The Kindness of Guidance

"Children require guidance and sympathy far more than instruction."
~ Anne Sullivan

It definitely takes a village to raise a child, and a huge help in raising children is having helpers.  Sure, having babysitters and other paid help is great, but I am referring to those other adults in your children's lives who love them and care for them and who tell them truths that they may not want to hear from their parents. 

The other day we were at the dentist's office.  We are blessed that our dentist is also the godmother of one of my children.  This wonderful woman told my children all kinds of things that I would have paid lots of money to have someone say to them.  It included, as one might predict, not to drink soda because it is bad for you.  But she also shares all kinds of wisdom with them that I am convinced they pay more attention to than when I say something similar.  These other adults who love our children perform great kindnesses when they take the time to guide them.

Surprising Kindness in a Business Setting

"I think true success is intrinsic...  It's love.  It's kindness.  It's community."
~ Tom Shadyac

The other day I needed to deliver an envelope of business papers to an office.  I did not know at what time the office closed, so I called and asked.  The receptionist told me that the office closed at 5:30 pm and I realized that I might not make it.  I asked the woman if I could slip the envelope under the door or through a slot as I would probably arrive 10 minutes after their closing time.  "Oh, I'll wait for you," she said.  I told her that I felt badly keeping her there, but she said it was no problem at all.  I drove up to the building just a couple of minutes after 5:30 pm and called to let the receptionist know that I was looking for parking and would be right up.  When a man answered, I thought that perhaps she had left.  The gentleman was very friendly and said that she had stepped away, but that both of them were there and they would see me shortly.  I was so surprised by the kindness from people I did not know. 

Unexpected Kindness in the Grocery Store Parking Lot

"The marvels of daily life are exciting; no movie director can arrange the unexpected that you find in the street."
~ Robert Doisneau

On a recent evening, I went to the grocery store to quickly pick up two items.  As frequently happens, I ended up buying more than I intended and I struggled with two heavy bags through the parking garage to my car.  In my peripheral vision, I saw someone pushing a cart very close to me, but I could not see who it was.  At one point, I turned around to find the 20-something-year-old son of someone I know who works at a nearby restaurant.  It seems that he had been trying to catch up to me to say hello.  And then he made the offer -- which I immediately accepted -- of carrying my bags to my car.

The Kindness of "Hey Buttercup!"

"What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity.  These are but trifles, to be sure; but scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable."
~ Joseph Addison

How can you not smile when someone calls and says, "Hey Buttercup!"  This is after she has left you a message singing, "What's up, Buttercup, whoa, whoa, whoa..."  And I confess to playing the message more than once because it makes me smile.  Yes, it is impossible to think of some people and not light up.  I love those sunbeams in my life.

The Kindness of an Overseas Delivery

"Where would you be without friends?  The people to pick you up when you need lifting?  We come from homes far from perfect, so you end up almost parent and sibling to your friends - your own chosen family.  There's nothing like a really loyal, dependable, good friend.  Nothing."
~ Jennifer Aniston

My steadfast friend travels quite a lot for business and as luck would have it, she is traveling to where one of my other friends has recently moved -- literally, the other side of the world.  Without my asking, my steadfast friend offered to take anything we wanted to send to my other friend.  My children and I wrote notes and sent a couple of goodies, including roach tablets (which my overseas friend had been lamenting about not having after seeing her first cockroach).  My steadfast friend is making a couple of stops before she arrives where my other friend lives, so she will be carting around our gifts for about a week before they make it to their final destination.  Traveling these days is enough of a hassle without having extra stuff to drag around.  I was so incredibly touched by my steadfast friend's generous offer.  And no doubt my other friend will be delighted to have her best cockroach defense.

The Kindness of Holding Doors

"Good actions give strength to ourselves and inspire good actions in others."
~ Plato

Sometimes it's the smallest things.  Today, my daughter and I were our way to an elevator with a full grocery cart, and a gentleman very graciously waited and held the elevator doors for us.  Whether it's a door to a building or the doors to an elevator, holding doors is a very simple kindness that actually says a lot.  It tells the other person that she is acknowledged and that she matters.  And that small human connection is often enough to lift our spirits.

The Kindness of Gentleness

"Gentleness towards self and others makes life a little lighter."
~ Deborah Day

I don't think gentleness can be overrated.  I have been thinking about it a lot lately and wondering how I can be more gentle.  The other day, I woke up and consciously decided to focus on being gentle toward others.  I did not get as far as I would have liked, but I believe the effort was worth it.  What did gentle look like?  For me, gentleness involves patience and a certain softness that sometimes may fly in the face of the edge and defensive sharpness that we think we need to get through.  And it also involves a generosity of thought and spirit that gives others the benefit of the doubt.

The Kindness of a Sunbeam

"Here is a little habit that can make a big difference.  Send sunbeams.  Intentionally send a word of encouragement or appreciation every day to one person."
~ Steve Goodier

I have a friend who regularly sends and gives sunbeams. In fact, I suspect she may be a sunbeam herself.  Whenever you see her, you have to smile because she walks up smiling.  She seems to see the positive in every situation.  On a recent night, my children and I were at her house way past any reasonable hour.  As we were leaving, I said that I hoped we had not overstayed our welcome.  The next day, I texted her to say thank you and once again I apologized for staying late.  She replied, "I loved having you over -- would have been perfectly happy with a later night..."  Yep, I think that was a sunbeam!

The Kindness of a Shove

"The greatest joys in life are found not only in what we do and feel, but also in our quiet hopes and labors for others."
~ Bryant McGill

There are times when encouragement from a friend is needed.  And then, there are times when we need something a bit stronger than encouragement -- a verbal shove, perhaps.  Or even one via text.

Recently, I needed to send a difficult letter regarding a business matter.  I drafted the letter, tweaked the letter, asked friends for advice on the letter...  But I had not sent the letter.  And then I received the shove.  More than one, actually.  That firm encouragement was exactly what I needed -- the letter is off!

Kindness and a Bag of Candy

"Kindness is magical!  Be kind to each other."
-- Debasish Mridha

The other day, a group of families was having pizza night at our local pizzeria.  One of the children bought a bag of candy that not many of us were familiar with and she graciously shared her bag with anyone who wanted to sample it.  It seemed that most of her bag was gone rather quickly.  One mother felt badly that the teenager's candy had been eaten and insisted on getting another bag to replace the one that had been enthusiastically sampled.  I marveled at both the child's generosity and the mother's thoughtfulness.

The Kindness of a Souvenir

"An effort made for the happiness of others lifts above ourselves."
~ Lydia M. Child

The word "souvenir" comes from the French "to remember."  And indeed that is what people do when they bring us souvenirs -- they have remembered us on their trip.

My lovely friend recently returned from a family vacation in Europe and she brought me several souvenirs.  I was touched that she thought of me and that she selected items that would be especially meaningful.  We all know that it can be a burden to squeeze additional items in our suitcases.  It is very nice to be remembered.

The Kindness of Calling

"Sometimes we should express our gratitude for the small and simple things like the scent of the rain, the taste of your favorite food, or the sound of a loved one's voice."
~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

My friend who moved to the other side of the world recently texted me to ask if I was available to talk.  "Yes!" I immediately answered.  Even though it was very early on her side of the globe, she was up and had some time to talk.  So talk we did -- about how she and her family were adjusting, about what we were doing...  I was so happy just to hear her voice.  I told her that I wished I could just twitch my nose the way the Elizabeth Montgomery character used to do on Bewitched and be at her house.  But hearing her voice was the next best thing.

Sunday Morning Kindness at Starbucks

"If you have an impulse to kindness, act on it."
~ Douglas Coupland

My mother is extraordinary, beautiful and quite spry.  She is also is a formidable force, but she may have met her match in the very heavy wooden chairs at Starbucks.  We went for a late Sunday breakfast and were gathering chairs, so that all of us could sit around one of the tables.  When I realized how heavy they were, I told her to let me or one of my children get them.  But she was determined and began lifting one of the chairs to carry it to our table.  A gentleman seated close by sprang to his feet and carried it for her.

Treasuring the Kindness of a Child's Thank You

"If you surrender completely to the moments as they pass, you live more richly those moments."
~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Being a mother is the best job EVER! 

But – it's not always easy.  And yet there are those moments...  I recently have relished a thank you that has been repeated by one of my children several times for something I did for her.  It is a fleeting moment, but one to fully enjoy and treasure.

The Kindness of Making the Effort to See Friends

"I have learned that to be with those I like is enough."
~ Walt Whitman

It's not easy when you travel to a city where you know many people to see everyone.  In fact, most of us have been guilty of being in a city and not calling a friend because we knew we would not be able to fit in a visit.

On a recent evening, pretty close to my bedtime, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call from a very dear friend who moved to another country seven years ago.  I knew that she was coming to town, but I had not heard from her.  She told me that she was walking along my street.  Even though I was tired, I went out to see her and we spent the next couple of hours talking, reminiscing and laughing -- the way we used to.  I always think of her as my first mom friend -- she was the first mother I became friendly with when my children began school -- and we spent most of our children's preschool years together.  When my friend is in town, I know that she has family to see, but I am delighted that she makes the effort to see me.

The Kindness of a Simple "Got it"

"Being more aware creates responsibility.  What does responsibility mean?  It means the ability to respond.  The more conscious you are in your ability to respond, the more creative you'll be."
~ Deepak Chopra

In our professional lives (and in some personal lives, I imagine), emails fly through cyberspace and across our screens at a pretty rapid pace.  It is easy to miss one.  Recently, I have been pleasantly surprised to receive emails from people to whom I have sent information that simply say "got it" or something similar.  As have most people, I have sent emails to people and never received a response, which left me wondering if the person ever received the information.  Short and sweet, this simple "got it" does the trick.  Cyberspace kindness.

Kindness through Fear

"Don't give in to your fears.  If you do, you won't be able to talk to your heart."
~ Paulo Coelho

A reader shared a lovely story about kindness in the wake of the riots in Baltimore in April:  "Over the past few days, amid the trials and tribulations here in Baltimore, I witnessed that 'chivalry is alive and well' here, too.  Monday afternoon as the turmoil was coming to a head in the neighborhood where I work, we were instructed to go home.  As I joined the outbound traffic snarl, I saw an elderly very petite lady struggling to pull down the metal security door in front of her store.  An elderly, bent-over gentleman using a walker stopped, hobbled over to her, reached up and pulled the door down.  She gracefully bowed her appreciation.  He nodded and went his way.  I could see the fear on their faces.  I'm sure they both worried about the storm that was sure to come, yet both took time to care – one to be helpful and the other graciously accepting of the kindness."

Kindness Across a Language Barrier

"No boundary or barrier surrounds the heart of a person that loves their self and others."
~  Shannon L. Alder

On a recent flight a couple of weeks ago, I sat next to a college student from the Midwest who was traveling to Haiti to do mission work.  We had a very nice conversation and talked about all kinds of things.  I was especially impressed by the importance of faith in her life and how that manifested itself in how she lived.  Her presence made the flight much nicer and our conversation lingered in my mind long after we had parted ways.

I received an email from her today in which she wrote about her experiences in Haiti:  "The people we met there were so compassionate and giving.  Even though they couldn't understand what we were saying, they showed us how much they cared through their actions.  It was truly a representation of how actions speak louder than words.  Even though there was this language barrier, we were able to show and they were able to show us, God's love through actions."

The Kindness of a Warm Welcome

"It only takes one cat – or person – to make another feel welcome and special."
– Laura C. Monteiro, Mariah Makes a Friend

There is no place like home.  And walking back into your home after a long trip certainly reminds you of that.  It is especially nice when you arrive to a Welcome balloon on your door and some essentials in your fridge.  On our way home from a recent trip, we actually had two offers to get a few things for us, so that we would have breakfast and whatever else we needed on our first morning back.  Those kindnesses were very welcomed.

The Kindness of "You're Fine"

"When you really listen to another person from their point of view, and reflect back to them that understanding, it's like giving them emotional oxygen."
~ Stephen Covey

On the last morning of a very long road trip, I was trying to corral my children and a luggage cart into a hotel elevator.  A father and his two children got on with us. My fantastical notions of curtsy-ing children were at odds with the hanging-from-the-luggage-cart behavior that I was getting. I apologized to the father as I tried to hint my children into more proper elevator behavior -- with no luck.  Sensing my embarrassment, the father said, "You're fine. I have another one downstairs."  Relieved, I smiled and said, "Yep, not much we can do when we're outnumbered!"  But what I really meant was, thank you for understanding.

The Kindness of a Shout Out

"The arts, quite simply, nourish the soul.  They sustain, comfort, inspire.  There is nothing like that exquisite moment when you first discover the beauty of connecting with others in celebration of larger ideals and shared wisdom."
-- Gordon Gee

At the final concert of violin camp, one faculty member led a group of other teachers in his arrangement of a tune that had been composed by one of his classes at camp a couple of years ago.  When the faculty member introduced the piece, he read the names of the composers.  And then, in a very kind and generous act, he shared that two of the composers were in the audience.  He asked the two young teenage girls to stand and the audience clapped.  Not surprisingly, the girls beamed through their embarrassment.  I was so proud of my girls and grateful that they are mentored by faculty members who are not only fantastic musicians, but also terrific role models.

The Kindness of IT Help

"You can't live a perfect day until you do something for someone who will never be able to repay you."
~ John Wooden

More from violin camp:  Although I was on vacation while at violin camp, there were a couple of work issues with which I needed to deal.  But I could not get my computer to connect to the wireless network of the college where we were staying.  I went to the residence hall office, but the folks there could not help.  Because there was a Technology building, I thought I would try there and walked into one of the offices.  A very nice gentleman told me that he could not help me, but that I should try the IT department in the basement.  I was running out of steam, but walked into the IT department and explained my problem to a young man sitting at the front desk.  He had me log on to my computer and in a few minutes had me connected to the wireless network.  I breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of being able to respond to a few critical emails.  I thanked him, but I realized after I left that I did not even know his name. 

The Kindness in a Bunch of Bananas

"Because that's what kindness is.  It's not doing something for someone else because they can't, but because you can."
--  Andrew Iskander

Back at violin camp...  One morning while getting breakfast at a small deli-type shop, one of the violin teachers walked into the shop, looked around and mumbled to himself that he was just looking for a banana.  A couple of hours later, I saw the father of several of the campers at the grocery store with two bunches of bananas in his cart. I asked him about it and he said that one of the bunches was for this teacher.

Kindness from Abroad

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed."
-- Maya Angelou

Last week, after I wrote about my dear friend who had moved away, I received one of the most thoughtful e-mails I have ever read.  It was from my lovely friend who is vacationing in Europe with her family.

She wrote:  "Hi my friend!!  My heart breaks for you.  We will all do our best to fill in and be sure a wonderful friend is just around the corner!!"

I thanked my friend and reflected once again on the incredible blessing of friendship.

The Kindness of an Encouraging Word

"Instruction does much, but encouragement everything."
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

More from violin camp: I overheard a teacher praise one of her students for a performance at the camp's afternoon recital. And I saw the student, a quiet teenager, smile and stand a little taller. I also knew what this kind and generous teacher did not know -- that this student had had a particularly rough day and that the encouragement could not have been more perfectly timed. 

When we listen to the best of ourselves -- including those generous and positive thoughts about others -- and act based on that goodness, we never know the impact that those actions from the heart can have on others. Sometimes, probably most times, our kindness is needed more than we know. 

The Kindness of Encouraging You... to be You

"Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!"
~ Dr. Seuss

For the last five years, our family has attended violin camp in settings as beautiful as historic Charleston and more recently in coastal Maine. Every summer, I am amazed by the kindnesses we encounter. I am convinced that there is magic in the music.

This year has been no exception. One of the most popular teachers welcomes the students with encouraging words. He tells them that it can be easy to feel discouraged at violin camp when listening to how well the faculty members or other students play. But, he says, "I invite you to make a conscious decision to be inspired by them... You can be awesome but it might take time... You're you... Be the best version of you."

I still remember his sharing an earlier version of that when I met him several years ago. As a beginning violin student, I really needed to hear those words. When I hear them now, they apply even more broadly.

The Kindness of Form-Completing Help

"Helping others isn't a chore; it is one of the greatest gifts there is."
~ Liya Kebede

I am form-averse.  You can ask me to do all kinds of things -- write a letter in the middle of the night, for instance -- and I will be fine.  But ask me to fill out a form... Now that's a problem.  There are some new forms that I have just started to complete for work on a monthly basis.  Recently, I called a woman in our main office for help.  Although it was the afternoon just before a holiday weekend, she patiently walked me through each step -- as though she had all the time in the world, which I knew she did not.  A couple of times, I lost what I was working on.  Instead of sounding exasperated, she kept laughing and saying, "You're hilarious."  She could have called me a few other things, but we ended up having a good laugh.  I was grateful both for her help and her good humor.

The Kindness of Good Company

"My idea of good company is the company of clever, well-informed people who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company."
~ Jane Austen

On a recent afternoon, I was very sad because my good friend was leaving town.  (Yes, I having trouble letting go of this topic.)  I didn't feel like listening to the radio and was on the verge of tears.  I stopped in to a business that I frequent and spent a few minutes chit-chatting with one of the employees, whom I have known for probably 20 years.  She updated me on her family and inquired about mine. We talked about current issues and reminisced about when we first met and the things we worried about then.  And when I left, I felt infinitely better than when I arrived.

The Kindness of a Helping Hand

"I don't want to live in the kind of world where we don't look out for each other. Not just the people who are close to us, but anyone who needs a helping hand. I can't change the way anybody else thinks, or what they choose to do, but I can do my bit."
~ Charles de Lint

On a recent evening, I was leaving a restaurant with a take-out dinner order, struggling to juggle the food and opening my car door.  The owner had asked if I needed help, but I thought I was fine.  But when I reached my car door, I realized I could not open it.  A young man walking by my car asked me if he could help.  Yes, I said.  And so he held part of my order as I opened the door.

Missing A Friend's Extraordinary Kindness

"There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship."
~ Thomas Aquinas

I miss her already.

As I shared recently, one of my dearest friends just moved to the other side of the world.  There is so much about her that I will miss -- her amazing help with my children, her thoughtfulness and generosity, her sense of adventure and how she could get me to do all kinds of things that I normally would not do (camping, anyone?) ...  But most of all, what I will miss is her extraordinary kindness.  No matter how many favors she did for me -- and there were plenty, she never made me feel that any of it was a big deal.  And whenever I worried about being able to handle one more thing, she assured me that I could.  In her inimitable style, she managed to avoid our having a tearful goodbye and she reassured me that technology being what it is, we would be in frequent contact.  I will greatly miss her extraordinary kindness and constant presence in my life.

The Kindness of Brave Goodbyes

"We could never learn to be brave and patient, if there were only joy in the world."
~ Helen Keller

A friend of mine is leaving town -- for two years.  Her husband has a terrific business opportunity on the other side of the globe and so they are off.  Although her friends are very sad to see her go, most of her friends have managed to keep smiles on their faces while they say goodbye -- even though I know their hearts are aching.