The Kindness of an Important Reminder

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."
~ John Wooden

Sometimes we just need to be reminded about what is important, about truths that we can easily forget in the hustle and bustle of the every day. 

Today I read an article about a Maryland father and blogger in his early 40s.  Diagnosed with lung cancer, he faces limited time on earth with his wife and his two children, who are four and six years old.

In a blog post in June, he announced that he had been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer.  He also shared an "epiphany" that he had four years ago driving home after a vacation where he couldn't really have a good time because he was obsessing about things he had to do.

He wrote:

"I realized I had been experiencing the biggest tragedy of human existence: I was having the time of my life, and I didn't even know it. 

"That was a good day, since once you make that decision, man... You're in Heaven every single second of your life.  And it went on and on, and things only got better, because I made a conscious decision one summer day, on the drive home from Bethany Beach, and was able to repeat that decision subconsciously from that moment on.  It made the difference between a living Hell, where I was always behind, always unhappy, and always unfulfilled -- always a step behind on my writing, my relationship with my wife, with friends, and with my kids, and a living Heaven, where even if I had wanted more out of life, I always knew I had it all.

"I believe in Heaven on Earth, and I believe it's found anywhere you seek it."

I appreciate the kindness of that reminder.  It nudged me to enjoy my own little slice of heaven when my son asked to "snuggle wuggle" before he fell asleep.

Kindness at an Intersection

"God has given us two hands - one to receive with and the other to give with.  We are not cisterns made for hoarding; we are channels made for sharing."
~ Billy Graham

A woman I know had been looking for the veteran in camouflage whom she usually sees at a certain intersection.  She had bought a bag of nonperishable food items and a grocery store gift card for him the day before Thanksgiving and was eager to give them to him.  She had driven by the intersection where she usually sees him three times, but nothing.  A couple of days later, she made a small detour from her intended route to go by the intersection and there he was.  She called out to him and gave him the bag as well as the gift card.  He thanked her and said that he had been looking for her, too.  He shared that he was running out of the food that someone had given him on Thanksgiving.  Before driving away, the woman asked him, "What do you need?" He told her that he needed clothes and shoes, and told her his shoe size.  As they were leaving, her daughter said, "I know what we can get him for Christmas."

The Kindness of a Friendly Face

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."
~ Mother Teresa

At an intersection in my city, there is a veteran dressed in camouflage who walks around the cars with a cup for donations.  We don't know what he collects money for, but people I know give him money or food.  With a gentle manner, he is always friendly and gracious.  The other day, a woman I know saw him and rummaged through her purse until she found a couple of dollars to give him.  She called him by name and gave him the money.  "It's good to see a friendly face," the veteran said.  "Some people were looking at me as I were the enemy."  The irony of that was not lost on the woman.

Thanksgiving, Red Apples and Kindness

 "I'm thankful for every moment."
~ Al Green

There are some things that my husband does that make me cry -- but not in a bad way.  Today, it was red apples.

A dear friend of mine's mother died in March.  It was a huge loss for my friend and her family.  My friend's mother was a wonderful woman -- kind, good-hearted, wise, and funny.  She was an honorary grandmother to my children and I considered her a friend, although she would always tease me that my husband was her favorite.

For years, we had been going to my friend's mother's house for Thanksgiving dinner.  It was always fun, casual and easy, and included extended family and friends.  My friend's mother used to make these delicious apples that were peeled, boiled and colored red.  Sweet and delicious, the apples were a favorite Thanksgiving treat for my husband, who is a vegetarian.  My friend's mother used to say that they were a pain to make because they took so long, but she knew that my husband loved them, so she made them.

This year, my friend hosted Thanksgiving at her house.  It would be bittersweet as it was also my friend's 15th wedding anniversary.  My husband said he would make the apples and was determined to do so.  We searched for recipes on the Internet and came up with nothing.  I told him not to worry about it.  But my husband decided to try to make them without the recipe.  He peeled dozens of apples and tried various things in the kitchen.  I had no idea how it would turn out, but when I went into the kitchen a while later and saw the peeled apples boiled and red, I could hardly believe it.

When I saw my husband carrying the tray filled with the red apples that he had so lovingly made in honor of a very special woman we all loved, my eyes filled with tears.  And I know that my friend appreciated his kindness, too.

Kindness on Thanksgiving Eve

"If you are really thankful, what do you do?  You share."
~ W. Clement Stone

A woman I know had stopped at the grocery store to pick up a quick lunch as well as some supplies for a veteran she sees at a busy intersection.  At the cashier, she noticed that there was a gentleman behind her who seemed a little impatient.  To her surprise, he told an older woman behind him who was buying a juice to go ahead of him.  As the older woman fumbled to find the money in her purse, the woman I know took the juice from her and added it to her groceries.  The older woman thanked her and was on her way.  The gentleman then said to the woman I know, "That was a very kind thing to do."  And she acknowledged that he was the one who had let the woman go before him.  There seemed to be quite a bit of kindness in the air on Thanksgiving Eve.

The Kindness of An Offer

"Helping someone is what life is all about."
~ Willie Stargell

Sometimes, you end up not needing the favor or the help, but you do appreciate the offer. 

A few weeks back, I was focused on a home project that I did not know how to handle or even where to begin.  I mentioned it to a friend and she immediately offered to come over and help me with it.  We haven't set a date yet, but I feel much better knowing that I can count on her.  Her offer has already helped me. 

More recently, a friend asked me if I wanted to have lunch on my late father's birthday, so that we could reminisce about him.  I couldn't meet her that day, but it meant the world to me that she thought of it. 

Reaching out to someone and reminding that person of our friendship can sometimes be just what that person needs -- and there is great kindness in that.

Kindnesses Past and Present

"We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives."
~ John F. Kennedy

My father died 14 years ago today.  I seem to always be a little sad on the anniversary of his passing.  But I do remember with great appreciation the many kindnesses that were extended to me and to my family.  From friends who got out of bed to come to the wake to people I never expected at the Mass, the expressions of sympathy were very comforting.  Those kindnesses live forever in my heart.

Fast forward 14 years.  Random kindnesses came my way today and they were especially appreciated.  A work colleague sent me a very sweet and thoughtful e-mail.  One of my funniest friends sent me a welcomed dose of his clever texts.  I received a box of chocolate-covered pretzels in the mail from a colleague, who knows I like them.  A dear friend wanted to see me for a quick chat.  My friends and colleagues who reached out had no idea that the day had special meaning for me, but those expressions of friendship made a big difference today.  And I am grateful.

The Kindness of Offering Encouragement and Solutions

"There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend."
~ Katharine Butler Hathaway

I have a friend who is the queen of finding solutions.  I will share a challenge with her and she will immediately give me encouragement and offer possible solutions.  Then, she will text me, "I have been thinking about..." and share more helpful thoughts.  Her kindness always makes me feel supported and gives me the sense that together we can tackle most challenges.

Kindness Saves the Day

"The only people who you should get even with are those who have helped you."
~ John Southard

Imagine a working mother who is on a five-day business trip hundreds of miles from home...  She leaves a chart on the refrigerator (several copies, of course) with what she thinks are all the necessary details, the things she keeps in her head -- when PE uniforms are needed, what activities are after school, who is picking up whom...  And then, on the most complicated day, she receives a text from the babysitter that she has been in a car accident and is at the hospital.  Thankfully, the babysitter, who was alone in the car, is fine, but there is that complicated day to worry about.

Right after I received the text from our sitter, I also received at text from one of my best friends who had heard about the accident.  "What do you need me to do?" she asked.  Many texts later, the patchwork solution involved a willing grandmother who rescheduled an appointment and a dedicated friend who drove more than a bus driver to shuttle my children and hers everywhere they needed to go.  Kindness truly saved the day -- and my sanity.

Kindness After You're Gone

"A purposeful act or extension of kindness to another is never wasted, for it always resides in the hearts of all involved in a chain of love."
~ Molly Friedenfeld

I heard a very interesting story from a cab driver recently.  He shared that he had worked in California as a chauffeur for a wealthy woman in her 80s.  When she died, he was surprised to learn that she had left him the use of her beautiful home in Pasadena for a year as well as his salary for that time.  I asked him how he had liked using the house.  He said that he had stayed in it three nights and had some friends over, but that he preferred to go back and stay in his small apartment.  "It's always nice to be with your own things," he said.  He did enjoy his year off and was grateful for the kindness she had left behind, which I think continues to inspire him.  After he dropped me off, he was on his way to return a mobile phone that a customer had left behind the previous day.

The Kindness of Keeping Confidences

"Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us."
~ Elbert Hubbard

Two professional female colleagues met after work for drinks.  They talked about work and their personal lives.  One of them shared personal information that she did not usually tell work colleagues and asked the other woman to keep it confidential. "No worries," the other woman said.  "I am a vault."

The Kindness of Silly

"I don't have a master plan, but I try to be thoughtful when I can and also silly. It's part of the fun."
~ Josh Charles

To borrow loosely from Gordon Gekko, silly is good.  I suppose there was a time in my life when I might have been hesitant to admit that, but the older I get, the more I relish silly.  I love the silly texts that my friends send me -- especially when I am out of town on business and in need of human connection.  I love the silly things that my children and I do together.  I even love silly conversations with business colleagues after a long day of meetings.  Silly is fun.  Silly can make us laugh.  And there is kindness in giving each other the space and acceptance to be our silly selves.

The Kindness of a Walk

"I challenge you to make your life a masterpiece. I challenge you to join the ranks of those people who live what they teach, who walk their talk."
~ Tony Robbins

On a recent business trip, I found myself with the likely prospect of having to walk from an office building to my hotel after hours and through a sketchy part of the city.  As I stood in the lobby of the building deciding what to do, two colleagues who were headed elsewhere came out of the elevator. I asked one of them whether he thought it was safe for me to walk to the hotel. No, he replied.  And then he turned to his colleague, "Let's walk her to the hotel and then we'll take a cab.  It will only take five minutes."  It took a little longer than five minutes, but I was very grateful for the kindness.

The Kindness of Waiting

"Patience is not simply the ability to wait - it's how we behave while we wait."
~ Joyce Meyer

When my children were little, I used to tell them that patience is "waiting with a smile" -- because if we are upset about waiting, then that is not being patient.

I was reminded of this while attending a series of business meetings with colleagues in another city.  We had traveled from different parts of the country for this event.  One of my colleagues e-mailed me the evening I arrived to see if I wanted to walk over to the meeting site with her the next day.  Of course, I replied.  The next morning, I was running a few minutes late, so I texted her that she could go on without me. "I don't mind waiting," she replied.  A few minutes later, I met her in the hotel lobby and we walked to our meeting together.

The kindness of waiting was something I continued to observe that day as the group moved from the business meeting site to the evening event locale and then to the hotel. Colleagues, who didn't know each other very well, graciously and patiently waited for each other.  The city was cold and I have no doubt that we all missed our families, but the kindness we shared warmed out hearts.

Kindness in Sharing... Love

"Love is the beauty of the soul."
~ Saint Augustine

A woman I know was traveling for business to a city that was colder than she anticipated.  On the morning of her flight, she hurried to get several things done, including leaving things organized for her family. She was getting increasingly rattled as she tried to put together several weather appropriate outfits for her various business meetings.  In frustration, she finally uttered that age-old complaint to her husband: "I have nothing to wear!"  Overhearing the conversation, her teenage daughter brought one of her sweaters to see if it might work. It was too short for her mother, but the mother was very touched by her daughter's kindness. She realized that she was incredibly blessed and pesky wardrobe issues didn't really matter a whole lot.

The Kindness of a Rapid Response Team

"I believe the world is one big family, and we need to help each other."
~ Jet Li

A few weeks ago, one of my special mom friends was out of town.  My friend is very organized and had a detailed plan in place to take care of her children's school pick-ups and activities.  But one of her daughters became concerned that no one would pick her up and I received a call from the little girl at school.  I knew that her mother was about to catch her plane back, but I did not want to worry her.  So I reached out to another mother to check on the arrangements.  Things were fine and under control.  When my friend arrived, she called me and said she was sorry about the call from her daughter and the ensuing confusion.  I assured her that there was nothing to apologize for and that her "rapid response team" was at the ready. 

When it was my turn to travel, I received a very reassuring text from my friend:  "Don't worry about a single thing this next week.  I am here and ready for quick response."  The kindness of that peace of mind is truly priceless.

The Kindness of a Happy Voice

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
~ Marcel Proust

The other day I really needed to hear a happy voice.  I had gone to the funeral of a third cousin, a man who died in his late 70s, and it had impacted me more than I expected.  He had been born the same year as my late father and because the relation was on my father's side, it reminded me of my father.  I was sad and all I could think of was that I wanted to hear a happy voice.  I called two girlfriends, but did not reach them.  As I was wondering what to do next, I received a text from one of my all-time favorite people, "Darling, is everything okay?"  Oh my goodness, I thought, how could he possibly know?!  His question was prompted by a technical snafu that resulted in his not receiving my blog post, which made him worry about me.  But his thinking about me and reaching out could not have been better timed.  He called me on my cell and just hearing his voice lifted my mood.  We had one of our usual madcap conversations and I found myself laughing -- and beyond grateful for the kindness of his happy voice.

The Kindness of Positive Reinforcement

"The consequences of an act affect the probability of its occurring again."
~ B.F. Skinner

I believe in thank you notes -- I really do.  Sadly, it always seems that I am behind on my social correspondence... sigh.  I write thank you notes because I think it is kind to do so, because I believe in good manners and in etiquette, and -- believe it or not -- because I like to!  Some may think me crazy, but there it is.  I don't always manage to write my thank you notes.  And while I encourage my children to write them, we don't always manage to do that either. 

Earlier this week, I wrote about a friend of mine's hosting a special birthday party for my son.  My son wrote my friend and her family a thank you note, which was very heartfelt and sweet.  My friend received the note and sent a text message saying how much she and her husband enjoyed it, and that it was "the best thank you note ever!"  I read the message to my son, who beamed with pride and insisted that I read the message to his siblings.  There is nothing like the kindness of positive reinforcement to encourage a child's good behavior!

Stealth Kindness

"If you can't return a favor, pass it on."
~ Louise Brown

Not long ago, it was the birthday of someone who is close to me.  Every year, I get this person the same special gift, which I buy at a local shop.  I try to purchase gifts ahead of time, but this time, I hadn't, so I planned to go on the day of the person's birthday, buy the gift and present it to her.  I called the shop about something else and spoke to someone who works there.  This woman has become a friend over the years.  I told her I would see her later as I had to stop by to purchase the gift.  That is when she told me that the store was closed for holiday preparations.  I had never known the store to close for that reason.  I told my friend that I did not know what I would do as I had been planning to stop by to get the gift -- and a substitute gift would not do.  "Don't worry," she said.  "Come by and call me when you are outside, and I will let you in.  I will have the gift wrapped and ready for you."  So I did, and I slipped in and out of the store as stealthily as I could -- she told me that they had turned away customers all day. 

A Kindness Leader

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader."
~ John Quincy Adams

A friend of mine recently commented on a speaker she had heard.  My friend was in awe of the charismatic speaker's abilities.  In fact, my friend said that she wished she had the skill to speak like that.  But I told my friend -- who is one of the most pro-actively kind people I know -- that I would rather have someone with her action-oriented kindness than someone else's beautiful words.  With her actions, my friend inspires others to do more and to become better versions of themselves.  That makes her a leader in my book.

Sweet Kindness

"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

Recently, I found myself scrambling at the last minute to find a hostess gift for a dinner party.  I decided that I wanted to take a box of alfajores, a Peruvian delicacy that is sold at a small shop close to where I lived.  I called the shop a few minutes after 5 pm and asked when they closed.  "We close at 5," the gentleman on the phone said.  I asked if by any chance they had a box of the small cookies left.  No, the man replied, but I can put together a box of other sweets for you.  "And you'll wait for me?" I asked.  Yes, the man said and explained that he would be there for another 5-10 minutes.  I drove as quickly as I could to the shop, climbed the stairs to the second floor of the shopping center and ran to the door.  The man welcomed me inside and said, "You didn't have to run."  He had the box of sweets for me all wrapped up and included a box filled with other desserts for me to try.  And then he said, "I have an alfajor saved for you," and handed me one of the delicious treats.  Sometimes, kindness is extra sweet.

The Kindness of a Ninja Turtle Birthday Party

"Cakes are special.  Every birthday, every celebration ends with something sweet, a cake, and people remember.  It's all about the memories."
~ Buddy Valastro

One of my closest mom friends was out of town when one of my children had his birthday party, so she and her family were not able to attend.  But she promised my son a special celebration. 

Recently my friend invited us over for dinner to celebrate my son's birthday.  She greeted us at the door wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle t-shirt -- complete with a cape!  (My son is a big fan of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and his favorite color is green.)  She had prepared a make-your-own-pizza evening for the children (the Ninja Turtles love pizza) and a viewing of the latest Ninja Turtle episode.  The plates were green and there was a delicious chocolate birthday cake complete with a Ninja Turtle on top! 

 

It is no wonder that the other day, my son referred to my friend as his friend.  But isn't that what friends are?  Special people who pay attention to what is important to us and who show us through their kindness that they care.  In doing so, they create memories that last forever.

The Kindness of Sharing Laughter

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face."
~Victor Hugo

After reading my post yesterday, a dear friend of mine e-mailed me with a list of things that made him happy.  He concluded with, "You are right... lots of things make us happy!  Most of them have to do with laughter."  For more than three decades, this friend of mine and I have laughed through all kinds of life situations -- including a few that would make others wonder how we could possibly laugh.  But laugh we have and that laughter has gotten us through.  There is no doubt in my mind that there is kindness in sharing a laugh.

The Kindness of a Question

"Research has shown that the best way to be happy is to make each day happy."
~ Deepak Chopra

I have a special friend and professional colleague who lives in Norway.  The other day, she posed a question to me via e-mail:  "What is one small thing you did that made you happy yesterday?"  Because this friend of mine is both wise and thoughtful, I immediately wanted to tackle the question.

At first, and ever the A-seeking student, I must confess I felt a sense of panic -- Yikes, what did I do yesterday?  But that gave way to reviewing my day in search of happiness nuggets.  I found it interesting how the smallest things made me happy.  The tiniest one was a scent -- the smell of a baby shampoo that I used when my children were little.  And, of course, I could not stop with identifying one thing; I wanted to identify more.  I realized that for me, human interaction is very meaningful, so a conversation with a friend whom I always find hilarious found its way to my list.  A business call made the list because I found it intellectually engaging.  And a light moment of laughter and silliness with my children also made me happy.  Doing yoga would have been on my list -- had I managed to do it the day before.  But I did practice the day my friend asked me and I immediately thought of that.

My friend's question gave way to another one for me:  What does it take to get us to those moments of happiness?  That requires more thought.

I am grateful to my friend for her kindness in asking such a thought-provoking question.  I leave the same question with you:  What is one small thing that you did that made you happy yesterday?

A Little Kindness Goes a Long Way

"Being considerate of others will take your children further in life than any college degree."
~ Marian Wright Edelman

Nothing beats a little kindness to begin the day.  As I was dropping off my son at school early this morning, one of the safety patrols -- a 4th Grader -- opened our car door and said "Good morning" to my son and to me.  He then said to my son, "Watch out for the puddle."  My son stepped around the rain puddle and was on his way.  I smiled as I drove away, delighted that my son is in the company of friendly, polite and kind children.

The Kindness of Checking Up on Our Friends

"The language of friends is not words but meanings."
― Henry David Thoreau

I have a very dear friend with whom I communicate daily.  It might be by text, e-mail or telephone, but we communicate about all kinds of things.  No matter how many conversations we have, we always have a pending list of topics to discuss.  Recently, she sent me a text in the morning, which I somehow did not see.  She found it odd that I had not responded to her text, so later that day, she called to check up on me.  She said she figured there might be something wrong with my phone.  Given the crazy busy lives that most of us -- including my friend -- lead, I was touched by her kindness in checking up on me.

The Kindness of Fairy Godmothers

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."
― Thomas Aquinas

Working moms plan with school schedules in mind, lining up babysitters and child care for the work times not covered by school.  But what happens when there is no school and your business meeting is earlier than the babysitter can get to you?  You call one of your Fairy Godmothers, who works, too, but who manages to arrange her life, so that she can meet you at a designated spot early in the morning and take your child and keep him until the babysitter can get to her.  And then she folds her fairy wings and goes on with her day after she has quietly saved yours.

The Kindness of Making Memories

"It's great to reminisce about good memories of my past.  It was enjoyable when it was today.  So learning to enjoy today has two benefits:  it gives me happiness right now, and it becomes a good memory later."
― George Foreman

I have a very special friend who knows how to create memories.  Recently, after hosting a brunch at her house for two families, she texted me:  "I am determined to spend as much time with friends and family enjoying November and December.  If you think about it, the best memories are those special days...  Seasons, birthdays are flying past us.  The only thing we take with us is the memories of those special days."  Her determination to make those good times happen inspires me to be a little more proactive than I would ordinarily be in planning my social calendar ― because I know that she is right.

The Kindness of an Impromptu Dinner

"There is only one difference between a long life and a good dinner: that, in the dinner, the sweets come last."
― Robert Louis Stevenson

I was driving home on a recent weekend evening, wondering what I would feed my children for dinner when one of my dearest friends called to say that she had some cupcakes for my children.  "You can pick them up or I'll take them to your house," she said.  As I was in the car and we live within minutes of each other, I told her that I would stop by and get them.  "Why don't you come over for dinner?" she asked.  And so we did.  Somehow, in the few minutes that it took us to get there, she and her husband set a beautiful table for eight, which included my family and her father.  In what seemed like no time, my friend cooked a delicious dinner.  We had a wonderful evening with great food, wonderful conversation, and friends who are like family.

My friend is one of my children's godmothers.  I think I should add "fairy" before godmother.  Little did she know when she called how perfectly times her kindness was.

Kindness on Halloween

"I'm surrounded by it.  I have so many lovely people around me who are supportive, gentle, kind and considerate.  I'm so grateful for every day that I'm on the planet and that continues to be so."
― Richard O'Brien

Halloween can be a crazy evening, but in the midst of the madness, kindness shines through, too.  Yesterday, before I headed out with my family, I received a call from my lovely friend asking if we had plans.  If we didn't, she wanted me to know where and at what time she was meeting other families, so that we could join her.  A little later, as we were making our way down the first streets, she called again, just to check in and make sure that we would not be meeting her group as they were getting ready to leave.  Some time after and based on my children's insistence to see her children, I called her and found out where she was, and we made our way to them.  Finding her group was made easier because my lovely friend was carrying a flashlight above her head that flashed a red light -- I saw her from half a block away.  We walked together for a while until we went off in different directions.  Today, she texted me to say that she was sorry that we had gotten separated.  I wrote back to thank her for being so attentive and to say that I was happy that we had spent some time together.