The Kindness of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

"All men commend patience, although few are willing to practice it."
~ Thomas a Kempis

Halloween always brings a number of surprises.  This year, the surprise was the popularity of a dad dressed as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from the movie Ghostbusters.  Inflatable and with an interior fan, the costume was a hit with parents and children alike.  Numerous parents asked the Marshmallow Man to pose for photos with their children.  One gentleman even asked him to pose with his lawn Halloween decorations.  The Marshmallow Man dad, not known for seeking or enjoying the limelight, patiently posed for all photos.

The Kindness of Costume Assistance

"I love the spirit of Halloween and the energy that comes with it."
~ Katharine McPhee

It seems fitting on Halloween Eve to write about the kindness of one of my mom friends, who has made preparing for this year's festivities much easier.  This mom, who happens to be the mother of my daughter's best friend, ordered my daughter's costume when she ordered her daughter's, and then went shopping for the requisite shoes and Minnie Mouse ears.  And she delivered it all to my house!

The Kindness of a Sunny Disposition

"Sweeter than the perfume of roses is a reputation for a kind, charitable, unselfish nature; a ready disposition to do to others any good turn in your power."
~ Orison Swett Marden

I recently dropped off my daughter at school a little later than usual.  Why?  Because she had been to a concert the night before.  She was very keen on going late and we had agreed that it would be okay.  But on the way to school, she became a little nervous about showing up late.  When we arrived, I had to accompany her to the office to sign her in.  I had told her that I would just say that she had needed a little extra rest -- which was true, of course.  When we arrived, the administrative assistant in the office gave my daughter a big smile, which immediately put my daughter at ease.  And then asked her, "Taylor Swift?"  She had a paper in front of her with a column of girls' names and Taylor Swift written next to them as the reason for their being tardy.  "So how was the concert?" she asked my daughter, who was thrilled to give her the headlines.  As I walked back to my car, I thought how kindly the administrative assistant had treated my daughter and how her sunny disposition had brightened my day as well.  What a gift!

The Kindness of Driving

"Love only grows by sharing.  You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others."
~ Brian Tracy

One of the nicest things that someone can do for me is to offer to drive.  And that is just what my lovely friend did the other night.  Our children take evening classes together and just as I was getting ready to head out the door, she texted to ask if I wanted her to drive.  I was delighted!  In addition to not having to drive myself, her company is always a treat.

Kindness and an Orange Soda

"Without a sense of caring, there can be no sense of community."
~ Anthony J. D'Angelo

Although I was not a big Cheers viewer, I remember the line from the theme song:  "You want to go where everybody knows your name."  Being a teetotaler and not having a neighborhood bar have not gotten in the way of my having a Cheers-like venue.  It's our local pizza place, affectionately known as Sir P.  For years, a couple of other mothers and I have made it our Friday night family outing.  Friday afternoons invariably bring texts that simply ask, "Sir P?"  It has become such a regular occurrence that friends will stop by on Friday nights to see if we are there.  We have also been known to frequent the place on other nights -- particularly during the summer -- and have celebrated many birthdays there.

On a recent Monday night, I dropped the children off at home after evening activities and ran off to squeeze in a couple of quick errands close to home.  Then I decided that I needed "a drink."  That usually means a Perrier, but on rare occasions, a day can require an orange soda -- especially one with the world's best ice.  So I stopped by Sir P and ordered a small orange soda to go.  As one of the guys behind the counter began to ring me up, the other one said, "Don't charge her.  This one is on us."  I insisted on paying, but then graciously accepted their kindness.  As I drove home, "drink" in hand, I smiled at the thought that it might not be a bar, but I do have my own Cheers-like place.

A Little Parking Lot Kindness at Mickey D's

"Kindness is ever the begetter of kindness."
~ Sophocles

One of my mom friends, a Kindness Muse to be sure, texted me yesterday to share that she had been able to perform a small act of kindness -- thanks to her 9-year-old son.  They were in a very long line at the drive-thru at McDonald's.  As they were stopped, my friend was checking her phone when her son told her that a woman was trying to get out of a parking space but couldn't because of the cars in the drive-thru.  My friend backed her car up, so that the woman could pull her car out of the space.  As she was leaving, the woman motioned for my friend to lower her window and thanked her.  She told my friend that she was surprised that she had moved her car.  My friend replied that the thanks should go to her son.  What made my friend happy was that her son noticed that someone needed something and that the woman went out of her way to say thank you.  Sometimes, kindness comes in twos.

The Kindness of a Posse

"Unity is strength... when there is teamwork and collaboration, wonderful things can be achieved."
~ Mattie Stepanek

This weekend I attended an event hosted by a friend who has had an incredible series of accomplishments in the last year.  Aside from the many things she has achieved as a mother, a wife and a hard-charging professional, she has also met Oprah (a dream of hers), published her first book and organized a motivational event for women.  All truly remarkable.  But she is the first to acknowledge that she has done this with more than a little help from her friends -- her "posse."  Several of the speakers at the motivational event spoke of their own posses.

I looked up the word "posse" and it is no surprise that it comes from the Medieval Latin word for power or strength.  When I think of the word, it takes me back to old Western movies when a lead character or outlaw relied on his posse for power, to intimidate others and to accomplish his objectives, however villainous.  I found this less academic, but nonetheless fitting definition of our modern-day posse on the Internet:  "Posse -- the faithful band of friends whom you call during times of merriment, crisis, boredom or adventure." 

 

How wonderful to have friends who propel us forward with the kindness that manifests itself as power and strength.

The Kindness of No Drama

"Don't waste time on what's not important.  Don't get sucked into the drama.  Get on with it: don't dwell on the past.  Be a big person; be generous of spirit; be the person you'd admire."
~ Allegra Huston

"I teach people that no matter what the situation is, no matter how chaotic, no matter how much drama is around you, you can heal by your presence if you just stay within your center."

~ Deepak Chopra

My steadfast friend is even-keeled and logical.  Fiercely loyal, she is the type of friend you know you can always count on.  During a recent conversation, I realized that one of the best things about her is that there is no drama.  Never.  I have come to take that quality for granted.  But whenever I am faced with drama from other sources, I realize that there is so much kindness in no drama.  My steadfast friend never exaggerates, she never brings her stuff to the table, she never takes umbrage when things don't go precisely her way, and she manages to be objective in all kinds of situations where objectivity requires nothing less than tremendous generosity.  Priceless.

The Kindness of a Cheerful Greeting

"There is no friend like an old friend who has shared our morning days, no greeting like his welcome, no homage to his praise."
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes

I recently was invited to a friend's birthday party.  I wasn't sure if I would be able to attend as I would be returning that day from an out-of-town trip.  We did make it to the party -- albeit late.  And when we arrived, it was such a treat to receive hugs and affectionate greetings from several of my friends whom I don't see frequently.  It made the effort especially worthwhile.

Kindness, a Boy and an Adventure

"When you encourage others, you in the process are encouraged because you're making a commitment and a difference in that person's life.  Encouragement really does make a difference."
~ Zig Ziglar

I recently accompanied my son's elementary class on an overnight field trip that was an Outward Bound-type experience.  I knew very little about it except that we had heard that tree climbing would be one of the activities.  Before we left, my son had told me that he was not going to do the tree climbing.

The morning of the tree climbing, we walked through the woods to the spot.  My son again repeated that he was not going to do it.  I had mentioned his decision to one of the other mothers.  As the instructors were explaining the activity, I saw this mother go over to my son and talk to him.  A couple of minutes later, my son joined the group getting ready to do the climb.  The other mother shared that my son had told her that he was not doing it because he was afraid of heights.  And she told him that he did not need to go even five feet of the ground.  Apparently, that was enough for him.  As I saw my son climb the rope -- and he did go much higher than five feet, I was amazed at the impact that this other mother had had on him.  She had taken the time to ask him questions, to really listen and then to help him take a step that was infinitely less scary than what he had imagined.  Thanks to her, he did what he thought he could not do.  I watched the thrill on my son's face as he soared through the air and over a river.  And my heart filled with gratitude for this mother's kindness.

The Kindness of an Encouraging Word

"Encouragement is free, and beyond measure in value."
~ William DeFoore

I recently needed to have what I anticipated would be a difficult conversation.  I was dreading it.  Then I spoke to one of my dearest friends who pointed out that I had been handling the situation well.  His words of encouragement tweaked my perspective enough that I went into the meeting with a different view.  Predictably, it went much better than I had thought.  Sometimes all we need is someone to hold a mirror up and remind us of what we can do.

The Kindness of an Impromptu Visit

"The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us, and we see nothing but sand; the angels come to visit us, and we only know them when they are gone."
~ George Eliot

My lovely friend stopped by an evening activity that our children do together.  We ended up having a very nice and unplanned visit.  Fueled by a large bag of M&Ms that she had in her purse, we had ourselves a good chat.  I was especially grateful for the time together as my lovely friend is a terrific sounding board and I was able to run a couple of things by her.  She has common sense in abundance, an easy smile and a ready laugh.  It truly was the perfect end to a long day.

The Kindness of a Delivered Dinner -- Home-Cooked, to Boot!

"There is nothing more beautiful than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others."
~ Mandy Hale

Perhaps it is because cooking doesn't come easily to me...  But I don't think that's why.  I believe that anyone who has the primary responsibility for getting dinner on the table would agree that delivering dinner is a stand-out kindness.

There have been several times in my life when friends have generously brought dinner to my home.  As you might imagine, it has been in the midst of challenging times -- as a way of not just easing the burden of cooking, but as a beautiful expression of affection.  I still remember each of those times with gratitude.

On a recent Sunday at a church we don't usually frequent, I ran into a friend who is a parishioner there.  I had not seen her for a while and as we caught up, I mentioned an involuntary renovation project that has been difficult for our family.

A few days later, I received a message from her that she had a "surprise" that she wanted to drop off.  And what a surprise it was!  An amazingly delicious home-cooked meal that featured Southern barbecue chicken, which fell off the bone like slow-cooked ribs.  Our surprise included sour cream corn bread, squash souffle and peach cobbler (one of my favorites).  I was so bowled over!  The meal quite obviously took hours to prepare and my heart swelled at the thoughtfulness and effort behind it.  I savored the kindness in each bite.  And long after my family and I have eaten the last of each dish, I know I will remember my friend's generosity.

The Kindness of Condolences

"To desire and expect nothing for oneself and to have profound sympathy for others is genuine holiness."
~ Ivan Turgenev

I recently was looking online for information about the funeral arrangements for a former colleague, who passed a couple of days before.  I Googled her name and the word "obituary."  Although my search did not yield her obituary, what I did find were numerous condolence messages that she had written on online obituary and tribute sites.  Her messages were warm and shared details about how she, and sometimes her family, had known the person who had passed.  Although I did not know this former colleague well, her beautifully written messages were glimpses into a kind and loving heart.

The Kindness of Getting to Know Other Worlds

"I am not what you see.  I am what time and effort and interaction slowly unveil."
~ Richelle E. Goodrich

I have a friend from college whom I don't see often enough, mostly because we have not lived in the same city in decades.  But one of the things that endears him to me is that he knows me well enough to send me articles that truly interest me.  Sometimes, the articles are about things that relate to my work.  Other times, they are connected to my blog.  The most recent one was about photography and a city that is very dear to my heart.  As my steadfast friend says, each person is her own world.  But some people manage to step out of their worlds and get to know our worlds -- and that is pretty special.

Kindness and Chocolate Truffles

"All you need is love.  But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt."
~ Charles M. Schulz

I recently received a lovely box of absolutely decadent chocolate truffles from La Maison du Chocolat in New York -- thanks to the thoughtfulness of a dear friend.  I don't think there is more to explain.  Chocolate = kindness, in my book. 

But there is a funny postscript.  When I called my friend to thank her, she shared that she had placed the order late at night and was surprised when a box of chocolates arrived at her house!  In her late-night grogginess, she had sent them to herself.  My friend's teenage daughter was delighted about her mother's mistake.

Kindness and the Lost

"The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service.  The greatest form of praise is the sound of consecrated feet seeking out the lost and helpless."
~ Rev. Billy Graham

I recently went to visit a friend at the hospital.  On my way out, I was waiting for the elevator to go back to the lobby when a tall, youngish security officer holding the hand of a short elderly man walked up.  It seems that the older man had become lost and the security officer found him and was taking him to his family.  It was touching to see the patient and tender way in which the security guard guided the lost man through the hospital, into the elevator and to rejoin his family.

The Kindness of Holding Someone Up

"If instead of a gem, or even a flower, we should cast the gift of a loving thought into the heart of a friend, that would be giving as the angels give."
~ George MacDonald

There are times in life when all of us need holding up.  It can be during life's most challenging moments -- sickness or the loss of someone we love.  Or it can be during difficult times such as problems at work or an unwanted and seemingly never-ending home renovation.  Regardless of the reason, during those trying times, there are people who seem to magically appear to accompany us on the rough parts of our life journey.  It may be that they provide the hug we need, handle the errand we can't seem to manage or share the perspective that lifts the fog.  Or maybe they just make us laugh.  Whatever their part, they hold us up when it seems that we can't manage the difficulty on our own.

Kindness Given

"For it is in giving that we receive."
~ Francis of Assisi

A woman I know boarded a flight recently and struggled a bit to hoist her roller board up over her head and into the compartment above the seats.  She was hoping that someone might give her a hand, but no one appeared.  After she put away her bag, she turned to sit down when she saw an older woman a couple of rows up having a difficult time getting her bag into the overhead.  She quickly walked over to the woman and helped her get the bag up.  As she returned to her seat, she realized that as much as she liked having people help her, helping the older woman felt much better.

The Kindness of a Video Birthday Message

"Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives."
~ C. S. Lewis

My older daughter's best friend is a very special teenager.  And even though she has moved to the other side of the world, she manages to stay in touch not only with my older daughter but with all of us.  Recently, my son celebrated a birthday and received the sweetest video message from this teenage girl who is several years older.  She said that she wished she could be here to celebrate with him and that she couldn't wait to hit the dance floor with him when she comes to visit.  Years ago, before she was a teenager and when he was a little boy, she danced with him at a party and the song always reminds all of us of the two of them dancing together.  I am delighted that their bond continues.  And we have already replayed her message several times because it makes all of us smile -- and happy.

The Kindness of a Card

"Kindness does wonderful things to a face."
~ Dixie Doyle

A couple of weeks ago, I received a very nice card from my friend on the other side of the world.  It had this quote on the front and I immediately loved the card.  I have kept it next to my bed and when I was packing for a business trip recently, I decided that I needed to take it with me as a book mark.  The card is adorable, but I think the reason I like it so much is that my friend sent it to me.  It reminds me of her and of our friendship, which I greatly treasure.  You never know the impact that something like a card might have on the person to whom you send it.

The Kindness of Seeing Rightly

"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

During a recent and pretty routine text exchange about piano tuners and parties, my lovely friend texted, "You sound down..." and asked if I wanted to do a pizza night.  I picked up the phone and called her.  "Was I completely off base?" she asked me.  No, I laughed and said that she was spot on.  I marveled at her ability to read through what I thought were pretty innocuous texts and see that I didn't seem to be in a great mood.  Instead of pizza, we opted for ice cream.  Needless to say, the conversation and the ice cream left nary a trace of the less-than-fabulous mood.

The Kindness of the Village (Reprise)

"Mothers really were not built to raise babies not only by themselves, but with only a partner.  For millions of years, a woman had much more than just her husband to help rear her young...  This whole idea of 'it takes a village to raise a child' is exactly how we're supposed to live."
~ Helen Fisher

Ah, the intricate schedules that working moms leave behind when they travel... and the recruiting they do to cover their absences.  In addition to our babysitter and Grandma, I enlisted four moms to help out with after-school activities while I was gone for a few days recently.  I am blessed that not only do these moms agree to do the pick-ups and drop-offs, but they also feed my children and send me photos.  Our villages are a great blessing -- and indispensable.

The Kindness of Honest Conversation

“There's just some magic in truth and honesty and openness.”

 -  Frank Ocean

A few days ago, I was blessed with the opportunity to spend an hour with a dear friend.  I don’t see him very often – the last time was a couple of years ago.  But we have known each other for more than 30 years and we always manage to pick up as though we had seen each other the day before.  This last time, I commented on how much I enjoy our conversations and that they are very honest.  “That’s how it has always been between us,” he said.  And I was grateful again for the incredible gift of connection and friendship.

Kindness and a Pair of Shoes

“A woman carries her clothes. But the shoe carries the woman.”

 - Christian Louboutin

I have a friend with whom I went to college who is more like a sister than a friend.  We have known each other a very long time, we know each other’s families and histories…  Recently, I had to travel on business to the city where she lives.  She graciously picked me up at the airport and when I shared that I had a shoe dilemma – the shoes I was planning on wearing had broken and I had not had time to get them repaired – she immediately offered to lend me a pair of hers.  I told her that I could just buy a pair, but she said to just wear hers.  So she lent me a beautiful pair of shoes.  I had not borrowed shoes in ages – maybe since our college days when borrowing and sharing clothes and shoes was a common occurrence.  As I walked around in her shoes (literally), every time I looked down, I could not help but smile at one more reminder of her endless kindness and wonderful friendship.

Kindness and a Free Meal

“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people - your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.”

 - Barbara Bush

On a recent flight, I asked to purchase one of those wonderful boxed snack meals that the airlines sell.  The flight attendant was having trouble with the credit card machine, so he handed my credit card back to me and said, “This is my treat.”

Kindness and Overhead Compartments

“Be of service. Whether you make yourself available to a friend or co-worker, or you make time every month to do volunteer work, there is nothing that harvests more of a feeling of empowerment than being of service to someone in need.”

 - Gillian Anderson

On a recent flight just before departure, two flight attendants were having trouble closing the overhead compartments because they were not tall enough.  Immediately, two young women sitting in front of me, who had a few inches on the flight attendants, got up and closed the open compartments.

The Kindness of "Don't Worry"

"Gracious words are like honey, sweet to the soul and healthy for the body."
~ Proverbs 16:24

Trips have a way of complicating things.  It's not just the time we are away, but leaving and then reentry can sometimes be stressful.  When I have more travel on my schedule, it is more challenging to be on top of things, including emails and phone calls.  As I was preparing for another trip, I remembered that I had been exchanging emails with someone about getting together.  She had suggested a day, but I had not responded and the day had come and gone.  I sent her an email apologizing and received this very sweet reply:  "Dear friend, don't worry.  We have lots of time to get together."  On the eve of another business trip, her response was especially appreciated.

The Kindness of a Neck Massage

"Love has an enormous number of connotations, and if somebody is a person who does kind acts as a way of life, if they are generally disposed to being caring and loving and doing things for other people, then kindness is a much stronger word than we make it out to be."
~ Susan Hill

The other day, I was driving one of my teenage children and a friend somewhere when I realized that I had forgotten something I had to do for another child.  I became momentarily upset.  (Ok, so it lasted a little longer than a moment.)  Seeing that I was upset, my daughter's friend said, "Oh, what you need is a neck massage."  And so from the back seat, she massaged my neck for a couple of minutes.  The massage was great, but it was her thoughtfulness that really made me feel better.

Kindness on the Side of the Road

"I have always depended on the kindness of strangers."
~ Tennessee Williams

On a recent evening, I was speaking to a dear friend as he was on the tail end of a long commute home.  All of a sudden, he said, "Let me call you back -- something is wrong with my car."  A few minutes later, he called me back and shared that several lights in the car advised him to pull over, stop the car and not open the hood.  As he complied with the car's orders, another driver stopped and asked him if he needed any help.  The other driver offered to help him push the car and discussed what might be wrong.  The stranger's kindness made an impact on my friend and I am sure softened the inconvenience of his car trouble.

 

An Almost Imperceptible Kindness

"Always be a little kinder than necessary."
- J.M. Barrie

Sometimes it's the really little things.  On one more hurry scurry busy day, I was driving from a meeting back to my desk for a call.  I was tight on time, so when I stopped at a red traffic light, I checked my phone to see if the person had emailed me about the call.  When I looked up, the light had turned green.  I quickly checked in the rear view mirror to see if there was anyone behind me.  There was, but the person had decided to wait a second and not honk her horn at me.  I don't know if this almost imperceptible kindness was intentional or inadvertent, but it made me smile as I continued on my way.