The Kindness of Grandmotherly Advice

“Grandmothers always have time to talk and make you feel special.”

~ Catherine Pulsifer

Grandmothers can make you feel special – even when they belong to someone else.  At school recently, my son was sitting on the floor and drawing an owl from a photo.  The grandmother of one of his classmates walked by and complimented his drawing.  She then suggested turning the photo and his drawing upside down, and drawing from that perspective because, she explained, he would see the shapes more clearly. It worked, my son reported.

A Kindness Hero

“The simple act of caring is heroic.”

~ Edward Albert

A middle school boy I know shared that during lunch time at school, he saw a girl he didn’t know sitting on a bench and crying.  He went up and asked her if she was okay.  Then he introduced himself.  She never said what was wrong, but hopefully she understood that someone cared that she was upset.

The Kindness of a Favor

“The ideal man takes joy in doing favors for others.”

~ Aristotle

Nearly everyone I know groans – at least, internally – when someone in another city or country asks her to bring a non-essential item from the city where the traveler is in to the other place.  Many times, these favors entail significant time in locating the goods and then the additional hassle of packing them in your suitcase.  My steadfast friend actually volunteered for this duty when a friend in another city commented that she was trying to obtain an item that she could not find in her own city.  And my friend did not even hint that running the errand or lugging the item in her bag was an inconvenience.

The Kindness of Being Helpful

“We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.”

~ W.H. Auden

One of my mom friends organizes a wonderful program at our church – people buy toys and clothing for children on behalf of their parents who are in jail.  I recently called her because I had questions about some of the items that I needed to purchase as well as the deadline to get the items to her.  She patiently answered my questions, offered suggestions on where to purchase the items and told me that she would help with whatever I did not have time to do.

The Kindness of Christmas Card Advice

“Christmas, my child, is love in action.  Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.”

~ Dale Evans

Years ago, probably a couple of decades by now, one of my college friends told me that she always writes her Christmas cards during the Thanksgiving holiday, so that they are ready to go out early in the Christmas season.  It made perfect sense to me, so I have tried to do that ever since.  And every time I sit down to address my Christmas cards, I think of my friend and am grateful for her advice.  I aim to send my cards on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Sometimes I make it; sometimes I’m close enough.  But her advice has definitely saved me from writing my cards at the last minute.  I thought about my friend again this year as I began addressing my cards during the Thanksgiving break.  Not surprisingly, on the Saturday before Thanksgiving, I received her card.

The Kindness of Sharing Memories

“The most important thing in the world is family and love.”

~ John Wooden

My father would have celebrated his 80^th birthday today, but he died 17 years ago – a day before his 63^rd.  I enjoy remembering my dad and tell my family ahead of time that we will celebrate his birthday.  My son remembered and woke me up with “Happy Birthday.”  I have to admit that I was a little confused.  A little later in the morning – and once I was fully awake , my siblings and I shared memories and photos of my father on our group chat.  My family and I went to a restaurant and sang Happy Birthday to my father over dessert.  My brother took his children to my father’s grave.  My brother shared that he thought my father enjoyed the visit.  We all miss my dad, but remembering together gives us comfort and reminds us of his love.

The Kindness of Putting Up with Awkwardness

“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own.”

~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I recently heard from one of my college friends.  He shared how blessed he felt to have spent Thanksgiving with his three adult children, one of whom is already married.  It involved some travel on his part.  And spending time, including a drive back home, with his ex-wife.  But the time spent with his children was well worth the awkwardness.

The Kindness of Thanksgiving Greetings

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”

~ George Sand

There was a time when we called a handful of people on holidays to extend our good wishes.  That was in the day of the telephone as our main communication device. But now, thanks to our smart phones, we can text to our hearts’ delight.  I enjoy receiving texts from family and friends on holidays like today.  One text in particular made me laugh out loud – yes, LOL!  One of my dearest friends sent me a video of her getting ready to dress her turkey.  She appeared to be dancing with the bird.  And all was not text.  The mother of one of my college roommates, a woman I adore, surprised me with a Thanksgiving morning call.  It was an incredible gift. 

Kindness and Thanksgiving Eve

“Thanksgiving is one of my favorite days of the year because it reminds us to give thanks and to count our blessings.  Suddenly, so many things become so little when we realize how blessed and lucky we are.”

~ Joyce Giraud

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  There is a slower pace to it.  There is the benefit of the four-day weekend.  There is the food, of course.  But my favorite part is that we give thanks.  For family, for friends, for the abundance of blessings that most of us enjoy.  And giving thanks fills our hearts with joy.

Kindness through Cyberspace

“A friend is what the heart needs all the time.”

~ Henry Van Dyke

A middle school boy I know recently received a text from a former schoolmate, a girl a year younger.  He had not heard from her for a while, but she texted to share that her mother had decided to go shopping instead of attending her daughter’s soccer game.  The boy wrote back that he was sorry and sent his friend a funny gif of clapping Minions to cheer her up.  “Thanks,” she wrote back.  “You made me feel better.”

The Kindness of Not Honking

“Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.”

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am going to propose a crazy idea, so crazy that I hope you might go along with it and encourage others to do so, too.  As I drive around my community, I hear what feels like the endless honking of car horns – or beeping, as we used to call it.  As far as I can tell, this is not honking the horn to avoid an accident – which, of course, makes sense.  This is honking to make the person in the car in front of you move faster or turn faster.  It seems to be honking based on impatience.  If you even stop for a moment to think about it, honking does not help matters at all.  You only succeed in startling or annoying the other person.  So my crazy idea is this:  What if we decide – in the spirit of Thanksgiving and Christmas – not to honk at others in traffic unless it is to avoid an accident?  When someone is not moving as fast as we would like, we can instead take a breath, count one blessing or say a quick prayer – all of which can only help us and are more in keeping with the season.

Kindness and Leftovers

“It’s not leftovers that are wasteful, but those who either don’t know what to do with them or can’t be bothered.”

~ Julian Baggini

On a recent weekend, I found myself leaving two social events with containers of food.  The first time, it was a children’s birthday party at a movie theatre.  The father had actually brought containers to share the leftovers with partygoers.  “I hate throwing away food,” he said as he handed me two containers filled with party food.  The second time was after the coffee hour at church.  One of the women who organized the coffee hour told me to go to the kitchen before I left because she had a box packed up for me.

The Kindness of an Accommodating Grandmother

“I know what it is like to be brought up with unconditional love.  In my life, that came from my grandmother.”

~ Andre Leon Talley

On a recent weekend, my children needed to be in more places that we could manage.  Step in my mom.  She offered to change her plans and fill in the gap.  Nothing like grandma to the rescue!

Kindness and Special Cookies

“I like cookies, any cookie you put in front of me – animal cookies, sugar cookies, anything crunchy.”

~ Maria Shriver

One of my dearest friends recently asked me if we could meet up for a couple of minutes.  She was leaving town the next day for a family wedding and said that she had a “teeny something” that she wanted to give me.  The little something turned out to be the cookie version of a very delicious candy bar from Australia to which I am very partial.  My friend never ceases to amaze me – despite the preparations for her trip, she managed to think of me.

The Kindness of Someone Else’s Father

“I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”

~ Sigmund Freud

I recently attended an event with a group of attorneys.  At one point, I was in conversation with two attorneys who have known each other for a number of years – since high school.  One shared with the other that after his father died, the other’s father would reach out several times a year to check up on him.  And, the first one said, it did not stop after a couple of years.  The other’s father kept checking in on him for a very long time.  The attorney whose father died said that not only was that a huge support for him, but also it taught him a valuable lesson.  He has tried to pay that type of kindness forward whenever he can.

Kindness, Friendship and Joy

“The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it.”

~ Hubert H. Humphrey

I recently spoke to a very good friend and we talked about a recent event I had attended.  It occurred to me – after the fact – that he would have enjoyed being there.  He agreed.  I told him that I felt badly that I had not told him about it and I apologized.  He replied, “But you are giving me a lot of joy telling me about it.”  What a friend.

Kindness and a Well-Timed Compliment

“The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions – the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment.”

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

There are compliments that you just shrug off and then there are those that arrive with perfect timing.  For example, a woman I know had to speak at an event and just before she had to speak, someone complimented her outfit.  And while the speaker knows that clothing does not make the woman, her confidence did go up a notch.

Overwhelming Kindness (or the Kindness of Showing Up)

“I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.  Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun.”

~ Charles R. Swindoll

I recently had a special event at my old high school.  And I guess not just high school because I went to elementary school there, too.  It was a special day and I was completely overwhelmed by the kindness of friends –from all different parts of my life – who showed up.  My oldest friend – a girl whom I have known since we were in 1^st Grade together – drove over from the other side of the state.  Another member of our middle school gang flew in from another city.  One girl (and yes we may be past the age to call them that, but that’s what they are to me) was finishing a salsa class when another friend told her about it and she drove over.  It was such a treat to have not only my family, but also such dear friends join me.  My heart was truly filled with joy.  And I was reminded again of how much showing up matters.

Kindness and a Thanksgiving Invitation

“If you are really thankful, what do you do?  You share.”

~ W. Clement Stone

On a recent Sunday morning at church, one of the members stood up during the announcements and invited anyone who did not have family in town to join her husband and her at their home for Thanksgiving.  After the service, I told her how nice I thought her invitation was.  She shrugged it off and said that they have plenty of room.

Kindness at Disney

“Kindness and politeness are not overrated at all. They’re underused.”

~ Tommy Lee Jones

One of my dearest mom friends wrote to me from Disney World to share this story.  Her son was at one of those penny-flattening machines with a plastic bag filled with coins.  The bag broke and coins went everywhere.  A family was walking by and saw what happened.  The mother stopped to help and one by one, the other family members – including a toddler – joined in to help collect the coins.

A Major Kindness

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”

~ Princess Diana

I recently went to the dry cleaners in my neighborhood.  I had not been there for a while.  The woman who works there asked me how I was and then told me a beautiful story.  She shared that she was having major dental issues and mentioned it to a customer, a mother in the neighborhood.  That mother decided to ask her friends to chip in to pay for the dental treatment.  Through another friend, a dentist found out about the situation and did the dental work for free.  The money that the mother collected from her friends was given to the woman at the dry cleaners.  The woman at the dry cleaners became teary as she shared the story.  She told me that it had changed her life and that – other than her children – it was the best thing that had ever happened to her.  Some kindnesses are major.

The Kindness of a Complimentary Dessert

“Treat others as you wish to be treated.  Don’t just be nice, but be kind to other people.  That can be so rewarding.”

~Mary Lambert

Two women I know went out to lunch recently to celebrate one of their birthdays.  At the end of the meal when the bill came, the non-birthday girl grabbed the check and said, “I’ve got this – it’s your birthday!”  Before she put down her credit card, the waiter came back with another bill.  The women looked at him quizzically and he explained that he had made the dessert complimentary because they were celebrating a birthday.

The Kindness of our Out-of-Town Friends

“The most I can do for my friend is simply be his friend.”

~ Henry David Thoreau

Two of my children recently went on a school trip to another city – one of those trips that is chock full of activities and bus transfers.  We have very good friends, a married couple, in that city, but did not know if they would be able to see our children given that our friends both work and that the children had a packed schedule.  But our very kind friends managed to make time during their workdays to go to where our children were and visit with them for a few minutes.  And they sent us photos!

Kindness and Pumpkin Bread

“Bake someone happy.”

~ Unknown

Pumpkin bread with chocolate chips has kindness baked right in.  Just thinking about it makes me smile.  My lovely friend introduced me to this particular delicacy, which is baked by a mother we know in our neighborhood.  And the bonus part is that a portion of the sales of the loaves goes to a hunger-relief nonprofit.  After my lovely friend gave me the first loaf, I was hooked – as are my family members.  The “pumpkin lady,” as my son calls her, bakes on Tuesdays.  I try to remember to place an order, but frequently, depending on what else is going on in my life, I forget.  But the pumpkin lady is terrific about checking in and asking if I would like any.

Kindness and a Colleague

“It is nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.”

~ John Templeton

I recently sent an email to a colleague and to two other people.  Unfortunately, I did not enter one of the other emails correctly and so I ended up sending the email twice.  I told my colleague about my error, so that she wouldn’t wonder why she was receiving the same email two times.  She could have not answered or simply acknowledged my email.  Instead, she sent a smiley face and wrote, “We’ve all been there.”  And just like that, she made me feel a little better about my gaffe.

The Kindness of a Smile

“Share your smile with the world.  It’s a symbol of friendship and peace.”

~ Christie Brinkley

On a recent weekend morning, I dropped off two of my children at the airport for a school trip.  I was really missing them and feeling out of sorts when I stopped at a family restaurant for breakfast.  The waitress came along with a huge smile and wished me a nice day.  She actually made me smile and lifted my mood.

The Kindness of a Cheerful Greeting

“Let us always meet each other with a smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.”

~ Mother Teresa

How many of us have felt that initial awkwardness of walking into an event not knowing if you were going to find someone you knew to talk with?

Recently, I went to an event invited by some out-of-town friends whom I had not seen for about a year.  Before I even saw my friends, the wife of the couple came over to greet me – with a big smile.  Her husband was incredibly gracious, too, and made me feel very welcomed.

Kindness and Joy

“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”

~ Richard Bach

Some people can be happy for others.  It is truly a wonderful thing.  They can share in another person’s joy.  It is great to be able to count on your friends when you are down and need a shoulder, but it is very special to have friends who can celebrate good things with you, too.

Kindness and Impatience

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.”

~ Princess Diana

The other day at a department store, there was a customer in the cashier line who looked very impatient.  She kept looking at her watch and harrumphing.  It seemed she had somewhere else to be.  Before the cashier called the next person, the customer in the front of the line told the harried woman to go before her.

The Kindness of a Lesson

“When you get older, you learn certain life lessons.  You apply that wisdom, and suddenly you say, ‘Hey, I’ve got a new lease on this thing.  So let’s go.’”

~ Robert Redford

One of my dearest friends is a very special person who lives intentionally – she gets done what she wants to do.  She applies this to all aspects of her life, including her children’s education, family trips and home projects.  She insists on scheduling the important things in life – including outings with friends – because “otherwise they don’t happen,” she says.  Of course, she is right.  The other day, I ran into a friend whose birthday is coming up.  I told her that we needed to schedule lunch because otherwise it wouldn’t happen.  As the words tumbled out of my mouth, I realized that I was channeling my intentional friend!  And I greatly appreciated her lesson.