her ankle and her husband called to ask me about an urgent care center.  I recommended the one we had visited.  After their visit, my friend's husband texted me to say that they had been very well treated there.

Excellent medical care is obviously the priority when you need attention, but to receive the medical attention with kindness is doubly appreciated.

My daughter asked me today if we had to go back to the urgent care center.  She says she likes it there.

The Kindness of a Teenager

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
― e.e. cummings

With so many complaints about the behavior of children and teenagers these days, I was delighted to see the kindness of a friend of mine's teenage son.

I had picked up my friend and her two children for dinner and a visit.  Her son was very tired, so we dropped him off at his house after dinner.  My friend had given him her keys, so he would have to let her in after.  As I drove my friend home an hour later, we joked about what she would do if her son was asleep and did not hear her buzzing to get into their apartment building.  But as we drove into their building's driveway, the son was opening the front door of the building to let her in.  He had seen us driving down the street from their apartment and came downstairs before his mother had to notify him that she was there.  And all this with a smile and a gracious goodbye to me.

The Kindness of Sharing Treats

"There's a great joy in my giving.  It's thrilling.  It's exhilarating.  It's important to be a part of sharing.  It is my love.  It is my joy."
― W. Clement Stone

A dear friend of mine received some cookies that I love for Christmas.  She called to tell me that she was going to give them to me.  "Don't you like them?" I asked, somewhat incredulously.  "Yes, but not as much as you do," she replied.  It was the perfect Christmastime kindness.

Carpe Annum... with Kindness!

"The milk of human kindness should be brought fresh to the table every morning."
― Austin O'Malley

As we begin this new year, my hope is that we try to be a little kinder.  Kindness touches hearts and lifts them up, and takes us for a joyous ride as well.