In-Flight Kindness

"Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage."
- Theodore Roosevelt

On a recent trip with several connections, I arrived at the next leg of the journey with the flight well into boarding.  When I tried to stow my suitcase in the overhead compartment, there was another bag that was making it difficult to fit mine.  As the bag was somewhat flat and flexible, I thought that if I could move it a bit,my bag might fit in the same compartment.  I asked the bag's owner if I could move his bag just a little.  He stood up to help me and ended up moving his bag to another compartment that was several rows back so that my bag could fit in the compartment above my seat.

A few minutes later, the flight attendant announced that the overhead compartments were full and that any suitcase that did not fit would have to be checked.  Given that I had an international flight to make, I was  incredibly grateful for this gentleman's kindness.

Kindness and an Extra Treat

"An effort made for the happiness of others lifts above ourselves."
- Lydia M. Child

During my recent trip abroad, one of my traveling companions and I discovered a wonderful bakery close to our hotel.  We quickly got into the habit of visiting it in the evenings and trying a couple of the delicious offerings each time.  Although we did not speak the language, there was a young woman working at the shop who spoke some English, so we would ask her about the breads and pastries as we made our selections.

One night as we were walking back to the hotel with our purchases, the young woman came running after us.  She wanted to tell us that if you bought five items, you were supposed to get an additional item free and she invited us back to the store to select our complimentary treat.  We followed her back to the shop for one more delicacy in amazement that this young woman would make such an effort.

Kindness Across Language

"The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions."
- Confucius 

On a recent trip abroad, I was in a coffee shop (ok, a Starbucks) looking to find a place to sit. Our tour guide thought he had found a table, but as I approached it to sit down, a gentleman signaled the he was sitting there. We did not speak the same language. A few minutes later, the gentleman gestured that the table next to him had opened up. I said a badly pronounced thank you to the gentleman in his language, grateful for the familiar in a strange land -- both the Starbucks and the kindness.

The Kindness of a College Student

"Being polite and grateful will make people more inclined to help you.  And if people are willing to help you, you may accidentally get something you want."
- Jason Sudeikis

A very good friend of mine from college asked me to write a letter of recommendation for her son, who is in college and wants to transfer to our alma mater.  I was very happy to write the letter and shipped it off to our university.

A few days later, I was pleasantly surprised to receive a very thoughtful e-mail from this young man thanking me for the letter I had written. Certainly, it was the polite thing to do, but people, especially busy and harried college students, don't seem to have much time for the finer points of etiquette.  It occurred to me that regardless of where this young man ends up going to school, his thoughtfulness will be a terrific asset as he makes his way through his university studies and on to the workplace.

The Kindness of Going Above and Beyond

"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend."
- Plautus

So what happens when you are on a school trip with one child on the other side of the world and another one of your children is receiving an award back home?

Thankfully, your husband and your mother can attend the ceremony.  And then one of your best mom friends volunteers to go, too.  But she doesn't just attend.  She gets your child flowers and cupcakes.  And then, she texts you photos of your daughter at the event.

Kindness on the Street

"All of civility depends on being able to contain the rage of individuals."
~ Joshua Lederberg

Driving the other day, I was getting ready to make a right turn, when the turning traffic stopped while an older woman slowly crossed the street.  The driver of one of the waiting cars began honking his horn and a gentleman who was walking by tried to gesture to the impatient driver that everyone was stopped because they were waiting for the woman to cross.  I don't know if the driver ever caught on about what the hold up was, but I thought it very kind of the pedestrian to try to help.

Cookie Kindness

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.  Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."
~ Charles R. Swindoll

I was driving home on a recent Sunday evening when a dear friend texted me a photo of delicious chocolate chip cookies that she had just made.  Kidding around, I told her that I wanted one.  And so she said I could go by and get it.  Which I did.  It was a brief, drive by, but there was something fun about it -- I'm guessing the joy of friendship -- that went beyond my getting a special treat.

The Kindness of Calm

"Life goes by fast.  Enjoy it.  Calm down.  It's all funny.  Next.  Everyone gets so upset about the wrong things."
~ Joan Rivers

I consider myself blessed to have several people in my life who are calming influences. 

On the eve of a big trip, I ran into a doctor friend at the pharmacy.  Perfectly suited for his profession, he has a wonderful bedside manner, which I have been on the receiving end of more than once.  With a thousand things on my mind, I mentioned that I had not been to see him in his office for a while, but that I would see him upon my return.  He told me that the guidelines for check-ups had changed, so not to worry.

I then texted one of my dearest mom friends to share just one more worry.  And, as always, she texted a soothing message back.

There is no better gift for angst that the kindness of calm.

The Kindness of Making People Feel at Ease

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
~ Maya Angelou

I have been cutting my hair with the same person for 20 years.  My twice yearly or so visits don't exactly make me a significant client, but I look forward to seeing my stylist.  I do like how he cuts my hair, but I also think that part of it (a big part of it) is that he is funny and kind.

On a recent Saturday, I had an appointment with him at the new salon to which he had moved since my last visit.  I don't like to be late, but I was a few minutes behind schedule.  Although it was only seven or eight minutes, I know that that can throw things off in a salon, so I felt badly as I rushed down the street and into the salon.

But when I arrived, he greeted me with "Perfect timing!" and gave me a big hug.  I don't know whether he had just finished his last client and was grateful for the extra minutes, or whether it is just his way -- which is what I think it is.  But with those two words, he made me feel so much better.

A few days later, a professional colleague called just as I had finished a prior call.  He began with a tentative, "Am I catching you at a bad time?"  And I replied, "No, it's perfect timing!"  Indeed, it was, but I also remembered how nice those two words had been to hear.

The Kindness of Commiserating

"To commiserate is sometimes more than to give, for money is external to a man's self, but he who bestows compassion communicates his own soul."
~ William Mountford

A woman I know, an attorney, recently ran into another woman she knows, an accountant.  The attorney has always admired the accountant, who comes across as a no-nonsense, very successful professional.  The women have known each other for more than 10 years.

 
On this recent encounter, they talked about traveling and the accountant confessed that she has become increasingly nervous about highway driving.  The attorney could hardly believe it as she has the same issue.  They traded stories about their fears and about difficult situations in which they had found themselves.  They chuckled that they shared the same fear and both left the conversation feeling better that her issue was not hers alone.

The Kindness of Reminding Others of What's Important... and Wonderful

"I see trees of green,
red roses too.
I see them bloom,
for me and you.
And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world."
~ Bob Thiele and George David Weiss, "What a Wonderful World"

Recently, I watched a group of children sing the song, "What a Wonderful World" and found myself very touched by it.  Later that same day, my lovely friend shared how important it is to realize that -- despite the static and the other stuff that gets in the way -- we truly live in a wonderful world.  What a nice thing to remember as spring begins.

The Kindness of Going the Extra Mile

"If you have to put someone on a pedestal, put teachers.  They are society's heroes."
~ Guy Kawasaki

The other day, I overheard a conversation between a teacher and a student's mother.  It seems that the teacher had personally taken paperwork for the mother's daughter to the new school the daughter would be attending.  Apparently, the people at the new school were very surprised to have a teacher personally deliver documents.  As the mother thanked the teacher, the teacher shrugged it off as no big deal.  "I wanted to see how the campus was coming along," she said.

Kindness, a Christmas Card and the Easter Egg Tree

"Friendship!  Mysterious cement of the soul, Sweet'ner of life, and solder of society."
~ Robert Blair

One of my dearest friends from college who lives in another state shared shortly after Christmas that she had never received our Christmas card.  A couple of times during conversations since then, she asked me to send her another one.  I finally sent her the card a couple of weeks ago.  Yesterday, she texted me a photo of our Christmas card, which she had placed next to her Easter egg tree.  Although we are well into another holiday, it was nice to see my children's photo in her kitchen.

The Kindness of Remembering that We Are Blessed

"The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings."
~ Eric Hoffer

Recently, I forwarded a solicitation e-mail from my alma mater to a group of friends who graduated with me.  There was no dollar amount requested, just participation as there was an anonymous donor who had promised to make a large donation if we achieved a certain number of gifts, regardless of size.

After I sent the e-mail, I wondered if it might bother any of my fellow alumni.  People can be funny when asked for money, especially if the request comes from a good friend.

One alumnus immediately wrote back to thank me for forwarding the e-mail as he had not received the original one and to let me know that he had just contributed.  This friend now lives overseas, but he previously had a long career in university alumni relations and fundraising, so I wrote to him separately to ask what he thought of my forwarding the e-mail.

This was his reply:  "We are all blessed in so many ways and need to be reminded every once-in-a-while to shake us from our complacency.  I consider myself very humbled to live in a place where poverty and the toll it takes on good people is extraordinary.  Yet they live with such humanness and grace.  The kindness shown by those with the least is often greater than the kindness shown by those of us who have so much. "

The Kindness of a Gentle Nudge

"Nothing is so strong as gentleness, nothing so gentle as real strength."
~ Saint Francis de Sales

On a recent weekend, I had agreed to meet a group of mothers for a rare evening out.  There was a purpose to our meeting -- to plan for an upcoming event.  But the day had become busier than I originally envisioned and included meeting a work-related colleague in town for the day.  After a late lunch with my colleague, I drove back home, where I knew I would only be for an hour or so. 

 

When I got back in my car to head out to the moms' dinner, I received a text from one of my dearest mom friends, who had organized our getting together.  "How are you doing on time?"  she wrote.  When I responded that I had just left my house, she answered, "Yay!!!"  And I knew then that she was not concerned about the time, but rather about whether I would once again drive out to go to the dinner.  Ever thoughtful and understanding, she would not have been upset at me had I opted out, but she did want me to go -- and so she gave me a gentle nudge.

Kindness Forgotten

"Always give without remembering and always receive without forgetting."
~ Brian Tracy

A woman I know is an attorney, but she left the practice ages ago and jokes that she has forgotten more law than she ever knew.  She graduated from law school more than 25 years ago.

At an event recently, she ran into a woman she had met in law school, who was a year behind her.  The younger woman came up and said that she remembered how the woman I know had helped her when she began law school.  "You met with me on a Sunday afternoon and helped me figure out what was going on, " she said.

The woman I know did not remember that and at best had a very vague recollection.  But she did find amazing that such a small kindness could be recalled more than two decades later.

The Kindness of Raising Thoughtful Children

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do matters very much."
~ Jackie Kennedy

The other day, I had two friends of my children over for the evening.  A brother and sister duo, young teen and pre-teen, they are not only incredibly polite, but also nice to have around.  They have a way about them... a certain manner in treating others -- with respect and thoughtfulness.  At the beginning of the evening, I was worried that the boy, who is the young teen, would be sufficiently entertained as the rest of the group was younger.  He told me not to worry about him, that he was fine.  When the children all sat down to eat, the brother and sister quietly said prayers even before I mentioned grace.  My son then shared that he had not said grace at school before lunch that day.  And the young teen said, "Well, you can always pray after.  Don't we say thank you for gifts after you receive them?"  These children rinsed their plates before putting them in my dishwasher.  And then when I took them home later that evening, I actually saw the boy (young man really) close the car door for my daughter after she got in. 

Kindness from Miles Above

"Good friends are like stars...  You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
~Unknown

Recently, I asked my steadfast friend for advice on an issue that was troubling me.  As always, she gave me great advice.  We talked for a while, but then she had to get ready to leave for the airport as she was travelling overseas for work.  A while later, I received an e-mail from my friend:  "Bought wi-fi access so email me if you need anything."  And then a text:  "I can text too."  We exchanged several e-mails and texts.  They weren't all about the issue.  We actually texted about the treats that she received in First Class (five different desserts!).  It was very nice know that she was there.

The Kindness of a Praying Parent

"The sincere friends of this world are as ship lights in the stormiest of nights."
~ Giotto di Bondone

A very special mom friend recently helped me talked through a troubling issue.  Later that day, I received a beautifully wrapped package with a card that read, "The greatest gift we give each other is peace of mind."  Inside the package was a book, The Power of a Praying Parent.  She had marked a page with a prayer that she found particularly meaningful.  As I began to read it, I felt at peace. I texted her to thank her and told her that I felt peace when I read it.  "That is exactly what I was hoping for," she wrote back.

Sweet Kindness

"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."
~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

A mom friend of mine texted me to share a lovely story about a boy in her son's Third Grade class.  There was a bake sale at school and my friend, who works at the school, went to find her son to give him money for the bake sale.  When she found her son, she saw that he already had a treat.  She asked her son how he had bought it and he replied that another little boy had bought it for him.  My friend gave her son money so that he could repay the other boy.  And then she watched as the other boy gave the money to another classmate, so that he could buy something.  "I was touched by his generosity and his sweetness toward his classmates," my friend said.

And my friend, no slouch in the kindness department, sent the boy's mother a text telling her how nicely her son had behaved.

Finding Kindness on an Unknown Street

"Kindness is the essence of greatness and the fundamental characteristic of the noblest men and women I have known."
~ Joseph B. Wirthlin

I recently had to go to a part of town that I don't know well for a business lunch.  Even after Mapquesting the address, I was still unsure about where I was going, so I called a friend to help me get there.  As always, he was very kind and patient, and spoke to me until I reached my destination.

When I arrived, there was what looked like a parking space in front of the restaurant, so I parked there.  I went inside the restaurant to check whether it was indeed a space and where I had to get the ticket to pay for the parking.  One of the waiters very kindly went outside with me to see where I had parked and then directed me to the ticket machine across the street.

After lunch, as I was trying to back out of the parking space, my rear sensors indicated that there was something behind the car even though the car parked behind me seemed quite a distance away.  I got out of my car to check and found a large trash can, which a cleaning person seemed to have left there.  As I went to move it, the cleaning man walked out of one of the restaurants and quickly moved it for me.  He then directed me out of the parking space.

As I left the area, I thought how nice it had been to find so much kindness on my way to and then in a place I hadn't been before. 

The Kindness of a Wise Friend with a Good Heart

"A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination."
~ Nelson Mandela

I recently had lunch with a former colleague.  We last worked together about 10 years ago and she has now retired to another country, so I was delighted to learn that she was in town and that we could squeeze in a visit.

My former colleague is as gracious as she is kind.  Whenever she sees me, she always brings me a thoughtful gift.  This time, it was a beautiful raw amethyst pendant.

I treasure our time together and our conversations.  Just a few years older than me, my friend always has pearls of wisdom to share.  And whenever I have needed advice -- whether on work-related or personal issues, she has generously given it.

The Kindness of Being Accessible

"Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage."
~ Theodore Roosevelt

As I was driving recently to a lunch meeting with a professional colleague, it occurred to me how nice it is that he is very accessible.  What I mean by that is this:  He always responds to my e-mails, if I ask him to meet, he sets a date and if I text him, he responds.  We all do business with a variety of people, but some people are difficult to reach or won't give us the answers we need...  and that can make our lives difficult or complicated.  I admire and respect this colleague for many reasons, and his being accessible is just one more.

The Kindness of Small Gestures

"Small gestures can have a big impact."
~ Julianna Margulies

Sometimes it's the littlest things that make us smile.  I recently took my children and a couple of their friends to lunch.  The children sat down first and the only chair left for me was at the head of the table, where I didn't want to sit (who knows why).  I said that I didn't want to sit at the head of the table and before I could ask one of my children to trade with me, one of their friends got up and sat at the head.  It was a little thing and I easily could have sat at the head of the table, but I was touched by this teenager's willingness to honor my preference.

Constant Acts of Kindness

"Constant kindness can accomplish much.  As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate."
~ Albert Schweitzer

I recently read an op-ed piece on line that appeared in The Washington Post nearly two years ago.  Titled "When small kindnesses mean everything," the article is by a woman who has just lost her only sibling to a heart attack.  When she goes to the grocery store, she encounters some impersonal nastiness by the checkout woman.  She wonders what would happen if she told the woman about the loss that she has just endured.  She writes, "What if we treated all strangers and friends with the gentleness we reserve for those who have suffered a major loss?  This wouldn't be random acts of kindness; it would be constant acts of kindness."

We never know what others are going through.  And during difficult moments, I have been comforted by the smallest acts of kindness by strangers as well as by the larger kindnesses that those who know me have shared.  So what if we aspired to constant acts of kindness?  What does that look like in your world?

The Kindness of Being Friendly

"One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time."
~ Hermann Hesse

Earlier tonight, I walked into an event by myself.  I usually go to this annual dinner with my husband, but he had to attend another event, so he was going to meet me there.  Shortly after arriving at the pre-dinner reception, I ran into a woman who is the friend of a friend -- I am not sure that she qualifies as my friend.  Whenever I see her, she gives me a big smile and I get the sense that she is truly happy to see me.  We always have a nice conversation.  We talked for a few minutes until we had to go into the dinner.  As I reflected on the evening, my conversation with this woman was one of the highlights and her friendly manner made arriving at the event alone much easier than it might have been.

The Kindness of Sharing a Moment

"Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you."
~ Saint Augustine

Recently, there were two women who didn't know each other well sitting on a bus together.  One shared that she was fighting a difficult health battle and was heading out of town to have more tests done.  The other woman listened and assured the first one that she would keep her in her thoughts and prayers.  Before they parted, as the first woman blinked back tears, the second one squeezed her hand.  Sometimes an unanticipated moment of connection can help us along the journey.

The Kindness of a Special Delivery

"I think we all do have a guardian angel.  I believe they work through us all the time, when we are thoughtful and good and kind to each other."
~ Roma Downey

Ever since my lovely friend introduced our family to edible chocolate chip cookie dough, the item has been in hot demand.  Recently, I went to the gourmet market where my friend bought it only to be told that they were sold out.  Today, I received a call from my lovely friend, who was at the market to tell me that she was staring at a shelf full of the stuff and would I like some.  Yes!  She dropped it off at my house, which absolutely thrilled my family.

Then, Now and the Kindness of a Manicurist

"When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life."
~ Jean Shinoda Bolen

There was a time in my life when I went for weekly manicures and had self-care a little higher on my priority list.  But that was then.  And while I would not trade my now for anything, it does make for infrequent appointments for things like manicures, pedicures and haircuts.  Sometimes, I think I don't even have the time to call to make the appointments.  That, of course, isn't exactly true, but that is the feeling.

Thankfully, I have a manicurist whom I adore and when she hasn't seen me for a while, she will call me.  She called me last week and asked when I could come in.  And that is how we found ourselves on Friday evening having a great chat over nails.  I was her last appointment and when we left, it was after 8 pm.  I know many people like happy hours on Friday nights, but for me, getting my nails done and having an enjoyable conversation is much better.  I would not have made it to the salon had it not been for the kindness of my manicurist.

The Kindness of Seemingly Endless Listening

"Friendship is a sheltering tree."
~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

A woman I know felt on the brink -- on the edge of what she could handle.  It was too many things coming together at once, including uncertainty.  And so she called her steadfast friend.  And as so many times before, her friend talked her back from the edge.  "Don't worry until you have something to worry about," was part of the sage advice that her friend offered.  And then her friend listened and listened and listened.  And the woman I know finally felt better.

The Kindness of the Welcoming Hostess

"Each day holds a surprise.  But only if we expect it can we see, hear or feel it when it comes to us.  Let's not be afraid to receive each day's surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy, it will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.
~ Henri Nouwen

I have a friend who has an incredibly generous heart.  I see it in action time and time again.  Most recently, she hosted a dinner at her home after a men's religious retreat in which her husband had participated.  She invited family and friends, and you had the sense that anyone who wanted to come would be welcomed.  At the church, we ran into a dear friend whom we did not know was doing the retreat and of course my friend invited him to the dinner.  Before we ate, we all held hands and prayed, and there were quite a few teary eyes.  Perhaps some of the tears were joy, but I know that some of the tears reflected difficult journeys.  We were quite a diverse group -- ranging in age from toddler to 92.  Two of the men (one older and one not very old) were in wheelchairs and two others had degenerative conditions, but there was a piece of wood put in place to serve as a ramp and side tables were pressed into service to make it easier for some of the members of the group to eat.  There were caretakers among the group and mothers worried about their children.  But for a couple of hours on a Sunday late afternoon, my friend's kindness created an atmosphere in which people talked and laughed, shared their struggles and felt the important saving grace of human connection.