Kindness and Calm

“In the madness, you have to find calm.”

~ Lupita Nyong’o

I checked in with a friend in Houston this week to see how she and her family were doing.  Initially, she replied right away and said that she and her family were fine; there was flooding around them, but their house was on dry land.  And then I didn’t hear from her for two days.  I texted her again.  She replied and said that she had been dealing with her own emergency:  Her elderly parents had been evacuated by boat by the National Guard two nights earlier because their house had flooded.  She said that the National Guard members were incredibly kind and thoughtful.  They took her father in his wheelchair on the boat and made sure he had all his medicines.  And then the National Guard played Frank Sinatra on the boat to keep everyone calm.  My friend said that her mother recounted the evacuation and trip down “the river,” formerly a street, as quite an adventure.  Her mother said that it was like a very lovely river cruise, water shimmering, a nice breeze… and of course Ol’ Blue Eyes. 

Kindness and the Helpers

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”

~ Fred Rogers

In the wake of Hurricane Harvey, there have been many stories of people reaching out and helping others.  One of the most poignant is the one of the police officer, a 60-year-old department veteran, who died on his way to work.  All this has made me think of the Mr. Rogers’ quote about the helpers.  It is the kindness of the helpers that gives us hope.

Kindness When You Least Expect It

“Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way.  And a sense of humor.  It’s like medicine – very healing.”

~ Max Irons

There are things that we all don’t like to do.  For some, it’s going to an event when they don’t know anyone; for others, it might be going to the doctor.  One of the things that continues to surprise me – no matter how often I experience it – is that if I approach what I anticipate will be an unpleasant experience with an open heart and a smile, it is rarely as bad as I think it will be.  For me, what makes the difference is when people surprise me with their kindness.  And it is so welcomed when it is least expected.

Kindness and Teenage Girls

“I always tell young girls, surround yourself with goodness.”

~ Michelle Obama

Two teenage girls I know were very excited because a younger teen they know would be going to their high school.  On the first day of school, they called the younger girl as they were being driven to school, answered her first-day questions and shared helpful tips.  As soon as the older girls arrived at school, they found the younger girl and helped her with whatever they could from opening her locker to directions to her classes.  

Kindness and the Lawyer

“It was pride that changed angels into devils; it is humility that makes men as angels.”

~ Saint Augustine

Most people have lawyer jokes where the lawyers don’t come across or fare very well.  And many people have real-life lawyer stories where – again – the attorneys aren’t portrayed in the best light.  However, at a recent social event, I met an older woman who talked to me about what a wonderful person her lawyer is.  “I don’t have him under his name in my phone,” she said, referring to her contacts.  “I have him under ‘my angel.’”

Kindness at the Check-Out Line

“A warm smile is the universal language of kindness.”

~ William Arthur Ward

On a recent weekend afternoon, my husband and I stopped at a Target to pick up a couple of items.  As we were standing in line to pay, my husband sneezed.  A very friendly cashier handed him a piece of paper towel.  He sneezed again.  And she gave him a second piece.

The Kindness of Sharing Chocolate

“All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

~ Charles M. Schulz

On a recent rainy evening, my children and I were standing outside our local pharmacy with another mom and her children.  We were hoping that the rain would stop, so that we would not get soaked on the way to our cars.  As we waited, the other mom pulled out a chocolate bar from her bag of recent purchases and asked, “Who wants to share a Kit-Kat?”  Everyone obliged and she doled out seemingly endless pieces of chocolate to all of us.  There is something about sharing chocolate that can make you smile even on the rainiest of evenings.

The Kindness of Great Service

“Treat others as you wish to be treated.  Don’t just be nice, but be kind to other people.  That can be so rewarding.”

~ Mary Lambert

As I was driving on a recent rainy afternoon, a yellow warning light appeared on my dashboard, indicating that the pressure was low in my tires.  A bit of a Nervous Nellie, I always find tire issues disconcerting.  I was hoping that I did not have a flat.  I called the dealership’s service department and asked for my service advisor, but the call went to voicemail.  I left a message for him and then decided to just drive to the service department as I was close by.  As I was pulling into the dealership, my service advisor called me.  Jokingly, I said, “Where are you?” because I could see that he was not at his desk.  I expected him to say that he had just seen me drive in.  I was surprised to hear that he was at a doctor’s appointment, but had received my call.  He asked me what was wrong and then directed me to someone else in service who could help me.  The air was back in my tires and I was on my way within minutes.  Grateful – again – for terrific service.

Kindness and College

“Do not be afraid to ask for help.  Nobody gets through college on their own.”

~ Michelle Obama

One of my best friends just took her daughter to college for the first time.  Her sister-in-law accompanied my friend and her daughter, and worked with them to outfit the daughter’s dorm room.  I recently received a short video from my friend showing their finished product.  The dorm room looks beautiful, but I suspect that the most important thing they are leaving behind is a whole lot of love.

The Kindness of a Sunday Visit

“We live in a world where many of us have a lot of friends on Facebook but yet we have lost human connection.”

~ Robin S. Sharma

A friend of mine lives a couple of blocks from her parish, but on a recent Sunday morning, she traveled quite a distance – teenage girls in tow -- to another church.  She wanted to see the priest who had been at her church, but had now moved to another church a number of miles away.  My friend was delighted to see her former pastor and I have no doubt that the priest was honored that she traveled to see him.

Kindness and a Network

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”

~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney

We all know the value of networks, but who knew how valuable a middle school network could be?

One of my children recently began middle school at a school significantly larger than the very small elementary school at which he had happily spent the last few years.  The new school’s campus is much larger and he now has to find his way to a different room for each class – something that can seem rather daunting at first.

To my great delight, my son reported that the children who graduated from his elementary school in the last couple of years made his first day at the new school much easier and more pleasant.  A boy a year ahead walked him to a couple of his classes when he realized that my son was lost.  A girl two years ahead of my son pointed him in the right direction, too.  Another older boy joined my son for lunch.  And an older girl helped my son open the lock on his locker, which neither my son nor his teacher could manage.  As small as my son’s prior school is – and it is tiny, the children obviously develop terrific relationships that serve them well in middle school.

Kindness and Back to School

“The best teacher is very interactive.”

~ Bill Gates

Ah, back to school!  So ends summer with a rush to buy book supplies and uniforms.  

On the eve of one of my children’s first day of school at a new school, his homeroom teacher called – on a Sunday – to check in and see if we had any questions.  I tried to get through my questions as quickly as possible as I knew that she would be calling other students’ parents.  I was incredibly appreciative of such a thoughtful and generous gesture.

Kindness and the Gift of Friendship

“True friends are like diamonds – bright, beautiful, valuable and always in style.”

~ Nicole Richie

The other day, my lovely friend gave another mom and me little gifts – small makeup bags that have three women on them.  The three women are in the water at a pool perhaps, wearing large hats and their arms are linked.  They are connected just as the three of us are.  I put several of my essentials in the bag and carry it in my purse.  Every time I see this gift, it reminds me of the wonderful gift of friendship.

The Kindness of a Dinner Invitation

"Treat others as you wish to be treated.  Don’t just be nice, but be kind to other people.  That can be so rewarding.”

~ Mary Lambert

On a recent evening, I was on my way to meet up with the two other families with whom we regularly have pizza.  One of the moms called to ask if I would mind if she invited the new priest in our parish to dinner.  Of course not, I said.  Apparently, my friend had seen him walking by himself by the church and thought it would be nice to have him join us for pizza.  As she spoke to me on the phone, she drove around looking for him as she had momentarily lost him while calling me.  She did catch up with him and asked him if he’d already eaten dinner, which he had.  Hopefully, he will join us another time.

Kindness and a Teen-Created Pin

“A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.”

~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I recently picked up one of my favorite teenagers for a visit to our house.  I noticed that she was wearing several pins on the front of her shirt, but hey – they are teenagers.  As I was driving, she told me that she had made me a small gift, a pin.  Before she gave it to me, she wanted me to guess what the pin was.  She said it was something I really liked and somehow we got to food…  It was not something sweet, so that knocked out a few items.  And then I knew – bacon!  This very creative teen had created a pin with a 3-D printer that looks like a small strip of bacon.  I put it on immediately.

Kindness in a Parking Lot

“We ought to be vigilantes for kindness and consideration.”

~ Letitia Baldrige

On a recent afternoon, I parked diagonally in a strip mall to run inside a shop.  The car parked to my right was very close to the painted line between us, so I parked closer to the line on my left than I normally would have, which was easier as the space to my left was empty.  As I was beginning to get out of my car, another car pulled into the empty space on my left.  When he saw that I would have trouble exiting my car if he parked there, the driver backed out of the space and parked elsewhere – a bit farther away.  I was very surprised and grateful.

Kindness at the Bank

“Saints were saints because they acted with loving kindness whether they felt like it or not.”

~ Dan Millman

I recently went to the bank shortly after closing to get cash from the ATM machine, which is located inside the building lobby and just outside of the doors to the bank.  A woman walked up to the glass doors of the bank, which were locked, and knocked hard on them.  “I have an emergency,” she said to a bank teller who was inside. “I just need to ask you a question.”  To my great surprise, the bank teller unlocked the glass doors and talked to the woman.  I don’t know what her problem was or whether the teller was able to resolve it, but at the very least, he tried.

*  *  *

Today is the feast of the Assumption.  It also is the feast of St. Maximilian Kolbe, a Polish priest who volunteered to die in the place of another prisoner in Auschwitz in 1941.

The Kindness of an Inquiry

"If you have an impulse to kindness, act on it.”

~ Douglas Coupland

On a recent weekend away, I went to Mass in another part of the state.  I took an Uber to the church.  When Mass was over, I requested my ride back to the hotel and waited outside the church.  An older woman who was leaving the church came to ask me if I needed a ride.  I thanked her and shared that my ride was on its way, but I appreciated her looking out for me.

The Kindness of Toting the Makeup

“The best portion of a good man’s life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love.”

~ William Wordsworth

A couple I know went for a weekend beach getaway with their children and another family.  On the last day of the mini vacation, the children wanted to spend time at the beach and the pool after they had checked out from their rooms, so the families planned to load up their cars with their suitcases and stay at the hotel for a while.  As one of the mothers handed her husband a tote bag with her make up and toiletries to place in the car, it occurred to her that stowing it in 90-degree heat would not be a good idea, but the bag was too heavy for her to carry around.  Without her mentioning it, the husband told her that he would carry the bag because putting it in the car would not be good for her makeup.  And carry the bag he did – for a couple of hours at the hotel and then for another two hours at a mall that the mothers decided to visit before they departed for home.  Given the number of products that this mother had packed, carrying the bag around for hours was no small thing.

Kindness on the Beach

On the beach recently, I noticed an older woman who was having trouble with her beach chair. The chair legs were not properly extended and the woman was in an awkward position. She couldn't fix the chair and she couldn't stand up. Another woman on the beach ran over. She helped the older woman out of the chair and then fixes the beach chair for her.

Kindness and Donuts

“Let me tell you, I’m not sure if America runs on donuts, but I sure do!  Nothin’ like a little simple sugar icing to get the blood pumping at 9 a.m.”

~ Chris Benz

Recently, a dear friend came to pick up my children and me for an early morning run to a gourmet donut shop.  On her way to my home, my friend spoke to a woman who works as a security guard at a condominium complex.  My friend mentioned to the woman that she was going on a donut run and that she would bring her some.  Sure enough, my friend bought a couple of the gourmet delicacies back to the security guard.

Kindness and Miracles

“A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.”

~ William Hazlitt

There are kindnesses and then there are miracles.

A woman I know had a busy week, including an event for work that she organized.  Thankfully, it was not until the day after her event that her tooth broke.  She was going out of town the next day and it was already late afternoon.  Panicked,  she called one of her dearest friends, a dentist.  A few hours later, the woman was sitting in her friend’s office and even though she was terrified, miracles were underway.  With a smile and her never-failing good humor, her friend reassured her and told her not to worry that she was actually quite good at repairing broken teeth.  When her friend finished, she handed the woman a mirror.  The woman could hardly believe that there was something that looked just like a tooth in the spot where there had been a tooth with a missing chunk.  She hugged her friend several times and knew that she would never be able to express her gratitude or to even begin to repay the kindness.

Kindness and Wonder

“Cherish sunsets, wild creatures and wild places.  Have a love affair with the wonder and beauty of the earth.”

~ Stewart Udall

On a recent evening, I found myself in the car with a group of children and my lovely friend on our way to see the sunset.  “Why are we going to see the sunset?” one teenager asked.  “It happens every day.”  Yes, it does.  And thankfully, every so often, someone reminds us of the wonder of everyday occurrences.

The Kindness of a Book Recommendation

“A book is a gift you can open again and again.”

~ Garrison Keillor

I recently received a book recommendation from a friend.  I highly value her opinion and we share many similar interests, so I ordered the book right away and began reading it when it arrived.  Predictably, I have really enjoyed it and gotten quite a lot out of it.  It will probably be one of those books that I keep on my night stand.  Book recommendations are such a treasure.  They can take us on important journeys and the books that truly impact us become a part of who we are.

The Kindness of Sharing Beauty

“Be thou the rainbow in the storms of life.  The evening beam that smiles the clouds away, and tints tomorrow with prophetic ray.”

~ Lord Byron

The other day, my lovely friend sent me a photo via text of a beautiful rainbow that she had just seen.  I loved the picture, but what was even better was that I ran to my window to see if I could see the rainbow, too.  And I could.  I love rainbows – I am always awed by the colors and a certain magical quality they seem to have.  They also remind me of my grandmother.  I was so grateful that my friend shared her rainbow sighting.

Kindness and an Invitation

“Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn in still dark.”

~ Rabindranath Tagore

A friend of mine invited me to a women’s workshop at her home on a recent Saturday.  And because my friend is who she is – a very special person whom I adore, I said yes.  On the night before, as I set my alarm for 6 am, I wished that I would be sleeping in.  The next day, I wasn’t thrilled to wake up in the dark as everyone else in my home slept on, but as soon as I was in my car and on my way, I was grateful for the invitation.  I enjoyed the quiet drive through streets with little traffic.  I drove through a Starbuck’s and got my favorite tea drink in record time.  And I spent the morning walking through a beautiful garden, talking to women I didn’t know, and learning about myself and others.  It was a pretty great morning.

Kindness and End-of-Year Hugs

"I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words.”

~ Ann Hood

I recently saw a teenager in one of my daughters’ classes.  She asked me how my daughter was enjoying the summer.  She told me that she had not seen my daughter on the last day of school and that she had been looking for her to give her a hug.  This young woman shared that she tries to give a hug to each of her classmates on the last day of school, but that she had missed a few this year, including my daughter.  “I’ll give her a hug on the first day of school,” she said.

Kindness and Forgetting

“Take without forgetting, and give without remembering.”

~ Bryant H. McGill

One of my dearest mom friends called me recently in the middle of a busy day.  I said I would call her back, but I got caught up in something else and I didn’t.  I saw her later that day and apologized for not returning call.  “I didn’t even remember,” she said.

Kindness and Conversation

“You have to enjoy life.  Always be surrounded by people that you like, people who have a nice conversation.  There are so many positive things to think about.”

~ Sophia Loren

I recently have been blessed with two long telephone conversations with my lovely friend.  Long telephone chats are a luxury these days, it seems.  But somehow we have managed to squeeze in time for conversations that covered an array of topics from books to beliefs to children.  I don’t know when we will have time to talk at length again, but I appreciate it that in the midst of a busy life, she makes time for us to mull over things that matter to us both.

Kindness and a Scrapbook

“The end result of kindness is that it draws people to you.”

~ Anita Roddick

A good friend of mine and I serve on a community board together.  In fact, we were part of the organization’s founding board more than 13 years ago.  On a recent decluttering binge (yes, there are many), I found a scrapbook that I had been given honoring my service to the organization more than 10 years ago.  It included several photos of my friend and me.  Recently, she and I met up for lunch – a very rare treat.  I had the scrapbook in my car and at the last minute, I decided to bring it with me and share it with her.  I thought we would get a kick out of seeing our slightly younger selves and remembering the beginnings of the organization.  As we looked through it, she pointed to one of the scrapbook decorations and said, “When I saw these, I knew I had to include them.”  “You made this?” I asked incredulously.  Yes, she said.  I thought the organization’s executive director had made it for me.  I thanked her – quite belatedly – for the beautiful gift.

The Kindness of a Deadline Reprieve

“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.”

~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

School form deadlines remind me that summer is coming to an end.  Goodbye to slower days, less running around, no rushed breakfasts or lunches packed in a hurry…  On a recent dark and stormy afternoon, I called one of my children’s school to see until what time the office was open on the last day of the deadline.  I held my breath as I waited for the response from the person who answered.  And then the clouds parted – at least, in my mind.  “Given the weather, why don’t you drop them off tomorrow?” the woman on the other end of the phone said.  Really?  Yes, she assured me.  I was thrilled.  And just like that, this woman whom I’ve never met greatly improved my day.