The Kindness of Remembering Details

"I always say that kindness is the greatest beauty you can have."
~ Andie MacDowell

Several months ago, I told a lovely friend of mine that one of my favorite foods is chocolate chip cookies.  It has been that way since I was a child when Friday nights frequently included sleepovers with my good friends at my grandmother's house and baking chocolate chip cookies. 

When my birthday rolled around last year, my lovely friend showed up with a freshly baked plate of chocolate chip cookies.  A couple of days ago -- in the middle of a rough week -- my friend called to say that she had something for me.  And last night she gave me a treat I never knew existed -- a jar of chocolate chip cookie dough that is designed to be eaten not baked.  How great is that?!  It is delicious, but much more important is that it is one more expression of my lovely friend's kindness.

The Kindness of a Thoughtful Borrower

"One can pay back the loan of gold, but one dies forever in debt to those who are kind."
~Malayan Proverb

When I think of "borrower," I immediately remember the fantasy novel that I read as a child titled "The Borrowers" by English author Mary Norton.  The "borrowers" were a family of small people who lived secretly in a house of big people and borrowed whatever they needed from the regular house inhabitants.  As far as I remember, the borrowers never returned anything.

And then there is my very dear friend who is one of the most thoughtful borrowers ever.  Last weekend, we traveled together to a school activity for our children and she borrowed a top of mine during the trip.  (It looked much better on her than on me.)  When she returned it a few days later, she had washed it, folded it in tissue paper  and put it in a store bag.  It looked like a gift!  And to top it off, she gave me a bouquet of my favorite flowers to thank me for lending her the top.  I am not sure that any borrower could be kinder.

The Kindness of Sharing Great Company

"The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best."
~Epictetus

Recently, one of my dearest friends gave me a great gift -- his company.  I had been through a rough few days, so I was delighted at the prospect of lunch with him.  For decades, we have laughed together through a myriad of life situations.  And while we have also shared a few tears, laughter is what happens most whenever we are together.  Our adventures together run the gamut from weddings, funerals and other milestone life events to the silliest of outfits, outings and conversations.  But regardless of what we are doing, I am always happy to be with him.  Spending time with him and the inevitable laughter were just what the doctor ordered after a trying few days.

Infusing Kindness into Every Moment

"Everything we do is infused with the energy with which we do it.  If we're frantic, life will be frantic.  If we're peaceful, life will be peaceful.  And so our goal in any situation becomes inner peace."
~ Marianne Williamson

Recently, it occurred to me that if exchanging smiles positively impacts our mood, then what would happen if we tried to infuse every moment with kindness?  What if we approached every moment of our lives with a propensity to be kind?  Whenever I have tried it for any length of time -- even part of a day, I am surprised by the results.  Whether it is exchanging smiles with a stranger, letting someone go in front of me in traffic, or making ordinary exchanges at stores more pleasant with a bit of conversation, those moments of shared kindness and human connection lift my spirits and create a chain of kindness that brightens my day.

The Kindness of Communicating Love

"If you want a love message to be heard, it has got to be sent out.  To keep a lamp burning, we have to keep putting oil in it."
~Mother Teresa

We are blessed with friends, a married couple, who live in another city.  They are incredibly thoughtful and very attentive to our children.  They were in town recently, but we were not able to spend any time together.  That did not stop them from coming by our apartment with a bag of goodies for us and for our children.  As our children excitedly took the items out of the bag, one of them said, "They love us!"  And I thought, how wonderful that our friends have managed to communicate that to our children.  Can there be a greater kindness than sharing love?

The Sanity-Saving Kindnesses of Our Villages

"The sincere friends of this world are as ship lights in the stormiest of nights."
~ Giotto di Bondone

One of my dearest friends will be moving away soon -- clear to the other side of the world.  And one of her concerns as she prepares for what will surely be a great adventure is what she will do without her village.  Her village will not be physically close, but we the villagers have pledged to be there for her.  And I have no doubt that we will.  (I also know that given what a terrific person she is, she will continue to expand her village and will find new members in her new home.)

I was reminded of the sanity-saving kindness of my own village very recently.  I unexpectedly found myself in the hospital with a loved one.  Everything turned out fine, but I didn't know that as my relatively short odyssey began.  But my villagers kept me sane and held me up.  I felt completely sustained by the kindness of those dearest to me.  And even by a former colleague.

My soon-to-be faraway friend immediately asked what she could do and if I needed her to take care of my children.  She texted me messages of support and encouragement.  "I am sure you are terrified, but be strong, " she texted.  She told me what to do, how to deal with my loved one, what to tell the nurses...  It was step-by-step instructions.  When I couldn't think, she was thinking for me.  Although she is younger than me, she frequently feels like my older sister.  And I love her for it.

As I shared the news with other friends, they texted to ask what they could do.  I reached out to a friend whose husband is a doctor and she had her husband call me.  He spoke to the emergency room doctor and all of a sudden we were getting the attention that we needed, but had not received before.  We were actually told that they might not have the medicine we needed ("there is a national shortage") and there was a line for the diagnostic test.  After our doctor friend spoke to the ER doctor, the medicine appeared and there was no wait for the test.  Sad, but true.

Once I was assured that things would be fine, I realized that I needed to eat and so I went looking for the hospital restaurant that was supposed to be very close.  I became lost in the labyrinth of hallways and was feeling overwhelmed when I ran into a former colleague.  She said she was visiting her grandmother and asked me why I was there.  I told her and explained that I was trying to find something to eat before I fainted, but that I was lost.  She gave me a big hug and walked me to the restaurant, and then showed me how to get back to the Emergency Room area.  I felt as though I had run into an angel in the hospital hallway.

After arriving back home, friends continued to text to see if they could help.  A married couple from out-of-town texted to say that they were going to the grocery store and could they get us anything.  I knew that I needed two things to get through the children's breakfast and lunch the next day, and so I asked them if they could pick those up for me.  (I find it hard to ask, but I felt as though I could not do one more thing.  What is it about hospitals that wear us out?)

I made it through our relatively small ordeal tired, but grateful -- incredibly appreciative for the kindness of my wonderful village.  I felt loved and supported, which was exactly what I needed.

The Kindness of Becoming the Security Detail

"The simple act of caring is heroic."
~ Edward Albert

I recently traveled on an overnight trip with my daughters' school for a language competition.  Several parents, including one dad, rode with the girls on the bus to the competition site several hours away.  It was not easy keeping up with a large group of energetic teenagers and at one stop, a bunch of girls took off running (to Starbucks, no less) while we tried in vain to keep up.  The one dad took off running after them, determined to not let them out of our sight.  On our way back to the bus, this dad was still on duty, standing at the edge of the street we needed to cross to make sure everyone got back safely. 

The Kindness of Try Try Again

"Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."
~ Maya Angelou

On a couple of recent occasions, I have had difficulty using gift cards.  One time, I tried to use a gift card at a restaurant only to be told it did not work.  But when I checked the balance on line, it still had the original amount.  I eventually used it to purchase something on line. 

Last week, one of my children wanted to use a gift card at a bookstore.  We checked the balance at home and the card had the original amount.  However, when we swiped it at the bookstore, the card did not work.  I explained to the cashier that we had just checked the balance.  "The same thing happened to me, " the cashier said.  "Let's try it again."  It took two to three more swipe attempts before it finally worked.  Despite his being the only employee at the registers and a line of people waiting to pay, the cashier was incredibly helpful.

The Kindness of a Hug... via Voicemail

"A hug is like a boomerang - you get it back right away."
~ Bil Keane

Earlier this week, I picked up a voicemail message from a friend.  She and I volunteered on a project together a few years ago and that experience created a lasting bond between us.  I don't see her as much as I would like, but whenever I think of her, I smile.  Of course, I keep meaning to call her, but most of the time, life gets in the way.  Her recent voicemail message told me that she was thinking about me, so she called because otherwise "days turn into weeks and then months," she said.  But the best part of her message was that she said she was sending me a hug through voicemail.

Small Kindnesses Along the Road

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.  Every act creates a ripple with no logical end."
~ Scott Adams

Where I live is known as one of the worst places to drive in the country -- especially in terms of driver courtesy (lack of).  So it was with quite a bit of surprise that I watched a driver in front of me carefully back up to let a car coming from the opposite direction make a left turn in front of him.  That small act of kindness inspired me a few minutes later to stop so that a car could enter the road in front of me from the other side of the street.

And that is what kindness does...  Not only does it benefit the giver and the receiver, but also it impacts those who observe it.  It inspires us to do our part, however small.  And I believe that small acts of kindness lift our spirits and pave the way for more kindness.

The Kindness of Listening to Children

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force.  The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward.  When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand."
~ Karl A. Menninger

I have a dear friend who has an amazing capacity to listen to children.  I am always struck by her conversations with my children.  She will ask them about school, about their friends, about what they like to do...  And then she really listens.  Unfortunately, she does not live in town, but every time she visits, her kindness leaves a lasting impression on my children.  So it is not surprising that days after she has left, my children are still talking about her and saying that they miss her.

The Kindness of my Serene Friend

"Goodness is something that makes us serene and content; it is magnificent."
~ Bhumibol Adulyadej

I have a lovely friend who always looks serene.  No matter what is swirling about her, she is able to maintain her smile and her composure.  Recently, she texted me that she was on her way back from a weekend away and to ask if my children would be available for a play date.  On the evening that the family returned from an out-of-town weekend?  Yes, she said.  My children had been very eager to see her children, and, as always, they were thrilled to go to her house.  I had to go to an evening event, so it worked well for me, too.  And when I arrived to pick up my children -- a little later than I had hoped, my very lovely and very serene friend smiled as though it was 3 pm in the afternoon.

The Kindness of Spontaneous Generosity

"Happiness exists on earth, and it is won through prudent exercise of reason, knowledge of the harmony of the universe, and constant practice of generosity."
~ José Martí

I have a childhood friend who is one of the most generous people I know.  She comes by it honestly as her father was like that, too.  When we were growing up, her father was the one who took all of us to the circus every year.  He also took us to fancy restaurants and ordered dishes for us that we had never tried before.  A selfless man, everything he did was for his daughter and he loved hosting her friends.

 

My friend was in town recently and we met up for coffee.  I complimented her on the perfume that she was wearing.  Next thing I knew, she took the bottle out from her purse and said, "Take it -- it's yours."  When I told her that I could not accept it, she said that if I didn't take it, she would get mad at me.  So I thanked her and took the bottle -- thrilled to have it, but more touched by her generosity. 

The Kindness of Sharing Life Histories

"There is no friend like an old friend who has shared our morning days, no greeting like his welcome, no homage like his praise."
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Recently, I attended the wedding of the daughter of one of my childhood friends.  The bride's mother and I went to school together from 3rd Grade all the way through until we graduated from high school.  We grew up together.  We have known each other's families and we have shared many experiences.  Seeing my friend at her daughter's wedding was amazing, inspiring really.  My friend has been through her share of life's challenges, but there she was looking both beautiful and triumphant as she celebrated her daughter's major milestone.  Several of us who have known my friend for decades watched with great happiness for her -- she not only pulled off the perfect wedding for her daughter, but also managed to get her daughter to this moment in her life.  No small feat.

The morning after the wedding, I texted my friend to tell her how beautiful everything had been and how grateful I was to share the evening with her.  She wrote back:  "Thanks for once again being a part of the history of my life!!" 

When we are young, the moments that we spend with friends are effortless and naturally become part of our shared life histories.  As we grow older, being part of each other's life histories sometimes involves effort and juggling.  But when it comes to those friends whom we treasure, being a part of those important moments is a great kindness -- and a very mutual one.

The Kindness -- and Reminder -- in a Package

"Never suppress a generous thought."
~ Camilla Eyring Kimball

This morning, I was surprised to find a small package outside my door.  A business contact I met this week sent me a book he had mentioned during our conversation, which he thought I might enjoy.  I was so touched by his kindness.  And it reminded me that those extra things we do for people have more of an impact than we imagine.

Kindness... the Fabric of our Lives

"The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food."
~ Dean Ornish

Recently, I thought about that "Fabric of our Lives" advertising campaign that promotes cotton.  It occurred to me that -- even more than cotton -- kindness is the fabric of our lives. 

There are the big kindnesses -- those that you can't forget and always treasure.  And then there are the smaller kindnesses that make us smile, that lift our hearts for a few minutes, that connect us to others in ways that matter.

The other day, I met a business contact at a coffee shop.  When we finished our meeting, we picked up our cups and plates.  My companion noticed that the people who had been sitting next to us had not bussed their dishes, so he picked up theirs, too, and made life just a little easier for the staff.

That same day, a woman I know took a cold water of bottle with her in case she saw a homeless veteran who is frequently at a certain intersection.  She did not see him right away.  She finally saw him as the light turned green, so she handed him the bottle of water as she drove by.  They exchanged smiles.  And I imagine that both their days were better for that handoff.

The Kindness of a Guy Named Ted

"We are what we repeatedly do.  Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
~ Aristotle

Over the weekend, I tried to make a purchase on-line.  It was for my husband's birthday, which is very soon, and I was a little late in ordering.  I also was trying to use a gift card for part of the purchase, but after inputting the gift card information, I was not able to input my credit card information.  Although I received a confirmation, I knew that I could not have possibly completed the purchase, but I was not sure what to do next.  I called the 800 number on the website, fully expecting to not receive much help and become frustrated -- especially as it was a Saturday. 

To my surprise, I ended up with a very nice guy named Ted on the line.  He told me that he could take care of my order and proceeded to do exactly that.  I asked him how long it usually took items to arrive and he said that it generally took about 7 to 10 days.  Yikes, I thought, definitely too late for my husband's birthday.  I explained this to Ted and he told me that he make a note on the order and that there was a chance it would ship faster.  That was Saturday.  On Tuesday, I received an e-mail from Ted to let me know that my item had shipped the day before.  My item arrived the very next day -- on Wednesday -- and in plenty of time for my husband's birthday!  I e-mailed Ted to let him know and to thank him.  He e-mailed me back with guidance on how to assemble it.

I usually dread having to resolve things on the phone -- be it insurance claims, item purchases or deliveries.  But I was pleasantly surprised to run across such a professional  and helpful guy as Ted.

Strength and Kindness

"Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution."
~ Kahlil Gibran

At one of my children's schools, they have a lovely tradition of having the children who are graduating from the elementary school deliver a "sermon."  For the most part, it is their reflections on finishing 5th Grade and moving on to middle school.

Recently, I heard one little girl give an especially powerful reflection in which she talked about the strength of kindness.  When you are kind, she said, you build up the other person as well as yourself.  And when you are mean, you not only weaken the other person, but you also weaken yourself.

Out of the mouth of babes.

The Kindness of Graciously Accepting No

"I think sometimes it is more important to be gracious than to win."
~ Dorothy Kilgallen

One of my mom friends recently invited my daughter on an outing with a group of girls.  Unfortunately, my daughter could not attend and I shared that with my friend, although I said that she would have loved to go.  "There will be many more," my friend graciously responded.  I found her reply very kind as I have occasionally faced situations where people are not as gracious when faced with "no."

The Kindness of Mom Friends

"Mothers are all slightly insane."
~ J.D. Salinger

Mom friends are quite simply indispensable.  They can save your life, your job and your sanity.  For example, no matter how well you think you have set up child care and all that entails, there are always surprises.  And that is when you need your go-to mom friends.  They are the women you call when you just can't get there -- for whatever "there" happens to be.  It can be as simple as a school, activity or party pick up.  It can be a child's event that you just can't make it to or that you will be late for.  These women are also your reality checkers.  When faced with parenting challenges, I go to them, too.  Interestingly enough, mom friends are not all moms -- but they do know how to be a good friend to one.  And for the help, wisdom and support of all my "mom" friends (mothers or not), I am very grateful. 

The Kindness of a Little Boost

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."
~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney

The other day, my children wanted to go for pizza, but I was exhausted and had to go to an event later that same evening.  I called my lovely friend, with whom we usually go for pizza, as my children wanted her and her children to come with us.  I asked if she was up for pizza.  Yes, she said.  Then as I explained what my evening looked like, she said, "Oh, we might be too tired..."  She called out to her daughter, "You are too tired to go, right?"  As I laughed, she said, "I am just trying to help you."  I was able to rally and we all met up for an early pizza dinner before I headed out to the other event.  I was in a much better mood after spending time with my lovely friend.

The Kindness of a Wise Godmother

"The object of teaching a child is to enable him to get along without a teacher."
~ Elbert Hubbard

My children are blessed with wonderful godparents.  And these godparents are exactly what I wished for -- people who are role models for my children and who help them grow.

Recently, one of my children had to sell raffle tickets for school.  He wanted to sell them to several adult friends who would be easy to see on short notice.  I remembered that one of the godmothers had said that children should take the lead in these types of efforts, so I told my son that if he wanted her to buy a raffle ticket, he would have to call her himself.  We practiced what he would say and then he called her at work.  Gracious as ever, she agreed to buy two tickets and said that we could stop by her office as she was working that evening.  When we stopped by her office, she told my son that she was going to buy three tickets.  He was thrilled.  My son and I both appreciated her generosity, but I also appreciated that she helped my son take a couple of steps outside his comfort zone.

Kindness and a Borrowed Blue Dress

"Elegance does not consist in putting on a new dress."
~ Coco Chanel

A very special friend of mine went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago -- in a spectacular blue dress.  Everyone who saw the photos told her how stunning she looked.  And she told everyone that a friend had lent her the dress.  The friend who lent her the dress told her that it did not make sense to say that she was in a borrowed dress, but my friend had no problem with it at all.  She thoroughly enjoyed wearing the dress as well as the compliments that she received.  I also believe that my friend understands what a blessing it is to have great friends who lend you beautiful things and who want the best for you, and she has no problem acknowledging that, too.

The Kindness of Thoughtfully Selected Postcards

"Kindness is a passport that opens doors and fashions friends.  It softens hearts and molds relationships that can last lifetimes."
~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

We have friends, a couple, who live in another city, but have a home in our community and visit several times a year.  In the 14 years that we have known them, we have become very good friends and they are always incredibly attentive toward our children.

This week, we received postcards that they had sent to each of our children.  It was lovely that they remembered my children during their travels and that they managed to have our address and all the rest that actually mailing a postcard entails.  But I was amazed at the thoughtfulness behind each postcard chosen -- one had something in one of my children's favorite colors (which they mentioned), another was designed by an artist that would have special meaning to another child...  Each carefully selected for the recipient, each postcard communicating how special each child is to them.

Remembering Kindness... Again

"I always say that kindness is the greatest beauty that you can have."
~ Andie MacDowell

Very early today, I found myself driving in the dark to take one of my children to a school activity.  I left my house just after 4 am.  The streets were predictably, but nonetheless eerily, empty.  And I remembered the last time that I had been out at that hour of the morning, driving along the same road...  Only I hadn't been driving.  It was almost 13 years ago and I had a very special pick up at the airport, which I was going to drive to alone.  But then one of my dearest friends and truly one of the most gallant men I have ever known called to say that he would drive me.  It is a kindness that I remember frequently and that is permanently etched in my heart.

The Kindness of Sharing Ideas

"Be content with you are and where you are, and do whatever you can do to bring to others such contentment, and joy, and understanding that you have managed to find yourself."
~ Alexander McCall Smith

I suppose writers write mostly because they have to -- as in they really want to.  I imagine some might write for the money, but I believe that for most writers, there is a certain generosity -- a kindness -- in sharing ideas.  That occurred to me this morning as I read this in the first paragraph of a book: 

"It was a Saturday, the day that she preferred above all others, a day on which one might do as much or as little as one liked..."

I immediately loved that idea!  I had never thought about Saturdays quite that way, but it made perfect sense to me and I decided that I would like thinking about Saturdays that way from now on.  The joy of a new idea made me grateful that the author had shared his thinking.

P.S.  The Saturday quote is from Alexander McCall Smith's In the Company of Cheerful Ladies, part of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency series.

The Kindness of Asking for an Opinion

"You've got to ask!  Asking is, in my opinion, the world's most powerful -- and neglected -- secret to success and happiness."
~ Percy Ross

I recently was at a board meeting of an organization in which I have been involved for years.  The board chair is an experienced attorney whose legal knowledge is only outdone by his graciousness.  A legal issue came up and he turned to another lawyer on the board, who is not the expert that he is in the area in question, and asked for her opinion.  He could have just as easily shared his opinion and not asked for anyone else's view, but graciousness and generosity are part of his M.O. and he is all the more respected for it.

The Kindness of an Attentive Husband

"The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue.  It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again - and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife."
~ Barbara de Angelis

The camping adventure on which I embarked this weekend was a family camping event.  But one of my mom friends was coming solo with one child as her husband had tickets to a concert and was taking their other child.  Despite these alternate plans, my friend's husband, a veteran camper, packed my friend's gear and then came to the campsite to set up her tent complete with inflatable mattress.  The next morning, he again returned to the campsite to pack up her tent.  My lovely friend deserves nothing less than an attentive husband, but his kindness was still nice to see.