The Kindness of Telling Them How Much We Love What They Do

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children."
―  Charles R. Swindoll
 

Thanks to a friend, I read a thought-provoking article, which appeared  in The Huffington Post earlier this week, "6 Words You Should Say Today," by Rachel Macy Stafford.

Stafford refers to an article about sports parents, which says, "... college athletes were asked what their parents said that made them feel great, that amplified their joy during and after a ballgame. Their overwhelming response: 'I love to watch you play.'"  Stafford writes that the sentence -- "I love to watch you play" -- had an immediate impact on her and changed the way she communicates with her family.  She began using that sentence, adapted to whatever activity, and noticed a difference in her children's reaction.    

"When simply watching someone makes your heart feel as if it could explode right out of your chest, you really should let that person know," Stafford says.

I found it so lovely and so inspiring because sharing that thought with our children expresses what we truly feel -- we LOVE watching them do whatever they are doing.  Their joy, their abilities, their performances...  all fill our heart.  What a kindness to share that feeling with them -- to say that and only that, so that it lingers, so that what really matters isn't lost in the muddle of all the other things we feel we have to tell them.

On Friday, I attended Mass at my son's school.  The last song is very upbeat, and the children dance and sing and clap their hands to it.  Sometimes, they get carried away and jump in place.  It is a joy to watch.  As my son exited the church, I gave him a hug and said, "I love to watch you sing and dance."  He beamed.

Later that afternoon, I arrived to a very far-off swim meet just in time to watch my daughter swim in her last race.  I am always amazed to watch her jump off the starting block, swim through the water, do that neat turn at the far end of the pool...  All things I could never do, so they doubly amaze me.  When I saw her after she got out of the water, instead of opting for the "great race" talk, I said to her, "I love to watch you swim."  She smiled and hugged me.

Sometimes, less is more.  Sparing our children the endless commentary about their performance, the advice we sometimes feel so compelled to give, and instead opting for the simple message of what we truly feel may be one of the kindest things we can do for them.

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And speaking of kindness, I was able to enjoy my daughter swim at her meet thanks to the kindness of another swim mom, who told me as I arrived, harried after an hour-and-a-half- long ride, that my daughter was going next.