Kindness and a Generous Spirit

"There never was any heart truly great and generous, that was not also tender and compassionate."
~ Robert Frost

I have a friend who has an incredibly generous heart.  In the last week, she has had us to dinner at her house, invited us over for leftovers, joined us for an impromptu pizza dinner, invited me to a workshop she thought I might enjoy, and offered to buy me a new charging cord for my phone when she heard that I had misplaced mine.  I don't think my friend knows of another way to be.  When she sees a need or an opportunity to be kind, she takes it.  And in so doing, she gives others the gift of her time and welcoming nature.  It is no surprise that she volunteers every week at a food pantry that serves low-income women -- even though she is a busy professional.  Her generous spirit is evident every time she walks into a room with a smile so big that it seems to touch everyone in sight.

Kindness in the Aftermath

"We all need each other."
~ Felice Leonardo Buscaglia

I received very sad news this morning -- a friend who had waged a courageous and difficult fight against cancer passed away.  I was upset and did not know what to do with myself.  And as with so many other times in my life, I got by with a lot of help from my friends.  My friends offered to help with my children, they sent messages of support and they checked in on me throughout the day.  And they prayed for my friend and her family.

Kindness and the Tired Husband

"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things, in which smiles and kindness, and small obligations given habitually, are what preserve the heart and secure comfort."
~ Humphry Davy

We recently had dinner at the home of friends, who had just moved.  I was surprised to see that they were completely settled in to their new home -- without a box in sight.  When I asked how they had done it, the wife said that the husband had single handedly packed and moved all their things.  I was especially amazed as there were a considerable number of knickknacks.  The husband had also spent an incredible amount of time -- 40 hours he calculated -- putting up several chandeliers.  He not only made sense of the electrical, but also cleaned and hung all the crystals on the chandeliers. I could not even fathom how he did it.  Not surprisingly, he was pretty tired on the recent evening when we and some family relatives were at his house for dinner.  But he managed to remain his cheerful self and spend time with us.

Kindness and an Older Cousin's Attention

"True beauty is a warm heart, a kind soul, and an attentive ear."
~ Ken Poirot

We ran into my nephew who was home from college at our neighborhood pizzeria.  After warmly greeting me, he said hello to my daughters and then asked me where my son was.  I told him that my son was sitting at the table on the other side of the restaurant, so my nephew walked over to say hello.  After he had eaten with his friends and was leaving, my nephew came over to our table to say goodbye and made sure to talk to my son again.  He asked him several questions about school.  I have always thought of my nephew as being incredibly well-mannered, but on this occasion, I also appreciated his attentiveness to his much younger cousin.

Kindness and Thanksgiving

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.  If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
~ Oprah Winfrey

Thanksgiving is about counting our blessings and being grateful.  It is also about making an effort -- and that's where the kindness kicks in.  Making or contributing to a Thanksgiving meal takes effort and so does attending a celebration.  But sometimes, there is even more effort involved.  One of my dearest friends hosted a Thanksgiving celebration even though he was not feeling well.  When I asked him how he was doing, he said, "more or less, but only thankful today."  Another friend -- whose husband has been ill and only recently discharged from the hospital -- took a dish to another friend's house even though she would not be attending the dinner.  Several other people I know traveled farther than they would have liked to be with family.  And then of course there is the kindness of not letting little things bother us (or at least not letting on that they do), so that we can get along with family and even others.  All that kindness makes for some pretty special Thanksgivings.

The Kindness of Sibling Support

"If you want to do really important things in life and big things in life, you can't do anything by yourself.  And your best teams are your friends and your siblings."
~ Deepak Chopra

The other day, one of my teenagers was trying to convince us that she deserved a new privilege.  She made quite a case for it, but we were not budging.  Then her younger brother got in on the act.  He wrote us a note about why his older sister deserved the privilege: "she will learn something new" and "it will make her feel responsible."  He also explained that she would eventually stop being mad at me.  "I also think if you give her time, she will let you into her world," he assured me.  Much to my surprise, my daughter prevailed.  Her brother felt responsible for her success.  For my part, I was thrilled that he had come to her assistance.

The Kindness of Remembering

"So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
~ St. Paul, 1 Corinthians 13:13

Today is 15 years since my father died.  Some anniversaries are harder than others.  My siblings and I exchanged texts this morning.  A couple of us had rough nights, teary mornings...  And then -- I was blessed with unexpected and thoughtful gestures that meant so much.  One of my closest friends remembered that it was my father's anniversary.  And my lovely friend, although she was traveling, texted me that she had said a prayer for my father. 

Pre-Thanksgiving Kindness

"Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings."
~ William Arthur Ward

My daughter and I made a late-evening visit to the grocery store to buy what she needed for the school food drive and some other items.  At the cashier, my daughter realized that she had forgotten something.  "Go on and get it, " the cashier said as there was no one behind us.  My daughter ran off just as a couple lined up behind us and began unloading their items on the conveyor belt.  "I don't think she is going to make it back in time," I told the cashier as she finished scanning our items.  Overhearing our conversation, the gentleman said, "that's okay -- we can wait."  I thanked him.  A minute or so later, my daughter came running with the missing item; we finished paying and were set to go.  I said goodbye to the gentleman and thanked him again.  "Happy Thanksgiving," he replied.

A Legacy of Kindness

"The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other material things accumulated in one's life, but rather a legacy of character and faith."
~ Billy Graham

I recently attended a memorial service for the wife of a colleague.  Relatives and friends remembered this woman for her commitment to her family, her love of adventure, her zest for life and her kindness.  Person after person who spoke at the podium recalled how she brightened the lives of so many people.  What a terrific legacy.

The Kindness of Flexibility

"Yielding flexibility is a virtue of an ever-expanding heart."
~ Molly Friedenfeld

Earlier today, I heard a very nice story.  A family had plans to meet at a restaurant for dinner with grandparents who were visiting from abroad.  At the last minute, the grandfather felt tired and said that he preferred not to go out for dinner or at least not to venture too far from where he was staying.  The daughter-in-law (the son's wife) had already made it to the initially designated restaurant after a full day at her office, but when she heard that her father-in-law did not want to go far, she said "no problem," and drove an additional half an hour to a restaurant close to where he was staying.  When the rest of the family arrived at the restaurant, the daughter-in-law greeted them all with a smile.  She had already secured a table and ordered her father-in-law's favorite wine.  Her attitude makes all the sense in the world -- after all, the important thing was for the family to get together.  But her attitude was a lesson for me.

Kindness Rewarded

"Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.  Every act creates a ripple with no logical end."
~ Scott Adams

Today a dear friend called from Disney World to share a kindness report.  My mom friend had left her 13-year-old daughter in charge of her 9-year-old brother as they waited for the sister to have a leather bracelet personalized. When the mother returned a few minutes later, the cast member told her that she was not going to charge her for the daughter's bracelet because the daughter was "the kindest and most respectful" guest she had dealt with all day.  The Disney employee said that not only was the teenager very attentive to her younger brother, but also she waited patiently in line.  "She was on cloud nine," my friend shared of her daughter's reaction.  How wonderful for the Disney employee to recognize kindness and reward it, generating more kindness.  It's that ripple effect...

The Kindness of Organizing a Gathering

"This is the power of gathering: it inspires us, delightfully, to be more hopeful, more joyful, more thoughtful: in a word, more alive."
~ Alice Waters

More than 20 years ago, I met a couple of professional colleagues through work.  Over the years, we worked together on a number of things.  Several years ago, the spouse of one of our mutual colleagues died and one of the gentlemen reached out to organize lunch for four of us.  This gentleman knows the uplifting impact of being in the company of friends.  The four of us have met several times for lunch over the years and it always makes me glad that we stay in touch and have the opportunity to enjoy each other's company.  Another one of our foursome lost his wife last month and the same gentleman organized another lunch for us to get together.

The Kindness of Letting People Know You Miss Them

"It's the person that calls you up because they're eating at 'our favorite spot,' and it made them think of you and miss being there with you.  That's a friend, to me."
~ Crystal Woods

I recently received a text from my dear friend on the other side of the world:  "Miss your voice."  I miss hers, too.  And thank goodness, we were able to talk soon after that text.  Even when you know that someone cares about you and is missing you, it is nice to receive a reminder.

The Kindness of Knowing Another

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There are so many ways to be thoughtful...  One of my dear mom friends sent me a text with a photo of a small purse that she thought I would like.  She had remembered my complimenting another friend of ours on a similar bag a while back.  I laughed when I saw it as I had just purchased the very purse two days before.  Her text made me think how blessed I am that a friend not only would pay attention to things I am interested in, but also would think to send me something I might like.  It is heartwarming to be known so well.

The Kindness of Directions

"The fragrance of flowers spreads only in the direction of the wind.  But the goodness of a person spreads in all directions."
~ Chanakya

On my way home from an out-of-town business meeting, I decided to finally use a ride-hailing service (yep, that is what those taxi alternatives are called).  I have taken these types of rides with other people, but had never ventured into that world myself.  Feeling very competent, I downloaded the photo app and requested my ride.  As I was waiting in the lobby of the office building, a colleague was walking in and asked me what I was doing.  I told her I was waiting for my ride and explained that it was my first time using this type of service.  She shared that frequently the drivers go to the back of that particular building, so she took my phone from my hand and expertly made her way through the app.  She contacted my driver and explained to him how to get to where I was.  She gave him directions that I never could have -- "no, you can't go down that street, it's one-way."   When we were certain that he was turning onto our street, my colleague continued on her way upstairs.  And I continued on my way, grateful for her timing and help.

Interesting postscript:  My driver got lost on his way to the airport.  Yep, the app is really neat -- I could see the little car on my phone's screen going in the opposite direction from the airport.  Funnily enough, I would still use the service again.

The Kindness of a Walk in the Rain

"Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books - especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance each day."
~ John Wooden

It was raining when I was ready to leave a luncheon the other day and I did not have an umbrella, so I decided to wait a little bit.  I ended up having a nice conversation with a woman I know.  Although we are several years apart, we used to ride the school bus together when we were in elementary school and we spent some time talking about our school and our adventures with its nuns and teachers.  The rain did not let up, so this woman offered to walk me to my car with her umbrella.  As we approached my car, I thanked her, but she told me she would wait and continue to cover me until I got inside and closed the door.

Remembering Kindness

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
~ Mother Teresa

At an event recently, I ran into a woman I have known for years.  We became friendly when we both served on the alumnae board of our high school.  Although I don't see her very often now, one of the things I remember about her is that she sent me a sympathy card when my grandmother died.  More than 16 years ago.  It occurred to me after I left the event that I should tell how grateful I still am all these years later.

The Kindness of Emojis

"Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind."
~ Henry James

Sometimes kindness can be as simple as two emojis.  On a recent afternoon as I was getting ready to come home from a business trip, a dear friend sent me a simple text with two emojis -- an airplane and praying hands.  I couldn't believe that she remembered when I would be flying back.  What a thoughtful thing to do -- especially on World Kindness Day.

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And speaking (or writing) of prayers and thoughtfulness, let us keep all the people of Paris -- especially those affected by today's terrible tragedy -- in our thoughts and prayers.

Kindness and a New Colleague

"I appreciate anything thoughtful."

 - Hilary Rhoda

I was recently at a meeting with about 50 colleagues, some of whom I did not know – including a gentleman who sat next to me.  When we introduced ourselves to each other, he asked me whether I used my whole name, which I thought was very considerate.  Just after sitting down, I realized that I had left my folder with the meeting agenda on a table in the back of the room, but I was in the middle of a row and did not want to climb over people to get it.  When this gentleman realized that I did not have a folder, he gave me his and then went to get mine.  Toward the end of the meeting, we worked in different groups and moved the rows of chairs to other parts of the room.  When I came back to my place, I had no seat.  Before I could go to find a chair, this colleague told me he would get me one and immediately went off to do so.  Before we parted ways at the end of the day, I thanked him for his many kindnesses.  I never learned his last name, but I will remember his thoughtfulness.

Kindness from a Supervisor

“Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage.”

  - Theodore Roosevelt

At a business meeting I attended recently, a gentleman was at the front of the room making a PowerPoint presentation to the group.  As he went through the slides, he knelt in front of the table on which his laptop sat.  His supervisor quietly and as unobtrusively as possible brought a chair and placed it next to his colleague who was presenting.  I know the supervisor and have always thought of him as a thoughtful person, but his kindness gladdened my heart.

Double Kindness

“To give without any reward, or any notice, has a special quality of its own.”

 -  Anne Morrow Lindbergh

When I travel on business, I enlist the help of a number of mothers to shuttle my children to after-school activities.  On my most recent trip, the moms who took my children to their evening activities also fed them.  I know these mothers don’t consider it a big deal, but I consider it a huge kindness.

The Kindness of Speedy Service

"Service is not something you do.  It's something you are."

 - Stella Payton

On a recent business trip, I ended up with very little time for breakfast as a colleague unexpectedly wanted to speak with me before a presentation.  I rushed into the hotel restaurant and asked the waiter what would be the quickest breakfast.  I ordered what he suggested and a couple of minutes later, he came out of the kitchen with my hot breakfast.  Surprised and grateful, I ate quickly and managed to be on my way in less than 10 minutes.  And I managed to make it to the impromptu meeting with plenty of time.

The Kindness of a Colleague’s Hospitality

"There is no hospitality like understanding."

 - Vonna Bonta

I recently had to travel on a Sunday for business after I had spent the weekend not feeling  well.  Traveling felt like more of a challenge than usual, but a colleague in my destination city made it a lot easier.  She picked me up at the airport and then hosted me at her home for dinner with her family.  To my surprise, she also remembered several of my favorite foods and included them in the meal. I was very touched by her thoughtful hospitality.

Kindness and the Cone of Confidentiality

"Few delights can equal the presence of one whom we trust utterly."
~ George MacDonald

Some people call it the Circle of Trust.  A very good friend of mine calls it the Cone of Confidentiality.  But whatever we call it, it's about being with someone whom you trust to not only keep your secrets or private details safe, but also accept you foibles and all.  People who exist within your Cone of Confidentiality are the kind of people who would never betray someone else's confidence, which is the best indication that they won't betray yours.  And it is a treat to spend time with them because you can truly be yourself.

The Kindness of an Open Door

"I feel the capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest significance."
~ Pablo Casals

I recently was waiting to be buzzed into a doorman building, but the doorman had stepped away from his post.  I tried to be patient in the midday heat.  Through the glass door, I saw an adorable blond little boy running my way.  He couldn't have been more than six years old.  And he opened the door for me.  I looked around to see if his mother had perhaps asked him to do that, but I did not see her.  "Did you decide to open the door for me all by yourself?"  I asked him.  Yes, he replied.  When I walked in and headed toward the elevator, I saw his mother, who had been looking for her son.  I told her that he had been very kind in opening the door for me and I thanked him again.

The Kindness of Calling to Say "Hi"

"It's important to slow down, every now and then, for no other reason than to call someone to say 'Hi.'  It doesn't have to be a long conversation.  Just calling out of the blue does more to let someone know you still care about them than nearly anything else."
~ Simon Sinek

The other day, a friend called me from the airport.  Although he travels, he calls me from all kinds of places to see how I am doing.  I appreciate his check-ins -- as well as his ability to make me laugh no matter what -- more than he can imagine.

The Kindness of Recipes by Text

"The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others."
~ Albert Schweitzer

On a recent evening, I was at a loss in terms of quick and easy dinner ideas.  Definitely not my strong suit.  So I wrote to two of my dearest mom friends.  Within minutes, I had great recipes via text.  Planning for dinner immediately became easier.  And my guilt at not being a better cook was assuaged by the simple meals they shared.  Nothing like getting a little help from my friends -- again.

The Kindness of Holding Someone's Hand

"We all need each other."
~ Leo Buscaglia

Although it's been decades, I can still remember the feel of my grandfather's hand as he held mine while we walked through a parking lot.  I felt happy and safe.  I was reminded of that recently when I visited a friend at the hospital.  We were very glad to see each other and I spent a few minutes talking with her.  As we sat, we held hands and I marveled at the peace that I felt.  I was so happy to sit there, to talk and laugh with her, and to have her hold my hand.  Other than our significant others and our children, most of us rarely hold hands with other adults.  But what a powerful connection and what great comfort there is when someone holds our hand -- and our heart. 

The Kindness of Letting Others Know You Care

"The simple act of caring is heroic."

~ Edward Albert

There are people who excel at letting others know that they care.  I still remember receiving a phone call more than two years ago after my husband was in a car accident from a friend of ours in Virginia.  Somehow, he seemed to know exactly what to say to make me feel better.  I recently received emails from both this friend and his wife regarding a business issue with which I have been dealing.  They were so reassuring.  Being able to transmit concern to others, so that it actually makes them feel better is a gift.

Snippets of Kindness

"My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue,
An everlasting vision of the ever-changing view
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold
~ Carole King

Sometimes when I am reflecting on my blessings or at other times when I am wrestling with a challenge, snippets of kindness appear in my mind.  Almost like a tapestry of kindness.  (Yes, I recently saw the Carole King musical.)  I actually thought how neat it would be to be able to wrap myself in a quilt of all that kindness.  The images that pop into my mind range from a visit at an airport from a friend who brought me a birthday treat to times when dear friends have accompanied me on special journeys (both joyful and sad).  And I think of how those people stepped out of their lives and into mine.  They were proactive.  Which reminds me of something that a dear friend once shared, "When in doubt, reach out."  Because snippets of kindness stay with us, and both comfort us and remind us of how very blessed we are.