The Kindness of a Tire Check

"Never suppress a generous thought."

~ Camilla Eyring Kimball

Years ago, a friend and I were walking to our cars after a board meeting.  He looked at my tires and said that they looked as though they were pretty low on tread.  I had never given my tires much thought, but I took the car in and sure enough, it was time for new tires.  Since then, I have kept an eye on my tires.  I always check in with my service adviser and when he says that I should have them looked at in a couple thousand miles, I make a note of it and keep tabs as that mileage approaches.  I took another look at my tires today -- and although I never quite know what I am looking for (yes, I would recognize completely bald), I now know to get them checked.  And every time that I think of making sure my tires are in good shape, I think of my friend and his thoughtfulness.

And Kindness Remains

"I shall pass through this world but once.  Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now.  Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."

~ Stephen Grellet

I recently came across a postcard that a former high school teacher sent me.  She was a very special person and we remained friends until her death in 2002.  The postcard, which was written and sent in 1987, began, "Your telephone call yesterday really warmed my heart..."  Her kindness in writing that note warms mine nearly 30 years later.

The Kindness of Good Cheer

"Everyone's unique; no one's ever alike.  But my son has the same good cheer as my father.  He's capable of making a room happy with a few words."

~ Jon Voight

The other day, a woman I know was working on her computer while her young son watched a show in the same room.  Unexpectedly, the little boy said, "I'm happy."  And then asked his mother, "Are you happy?"  What mother could possibly say "no"?

Putting on Kindness

"More than anything else, kindness is a way of life.  It is a way of living and walking through life.  It is a way of dealing with all that is -- our selves, our bodies, our dreams and goals, our neighbors, our competitors, our enemies, our air, our earth, our animals, our space, our time, and our very consciousness.  Do we treat all creation with kindness?  Isn't all creation holy and divine?"

~ Jean Maalouf

I wrote yesterday about "putting on kindness."  But how do we do that?  In thinking about it, I remembered a religious retreat in which I participated.  For an entire weekend, those who organized the retreat would treat the retreatants with all the love and kindness possible.  This ranged from carrying their things upon arrival to making their beds to making sure that all their needs were met.  There were smiles and hugs, and you could definitely feel the love.  So... how do we keep that going?  How can we respond with love instead of with impatience?  How do we try to see the best in others and not focus on the negatives of either people or situations?  I don't know how we do that all the time or even most of the time, but I think that the first step is deciding that putting on kindness is what we want to do.

Kindness and Mornings

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience..."

~ Colossians 3:12

There are early mornings when you would rather stay in bed -- just a little longer -- but duties await.  Teenagers bicker as you try to get them off to school and siblings speak too loudly.  And then there are mornings replete with kindness that make you feel overwhelmed with gratitude.  You read a quote in the Bible that inspires you to talk to your child about "putting on kindness."  Then when you ask him why he is packing extra forks and spoons in his lunch box, he tells you that sometimes children at school ask if anyone has an extra at lunch and he wants to be "ready."  A colleague in another state who raises butterflies sends you photos of a new butterfly that has just emerged from its chrysalis.  And you are amazed at the wonder and beauty of it all and how kind we can be to each other -- whether we are sharing wisdom, plasticware or photos.  And sometimes, the bickering and the kindness are all part of the same morning.

Kindness and the Honorable Godwin

"Kindness is not about payoff and instant gratification but a low risk investment that appreciates over time.  So be kind."

~ Hon. Godwin

In another city on a business trip, I got into a car and to my surprise saw the above quote handwritten on a piece of paper taped to the dashboard.  I asked the driver where the quote had come from and who was the Honorable Godwin.  He told me that he was the Honorable Godwin and explained that he had been a Congressman in Nigeria.  Amazing that despite what could not have been an easy journey to this country and from Congressman to driver, the Honorable Godwin encourages kindness.

The Kindness of a Pilot

"Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like.  More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people."

~ Dennis Prager

On a recent flight home from a business trip, I was delighted that we landed 20 minutes ahead of schedule.  It's always such a relief to get home, especially after a couple of long (although productive) days.  But once we were on the ground, the pilot shared that we would need to wait 10 minutes as the gate to which we were assigned was occupied.  The minutes -- 10 and more -- came and went, and we were still on the runway.  The pilot explained that the plane at the gate had maintenance issues, and was taking longer.  We ended up waiting more than an hour on the runway, but throughout that time, the pilot kept giving us updates and apologizing profusely for the delay.  He told us that he was making calls, trying to find another gate...  He shared both what he was doing and how he felt about our having to wait.  And in a last very kind move, he asked us if we would do him "a favor" by allowing the passengers who had connecting flights to deplane first.

The Kindness in a Label

“The difference between something good and something great is attention to detail.”

~ Charles R. Swindoll

At a recent work meeting, one of my newer colleagues walked in with a small gift for each of us – personalized labels for our laptop computers.  It occurred to him that since we all have identical laptops, it would be a good idea for them to be labeled and thus easily identifiable at meetings.  Given how often my name is misspelled – and I do realize that there is ample opportunity for mistakes given its length, I imagined that he might spell my name incorrectly.  I almost expected it.  To my great surprise, my colleague had taken the time to double-check the spelling of my name and the label was perfect!  I appreciate his thoughtfulness in making labels for us, but I appreciate his making sure to spell my name right even more.

Kindness and Pearls of Wisdom

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.”

~ Meister Eckhart

I recently visited a friend at her retirement community in another city.  I had not seen her for a few years, so it was a treat to be able to sit and talk for a couple of hours.  Our conversation meandered through various topics.  Several times, this octogenarian – who is also a member of a religious order – reflected on how blessed she feels.  And the reasons for her gratitude are many, ranging from how comfortable and well taken care of she is to memories of her father who died more than 50 years ago.  “My favorite prayer is ‘thank you,’ she said with a twinkle in her blue eyes.  My friend has a quick wit and a self-deprecating sense of humor. And we laughed and laughed.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to hear her perspective and her wisdom.

Kindness and Beautiful

"I just sort of try to be a good person; try to write music that lifts people and makes me feel good to sing."

~ Carole King

A few months ago, I saw Beautiful: The Carole King Musical when I was in another city on business.  A colleague invited me as part of a women's event.  I loved the show because as the promotional materials accurately claim, Carole King wrote "the soundtrack to a generation."  Her songs immediately took me back to certain moments, a lifetime ago that the music brought much closer. 

I somehow missed that the musical was playing in the county just north of where I live, but my mother shared that she and a friend were going to see it.  I told her how much I would love to see the show again.  Unfortunately, my mother was going on the next-to-last day and there was no way I could go.  But after they went to the show, I found a CD with the musical soundtrack on my doorstep.  Thanks, Mom.

The Kindness of my Village, Near and Far

"I'm every woman.  It takes a village to make me who I am."

~ Katy Perry

I don't know when -- if ever -- we parents stop needing our villages.  I am thankful for my village every day.  Recently, one of my children had a school field trip and I would have been quite lost without one of the most informed members of my village, who provided me with the latest updates and even purchased a needed ticket.  And then there are the fashion advisors in the village, both near and far.  I shared some outfit options for an upcoming school milestone (not for me) and was grateful for the comments that I received.  I was with a couple of mom friends recently and sent a photo of us to one of the fashionistas, who is temporarily on the other side of the world.  (Temporarily = two years.)  She wrote back, "I miss my village!"  Well, as far as I'm concerned, she remains an important member of my village.  She just happens to be its most distant outpost.

Kindness at a Government Office

"As much as we need a prosperous economy, we also need a prosperity of kindness and decency."

~ Caroline Kennedy

A woman I know, an attorney, needed to obtain a passport for one of her children.  Fortunately, she was taking care of this matter at her local municipality.  When she arrived at the office, the very nice municipal employee led her to a table and began reviewing the documents that the mother had brought.  She then asked about the application.  "Application?" the somewhat harried mother repeated and then was incredulous that she had neglected to complete one.  The government official said that it was no problem and went back to her office to print one out.  She patiently walked the now-more-harried mother through filling out the application.  (Unbeknownst to the government person, this mother is very form-averse.)  The application included a question about the child's height.  Yikes!  The mother didn't know.  Once again, no problem.  The government employee measured the little boy.  After they completed the process -- which was not only quick, but also friendly, the mother breathed a deep sigh of relief.  She remains eternally grateful to the very kind municipal employee.

The Kindness of Thoughtful Thank Yous

"Take time to be kind and to say 'thank you.'"

~ Zig Ziglar

In the past week, I have received two very thoughtful thank yous for gifts that I sent.  What I enjoyed was that the gift recipients texted photos of what they received, which was great as both were deliveries -- one out of town and another from a bakery.  You never send presents to receive thank yous, but they are still very nice to receive, especially when you get to see what you actually sent.

Kindness and Thinking of Others

"Give back in some way.  Always be thoughtful of others."

~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

The other day, one of my friends, a true Kindness Muse, had to make copies of a photo of her daughter for a school project.  As a working mother of two children, she had not been able to do it and the photos were due the next day.  Out of the blue, another mother in the class called her and asked her if she would like her to make the copies as she knew that my friend works.  The other mother ended up driving about eight miles to a pharmacy and making the copies for my friend, who is, of course, eternally grateful.

The Kindness of Helping Out

“The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others.”

~ Albert Schweitzer

One of my good mom friends is the kind of person you always want on your side.  Just a few days ago, I was remembering how she came over to my house late one night to help me with an emergency housekeeping project – even though she is an early-to-bed person.  Recently, she asked me to call her later than I usually think of her being awake.  It turns out that she was at a meeting of an organization that she cares deeply about and was told that it needed additional people to participate in a fundraising campaign.  So she was reaching out.  That’s just the kind of person she is and I feel blessed that she is my friend.

Kindness and People that Gladden your Heart

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
~ William Arthur Ward

There are certain people I see who make me happy -- and they probably don't even know it.  I think it is probably just their kind nature.  They are people who smile when they see you and the smile feels real.  On a recent morning walk, I ran into someone I know walking her dog.  Whenever I see her, I smile.  And she always seems to be smiling -- even though her life is not easy.  On another occasion, I saw a woman I know driving by on her golf cart.  She always waves and smiles, and it's nice to see her.  There is something about unexpectedly seeing kind people that brightens my day.

The Kindness of "Come As You Are"

"The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance."
~ Brian Tracy

A very special friend of mine had a dinner party at her house not too long ago.  Another friend of mine went.  This friend told me that as she thought about what to wear, she realized that it didn't matter because the friend hosting the dinner wouldn't care.  She is a "come as you are" kind of person.  As my friend and I talked about this other friend, we realized that her acceptance of others goes way beyond what you are wearing to who you are.  "It's a real gift that she has," my friend observed.  Absolutely.

Kindness and Lottery Wishes

"God has given us two hands -- one to receive with and the other to give with.  We are not cisterns made for hoarding: we are channels made for sharing."
~ Billy Graham

One of my dearest mom friends shared recently that she asked her 10-year-old son what he would do if he won the lottery.  He replied that he would give the money to a homeless man who spends time at our church. 

The Kindness of an IT Superhero

"Be a little kinder than you have to."
~ E. Lockhart

I recently organized a business event featuring an out-of-town speaker, which was hosted at a colleague's law firm.  As we were setting up, we realized that the speaker's computer was not connecting with the audio-visual equipment in the room set up for the presentation.  It seemed to be a cord compatibility issue.  The office assistant who was helping us went to get assistance and returned with a gentleman in a short-sleeved polo shirt, who seemed very knowledgeable about computers.  The speaker kept calling him "sir."  And the gentleman, whom I assumed was firm's IT guy, said, "'Sir' was my father and he's dead. I'm Tom."*  At one point, I asked if he was the IT guy and it turns out he is an international tax lawyer with incredible knowledge of computers and IT.  Eventually -- with another computer and additional assistance, the speaker was able to make the presentation.  We could not have done it without the generosity of this IT Superhero, who happens to also be a lawyer.

Kindness on the Go

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
~  William Arthur Ward

On a recent early morning walk, I enjoyed being outside and admiring nature.  It's always a treat.  As I walked, I encountered bicycle riders and other walkers (a few runners, too).  With some, I exchanged smiles; with others, we mumbled greetings.  But regardless of the extent of our exchange, it was nice to recognize others and greet them.  Just exchanging smiles makes hearts glad.

Kindness at the Doctor's Office

"Give whatever you are doing and whoever you are with the gift of your attention."
~ Jim Rohn

I recently visited a doctor's office and was struck by the welcoming and kind atmosphere.  There was no closed door between the waiting room and the back.  In fact, I saw two of the doctors walk through the waiting room to get something from the front desk personnel.  And the front desk staff could not have been nicer.  They were kind to everyone who came into the office.  At one point, a little girl in the waiting room began crying and one of the reception employees came out to try to console her.  When I mentioned how nice the front desk staff was to the doctor's assistant, she shared that all the employees really like each other and have been working together a long time.  Whatever the reason, it was refreshing to experience the kindness.

The Kindness of a Teenage Girl

"Teenage years are hard.  And, having taught high school for a number of years, I think they're particularly hard on teenage girls.  The most self-conscious human beings on the planet are teenage girls."
~ Rob Thomas

The other day, one of my daughters needed to select a topic for further study in a class.  She was not sure which to choose and I felt ill-equipped to help her.  I suggested that she text the daughter of one of my friends as the other girl is a couple of grades ahead in the same school.  To my surprise, the other girl called my daughter immediately and gave her great advice.  It was really nice to see an older teenager helping a younger one.

The Kindness of Recognizing Effort

"Appreciation is the highest form of prayer, for it acknowledges the presence of good wherever you shine the light of your thankful thoughts."
~ Alan Cohen

Even on Mothers' Day, many mothers and grandmothers host celebrations -- events that of course require planning and prepping, cooking and cleaning up.  And so it was that one 10-year-old boy forever endeared himself to his grandmother as he watched her get ready for a celebration at her home.  "You sure do a lot of work for this brunch," he observed.  I am guessing that this grandmother appreciated that comment more than any gift she received.

Happy Mothers’ Day!

‘The love of a mother is the veil of a softer light between the heart and the heavenly Father.”

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

“The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness.  When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe.  You relinquish that position to your children.

~ Jessica Lange

Motherhood and kindness are inextricably linked for to mother is to be kind, to be generous, to love…  I looked up kind in one of the online dictionaries and found these definitions:  of a good or benevolent nature… indulgent, considerate or helpful… mild, gentle… loving, affectionate.

Happy Mothers’ Day to moms everywhere!  And a special thank you to the mom villages that we all rely on as we navigate and frequently stumble through this blessed journey.

The Kindness of the Boy’s Mother

“Always be a little kinder than necessary.”

~ J.M. Barrie

It happens much sooner than you expect.  While some of us think that daughters should not go out with boys until much after college (ha!), somehow the moment comes way before you expect it.  Once your daughter receives her first prom invitation, things move quickly.  There are conversations with the boy’s mother about your daughter’s dress color and flowers (wrist corsage or small bouquet).  And then the day comes and the boy shows up with his parents to pick up your daughter.  This same boy whom you met when he and your daughter were in pre-school seems now all grown up in a suit with a tie that is bright pink to match your daughter’s dress.  And then he hands her the flowers.  After a few clicks of the cameras and smart phones, your daughter is off with the boy and his parents.  And you feel the way you did when you left her at school for the first time.  Your daughter – that little girl -- is growing up way too fast and you just want to cry.  Thankfully, the boy’s mother has two daughters and she knows…  So she sends you text messages and photos.  And although you are counting the minutes until your daughter returns, the boy’s mother has made it all just a little bit less hard.

Kindness and an Opera Outing

“What we choose to share, defines who we are.”

~ Costas Voyatzis

The other day I received a call from a friend, who is also the father of friends of my children.  He had found out about a great deal on family opera tickets and wanted to know if we were interested in taking our children.  I told him that we would love to go, so he purchased the tickets for all of us.  I truly appreciated his thinking of us and handling the purchase.  But I haven’t told my children that we are going to the opera just yet…

A Kind Word

“Kind words do not cost much.  Yet they accomplish much.”

~ Unknown

The other day, I had to make a brief presentation at a business meeting.  It was nothing major at all, but it did require some thought and preparation.  And truth be told, I was a little nervous about it.  Afterward, a colleague I don’t know very well came up to me and told me that I had done a nice job.  And truth be told again, I really appreciated it.

The Kindness of Thoughtful Messages

“Stop the habit of wishful thinking and start the habit of thoughtful wishes.”

 ~ Mary Martin

When I am traveling, particularly on business, I miss the comforts of home – namely, my relationships.  It never ceases to surprise me how those closest to us fuel and sustain us.  During a recent business trip, I received thoughtful messages from several family members and friends.  Short and sweet, the messages via text and email let me know that they were thinking about me.  Invariably, each one made me smile and lifted my spirits.  

Kindness and our Babysitter

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.”

~ Gilbert K. Chesterton

Traveling for business and making sure that mom duties are covered is always tricky.  At a recent out-of-town business meeting, another mother and I compared notes on the bulleted lists we left on our refrigerators.  I had managed to square everything away except pick up for one evening activity.  Although I have friends who offer and are willing to help, I know that those mothers, too, are juggling their own responsibilities.  As I waited on a train platform to go from one city to another, I called our babysitter, herself a mother, to ask for her help in figuring out how we could work that day.  To my great relief, she said, “Don’t worry – I made arrangements to stay late.”  I thanked her and told her I was very grateful.  Incredibly relieved, I boarded the train – with one less thing to worry about.

Kindness and Strangers on Planes

“I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.”

~ Tennessee Williams

On a recent flight, the woman sitting next to me barely made it on the plane before the doors closed.  Finding no space in our overhead compartment, she stowed her suitcase several rows behind ours.  After we landed, she realized that it would be very difficult to get back to where her luggage was, especially as she was rushing to work.  As passengers got up from their seats and stood in the aisle waiting to deplane, she asked a gentleman several rows behind us to help her.  The man took her luggage out of the overhead compartment and wheeled it to our row, so that she could exit without waiting for the entire plane to clear out.

Kindness When Things Go Badly

"The words of kindness are more healing to a drooping heart than balm or honey."
~ Sarah Fielding

Imagine that you are the only adult performing in a children's music recital.  You wonder how you agreed to this -- again.  But you practice.  More than usual.  You master the hard nugget.  So even though performing terrifies you, you tell yourself that you can do it.  That you won't forget the entire song as you did the first time.  This time, your music will be right in front of you.  And it's a duet with your teacher who can cover up most mistakes. 

The recital day arrives.  You want to practice at the rehearsal venue, but you don't want anyone to hear you.  No worries, says a very resourceful 6th grader; she tells you that she will practice loudly and then no one will hear you.  So you practice, softly at first and then louder.  A sweet high school student tells you it sounds good. 

And then you go on stage.  The lights are bright; they feel hot.  You begin playing.  You lose your place.  The notes are there, right in front of you.  But they don't seem to help.  You lose your place again.  You lose track of how often you have lost your place.  And then it's over. 

You go back to your seat and try to think of all the things that could have been worse, that you could have messed up as badly as this seems.  You are so shell-shocked that you can't even get up to take photos of your children performing.  When the recital is over, you just want to run and hide.  You don't want anyone telling you that you played well -- because you didn't.  But then, the waves of kindness roll in...  Several people approach you and compliment your courage.  (Not exactly what you're feeling.)  Some lie and say that you did well.  (You didn't pass out -- maybe that counts.)  And then you receive a text from another mother with photos.  You cringe because you imagine that they are of you.  And a couple are, but they are not so bad.  And then the best gift ever:  She took great photos of your children.

Back in the car, you can't even speak.  You are on your way to dinner with another family; the other mother arranged it.  It's a restaurant you haven't been to.  The table is perfect; it is set off in a corner with windows on two sides and feels as though you are in the chef's kitchen.  The food is delicious.  The two families play a guessing game.  You laugh and you forget.