―Khalil Gibran
Sometimes
kindness means having to say no.
Over the
years, I have found myself in several business and volunteer commitments that
didn't make sense for me. Most of the
time, I ended up resenting my having acquiesced to the arrangement. Sometimes, I felt guilty if I thought I
wasn't meeting expectations.
But this
week, I said no twice -- once to a business opportunity and the other to a
volunteer commitment. One was harder
than the other because I very much like and admire the person who asked. But as I told this wonderful woman who
invited me to join her organization, I am not the right person for her
board. I knew that I could not give the
organization what it needed and the commitment was not a responsibility I could
presently handle. So I said no and was
kind to us both.
Many people
have trouble saying no to commitments and opportunities for a variety of
reasons: We want to be helpful, we are
conflict averse, we don't want to appear rude ... All reasons that make us feel that we would
be less than kind if we said no.
But I agree
with Paul Huljich, who wrote in Psychology Today in November 2012: "Saying No is one of the most important
ingredients in a life filled with peace of mind and contentment."
For me saying
no has become easier as I have developed more clarity about my values and
priorities. I know now that by saying no
I am not only being kind to me, but to others as well.
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