The Kindness of Extending Opportunities

"The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image, but giving them the opportunity to create themselves."
~ Steven Spielberg

The other day, I received an email from someone I have not spoken to in a while.  She wanted to share a professional opportunity in which she thought I might be interested. 

The Kindness of Sharing Photos, Sharing Lives

"In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.  For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."
~ Khalil Gibran

One of my dearest friends moved to the other side of the world last year.  I miss her every day.  We stay in touch in a variety of ways (thank you, technology!): email, texts, calls... even the occasional snail mail piece.  One thing that my friend does that really helps is that she sends me photos of things they do, places she goes.  She recently called me on her way to a yoga class and then sent me a photo of the yoga studio.  I truly enjoy getting the photos that fill in the pieces of her life.

Kindness and our Pizza Place

"One who is kind is sympathetic and gentle with others.  He is considerate of others' feelings and courteous in his behavior.  He has a helpful nature.  Kindness pardons others' weaknesses and faults.  Kindness is extended to all - to the aged and the young, to animals, to those low of station as well as the high."
~ Ezra Taft Benson

On a recent evening, I met two of my favorite mom friends at our local pizza place for dinner with our children.  As usual, we talked and talked.  At the end of the evening, the manager of the pizzeria came to our table and apologetically told us that they had been closed for nearly half an hour.  "You all were having so much fun that I felt badly telling you," he said.  That kindness is one of several reasons that we love the place.

The Kindness of Sharing News

"When the world is so complicated, the simple gift of friendship is within all of our hands."
~ Maria Shriver

In the past couple of days, I have received emails or texts from friends to share news about other friends.  In one case, the news was about the death of the grandmother of a mutual friend.  In another, the news was about the university acceptance of a friend's daughter -- especially meaningful because the acceptance is to her father's alma mater as well as mine.  My friend's sharing the news with me enabled me to reach out to the people involved.  Thanks to the kindness of my friends, I am able to be a better friend.

Happy Easter!

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
 ~ Romans 15:13

Easter is a time of renewed hope.  And I have found hope in a number of places recently -- from the teenager who has found a group of really nice friends who don't criticize others to the grandmother who inspires others with her courage and who intentionally doesn't dwell on past difficulties. May your Easter be filled with joy and renewed hope!

Kindness, a Tour Guide and Many Coats

"Such lovely warmth of thought and delicacy of colour are beyond all praise, and equally beyond all thanks!"
~ Marie Corelli

I recently traveled overseas with a group of teenagers.  It was unseasonably cold and the girls had not brought warm clothes.  On one particularly cold and rainy morning, our tour guide showed up in the hotel lobby with about a dozen of his jackets and sweaters.  He said that when he went outside to take the metro to meet us, he realized that the girls would be very cold, so he went back to his house and brought all the sweaters that he had.

The Kindness of Extreme Thoughtfulness

"Never suppress a generous thought."
~ Camille Eyring Kimball

I recently traveled overseas on a school trip.  Another mother and I met every day for breakfast.  Invariably, she would arrive in the hotel dining room before me.  Then she would send me a text to tell me where she was sitting.  When I told her how thoughtful that was, she replied, "I don't like to walk into a room and not know where I'm going."  Who does? But the nice thing is that she remembered that even when it was about someone else and not her.

Kindness and a Helpful Teenager

" Christlike communications are expressed in tones of love rather than loudness. They are intended to be helpful rather than hurtful. They tend to to bind us together rather than drive us apart. They tend to build rather than to belittle."
 - L. Lionel Kendrick

One of the challenges of traveling, especially overseas, is that it is more difficult to post my blog.  On a recent trip, after several unsuccessful attempts to connect via a loaned computer, I called my teenager who was home trying to relax during spring break.  She very graciously sat at our home computer and took dictation while we spoke -- and I edited -- via FaceTime on her mobile phone.  It would have been impossible without our modern technology, but it never would have happened had she not been willing to help and incredibly patient.  And she never groaned.  I appreciated it more than she could imagine.

Kindness and Birthday Cake

"Cakes are special.  Every birthday, every celebration ends with something sweet, a cake, and people remember.  It's all about the memories."
 - Buddy Valastro

On a recent trip overseas, we were led on our tour by a wonderful guide.  One of the women traveling with us was celebrating a birthday.  When the guide arrived to pick us up on the morning of her birthday, he had a beautiful round pink box that resembled an elegant hat box.  It was a cake for the birthday girl!  We remarked to the guide how thoughtful he was.  "We're friends," he said.  And it occurred to me that despite language and cultural differences, we are connected by a shared understanding of what matters.

The Kindness of a Younger Sister

"Is solace anywhere more comforting than that in the arms of a sister?"
- Alice Walker

I recently spoke to a young teenager with older sisters. She shared that she frequently reads to one of her older sisters, a high school senior, at bed time. I was fascinated. I asked her what she read to her sister. Sometimes it's a play, like Romeo and Juliet; other times, it may be a novel.

Kind Words

"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."
~ Proverbs 12:25

My friends have an uncanny sense to know when I need a kind word to cheer me up or for reassurance.  OK, it may be because I tell them what is going on.  But not always.  It occurred to me that their kind words, be it through texts or phone calls, really cheer me up and arrive just when I need them.  Their words lift my spirits more than I can imagine my words impacting others, but I think there is a lesson here. 

Kindness and a Taupe Jacket

"My mom smiled at me.  Her smile kind of hugged me."
~ R.J. Palacio

My mother is a pretty extraordinary woman and the list of things she has done for me is endless.  There are some very large things, as one might imagine, but there are also every day, small kindnesses that still mean the world to me.  Recently, in one more attempt to clean out my closet, I pulled out a couple of items that I thought were too worn.  As I wasn't completely sure, I asked my mother (who is quite the fashion plate) what she thought of one of the jackets.  I wanted to know if I could still wear it. Although I loved the taupe color of the jacket, we decided that it had probably seen better days.  The next day, my mother showed up with a department store box.  And lo and behold, there was another taupe jacket inside.

The Kindness of Being Understood

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Recently, I was not able to attend a school activity for one of my children.  It made me very sad.  I texted one of my dear mom friends.  She didn't tell me that I shouldn't feel badly or that those things happen.  Instead, she replied simply, "I am sorry."  I could not have asked for more.

The Kindness of an Impromptu Visit

"A friend is what the heart needs all the time."
~ Henry Van Dyke

On a recent evening, I went to drop off a book at a friend's house a couple of blocks away from my home.  I was not sure whether she would be there, so I was planning on leaving it at her doorstep and then returning home.  When I arrived, her car was not there, so I left the book.  As I was walking back to my car, she and her family arrived.  After saying hello to the rest of her family, I asked her if she could run out for a cup of coffee -- not that either of us drinks coffee.  So off we went on a random school night for an impromptu visit.  After we returned, we talked for a while outside her house.  We even shopped (thank you, amazon!).  I had not seen her for a while, so I greatly appreciated the gift of her time.

Kindness and Smiles

"Let us always meet each other with a smile, for a smile is the beginning of love."
~  Mother Teresa

The other day in the car, I asked my children what they were going to do that day to show Jesus' love to other people.  Out of the silence that followed my question, one finally hazarded a reply: "Smile?" she said tentatively, more of a question than an answer.  Yes!  And so I shared Mother Teresa's quote.  It really is amazing how a smile from even a stranger can lift your spirits.  And a child's realization of a smile's impact is certain to buoy her mother's spirits, too.

The Kindness of Teenage Daughters

"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life."
~ Richard Bach

Ah, teenagers...  There are days... And then there are days when the things they do remind you of how much your heart overflows with love for them.

On a recent Sunday morning, I planned to go to a fundraiser in memory of a friend who lost her battle with pancreatic cancer three months ago -- the same cancer that claimed my father's life.  I wanted my teenagers to accompany me because both the person and the cause mean a lot to me.  I also knew that the event would be family friendly as it was an afternoon of dance performances.  I told my teenagers that I was hoping they would go with me.  Then I held my breath wondering what reaction I would receive.  To my surprise and delight, they agreed to come, dressed more than appropriately and were ready to go even before I was.  The kicker was that we had a great time.  On the way home, I told them more than once how very much their joining me meant.

Kindness and the Valet Service

"One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time."
~ Herman Hesse

I recently attended an event with valet service.  At the end of the evening, I walked toward the front of the building to retrieve my car.  Before I could get to where the valet service gentlemen were standing, one of them walked up a set of stairs toward me to get my valet ticket.  He had a big smile and was very friendly.  When I realized that he was not the one who would be getting my car, I decided that I would tip him as well as the young man who was running for my car.  When I went to tip this gentleman, he said, "No, give it to the other guy."  I assured him that I would take care of the other man, too.  I was very touched by not only his friendliness and helpfulness toward me, but also his generosity toward his colleague.

The Kindness of Friendly Customer Service

"It is so much easier to be nice, to be respectful, to put yourself in your customers' shoes and try to understand how you might help them before they ask for help, than it is to try to mend a broken customer relationship."
~ Mark Cuban

I recently found myself on the phone trying to resolve several issues -- making appointments at a large medical center, trying to pay a bill when there was a fraud hold on a card, dealing with the bank...  And I was incredibly surprised to find not one, not two, but THREE very pleasant people on the other end of the phone.  Many times, when I need to make a call to deal with these kinds of issues, I take a deep breath, knowing that it will take me much longer than I have and hoping that the person on the other end of the phone will want to help me.  This time, I heard friendly voices thanking me for my patience and in each case, resolving my issues.  I was surprised and thrilled.

The Kindness of a Visiting Teenager

"The purpose of life is not to be happy.  It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

On a recent weekend, we had a couple of my children's friends over.  At one point, I called one of my daughters -- who, not surprisingly, did not seem to hear me.  One of their friends then spoke loudly to my daughter and told her that I had just called for her.  I thanked this thoughtful teen for her help.  When I told this teen's mother how helpful she had been, her mother replied, "I'm glad she heard you -- she never hears me when I call her."

The Kindness of Wisdom Shared

"We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility for our future."
~ George Bernard Shaw

My grandmother used to say that the devil knows more because of his age than because he is the devil.  This is an adage in Spanish that does not translate particularly well, but you get the picture.

Last weekend, I had the pleasure of a conversation with a woman in her 70s.  She was in the mood to talk, which was nice, and she shared various lessons that she has learned on her life journey.  One of the things she said to me was, "You overcome, you survive... We laugh."  She was talking about how her friends and she handle life's challenges.  She said that it has gotten to the point where they laugh at almost everything that happens to them.  That is a life lesson worth learning.

The Kindness of Uncommon Generosity

"Rest in the knowledge that God is both abundantly gracious and ridiculously generous."
~ Jared Brock

On a recent weekend, I traveled to an out-of-town meeting.  A colleague drove me to the airport after our meeting.  In the car, I mentioned to her that I really liked the brooch she was wearing on her jacket.  No sooner were the words out of my mouth than she unfastened the pin, gave it to me and said, "Well then you must have it."  I protested, but realized immediately that gracious acceptance was the way to go.

My colleague's generosity reminded me of another time in my life when someone gave me a pin after I complimented it.  It was my art history professor in Italy -- nearly 35 years ago.

Parking Lot Kindness

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.  Every act creates a ripple with no logical end."
~ Scott Adams

Just because kindnesses are small doesn't mean they don't matter.  We know that the opposite is true -- think of being cut off in traffic and how that bothers us.

Recently, I was in a parking lot and had just pulled my car into a space that had a vacant one next to it on my driver's side.  As I was getting out of my car, another car went to pull into the empty space.  But when he saw that I was about to exit my car, the driver reversed and waited for me to comfortably get out of my car before he parked.  His kindness made me smile as well as thankful for all the little kindnesses that come my way.

The Kindness in a Quarter

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."
~ Leo Buscaglia

Recently, I had a conversation with a woman in her 70s, the grandmother of one of my children's friends.  She shared a beautiful story.  In 1972, she was going through a difficult time.  One day, she went to buy a newspaper to look for a job.  The newspaper, which was in one of those newspaper vending machines, cost a quarter, but she only had a dollar.  She asked a gentleman who also was buying a newspaper whether he had change for the dollar.  He said no, but gave her the quarter.  She said that she remembers it because it was such a kind thing to do and it felt like so much more.  "It was as if he had faith in me," she recalled.  And during that period in her life, that gesture took on important meaning.  She still remembers that kindness more than 40 years later.

The Kindness of a Stand-Up Greeting

"Compassion may be defined as the capacity to be attentive to the experience of others, to wish the best for others, and to sense what will truly serve others."
~ Joan Halifax

Recently, I landed in an airport to which I had never been.  As I approached the Information Desk to ask the gentleman where I could find a taxi, he stood up to greet me.  I was very touched by this small gesture of formality, which made me feel that he actually wanted to be helpful -- an attitude that sometimes feels rare these days.  He answered my question and as we parted, he welcomed me again to his city. 

Gracious Kindness

"I think sometimes it is more important to be gracious than to win."
~ Dorothy Kilgallen

I had made plans to attend an evening event at my children's school followed by dinner with another mother, who had suggested the idea.  Then I realized that I would have to wake up incredibly early the next morning to catch a flight for a business meeting.  I didn't want to back out of our plans, but when I shared with this mother that I had to wake up at 4:30 am the following day, she graciously told me that she would not mind if we did it another day and said that she would opt for sleep.  Gratefully, I accepted her letting me take a rain check.

The Kindness of a Belated Thank You Note

"Take time to be kind and to say 'thank you.'"
~ Zig Ziglar

A few days ago, I received a thank you note from someone for a gift I had given her nearly a year ago.  I had completely forgotten about the present, but I appreciated her thoughtfulness in sending the note.  And it made me realize that in the thank you-note department, late truly is better than never.  The person may not remember what she gave you, but she will appreciate your kindness in taking the time to express your thanks.

Never-Forgotten Kindness

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience..."
~ Colossians 3:12

Yesterday marked 17 years since my grandmother passed away.  And as fate would have it, I had dinner last night with one of the priests who concelebrated her funeral Mass.  I had no idea that this priest, a former colleague of mine, would be participating in my grandmother's Mass.  I still remember arriving at the church entrance all those years ago and seeing the three priests who also had concelebrated my wedding.  To have the three of them accompany me again at another major life moment was very meaningful to me.  The priest with whom I had dinner last night moved away 16 years ago and we had not seen each other since.  We had a great time catching up and I told him how very much that kindness still meant to me. 

The Kindness -- and Success -- of Healthy Eating Support

"You can do anything as long as you have the passion, the drive, the focus, and the support."
~  Sabrina Bryan

A month ago today, two mothers I know embarked -- yes, once more -- on a weight-loss journey.  It certainly has not been easy.  It never is.  But the support they have given each other on a daily basis has gotten them through.  They have shared ideas and photos of healthy meals and snacks.  And they have texted words of encouragement to get each other back on track on days when healthy eating seemed the hardest thing to do.  And so a month later, they have lost more than 16 lbs. between them.