The Kindness of Remembering, Shopping and Shipping

"Every gift from a friend is a wish for your happiness."

~ Richard Bach

It always amazes me how some people manage to see through their good intentions.  I am especially in awe of the people who manage to remember, shop and ship.  These people remember birthdays and other occasions, decide on a gift, buy it and mail it.  Admittedly, the Internet has made shopping and shipping easier, but I still consider it an accomplishment.  In the past couple of months as my children celebrated various school and personal milestones, they received gifts that were personally shipped.  As much as the thoughtfulness is appreciated, I think that my children will not fully understand the kindness that is so generously bestowed on them until they are busy professionals, spouses and parents trying to deliver on their own good intentions.  For my part, I am grateful not only for the love of friends, but also for the example they are setting.

The Kindness of an Evening Call

"The greatest gift is a portion of thyself."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

On a recent evening, I texted a friend.  I thought her daughter's birthday was coming up.  I was off by a few weeks.  We texted back and forth a couple of times and then she called.  She said that she figured we would just go back and forth via text, and why not call.  That rare phone call!  We hadn't talked in weeks and we had a nice time catching up.  I truly appreciated her opting for that old-fashioned method of communication.  It was a gift.

The Kindness of a Godmother who Happens to be a Dentist

"Kindness and a generous spirit go a long way.  And a sense of humor.  It's like medicine -- very healing."

~ Max Irons

My children are blessed for many reasons and having a godmother who is a dentist is among them.  On a recent evening, she fit us into her busy office schedule as one of my children had a painful tooth situation.  Which called for an extraction!  I have no doubt that my child would have been mortified had it been anyone else doing the injecting and tooth pulling.  But it was my children's "Tita" who is incredibly funny and very kind.  So we managed to get through it -- without tears or screams.  And then our dentist fairy godmother reached out a couple of hours later to see how her little patient was faring.

Kindness and a 100th Birthday Celebration

"Love and kindness are never wasted.  They always make a difference.  They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver."

~ Barbara de Angelis

A woman turning 100 years old last week received a surprise on her special day in Norfolk, Virginia.  Members of Norfolk Fire-Rescue showed up at her house to deliver flowers and wish her well.  The woman's late husband had worked for the Fire Department for more than 30 years; her nephew and his father also worked for the city.  Given how this woman had shared her family with the city, the firefighters decided they wanted to be a part of her milestone celebration.  The photos of her smile -- as well as the smiles on the firefighters -- are priceless.

Kindness, Patience and Ice Cream

“Clearly older women and especially older women who have led an active life or elder women who successfully maneuver though their own family life have so much to teach us about sharing, patience and wisdom.”

~ Alice Walker

On a recent hot Sunday afternoon, I stood in a very long line outside an ice cream parlor waiting for my turn.  A young woman in line asked if someone spoke Spanish.  A woman in her 70s ahead of me asked the young woman in Spanish how she could help.  The young woman explained that she did not speak English and needed help ordering.  (She also told the older woman that she was a new mother and that her husband was waiting nearby with the baby.)  Part of the problem was that the young woman did not know what she wanted.  The older woman let the young woman go in front of her and helped her communicate with the gentleman at the cashier taking the orders.  It was slow going as the options needed to be explained and then translated.  But both the older woman and the cashier patiently communicated with each other and with the young woman.  To my surprise, everyone in line seemed to wait patiently, too – despite the heat and the wait.  And the young woman was able to get the ice cream she wanted for her and her husband.

Kindness and a Prayer Remembered

“I do believe we’re all connected.  I do believe in positive energy.  I do believe in the power of prayer.  I do believe in putting good out into the world.  And I believe in taking care of each other.”

~ Harvey Fierstein

While attending Mass in a city I was visiting, I saw a prayer on the back of the missal that was in the pew.  I hadn’t seen the prayer in a long time, but I immediately remembered that a friend had written it out on a piece of paper and given it to me more than seven years ago when one of my children was in the hospital.  It made me appreciate her kindness all over again.

The Kindness in a Postcard

“The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.”

~ Anatole France

We rarely receive any mail that is handwritten these days.  But the other day, a beautiful postcard arrived addressed to my elementary-school son.  It was from one of his teachers who was on vacation in Ireland.  He was thrilled to receive it and looked in wonder at the castle depicted on the picture side and asked questions about it.  And then he placed the postcard in a place where he could see it from his bed.  I know that it required thoughtfulness and effort on the part of his teacher – she took our address with her, she bought the postcard and managed to get it mailed before leaving Ireland…  I also have no doubt that she taught him a few things in the process.

The Kindness of Engaging Children

"Love and magic have a great deal in common.  They enrich the soul, delight the heart.  And they both take practice."

~ Nora Roberts

I have a childhood friend who has always had a kind of magic about her -- magic in that she makes you believe that anything is possible.  She is a great deal of fun and always has been.  She is also incredibly kind to my children and enjoys engaging them.  She lives out of town and does not see my children as often as we would all like, but it was amazing to see how excited my children were when she showed up at our front door during a recent visit.  She always bring presents for my children, but I don't think that is why they enjoy and adore her as much as they do.  She listens to them -- really listens.  She asks about friends and about school.  And then she regales them with stories of our childhood.  It is amazing to see how my children listen to her with rapt attention and wonder.  And I love her for it every time.

Kindness on a Random Phone Call

"If you so choose, each day can be filled with even more joy than the one before.  If you so choose, even the most seemingly random events can work in your favor."

~ Ralph Marston

Recently, I called a doctor's office regarding an appointment and the answering service picked up.  The woman on the other end of the phone was incredibly friendly and helpful.  She carefully took down my name and number, and repeated both back to me to make sure that she had written them down correctly.  I thanked her for being so helpful.  We were both smiling.  (It's funny how you can tell when someone is smiling on the other end of the phone.)  And we both continued on our separate ways just a little happier after a pleasant, albeit random, interaction.

The Kindness of Friends like Family

"The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it."

~ Hubert H. Humphrey

The other day, my son asked me about one of my dearest friends, whom my children call "Tia."  He asked me how she was related to us, and I shared that she and I have been friends since childhood.  "You have a lot of good friends," he observed.   Yes, I said.  I feel blessed to have friends who are like family.

The Kindness of Service and Information

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."

~ Mahatma Gandhi

Sometimes you just need a little extra TLC.  Recently, I took a relative for diagnostic exams at the hospital.  I was pleasantly surprised by the attitude of the nurses and administrative personnel.  At the reception room where I took a seat to wait, the desk attendant regularly checked in with the doctors to give me the most up-to-date information.  When you are nervous about someone in the hospital, a little kindness goes a long way.

The Kindness of Fathers

“This is the price you pay for having a great father.  You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments – and you get the tears at the end, too."

~ Harlan Cohen

On this Fathers’ Day, a thank you to all fathers – those with us and those who have passed, those who were our fathers and those who acted as fathers – for their many kindnesses.

*  *  *

Last week, I attended the wake and funeral for the father of a childhood friend.  His family members mourned him and many others mourned with them in a special way.  This gentleman was part of our childhoods and it felt as though a little bit of us died with him.  During a beautiful eulogy, his son talked about how “it all goes by so fast.” 

The Kindness of Hospitality

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it."

~ Hebrews 13:2

I recently spent part of a weekend at a parish on the other side of town.  A church-related program in which I participate began on a Friday evening and continued for all of Saturday.  A group of parishioners at the host church was in charge of serving our meals.  In addition to setting out the food -- which was in abundance, they were very attentive to anything we might need.  They came by the tables to pick up our plates, offer another helping of dessert and serve coffee.  They stayed late on Friday night and were there to greet us on Saturday morning.  I don't know that these generous and gracious parishioners entertained any angels, but I think we caught glimpses of their angel wings.

The Kindness of Brothers

"The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing... not healing, not curing... that is a friend who cares."

~ Henri Nouwen

I recently attended the funeral Mass for the father of one of my childhood friends.  Toward the end of the Mass, I watched as a group of about 30 men filed out of the pews and went to the front of the church where they sang a song with arms around each other.  The solidarity was incredibly moving.  They were part of a retreat ministry at the church and were "brothers" of the gentleman who had passed.

The Kindness of Childhood Friends

"A friend is what the heart needs all the time."

~ Henry Van Dyke

I have been blessed with a group of childhood girl friends.  We have known each other since we were eight or nine years old and graduated from high school together.  In the decades since meeting, we have celebrated everything from single-digit birthdays to adult milestone ones, attended each other's weddings and comforted each other through losses.  Last year, we enjoyed the wedding of a daughter of one of the "girls." 

On a recent evening, one girl was in town for a reception for her first book.  Unfortunately, the father of one of the other friends passed away and the wake was the same night as the book reception.  So we did what friends do.  We went to the wake, then to the book launch and back to the wake, where we stayed until the end.  

The Kindness of Generosity and Trust

"The best portion of a good man's life is his little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love."

~ William Wordsworth

On a recent morning, I left my house at what I can describe as the crack of dawn without exaggeration.  It was to attend a 7 am meeting.  From that meeting, I had to hurry elsewhere.  I was told that there was validation for parking, but when I left the first meeting, I did not see it and decided I had to rush off.  As I exited the garage, I had $10 in my hand to pay for the parking.  I handed the parking attendant my parking ticket and the money, and said that I had not validated my ticket.  He asked me which meeting I had attended.  When I responded, he said not to worry about paying and would not take my money.  I thanked him as that little kindness really helped on a particularly hectic day.

The Smallest Kindness

"No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted."

~ Aesop

Sometimes, it's the littlest things...  I had just finished an important meeting in a part of town with which I am unfamiliar, so I was a bit uncertain as I drove trying to find my way.  Then I found myself in the wrong lane.  Unfortunately, where I live, the moment you use your turn signal, it seems that people speed up in the lane where you want to be.  But this time, a gentleman in the next lane slowed down to let me in his lane.  Surprised, I breathed a sigh of relief.  Funny how nice a little kindness can be -- especially when you need it.

The Kindness of Following Up

"If you want to make sure a person knows you are thinking of them... tell them."

~ Mark W. Boyer

I have a college friend who is one of the most thoughtful people I know.  I recently consulted him via email on a situation that another friend was facing as my college friend has professional expertise in the area.  He gave me useful information, which I shared with my friend.  A few days later, my college friend followed up with me to see how things had turned out.  This other person's situation had stayed on his mind.

Kindness and the Woman with the Panda Umbrella

"Kindness is always fashionable, and always welcome."

~ Amelia Barr

As my husband and I were leaving a restaurant on a rainy evening, I saw a woman with a panda umbrella.  I noticed her because her umbrella was white with large black Mickey-shaped ears and a panda face on one side.  I waited at the entrance to the restaurant for my husband to get the car, which we had parallel parked across the street.  The car parked behind ours was very close, so my husband was having trouble getting out -- especially because our car "beeps" when there is something behind it.  But the woman with the panda umbrella came to the rescue and directed my husband as he reversed, which made getting out of the space much easier.

The Kindness of a Big Bear Hug

"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent."

~ John Donne

"I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words."

~ Ann Hood

On a recent Saturday morning, I attended the funeral Mass for a high school friend's mother.  A friend of mine told me she was going, but when I walked in and didn't see her, I sat by myself at the end of a pew toward the back of the church.  When the moment came for people to exchange the Sign of Peace, an old friend came across the aisle and through the pew to give me a big bear hug.  (He happens to be quite tall.)  He also shared a hug with another friend of ours who was sitting by himself behind me.  "You can't be islands over here by yourselves," he said.  My bear hug friend is an old friend from our high school days who I sometimes don't see for years at a time, but whenever I do see him, it is as though we have just seen each other.  I was touched by the hug and by his reaching out to us unintentional "islands."

The Kindness of Sharing Photos... and Friendship

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.  Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."

~ Charles R. Swindoll

One of my children had a graduation recently -- not the big high school or college kind, but a milestone nonetheless.  After the graduation, there was a flurry of texts with photos shared among the mothers.  Some of them were photos that one of us was better placed to take; others were shots of groups of friends.  It was all so nice -- mothers thinking to take photos that other mothers might enjoy, a celebration of not just the girls' friendship, but of our own.

Kindness and a College Friend

"I have learned that to be with those I like is enough."

~ Walt Whitman

One of my college friends lives several states away and we are always wishing that we could spend more time together.  My friend recently traveled to my state for a business meeting and she made arrangements to visit me -- even though I live about an hour and a half from where her meeting took place.  My friend added two nights to her stay and found a hotel close to my home, so that we could spend as much time together as possible.

Kindness, Teenagers and Flowers

"Love is flower like;

Friendship is like a sheltering tree."

~ Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Sometimes teenagers have bad days.  But then flowers arrive from a godparent -- a day earlier than planned, but exactly when needed.  And they are not only beautiful, but also her favorite color.  The teenager smiles and giggles, and the dark skies part. 

The Kindness of Updates

"I think we all do have a guardian angel.  I believe they work through us all the time, when we are thoughtful and good and kind to each other."

~ Roma Downey

The other day, one of my children went to the movies with a friend and her mother.  An incredibly thoughtful person, the mom sent me texts to let me know where they were and what they were doing.

Kindness, Pizza and a Police Officer

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."

~ Aesop

On a recent hot Saturday afternoon,  a neighborhood police officer took a step back as he was about to enter a pizzeria to hold the door open for a woman who was walking out with a pizza box and two bags.  The police officer smiled, and the woman smiled back and thanked him.  The officer could not have known that the woman was tired and that her heart was weary after a rough week.  But his small act of kindness lifted the woman's spirits and her smile back at him lingered as she walked to her car.

Sweet Kindness, Take 2

"It is the sweet, simple things of life which are the real ones after all."

~ Laura Ingalls Wilder

The other day, my son and I visited a shop that sells macarons, those delicious French confections.  After we selected two each, the woman at the counter gave us a sample of the gelato that the shop also makes.  Smart cookie, she.  We loved it and my son ordered a scoop.  She told us that a macaron accompanies every scoop of ice cream, so she took one of my son's macarons out of the small cellophane bag in which she had  packed them and put it on his ice cream.  We finished and left.  As we were driving past the store, I noticed the woman standing outside holding something in her hand.  Looking more closely, I realized that she was waving the small cellophane bag with my son's second macaron inside.  I stopped the car, and she came to the passenger window to give us the treat we had left behind.  No doubt we will be back.

A Legacy of Kindness and Love

In Memory of Vance Paris, 1958-2016

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.  A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."

~ Saint Basil

This morning, I attended the funeral Mass for a man in his late 50s, the husband of a friend of mine.  It was a beautiful service -- a testament not only to this man who was known for his kind and generous heart, but also to his wife who stood by his side and cared for him for several years as he battled a debilitating fatal illness.  She, their family and friends took extraordinary care of this wonderful man.  Although he ultimately was confined to a wheelchair, that did not stop their having fun or taking vacations.  They went, they did, they enjoyed and they lived.  Every second they could.  They truly understood that each day was a gift and so intentionally made the most of it.  This woman's love held up her husband and inspired everyone around them.  And when I saw rows of people in the church come together and hold hands across the center aisle for one of the prayers, my heart was overwhelmed by the love that their love inspired.  As we exited the church, we were given kindness coins to encourage us to perform random acts of kindness in memory of a very special man.

Sweet Kindness*

"When you focus on being a blessing, God makes sure that you are always blessed in abundance."

~ Joel Osteen

My lovely friend called recently to share what happened when she tried to buy three mangoes for $5 from a street vendor.  When my friend gave the woman selling the fruit a $20 bill, the vendor asked her if she had anything smaller because she did not have change.  My friend did not have any smaller bills, so she told the woman that she would not be able to buy the mangoes.  The woman insisted that my friend take the mangoes and pay her another day.  My friend was shocked that the vendor would do such a kind thing.  "That woman gave me the mangoes on faith," she said.

*  I was going to title this post Kindness and Mangoes, but my son suggested Sweet Kindness, so Sweet Kindness it is. 

The Kindness of a Crew of Friends

"Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

~ Mark Twain

On a recent outing at a large  and historic public pool, a group of elementary children enjoyed exploring the pool's caves, bridges and waterfalls.  One little boy stayed out of the pool.  At one point, several of his friends -- two boys and two girls -- came to convince him that he should try one of the caves.  Surprised by the kindness of his friends, the little boy joined the others and explored the caves.  I suspect this boy ended up feeling pretty good both because he did something he was afraid to do and because he realized how much his friends really cared about him.

Kindness Along a Tough Journey

"Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life."

~ Pythagoras

Connection to those we love is critical.  Sometimes it seems the only thing that can get us through.  And it probably matters most when we lose loved ones.  In a very short time, I have attended several wakes.  At each, I have marveled at how people come together.  Childhood friends, business colleagues... people from different parts of our lives gather together.  They come to pay their respects and to accompany the family members who remain.  Continuing to live after losing a loved one is very difficult and we rely on the kindness of those who journey with us.