Kindness at the Post Office

"Happiness exists on earth, and it is won through the prudent exercise of reason, knowledge of the harmony of the universe, and constant practice of generosity."
~ José Martí

The other day I was at the post office toward the end of the day accompanied by a jittery child.  There was only one window open and the line was long.  The gentleman in front of me had a cart full of packages to send.  It was sheer music to my ears when he told me to go ahead of him.  I thanked him and quickly accepted.

The Kindness of a Thank You Treat

"The purest and thoughtful minds are those which love color the most."
~ John Ruskin

On a recent weekend, one of my children was invited to a birthday party at a location some distance from where we live.  Another mother suggested that we carpool, so she took a group of children to the party, and I picked them up and took them home.  When we arrived at the house of one of the girls, her mother was standing outside with a small ramekin filled with delicious treats -- Manchego cheese and crushed almond-covered quince skewers.  She gave them to me as a thank you for bringing her daughter.  I was floored by this mother's thoughtfulness -- and culinary creativity. 

A Long-Ago, but Precious Kindness

"A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops."
~ Henry Adams

One of my dearest friends, a very bright attorney, recently shared with me that he did not learn to read until 2nd Grade.  He said that somehow no one had noticed that he could not read until a nun at his new school realized it.  Sister T pulled him out of class every day and little by little taught him how to read.  She would use flash cards and bake him brownies as reward for his progress.  By 6th Grade, he was reading more than 100 books each year and he has not stopped reading since.  I remarked that without Sister T's help, he probably would not have gone to law school.  "Law school?" he said, "I probably would not have gone to college."  He said that she made a critical difference in his life because not only did he learn to read and eventually choose a career that required being a good reader, but also he loves to read and has very high reading comprehension.  Although this kindness took place more than 40 years ago, he still remembers the nun's name and the tremendous impact that she made.  My friend says that other than his family, Sister T has had the biggest influence on his life.

The Kindness of a Question

"Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful."
~ Margaret J. Wheatley

I recently had lunch with two friends to celebrate my lovely friend's birthday.  Not surprisingly, it was the birthday girl who gave us a gift -- a question.  She asked us, "Is there anything that you wish you were doing now that you're not?"  That took us down several paths, which included the dream of a tiny house and living closer to nature, more yoga...  The best thing that it did was to make us reflect.  As busy as we all are, sometimes we are just going and going, and we don't stop to think about what is important to us and what makes us truly happy.  I asked my lovely friend about her question the following day and she said, "I don't like to be on automatic pilot!"  I have since asked other friends the same question.  Thanks to my lovely friend, I know that some of us are checking in with ourselves in a way that perhaps we have not for a while.

The Kindness of Vitamin F

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."
~ Marcel Proust

A couple of weeks ago, I had lunch with a friend from childhood (high school, really, but at this point, that seems like childhood).  I had not been in a great mood, but having lunch with  him completely lifted my spirits.  We laughed as we always do and we could have talked for several hours more.  I spoke to him recently and told him how much I had enjoyed our lunch.  And he said, "Yes, we all need Vitamin F -- Friends."  He went on to tell me how he organizes whatever he can, comes up with whatever excuse, to make sure that he gets enough Vitamin F.  I am all for constant consumption of this miracle vitamin!

The Kindness of Feedback

"Give back in some way.  Always be thoughtful of others."
~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

The other day at an event, I ran into a woman who lives in Savannah.  She is the sister of a friend and over the years we have coincided at family gatherings.  In fact, I probably met her at a wedding about 16 years ago and last saw her at a funeral a couple of years ago.  The last time I saw her, we had a very nice conversation and I must have mentioned my blog because when I saw her recently, she told me that she enjoys reading it.  Naturally, and as any writer can imagine, I was delighted.  It was such a thoughtful thing for her to mention to me.

Kindness in an Office Elevator

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
~ William Arthur Ward

In an office building lobby recently, I pressed the button for the elevator.  It turns out that a gentleman was already on the elevator with the doors closing when I inopportunely pressed the button.  I apologized to him, but he was very cheery and said, "Great -- you got it.  Otherwise, you would have been waiting for a while."  His friendliness made me smile.

The Kindness of a Drugstore Run in the Cold

"Love and kindness go hand in hand."
~ Marian Keyes

Given the blizzard weather faced by so many in the country, I won't mention what cold means in my neck of the woods.  But cold is relative and it is colder than usual, colder than comfortable.  My husband had already been out for an abridged version of our Sunday-evening grocery store run and was lying in bed when I asked him if he would mind another run, this time to the pharmacy.  Off he went.  And I was very grateful.

The Kindness of a Breakfast Invitation

"I do believe we're all connected.  I do believe in positive energy.  I do believe in the power of prayer.  I do believe in putting good out into the world.  And I believe in taking care of each other."
~ Harvey Fierstein

One of my dearest friends invited me to a breakfast a few weeks ago.  She said it was to hear a nun speak.  I did not know anything about the speaker, but I told her I would go.  On a recent Saturday morning, several of us drove up to the event in a nearby city.  The breakfast was hosted by a Catholic women's group and the featured speaker was an Irish nun with the gift of healing.  Along with a couple hundred other women and a few men, we prayed, we sang, we laughed and yes, we cried.  We were moved by the nun's own story as well as by other things that happened.  There was a raffle as occurs frequently at these types of events.  One of the winners was a woman who was part of our group.  Although you would never know it by looking at her, she has been battling cancer.  When she went up to receive her raffle prize, the mistress of ceremony told everyone in the room that this woman had cancer and so the entire room prayed for her.  I am not sure that there was a dry eye in the room, but there was certainly hope and hearts filled with gladness.

The Kindness of Viewers

"The world is round so that friendship may encircle it."
~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

From time to time, my husband has appeared on local news sharing his professional opinion on current events.  On a recent evening -- and unbeknownst to me, he was on the national news.  Several friends, including two in other states, texted me to say they had seen him. One friend took a photo of the TV screen and actually recorded part of the interview, too.  I appreciated their letting me know more than they could imagine.

Kindness, a Flat Tire and Two Aussies

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."
~ Princess Diana

My lovely friend called today with a kindness story.  (I love it when that happens!)  She shared that her husband came out of a store yesterday to find that one of the tires on his car was flat.  He began the tire changing process, but was having trouble hoisting the car up.  Two Australian men stopped to help him lift the car and change the tire.  My lovely friend and her husband were touched by their kindness, but beyond that, they were amazed because one of the men was missing his arm from the elbow down, but that did not prevent him from getting down on the ground and helping lift the car.  My friend said that it is amazing how some people don't let anything stop them.  Kindness and inspiration!

Kindness at a Hotel Gift Shop

"You have not lived today until you have done something for someone who can never repay you."
~ John Bunyan

The other day, a woman I know was browsing in the gift shop of a hotel.  She overhead an elderly woman who was paying tell the cashier that she had a hotel discount card, but that she was having trouble pulling it out of her wallet because she had had hand surgery.  The woman I know asked the customer if she would like her to help, and then pulled the tightly packed cards out of the woman's wallet until they found the right one.

The Kindness of Driving a Friend

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.  A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."
~ Saint Basil

My steadfast friend is an incredible friend whose kindnesses toward me span decades.  She also is a good friend to many others.  Recently, she has been driving around another friend who underwent surgery and is unable to drive.  My steadfast friend has taken her out to lunch, shopping, to get her hair done and to do other errands.  She also has brought food and supplies to this friend's house.  And it is not as if my steadfast friend has ample time on her hands.  A high-level corporate executive, she travels frequently for work and yet still manages to coordinate the lives of her teenage daughter and her mother.  It seems that generous people are able to squeeze kindness into the busiest of schedules.

The Kindness of Polite Teenagers

"I place a high moral value on the way people behave.  I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other that courtesy in the old sense of the word -- politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit."
~ Fran Lebowitz

On a recent outing at the mall with one of my teenagers and a couple of her friends, we stopped by a popular bath and fragrance store.  I asked my daughter's friends if they wanted anything and they politely thanked me, said no and sounded as though they really meant it.  Only after several minutes of my daughter's encouraging them (more like insisting) did they finally each select something that cost less than $2.  And then, they graciously thanked me.  Listening to their conversation in the car afterward about mixing fragrances and experiments, I was especially thankful for polite young teenagers who can still enjoy simple things, don't seem to demand a lot and aren't in a hurry to grow up.

The Kindness of Friends Who Make You Feel Good About Yourself

"My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake."
~ Aristotle

I was talking to the mother of another teenage girl recently and she said that she tells her daughter that her friends should make her feel good about herself.  And that seems like very sage advice.  We all have holdover friends from our childhood who may or may not fit that bill.  But the older we become, the more it seems that it makes sense to have friends who make you feel good about yourself.  It doesn't mean that they will always agree with you or tell you what you want to hear, but it does mean that they will help you tap into the best version of yourself, that they will help you grow, that they will be with you during difficult moments and that they will be happy -- genuinely happy -- for you when you enjoy success. 

The Kindness of a Visit from College Friends

"To be with old friends is very warming and comforting."
~ Ian Ziering

Between work and my family, I don't have much extra time to meet friends for girls' weekends.  But that does not deter a group of my college friends.  They fly down from various parts north to my city and stay at a hotel just a few blocks from my house so that we can spend time together.

The Kindness of Being a Good Storyteller

"I think storytelling is all about children.  We human beings love to hear stories being told -- and it first happens when you're a kid."
~ David Chase

On a recent rainy morning as I was driving my son to school, he told me that he hoped it would keep raining.  He said something about PE class and I thought he meant that he did not want to go outside.  But it was something different.  "When it rains, we stay inside and Coach tells stories," he said, "and he is the world's best storyteller!"  How wonderful that an adult can capture a child's imagination in that way.

The Kindness of Encouraging Children

"Friendly people are caring people, eager to provide encouragement and support when needed most."
~ Rosabeth Moss Kanter

I believe in thank you notes.  But sometimes, it can take some nudging to get my children to do them.  A few days ago, we managed to put a dent in our Christmas thank you notes.  And today we were blessed with a great follow up to my nudging: acknowledgment from the recipients!  Two very good friends of ours, a married couple, sent my children a text saying how much they enjoyed receiving the note and including a photo of themselves with the note.  What more could a parent ask for in terms of encouragement for her children?!

The Kindness of a Healthy Gift

"I believe that the greatest gift you can give your family and the world is a healthy you."
~ Joyce Meyer

A gentleman I know gave a school administrator a very thoughtful gift.  The school administrator had recently switched to a low-carb diet.  Knowing that and being a huge advocate of healthy eating, this gentleman gave her a basket of low-carb foods.  She was so happy.  She said that it was the best Christmas gift she received.

The Kindness of Not Making Someone Feel Badly

"The qualities I most admire in women are confidence and kindness."
~ Oscar de la Renta

The other day, I found out that I had forgotten a friend's birthday.  I was dropping off her daughter at her house and I noticed that there were fresh flowers.  When I commented on how beautiful they were, my friend's daughter said that her mother had gotten them for her birthday the day before.  When I saw my friend a little later, I apologized for not remembering her birthday.  She shrugged it off and said that she doesn't like it when people remember her birthday because she never remembers anyone's birthday.  She said it so convincingly that it almost made me feel better.  And then before I left her house, she gave me a huge piece of her very delicious birthday cake.

The Kindness of an Unexpected Treat

"There is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved: It is God's finger on man's shoulder."
~ Charles Morgan

Sometimes, people -- even ones you have never met personally -- can make your day.  On a recent Monday (and oh, what a Monday), I received a package from someone in New York with whom I have done work, but never met.  Over the holidays, she traveled to Hawaii and got chocolate-covered hazelnut shortbread cookies for me.  She carted them back to New York, wrapped them and sent them to me.  No surprise, the cookies are delicious.  But the thoughtfulness behind the gift is priceless.

Kindness and Thin Mint Ice Cream

"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."
~ Albert Einstein

I ran into a gentleman I know at the grocery store recently.  It was a Sunday evening and he shared that he was dashing in for just one thing: Thin Mint ice cream.  His wife was watching a television show and she wanted to watch it while eating her favorite ice cream.  It was nice to see how happy he was to get it for her.

The Kindness of a Gift

"Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness."
~ Richard Bach

Gift cards are always great presents.  And I have received the range from gas cards to book store cards to one from my favorite store.  But there is something special about a restaurant gift card.  Recently, a colleague of my husband gave him a very generous gift card to a restaurant that we would normally not frequent.  So off we went on a Saturday night and had a terrific evening together as a family, courtesy of my husband's colleague.

Kindness Toward a Teacher

"One looks back with appreciation to the brilliant teachers, but with gratitude to those who touched our human feelings.  The curriculum is so much necessary raw material, but warmth is the vital element for the growing plant and for the soul of the child."
~ Carl Jung

One of my teenage daughters recently shared that several girls in one of the language classes at school decided to switch languages.  The language they were leaving is a very difficult one, and neither my daughter not I think the change had anything to do with the teacher.  But the teacher felt badly about the girls' leaving.  One of the girls who stayed in the class made a card for the teacher telling her what a great teacher she was; this student had the other girls in the class sign the card, too.  I imagine that it must be difficult as a teacher to have students who no longer want to learn what you are teaching, but how wonderful when there are kind and thoughtful students who care about you and want to boost your spirits.  And teenage girls at that!

Small Kindnesses on the Road

"I'm convinced of this: Good done anywhere is good done everywhere.  For a change, start by speaking to people rather than walking by them like they're stones that don't matter.  As long as you're breathing, it's never too late to do some good."
~ Maya Angelou

I am not one to count acts of kindnesses.  I mostly just like to enjoy them.  But on a recent morning, I experienced at least two by 11 am.  How great is that?!  Both were driving-related.  The first was in a parking garage.  There was an unusually long line to exit and I imagined that the ticket machine was broken as it has been in the past.  When I reached the exit, there was a building employee standing by the machine.  I asked her if it was broken.  Not now, she said, but a ticket had gotten stuck earlier.  I gave her my ticket, which she inserted in the machine, and when the machine indicated the amount to pay, I gave her my credit card.  "No, it's okay," she said, "You had to wait."  Alrighty then.  It wasn't about the money -- it was just a nice thing to experience.  A few minutes later, the lane in which I was driving was closed off.  I paused, waiting to see if someone would let me into the adjacent lane.  Sure enough, a car slowed down and a driver signaled for me to pull in front of it.  Small kindnesses, but they do boost the spirit.  Because, after all, kindnesses are a way of people telling each other that they matter.

The Kindness of Being a Giver

"If nature has made you for a giver, your hands are born open, and so is your heart; and though there may be times when your hands are empty, your heart is always full, and you can give things out of that -- warm things, kind things, sweet things -- help and comfort and laughter -- and sometimes gay, kind laughter is the best help of all."
~ Frances Hodgson Burnett

Sometimes, particularly when we feel overwhelmed, it may seem that we have nothing to give.  But if we can just step out of our own "stuff" for even a moment and reach out to someone else, whatever we can give -- a smile, laughter... -- will certainly lift our own spirits.

Kindness and the Gift of a Battered Bear

"Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones.  A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you."
~ Shannon L. Adler

As we continue decluttering, I have been going through toys and stuffed animals, and asking my children to select a few they would like to keep.  One of my son's choices surprised me.  He chose a battered polar bear that he received from a maintenance man in our community.  Years ago, someone was throwing it away and the maintenance man gave it to our son.  After we gave it a good washing, the bear became one of my son's favorites.  At our recent stuffed animal review, my son opted to keep it and he still remembers who gave it to him.  We told the maintenance man about my son's keeping the long-ago gift.  Surprised, he said, "He was so small... You never know what they'll remember."  Thank goodness, one of the things children remember is kindness.

The Kindness of a Smile

"A warm smile is the universal language of kindness."
~ William Arthur Ward

After an unpleasant traffic encounter with a very angry man early this morning, I decided that I would smile at the next person I saw in the hope of getting the day back on a more positive track.  As I made a turn into a gas station, I exchanged smiles with a woman on the street.  I immediately felt better.

The Kindness in a Christmas Wreath

"The spirit of Christmas is the spirit of love and of generosity and of goodness.  It illuminates the picture window of the soul, and we look out upon the world's busy life and become more interested in people than in things."
~ Thomas S. Monson

There are many things that my husband does that are kind -- he is, quite simply, an incredibly kind-hearted person.  But there are certain things that he does that stand out and that warm my heart whenever I think about them.  Recently, it was his surprising us with a huge Christmas wreath on our front door.  Well, the wreath is not exactly on our front door.  It is too big to fit on one of our doors.  He hung it above our double doors and we have to duck a bit every time we enter our house.  But as one of my friends said when she saw it, "it is spectacular."  And that it is.  It is made with real greens and has beautiful blue Christmas balls and starfish on it.  The other day, my mother decided she had to photograph it because it was so beautiful.

But beyond its beauty, the wreath is very meaningful because we had not been living in our home for the last several months due to a repair project that stretched out seemingly endlessly and we were all concerned about whether we would be in our own home for Christmas.  Just a few days before Christmas, we moved back in and when we arrived, we found the huge wreath outside and our Christmas tree inside.  Home at last with a Christmas tree and our incredibly spectacular Christmas wreath.

The Kindness in a Home Remedy

"You can't live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you."
~ John Wooden

The other day I got into an elevator.  There was a woman already on it and she asked me what floor I was going to and graciously pressed the button for me.  The floor number was all the information I gave her.  But she immediately figured out that I did not feel well.  She shared a home remedy -- boiling ginger, adding lemon and drinking the mixture with honey.  I thanked her as I walked out on my floor, amazed that someone had been paying such attention to a stranger.

The Kindness of a New Year's Text

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood."
~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Among the texts that arrived with Happy New Year's wishes was one from a friend whom I haven't seen in a while.  I especially appreciated it because she had texted me a couple of weeks back and I had not responded -- not for any good reason.  I was just in the middle of holiday overwhelm.  My friend didn't take offense and instead just restated that we should get together.  It reminded me of another friend who at one point thanked me for being her friend even when she didn't make as much of an effort as she would have liked. 

 

That is one of the many wonderful things about friendship -- at times, it may seem that our efforts at connection ebb and flow, but hopefully, our friends understand that it's about life circumstances, not the friendship.