The Kindness of Teaching Discipline

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment."
― Jim Rohn

I had a work colleague years ago who had four children.  All of them studied an instrument and she at one point home-schooled all four.  I was in awe of her terrific organizational skills and discipline, and I sought out her parenting advice frequently.  When I asked her about the instrument study for the children, she said that it was as much about discipline as it was about the music.

Yesterday, I was reminded of my former colleague's approach to raising children.  In the New York Times Book Review, the front page article reviews a book by Amanda Ripley, The Smartest Kids in the World And How They Got That Way.  Ms. Ripley looks at how other nations educate children more effectively than we do.  She traveled to Finland, South Korea and Poland, three countries where students score very well on international tests and surpass American students' lackluster performance.  What she found is that the secret is three-fold: well-trained teachers, a rigorous curriculum and a challenging exam required of all graduating high school seniors.  Ms. Ripley writes that children need "a culture of rigor," particularly in this global economy, and that Americans in the past have not needed rigor.  Currently, one quarter of American students fail to graduate from high school.  But it's not just about high school and education.  Rigor is key to work and all aspects of our lives.

I tell my children that discipline is doing something that we have decided is important regardless of whether or not we feel like doing it at that moment.  Discipline leads us to exercise when we don't feel like it, to practice an instrument when we would rather not, and, as adults, to work when we would rather play hooky.  It also keeps us from spending money we should save or eating unhealthy foods when we know we would benefit from not indulging.  And discipline is shutting off the television and engaging in something pro-active such as reading.  (Please don't think that we run a tight ship; this is mostly aspirational.)

Sometimes discipline feels hard to model and to encourage, but I think the toughest part is the first step.  A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about a lovely woman who signed her e-mails "smiles."  She also shared that she loves words and reading, and wanted to encourage that love of language in her children.  When her children were little, she got rid of the television and they spent hours reading together and making up stories.

"Believe me, the kids were NOT happy the first few weeks without a TV, but soon adjusted," she wrote.  "Thirty years later, all three are still thanking me for getting rid of the 'boob tube' and paying attention to them!"  Her children are also avid readers.

What an amazing kindness it is to teach our children that discipline and love of learning.  It is not easy and frequently may put us in the "bad guy/woman" role, but how incredible to give them such a valuable tool to help them accomplish their goals.