The Kindness of a Move-A-Body Friend

"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help."
― Epicurus

Not long ago, I read an article by Brené Brown about a "move-a-body friend."  She wrote that a friend called her one day and said, "You're a friend who would move a body." Brown's friend explained that her sister had been called to do just that by a friend who had found her alcoholic mother passed out on her couch right before her children were due home from school.  Brown's friend told her that she considered Brown that kind of friend because Brown would immediately show up, give her a hug, not be judgmental and help her do what needed to be done.  Brown's friend told her that she knew that Brown would be nice to the mother the next time she saw her, and the friend would not even need to ask Brown not to say anything because "You don't do that."
 
The kindness of a move-a-body friend is so significant because it is not just what the friend helps us do.  The most important thing that a move-a-body friend does is extend the kindness without judgment and without making us feel badly about it.  Most of us have had the experience of having someone do something nice for us only to have them remind us about it or make us feel badly about it later. 

I am blessed to have several move-a-body friends and I am not sure what I would do without them.  I was talking to one yesterday, which reminded me of this type of kindness.  I met this particular friend more than 25 years ago when we were both part of a new group of colleagues at work.  Not surprisingly, he was the first person to make me feel welcomed by inviting me to lunch with the group.  We have had a tradition of lunching together ever since.

With his characteristic nonchalant approach to life, I have seen this guy do amazing things for his friends.  He has accompanied them to get medical test results during a work lunch hour.  He has taken friends in during storms.  He has treated his friends to numerous meals and activities when they have found themselves out of work, prompting one to call herself "a ward" of his.  An attorney, he has helped his friends with their legal troubles.  And he has been there for the widows and families of college friends gone too soon.  He is always there when his friends need him and he is intentional about nurturing his friendships.  At the heart of his kindness -- and what makes it so special -- is that he never makes his friends feel as though what he does for them is a big deal.  He helps them through it and that's that.  And you will never hear about what he does from him. 

This friend has extended me numerous kindnesses -- some of them huge, some of them so small that they don't even register on his radar screen, but they all consistently reflect that he is the quintessential move-a-body friend.  I have several idiosyncrasies, including an aversion to highway driving.  Knowing this, my friend always make lunch arrangements that include his picking me up if our destination requires getting on a highway.  But recently, we found ourselves on the highway with me behind the wheel.  Instead of laughing at my phobia, he talked me through some necessary crazy lane changing in a very calm voice, telling me the whole time that I could do it -- even as I told him I wasn't sure I could.  When we had safely made it to where we were going, he said, "You were pretty brave back there."  And that was that.  He didn't poke fun at me, although I can think of a few people I know who would have.  And I didn't have to tell him not to tell anyone.  He just doesn't do that.