Kinder with Age

"The wonderful thing is that it's so incredibly easy to be kind."
― Ingrid Newkirk

Last week, a friend from law school called as he ran around tending to the needs of a tenant that he has.  I have always thought of my friend, a former-homicide-sergeant-turned-attorney as tough as nails.  With both Marine and SWAT training under his belt, this guy is not someone anyone would want to mess with.  And yet, my most recent interactions with him have confirmed that some kind of evolution -- an evolution toward kindness, if you will -- has occurred.  I listened with amusement as my friend explained that he was at Home Depot buying things for his tenant; the items he was getting for this woman were clearly not his responsibility as a landlord, but he wanted to help her out.  I then heard him alert a woman at the store that she had left her phone behind. 

A couple of days ago, I met my friend for lunch and asked him about this kinder version of himself.

"Yes, I'm definitely kinder," he said.  "It's just a better way to be...  I'm more patient.  When things happen, I don't overreact.  And once you start doing that, you realize that you're not giving anything up.  It's actually the other way around."

George Saunders in his May commencement speech at Syracuse, which has achieved viral status, said that "'becoming kinder' happens naturally, with age."  And research supports that.  A study published last year in Social Psychology and Personality Science analyzed nearly 18,000 adults worldwide, ranging in age from 18 to their 90s.  The lead author of the study, Claudia Brumbaugh, a professor of psychology at City University of New York's Queen's College said:  "We know people become more agreeable in their old age.  Elderly people demonstrate a greater tendency for forgiveness, a higher likelihood of responding to happy faces over sad faces and greater sensitivity to benevolence."

During my lunch visit with my friend, he received a call from his grown daughter, an attorney in another state.  She had just attended a major music awards show and was eager to tell him all about it.  "Did you wear comfortable shoes?" he asked.  I couldn't help but smile.

My friend and I had a nice lunch, caught up on both our lives.  Eventually, he had to go.  He was off to his favorite thing -- coaching football at a high school, which he does on a volunteer basis. 

Older, kinder...  and definitely wiser.