Kindness, a Veteran and a New Apartment

"Helping others isn't a chore; it is one of the greatest gifts there is."
~ Liya Kebede

There is a veteran who stands at an intersection that I frequently drive by.  The other day, he shared that he was going to be moving into an apartment and asked if I knew anyone who had extra plates or flatware that he might have.  I mentioned this in passing to my mother who promptly went through her kitchen and showed up at my home with a box of carefully wrapped glasses and flatware for him as well as towels.  And then she said she was going to the store to buy him a set of dishes.

The Kindness of a Joyful Greeting

"What gives me the most hope every day is God's grace; knowing that his grace is going to give me strength for whatever I face, knowing that nothing is a surprise to God."
~ Rick Warren

As I was thinking of my day yesterday, one of the things that popped into my mind was the very joyful greeting that I received from someone I know.  Every time I see this woman, she gives me a big smile and a hug.  And I have realized that she makes me feel as though everything is fine.  Naturally, I love running into her.  The interesting thing is that life has not always been easy for this woman.  She had had her share of challenges, but she seems to always face them head on with faith, grace and determination.  And her example gives others hope. 

Kindness, Friday Nights and Pizza

"I advocate that every woman be a part of a circle, and a circle that meets at least once a month, or if you can't do that, once every two months or every four months."
~ Alice Walker

I have always wondered about play groups...  Years ago, it occurred to me that play groups are really about the moms -- not the children.  Under the guise of getting the children together to play, mothers come together for connection and support.  Now way past the play group years, a couple of other mothers and I have fallen into the very comfortable rhythm of Friday nights at our local pizza place.  We go with our children; they sit at their own tables and we at ours.  The evenings have been known to last for four hours.  And I believe they mean as much to the mothers as they do to the children.  We talk about everything -- from the silliest of things to clothing to family to religion.  When a couple of weeks go by and we have not met up, I find myself missing them and our conversations.  The kindness of their love and support means the world to me.

The Kindness of Seeing with Your Heart

"Empathy is about standing in someone else's shoes, feeling with his or her heart, seeing with his or her eyes.  Not only is empathy hard to outsource and automate, but it makes the world a better place."
~ Daniel H. Pink

When I pulled into the parking garage of our building, I noticed a car parked in my space.  As I drove up, an older gentleman was pulling out of the spot.  He rolled down his window and said he was sorry.  In a quiet voice, my nine-year-old son said, "I feel sorry for that man."  I asked him why.  "He had sadness in his voice."

The Kindness of an Alert

"What this world needs is a new kind of army — the army of the kind."
~ Cleveland Amory

I received a very thoughtful text from a mom friend this week letting me know that a group of my daughter's classmates were going to order lunch at school from a local sub shop, and she wanted to make sure that my daughter and I knew about it, so that my daughter would have money and be able to participate.  It's the not-so-little things that make you appreciate certain people.

The Kindness of the Mommy Village

"Obviously, you would give your life for your children, or give them the last biscuit on the plate.  But to me, the trick in life is to take that sense of generosity between kin, make it apply to the extended family and to your neighbour, your village and beyond."
~ Tom Stoppard

First week of school.  Back to the morning routine.  Traffic is worse than ever.  Your daughter has PE tomorrow and her PE shorts are nowhere to be found.  What is a working mother to do?  Thanks to your mommy village -- one mom lends you a pair of her daughter's shorts, and another mother agrees to go to the very inconveniently located uniform store to buy your daughter a pair.  One of my dearest mom friends texted me her tale of woe today and how her village came to the rescue. 

The Kindness of an Apology

"More people should apologize, and more people should accept apologies when sincerely made."
~ Greg LeMond

Recently, I met with the district manager of a store with which I have had a difficult situation -- a large purchase I made did not work out the way it was supposed to.  After several months of incomprehensible delays and no resolution, the gentleman came to visit me.  He said he was sorry.  I told him the apology was very important to me -- even though I can't quite explain why.  Maybe, it is having someone acknowledge what has happened or how it has impacted me...  I don't know.  But I did tell the manager that when he does training with his staff, he should let them know how important that apology is. 

The Kindness of Yes

"I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes."
~ e. e. cummings

The other day, I asked my steadfast friend if she would be at the school our daughters attend at the time that my daughter would be dismissed from her orientation.  Although her daughter is in a different grade, their schedules that day would overlap.  Yes, my friend said, and so I asked her if she could pick up my daughter.  In a subsequent conversation that day, my friend mentioned that her daughter was with a friend.  "So, you only went to school to pick up my daughter?" I asked her.  "Well...," she began, and went on to tell me that she had wanted to pay for the yearbook, but the bottom line is that she only went to the school to pick up my daughter.

Sibling Kindness

"If you want to do really important things in life and big things in life, you can't do anything by yourself.  And your best teams are your friends and your siblings."
~ Deepak Chopra

The weekend before the first day of school is fraught with excitement, doubt and last-minute errands.  Sometimes, parents don't manage to get it all done or to even realize -- until it is too late -- that there is just one more thing...  So was the case with an elementary school boy we know.  His parents did not realize that they needed to replace his lunch bag, which had suffered a nasty gash at some point during the last school year.  With no time to buy a replacement, his just slightly older sister took matters into her own hands.  She found her mother's sewing kit and sewed the gash right up.  Nothing like a last-minute sibling assist to get you ready for the first day of school.

Kindness in a Treat Bag

"Goodness is about character -- integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like.  More than anything else, it is about how we treat other people."
~ Dennis Prager

We have friends from out of town who also have a home in our community.  Recently, they were here for a couple of weeks.  The morning after they left, we found a bag of treats at our door.  They left us cookies and fruit along with a very thoughtful note -- just one more expression of their kindness and friendship.  It is truly impossible to think of these friends and not smile.

The Kindness of a Thoughtful Thank You

"My guiding principles in life are to be honest, genuine, thoughtful and caring."
~ Prince William

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine asked me if I knew a good math tutor.  I did and I shared the tutor's contact information with her.  The other day, I received a very thoughtful thank you text from my friend.  She shared that the tutor had already met with her son twice and that her son really likes him because the tutor explains things really well.  I was glad to hear that things had worked out and I enjoyed the details that my friend included in her unnecessary, but truly appreciated, thank you.

The Kindness of Updates

"I appreciate anything thoughtful."
~ Hilary Rhoda

While I was on a recent business trip, one of my children was invited to celebrate a birthday with friends at a water park.  The park is more than an hour away from our home.  The mother who took the girls sent the mothers of the girls who went regular updates.  She wrote to let us know that they had arrived at the park and then a while later, she told us that she would not have her phone as she was going on some of the slides with the girls.  The mother then sent us a photo of the girls having a great time and let us know when they got in the car to head back.  I texted the mother to thank her for the updates and shared that I get nervous about their going so far, especially when I am out of town.  "I would worry, too," she replied, "That's why I send the updates."  I truly appreciated her thoughtfulness.

The Kindness of an Outing

“A visit to a cinema is a little outing in itself.  It breaks the monotony of an afternoon or evening; it gives a change from the surroundings of home, however pleasant.”

 -  Ivor Novello

While I was on a business trip recently, friends of ours – a married couple -- graciously offered to take our children on a movie outing.  The afternoon movie outing included dinner afterward at one of our children’s favorite restaurants.  Our friends not only entertained the children, but also sent photos – a precious gift to a traveling mom.  Of course, our children had a terrific time and I was delighted that they had fun.  We are very blessed to have these two special people as part of our village.

The Kindness of Unsolicited Advice

“All of us, at certain moments of our lives, need to take advice and to receive help from other people.”

  - Alexis Carrel

I recently heard a beautiful story from a colleague in her mid-60s.  Attractive, smart and engaging, my colleague has been divorced for a long time and would welcome the opportunity to meet someone and have a partner with whom to enjoy life.  She shared that while standing in a line to purchase tickets,  she overhead an older married couple behind her bickering.  They were arguing about why one of them had not bought the tickets earlier.  Having heard enough, my colleague turned around and asked them if they knew what they were doing.  She said that they were married and that they should be happy, and that she would welcome the opportunity to be married to someone.  I told my colleague that it would be terrific if she could share that view with married couples, so many of whom have lost perspective of how blessed they are to have a life partner.  And then I called my husband to tell him how glad I am to be married to him.

The Kindness of Another Passenger

“Give back in some way.  Always be thoughtful of others.”

 -  Jackie Joyner-Kersee

A colleague of mine was on her way to another city for business.  The flight was delayed for several hours and the passengers were not given any information about when the plane might leave.  My colleague finally decided that she would go to get something to eat, so she jokingly told another passenger that she needed to get a drink.  She went to a restaurant close to the gate and ordered food.  Several minutes later, the passenger came to the restaurant to tell her that the flight was leaving.  She was incredibly grateful and thanked him profusely.

The Kindness of a Question

“Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’”

 - Martin Luther King, Jr.

As I walked out of a Barnes and Noble store this weekend, there was an older man in a wheelchair outside the store.  Three young women were walking into the store and one of them said very kindly to him, “Are you going in?”  It turns out that he was not, but I have no doubt that the question lifted his spirtis.

The Kindness of Sweet Talk

“Mama was my greatest teacher, a teacher of compassion, love and fearlessness. If love is sweet as a flower, then my mother is that sweet flower of love.”

-  Stevie Wonder

End-of-year summer school uniform shopping is anything but fun.  The one place in the county that carries the required uniforms is a madhouse.  Everyone seems impatient, overwhelmed and in a hurry – all at once.  It is difficult to find the aisle with the school that you are looking for, much less figure out the sizing system.  Mothers drag reluctant children around.  And there is even a line for the dressing rooms. 

One dressing room had the door ajar and inside was a woman on her knees in front of a crying toddler, trying to get a shirt over his head.  “I am going to put this over your head and then I will take it off right away – it will only be a second,” she said and smiled at him.  She was being so sweet and not exhibiting any frustration that I thought she had to be an aunt or other relative, not his mother.  “Is he yours?” I asked.  Yes, she said.  I told her that it was so nice that she was being so patient with him.  She shrugged as if she knew no other way.

My children commented on it later.  “She was so patient,” one of my daughters said. “I am going to be like her when I am a mother.”  All of them chimed in their agreement.

I was grateful for the beautiful example.

The Kindness of a Listen

“The first duty of love is to listen.”

̴ Paul Tillich

Sometimes all we need is a listen.  We don’t need someone to fix something; we don’t need an opinion.  We just need someone to listen.  And if we are fortunate to find someone to listen at the precise moment where that need becomes critical, we are blessed.

The Kindness of a Child's Thoughtfulness

"Give back in some way.  Always be thoughtful of others."
~ Jackie Joyner-Kersee

Recently, I was sitting at a restaurant with a group of children and another mother.  It was getting late in the evening and although we had finished our meal, we were sitting having a nice chat.  At one point, one of the children -- a nine-year-old boy -- said, "Do you think we should go so that someone else can have our table?"  And, as we left, I noticed that there were a number of people waiting for tables.

The Kindness of Ironing

"The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness."
~ Victor Hugo

When I recently stayed at a college friend's apartment in another city, I asked her if I could hang up what I would be wearing to a business meeting the next day.  I was hoping that the creases in my jacket caused by suitcase travel would miraculously disappear if I hung it up.  My friend offered to iron it for me.  Absolutely not, I said.  The next morning as she left for work, my friend told me that she had ironed my jacket.  Just today, I saw the same jacket and remembered my friend's very thoughtful kindness.

The Kindness of Emails that Make You Laugh -- Out Loud

"Laughter is the closest distance between two people."
~ Victor Borge

I don't mean the kind of chain emails that you receive and don't know what to do with.  I mean the kind of email that you receive from your friend who is now on the other side of the world, but who can still make you laugh out loud with a snippet of funny conversation.  And for a moment, lost in the laughter, you forget how far away she is. 

Parking Lot Kindness

"Because that's what kindness is.  It's not doing something for someone else because they can't, but because you can."
~Andrew Iskander

At a strip mall parking lot, I saw a woman in a van with several children try unsuccessfully to back out of a parking space -- twice.  A car had parked horizontally across a store front and was too close for her to be able to get out.  Another mother in the car next to her saw what was happening, got out of her car and asked the person in the car that was blocking the other woman if she would move her car a few yards.  The other car moved and the woman in the van was able to leave.

The Kindness of a Gift of Earrings

"Kind people are the best kind of people."
~ Author unknown

About a year ago during a family road trip, I found a pair of very inexpensive costume jewelry earrings with which I fell in love.  Small and round with white enamel and gold (faux, of course), they were my go-to comfortable earrings that I wore on a daily basis.  Which is what I did until I lost one.  I was disappointed and looked on line to see if I might find them.  I did find a pair that came close, but at more than 100 times what I paid for my roadside find, that set did not have the same appeal.  I shared a photo of my one remaining earring with two of my closest mom friends, so that they would be on the lookout for something similar.  They looked, I looked... but nothing.  And then on the way back from this summer's road trip, I found them again and bought the one and only pair at the store.  I dashed off a text with a photo to my two mom friends who had been in on my search.  A couple of days ago, one of the two moms gave me a pair of earrings that are just like the white ones but in turquoise.  Of course, I love them and am wearing them as I write.  And whenever I remember that I have them on, I smile at her thoughtfulness.

Tender Kindness

"Paradise was made for tender hearts..."
~Voltaire

At Mass recently, I saw a couple sitting toward the front of the church.  I would not think of them as elderly, but they have been married for more than 50 years.  Both highly intelligent and hard working, they managed to raise a brood of children, all of whom now have beautiful families of their own.  The husband is not as strong as he once was and remained seated through most of the Mass.  At one point during the service, I saw the wife gently rest her head on his shoulder.  And when they stood up and began walking to the front of the church for Communion, the wife adjusted his sweater from the back.

A Little New York Kindness

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."
~ Mark Twain

In a busy New York coffee shop on a weekday morning, a woman ran in to get a cup of coffee.  A little agitated, she told another woman in line that she was supposed to be on a call "in a minute."  The woman in line let her go ahead of her.  The woman with the call was incredibly grateful and said that she would "pass it on."  The little kindness made those within earshot smile and seemed to fill the small coffee shop with good cheer.

The Kindness of Another Mother

"As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others."
~ Audrey Hepburn

During boarding on a very full flight, a young mother was struggling to get through the aisle with twins (and it may have been triplets, but I lost count).  An airline employee was helping her, but the woman was carrying a very heavy bag in addition to one of the babies.  A nicely dressed woman traveling with two older children (both lost on their digital devices, ear buds in place) got up, grabbed the mother's heavy bag and lugged it toward the back of the plane where the mother's seats were.  After we landed, I found myself walking through the airport terminal next to the woman and I told her how nice she had been to help the other mother.  She smiled and said, "I have triplets.  I remember how hard it was."

The Kindness of Understanding

"A friend should be one in whose understanding and virtue we can easily confide, and whose opinion we can value at once for its justness and its sincerity."
-- Robert Hall

I recently had the opportunity to spend a couple of quiet evenings with one of my dearest friends from college, thanks to a business trip that took me to the city where she lives.  We don't see each other often enough, but our ability to have meaningful conversations seems completely unaffected by distance.  Our in-person, late-night conversations end only when we can't keep our eyes open any longer.  And one of the things I appreciate the most is how well she understands me.

The Kindness of Awesome Car Service

"Quality in a service or product is not what you put into it.  It's what the customer gets out of it."
-- Peter Drucker

As odd as it may sound, I love where I take my car for service.  My service advisor is a great guy and the woman who runs the service department is amazing.  On a recent Friday evening, a red light appeared on my car's dashboard telling me to stop the car safely as there was an issue with the coolant level.  In a panic, I called the service department and asked for my reliable service advisor.  He was on vacation!  Next, I tried the service manager.  She answered immediately and after listening to what I said, she told me to put water where the coolant goes and bring the car in on Monday.  And, she said, "Don't worry about this, don't even speak about it this weekend.  It's not a big deal."  She knows her worriers.

On Monday, I went to the service department.  It seemed that it would take a little longer than she had immediately thought.  But, she said, she had a loaner lined up for me.  So, off I went, incredibly grateful for the terrific customer service that keeps me driving the same make. 

As we navigate our individual life journeys, we come across a number of people -- doctors, store employees, customer service representatives and others.  Some make our lives easier while others, well ...  The ones who truly help us are real stand outs!

The Kindness of Friendly Recognition

"One never reaches home, but wherever friendly paths intersect the whole world looks like home for a time."
~ Hermann Hesse

A woman I know was not in a great mood -- nothing major, but just one of those moments that last a little longer than we would like them to.  Then she called her favorite pizza place to order a pizza.  The young man who answered the phone recognized her, not by her voice, but by her order.  They both had a good laugh and she felt so much better when they hung up.  We never know when the smallest act of being friendly can make a difference.

A Special Brand of Kindness

"There never was any heart truly great and generous, that was not also tender and compassionate."
~ Robert Frost

There is something about kindness by children that especially touches my heart.  In one evening, I overhead two instances of kindness from one of the kindest and most special little girls I have ever had the privilege to know.  She is 12 years old.

A group of children was sitting at a table drawing.  One of the younger children, a nine-year-old boy, said, "I'm learning how to draw."  The 12-year-old girl looked at him incredulously:  "Learning how to draw?  You already know how to draw, my artist friend!"

Earlier in the evening, the same nine-year-old had found himself sitting alone in the back row of an SUV when his traveling companion got out of the car momentarily.  The 12 year-old girl, who was sitting in the middle seat, said to him, "Hey, do you want me to go and sit with you back there?"  And she immediately jumped over the middle seat and joined him in the back.

I wish I could bottle her special brand of kindness.

The Kindness of a Squeezed-In Appointment

"Kindness and good nature unite men more effectually and with greater strength than any agreements whatsoever, since thereby the engagements of men's hearts become stronger than the bond and obligation of words."
~ Thomas More

I love my hairdresser.  I imagine that he cuts my hair well enough, but I think it's his welcoming and gracious manner that I treasure most.  I am not the best salon client -- I don't color or get blow outs, and I get a haircut maybe a couple of times a year.  Every so often, I reach the point where I am convinced that I need a haircut and then I call him and want to get in as soon as possible.  When I called this time, it turns out that he was going out of town for a month!  The first time that he has ever done that.  But he agreed to stay for an evening appointment.  The receptionist said, "I have never seen him do that before."  Unfortunately, a combination of a red alarm light on my car and a torrential storm forced me to cancel the appointment.  Then on Saturday morning, the receptionist called and said that he could squeeze me in midday.  I was absolutely thrilled and grateful.