― Unknown
One of my
family members called yesterday to say that she had decided "to practice
kindness in a mindful way." She
shared that she thinks of herself as a kind person, but that by focusing on
being kind, she was being much more patient.
She said that when she feels herself getting upset during interactions
with difficult people, she tells herself, "no, that is not very
kind."
"Being
mindful about kindness has made me feel better," she said. "It makes me feel content and it also
makes me realize that sometimes I am not as kind as I think. It is better to be kind than to be
right."
I attended a
communications course years ago where the objective was to learn how to
communicate with people regardless of how much you disagree with them. One of the things that the course
demonstrated is the difficulty that we have giving up having to be right.
Since then, I
have found myself in conversations with people -- especially interactions that border
on the unpleasant -- where I realize that I am trying to prove that I am
right. Why do we feel that we need to
convince others of our position? One of
the things that I learned at that communications course was that when people
are having an argument, each side marshals evidence to support her position. And yet, rarely does either party change her
mind. So what's the point?
Sometimes, when
we are on a single-minded quest to be right, we may find that we veer off the
kindness path. It is hard to be present,
to have an open heart and to listen when we are focused on proving our point
and being right.
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