Letting Go of Judging and Grudging*

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
―  Mother Teresa

"Don't judge."  This piece of advice came from an unlikely source -- my children's pediatrician.  During a recent visit, we were talking about kindness and he said that it's about not judging.  "It's a difficult thing to do.  We instinctively do it," he said.  But, we have to "let go and let God."

I have been thinking about judging and grudging (my new word, see below).  To not judge and to not hold a grudge is to be kind -- to others, but also to ourselves.  Because when we let go of the judging and the grudging, we open ourselves up to all kinds of possibilities.

When we don't judge another person or an idea, we are available to new things, to consider new ideas, to learn ...  And when we don't hold a grudge, we let go of negative thoughts that don't serve us.  I once heard in an otherwise useless meditation session that when we hold a grudge against someone, we are the ones who are affected; the other person is walking around, usually unaware of our feelings and probably indifferent to them.

There is beauty, magic and kindness in letting go of our preconceived notions -- whether it is the bias that we have when we are judging or the negativity of grudging.  By letting go, we have space for other things.  And as Mother Teresa said, we have more time to love -- the ultimate kindness.

*  Grudging is a word I made up -- kind of.  Grudging is listed in dictionary.com as a verb, but I have tweaked its meaning.  For my purposes, grudging = holding a grudge.  I was inspired while rereading The Elements of Style last night with its direction to use fewer words, although I don't know that Professor Strunk would approve of my creativity.  Nonetheless, I think this new use of grudging works.  And it rhymes with judging.  Both -udging words that we can do without.