Monday, October 21, 2013

The Kindness of Forgiveness

"As we know, forgiveness of oneself is the hardest of all the forgivenesses."
Joan Baez

Forgiveness can be hard and frequently complicated.  And some types of forgiveness are more difficult than others.

Forgiving people who have hurt me is something I have learned to do.  Sometimes, it is hard, but letting go of that negative emotion is freeing.  I find it harder to forgive people -- particularly adults -- who have done something to my children.  And the "done something" is not anything truly awful -- it's more about adults who have not been kind, teachers who did not handle a situation the way I would have hoped... those kinds of things.  I wish it were easier, but any perceived offense against my children is difficult to forgive.

However, the hardest person for me to forgive is myself.  Recently, I said something that I shouldn't have to someone.  I was functioning on very little sleep, and exhausted both physically and emotionally.  It surprised me and probably the other person as I try mightily not to say things I will regret.  But I did.  And I apologized -- twice. 

As I thought about it, I asked myself what I would say to one of my good friends if she were in a similar situation.  I had no trouble with the answer.  I would tell her to apologize, and then to be kind to herself and move on.  Being kind to ourselves is not always easy.  And forgiving ourselves may be the ultimate in kindness.

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