The Kindness of the Good Shepherd

"God has entrusted us with his most precious treasure - people.  He asks us to shepherd and mold them into strong disciples, with brave faith and good character."
~ John Ortberg

I recently attended a training for nonprofit volunteers in which one of the speakers said something that I found interesting -- that volunteering is not about "protagonism."  That concept came to mind as I observed a gentleman who led a group on a religious pilgrimage to a country where its citizens are oppressed, and freedom of speech is not enjoyed.  This gentleman was constantly on the lookout for all the members of his group, making sure that they made it through customs, that they stayed with the group and that they eventually all made it back home.  He shared that he feels relief when the U.S.-bound plane takes off.  On a much larger scale, this gentleman is engaged in significant humanitarian work in that country, but he does it all in quiet way with no need to be the protagonist.  Instead, he leads with the patience, compassion and generosity of the Good Shepherd.

Chivalry (Kindness) in the Rain

"Chivalry: It's the little boy that kisses my hand, the young man who holds the door open for me, and the old man who tips his hat to me.  None of it is a reflection of me, but a reflection of them."
~ Donna Lynn Hope

Walking through downtown in the rain, I saw a man holding an umbrella carefully walk his female companion to her side of the car.  I was touched by his thoughtful gesture.  As he closed her door, he turned around and smiled at me.  "Chivalry is alive and well," I said.  We both continued on our way, but I suspect we left our random encounter a little happier.

Kindness Across Generations

"Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like.  More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people."
~ Dennis Prager

I recently returned from a trip overseas with a small group of members of a lay religious order.  As generally seems to happen when I travel, I witnessed many acts of kindness -- including an ongoing one that involved two members of the group, the youngest and the oldest.  The oldest member was an elegant gentleman of 80.  He reminded me of someone who might have been a movie star.  With silver hair, he usually dressed in a navy blazer and khakis, and wore his sunglasses.  The youngest member of the group was a man in his 30s, the father of three young children.  In a very quiet way, the younger man constantly looked after the older gentleman.  On the plane, he made sure to help him with his luggage.  He accompanied the older man if the latter needed to run an errand.  He also made sure the older man had a place to sit at meals.  At dinner one evening, the older gentleman shared with me how very much he appreciate the younger man's constant kindness.  And it was obvious how much the younger man admired and enjoyed being with the older man. 

The Kindness (and Patience) of a Tour Guide

"The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself, for you were foreigners in Egypt."   Holy Bible, New International Version, Leviticus, 19:34

When I was in Taiwan a few weeks ago, we had an incredibly kind guide named Michael.  In addition to being very knowledgeable about his country, he had incredible patience.  He did not complain as we switched his hike through the mountains to a hike through a mall, and did other crazy things to the planned itinerary.  As the trip came to a close, he gave each person on the tour a postcard with a message that applied especially to her.  He recognized the unique in each of us and honored it.

The Kindness of One More Rescue

So what do you do when you are at an important business meeting with an out-of-town colleague and Federal government personnel, and you begin receiving texts from your daughter that indicate that your planned school pick-up did not go as planned?  You reach out to your lifesaver mom friend.  And suddenly things work out.  So what will you do when she moves to Australia in a couple of months?

 

The Kindness of Giving Space or Silence

"It takes a long time to grow an old friend." John Leonard

I have a colleague who works very closely with me.  We have worked together for a long time, and one of the beauties of the relationship is that she knows when to give me space or silence.

Kindness, the Doctor's Office and Strangers

"Helping others isn't a chore; it is one of the greatest gifts there is."
~ Liya Kebede

Not long ago, I was in the waiting room at a doctor's office.  There was an elderly woman, probably in her 80s, and two younger women, a mother and daughter duo.  The elderly woman, who had trouble walking, needed to go to the hospital and the mother of the duo offered to take her.  As it turned out, the doctor's office called the hospital and an orderly from the hospital was dispatched to pick up the woman downstairs.  The mother-daughter duo walked her downstairs to make sure that she made it to the orderly.

The Kindness of Commitment

"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."
~ Euripides

The other day, I was texting with one of my children's godmothers about an event that she would be attending for one of my children.  Somehow, I had not confirmed the date with her and she was going to have to move things around, so I apologized.  Her response:  "No biggy - for your kids I'll move the world if need be."

The Kindness of an Inspirational Message

"We can't help everyone, but everyone can help someone."
~ Ronald Reagan

I have a very special friend who randomly sends me inspirational messages.  Sometimes, they are Bible verses.  At other times, there are messages from her:  "Jesus is calling to you.  Do you hear Him?"  Yesterday's was very sweet:  "There is no one like YOU!"  Regardless of when they arrive, they are perfectly timed.  Without fail, they lift my mood and make me smile.  And when I need it, they give me strength.

The Kindness of a Reminder

"Over the years, I've found myself wishing sometimes my angel would show up.  I could use a little uplift, a little reminder."
~ Roma Downey

I love felicitating friends on their birthdays -- it's the perfect opportunity to celebrate someone.  But every so often, I forget the birthday of someone whose special day I would like to remember.  Recently, a friend texted me to say that it was her husband's birthday.  I was so appreciative and texted him right away.  Sometimes kindness is just a reminder away.

Delicious Bits of Kindness

"All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
~ Charles M. Schulz

The other day, one of my good friends sent me a text that she had gone to Ikea to buy trash bags and had bought me a little something.  Thankfully, and because she knows me well, she immediately added, "Don't worry!  It's not a bag.  Much smaller and yummier!!"  And sure enough, a short time later, she dropped off some Ikea chocolate bars at my house.  Unexpected kindnesses -- particularly those involving chocolate -- always put a smile on my face.

The Kindness of a Stylist

"Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun."
~ Randy Pausch

On a recent weekend, one of my children was invited to a"Coachella" party.  Uncool mothers that most of my friends and I are, we had to Google and ask around about this term and what it meant for our young teenagers' outfits.  One mom has a very hip friend who knew immediately and volunteered to serve as a "stylist" for the girls.  After a little shopping for appropriate Coachella-wear, I took my daughter over to my friend's home for the styling session.  Miraculously, the stylist was able to get my make-up-averse daughter to wear some (not that I feel any need to encourage children to wear make-up, but it was a fun one-time thing).  The girls giggled as their "stylist" did their hair and make-up, and had a great time.  After a few photos, it was off to the party!

A couple of hours into the evening, we began receiving texts from the girls.  Pretty typical at this age.  It generally begins with a simple "hi" and then, "What are you doing?"  The moment I receive the text asking about my evening, I know they are getting bored.  We eventually picked them up a little earlier than the party end time.

The next day, I asked my daughter if she had had fun at the party.  There were boys, after all.  She shrugged her shoulders in that "it was okay" kind of response.  I then asked if she had had fun getting ready.  That answer came quickly -- yes.  In fact, she said that she had enjoyed getting ready more than the party.

I am grateful to our "stylist."  The fun she created was the best part of the evening for my daughter.

The Kindness of Speaking Up

"When you wake up every day, you have two choices.  You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist.  I choose to be an optimist.  It's all a matter of perspective."
~ Harvey Mackay

Recently, I attended a half-day retreat with a large group of teenage girls.  The priest who led the retreat spoke about positivity, negativity and grace.  One mother spoke up -- despite her teenage daughter's not wanting her to speak (the look said it all).  But the mother had an important piece of information to share with both the girls and the adults in the room.  The mother said that she tells her daughter every day, "Today, you can choose happiness."  It is a concept that I have heard about and to which I subscribe, but the reminder is always important.  I was grateful that the mother spoke up and gave all of us -- teenager and much older alike -- the benefit of a very important message.

The Kindness of an Ice Cream Treat

"My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's ony our plate.
~ Thornton Wilder

My children and I were walking toward an ice cream shop recently when we ran into someone I know with his wife and daughter.  We talked for a while on the sidewalk and then they asked if we were going to the ice cream shop, too.  We all walked inside and as we were trying different flavors, the gentleman said that he was treating to ice cream.  We protested a couple of times, but then decided to accept his generosity graciously.

The Kindness of Cutting Slack

"I feel we all have a stake in our community as much as we do in our own spirits, and seeking avenues of generosity is the direct path to peace among us."
~ Shari Arison

Recently, I was collaborating with two other moms on a school-related project.  Based on travel and work commitments, I had not contributed much to our joint project.  We were texting about what remained to be done and I volunteered to pick up some of the supplies we needed.  Instead, one of the moms gave me a far easier assignment.  I try to do my part on team projects, but sometimes we all need to be cut a little slack, and I truly appreciated the thoughtfulness and generosity of giving me an easier assignment.

The Kindness of Sharing the Faith

"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe."
~ Saint Augustine

On a recent trip, I made a very special friend.  The best way that I can describe this woman is faith-filled as well as cheerful and very funny.  My trip in many ways ended up feeling like a spiritual retreat because I was blessed with her presence.  We talked about all kinds of topics important to us both -- faith, family, work, purpose...  This woman has a command and understanding of the Bible that I have never experienced before, and it was refreshing to hear her quote applicable verses.  I truly marveled at her knowledge and recall.  And her faith and enthusiasm for it were shared with others, too.  Whenever anyone on the trip needed prayers, she was there.  Her daughter asked her to pray for a relative of one of the other girls on the trip, and so this woman took the girl aside, prayed with her and gave her hope.  She routinely called for prayers -- before meals and at other times.  Some people keep the faith and others share it far and wide.  I felt truly blessed to have spent time with this very special woman.  My faith was all the better for it.

Tears, Kindness and Blessings

"Turn your attention for a while away from the worries and anxieties.  Remind yourself of all your many blessings."
~ Ralph Marston

By mid-morning on a recent Monday, it had already been a pretty bad day.  Not in any kind of a permanent life-altering way, just on the inconvenience front.  The tile in my home had to be completely ripped up -- had to be, not a choice.  So the guys arrived to do that.  They finished clearing out my living room (sofas outside), put up plastic sheeting and began chipping away.  The noise was amazing, drawing a neighbor and community manager to my door.  I was trying to work...  Just a crazy scenario.  And I will confess that tears were shed despite my remembering and continuing to repeat to myself, "it's just an inconvenience."

Tuesday rolled around and regular life tried to march on.  The life that includes sweet and thoughtful children who want to get their school projects done even though parts of our house are inaccessible, closed off by plastic sheeting.  One of these school projects involved my son's raising money for the American Heart Association.  He wanted us to donate online, so I finally did before taking him to school on Tuesday morning.  The website asked if I wanted to post something on my Facebook page, which I rarely use, but I thought "why not," clicked the box and did not think much of it.  I figured perhaps a couple of my friends might make small donations toward my son's goal.  Less than two hours later, I received an e-mail that one of my dearest friends had given a generous gift that took my son to his fundraising goal.  And this from a friend who had spent the last few days in the hospital.  I found myself teary for the second day in a row -- only this time they weren't tears triggered by frustration and overwhelm, but rather by the blessing of friendship and generosity.  And there, when I least expected it, was a reminder of the things that truly matter and how very blessed I am.

Monday Kindness

"A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind."
~ Richard Dehmel

In the midst of crazy Monday returning-to-work traffic, I was pleasantly surprised to see a woman signal to another car to roll down the window so that she could tell the other driver that her tire seemed low on air.  And consistent with the research about the impact of witnessing kindness, seeing this made me glad.

The Kindness of Keeping Someone Company

"Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter."
~ Izaak Walton

I heard from someone today that a mutual friend's daughter had had surgery recently.  This woman also shared that she had kept the friend company for the six hours that her daughter was in surgery.  Waiting while a loved one -- especially a child -- is in surgery is one of the most nerve-wracking things that we can face, and to have someone stay with us can be incredibly comforting.

The Kindness of Providing Meals... and Smiles

"Each one of us can do a good deed, every day and everywhere.  In hospitals in desperate need of volunteers, in home for the elderly where our parents and grandparents are longing for a smile, a listening ear, in the street, in our workplaces and especially at home."
~ Shari Arison

A friend of mine who is a very low-key person asked me if I knew of any students who needed service hours.  She said that she was organizing a lunch at a senior home and needed some students to help serve.  My friend is part of an organization whose youth group was supposed to organize and fundraise for the luncheon as well as serve.  But the lunch ended up being during spring break, so the members of the youth group were not around.  With a couple of calls to family and friends, my friend lined up serving help.  She then ordered the food from a local restaurant -- at her cost.  And 150 people at the low-income senior home were treated to a delicious lunch served in part by children who made them smile and made possible by the time, talent and treasure of my friend.

Kindness and Thanking Those Who Matter

"None of us got to where we are alone.  Whether the assistance we received was obvious or subtle, acknowledging someone's help is a big part of understanding the importance of saying thank you."
~ Harvey Mackay

In yesterday's post, I wrote about thanking a friend for a kindness that he shared more than 30 years ago.  As if we needed further proof of kindness' reach, there was a story in the news yesterday about a man who sent his high school teacher $10,000 in appreciation for the impact that she had on him -- nearly 40 years before!

The former teacher who received the generous gift said that their story has inspired hundreds to reach out to teachers, mentors and others who had an impact on them.

Lasting Appreciation for Kindness

"You never know when a moment and a few sincere words can have an impact on a life."
~ Zig Ziglar

No matter how much I write and think about kindness, one of the things that amazes me most is how long we remember kindnesses -- which means, of course, that kindness can have an incredibly lasting impact.

I thought about this again as I exchanged e-mails with a friend from high school on a business matter.  He is someone whom I have known since I was 13 or 14.  He is a few years older and was already an acknowledged leader in high school, serving as student body president.  One summer during high school, I took several college courses and was considering graduating early from high school and beginning college after my junior year.  Part of the issue was that my first-choice college would not accept me after my junior year, so I would have to transfer in if I still wanted to go.  I called my friend and we talked about it for a while.  Not surprisingly, he advised against graduating early.  "There is always time to hurry up later on," he said.  Thanks to his wisdom, I graduated from the school I had attended for 12 years and went on to a terrific experience at my first-choice university.

As we were trading e-mails recently, I told him how much I still appreciated his advice -- more than 30 years later.

The Kindness of Sharing Hope

"The theological virtue of hope is the patient and trustful willingness to live without closure, without resolution, and still be content and even happy because our Satisfaction is now at another level, and our Source is beyond ourselves."

~ Richard Rohr

I recently heard a sermon in which the pastor talked about "feeding" hope.  She said that it was very important to help each other have hope.  If you trust in faith and in love, you will have the peace of knowing that things are going to be fine.  And isn't that what we all neeed?

The Kindness of a Suggestion

"Never suppress a generous thought."
~ Camilla Eyring Kimball

The other day, I was telling one of my good friends -- who is truly a Kindness Muse -- about a lovely experience that I had had with someone else.  "You should write her a letter," my friend said.  "She gave you a gift of love and laughter, and shared herself.  You should tell her."  It made total sense and I appreciated my friend's suggestion. 

The Kindness of Sharing the Wealth

"The only wealth which you will keep forever is the wealth you have given away."
~ Marcus Aurelius

On a recent flight, I sat next to an executive with a technology company.  We talked about a variety of subjects, including faith, family and his business.  He shared that the executives in his company, including the president, are very frugal, including riding in Economy (which is where he met me).  He explained that being cost-conscious has enabled them to give bonuses worth millions of dollars to the company's 150 or so employees over the past few years.

Surprise Sunday Evening Kindness

"Love is flower like; Friendship is like a sheltering tree."
~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

After returning from a long trip on a Saturday night, I made a mental note to buy some fresh flowers on Monday.  On Sunday evening, one of my dearest mom friends texted me and asked me to guess where she was.  I guessed one of our favorite restaurants.  She then called me to say that she was on her way to my house -- no small feat as there was a major event where I live and traffic was backed up.  When I went out to her car to meet her, she had a bouquet of fresh flowers and some other treats for my family and me.  She explained that she had wanted to have the flowers waiting for me when I returned from my trip the day before.  This was much better, I assured her, as she was going out of town the next day and otherwise I would not have been able to see her.

Kindness from the Littlest Traveler

"Little deeds of kindness, little words of love, help to make earth happy like the heaven above."
~ Julia Carney

I recently returned from a language immersion trip to Taiwan with one of my children.  There were many examples of kindness along the journey and they ranged from major generous acts to very simple ones.

On our last day, as we were beginning the 30-hour trek back home, I was walking through our hotel lobby trying to pull or push a rollerboard as well as a larger suitcase while juggling a huge bag on my shoulder.  I felt a small hand grab the handle of one of my bags and saw our littlest traveler, an eight-year-old girl.  "I'll help you," she said and she rolled one of my bags out to the bus that was waiting to take us to the airport.

It was a very sweet and thoughtful thing to do, simple and quick, and yet on the morning of our last day when stress and rushing were the order of the day, that small kindness was a pause that not only made me smile, but also helped me to take a breath and continue to enjoy the rest of the trip.

13 and Kind

"I don't know any other way to lead but by example."
~ Don Shula

Sitting next to a group of teenage girls, I heard them criticizing another girl's appearance.  I have heard them discuss models and actresses before, so I wondered if they were talking about someone they knew.  "Are you talking about a real person?" I asked. "Yes," one of them answered, "A girl in our class."  As I sat there a little stunned, one of the girls told the others, "I think she is pretty."  And one of the others said in an accusatory tone, "Oh, you always see the best in everyone."

A little later, I approached the girl who had stood up to the others and told her that she would never regret not joining in that kind of talk.  And my hope is that others will follow her example.

Kindness, Dinner and Massages

"Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like.  More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people."
~ Dennis Prager

On a recent trip abroad, I met the family friend of one of our traveling companions, a very friendly and active older woman.  She treated our group of 12 to a wonderful dinner at a restaurant that she frequents. Then she insisted on taking a couple of us for massages at a spa run by a friend of hers.  The adventure lasted until nearly 1 a.m. when she took us back to our hotel in a cab.  Our very generous host said that people have been very kind to her son who studies overseas and she wants to treat others the same way.

Kindness at the Convenience Store

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
- William Arthur Ward

On my recent trip overseas, I was at a convenience store buying a few items.  At the cashier, I was having trouble figuring out how much money I owed.  A very nice young woman behind me in line pointed to where the total was displayed on the register.  I then tried to ask the cashier for an additional bag, but he did not understand me.  The young woman behind me asked him in his language for the bag.  I thanked her in my poor attempt at her language.  She smiled.