The Kindness of My Big Sister

"For there is no friend like a sister in calm or stormy weather; To cheer one on the tedious way, to fetch one if one goes astray, to life one if one totters down, to strengthen whilst one stands."
~ Christina Rossetti

I don't have a big sister, but I have a friend who acts like my big sister and that works for me.  As the eldest of five, she has had good practice and I am only too happy to have her count me as another sister.

I was recently having trouble -- again -- with an unwanted and unwelcomed home repair project. This time, I needed to find a replacement item.  My "big sister" told me how to get the make and model number that I needed and then she researched purchase options for me on line.  She did all this while living in another country.  I really appreciated the help with the specific task, but more than anything, I appreciated the zeal with which she does things on my behalf.  It's love, actually.

The Kindness of Words of Wisdom

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."
~ John Lennon and Paul McCartney

"Times of trouble" can be relative.  What once seemed overwhelming can be dwarfed by real trouble -- the loss of someone we love, illness, a major setback.  Whatever the trouble, words of wisdom are not only welcomed, but also necessary.  And the people who share them do us a great kindness.

In the midst of recent overwhelm, I was blessed to receive two emails from friends who put my "trouble" -- more inconvenience than anything else -- into perspective with their own stories and words of wisdom.  One friend wrote about the unexpected passing of her husband, which broke my heart and immediately straightened out my thinking.  Another friend shared his newfound motto, "Always forward, never back."  When I called my newly widowed friend, she courageously said, "This too shall pass."  And in between tears, we were able to laugh and remember life in its earlier, simpler stages.

The Kindness of a Generous Friend

"A friend is what the heart needs all the time."
~ Henry Van Dyke

I recently missed talking to one of my dearest friends on her birthday.  It's not easy for us to talk.  She is on the other side of the world, which means a time difference that puts her 14 hours ahead of our time zone.  That makes things harder than one would initially imagine.  On the weekend of her birthday, I spoke to her the day before, but when I wanted to call her on the day of her birthday, I realized that it would be the wee hours of the next day for her.  I sent her a text message that I was thinking about her instead.  We were talking about this recently and she said, "You know, the thing is that you and I think of each other every day and not just on birthdays."  She was right and she also made me feel a whole lot better.

The Kindness of Specificity

"Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief."
~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

A friend and I have been trying to get together for coffee or lunch for months.  It may even be a year.  Whenever we run into each other, we say that we will get together but our busy lives seem to get in the way of our actually setting up a day.  And this is someone with whom I would actually love to spend time.  Our closeness comes from an at-times-nightmarish volunteer experience.  We emerged from it friends.  And we laugh when we see each other because most things seem funny after that experience.  I laughed today when I received an email from her.  She asked if we could meet for coffee at a strangely precise time (45 minutes after the hour) on a specific day and at a certain place.  In fact, she even told me at what table we should sit.  What could I do but say yes?  And appreciate the kindness of her effort.

Kindness and Birthday Blessings

"The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it."
~ Hubert H. Humphrey

I love birthdays -- not sure why.  Maybe it is just a day to reflect on and savor my blessings.  So if someone asked me what I did on my birthday, I would say that -- I enjoyed my blessings.  Today I was blessed with more birthday wishes than I could ever have imagined.  The day began with our fire alarm going off -- yep, too many candles -- and a visit from the Fire Department.  Really.  When I made it to my phone, there were texts and emails.  Three of my college friends who live in different cities got together for a conference call and a Happy Birthday rendition.  A married couple from out of town sent me a gift that was beyond thoughtful -- from the choice of books to the wrapping (cheetah paper).  I heard from friends from all different parts of my life -- elementary school friends, a friend from summer camp, a guy from the flooring installation company I have been dealing with (yep, that was a big surprise), college friends, work friends, mom friends, our violin teacher ...  I even had an unplanned visit from one of my oldest friends whom I hadn't seen in ages.  All the thoughtfulness reminded me again that the greatest gift in life is the gift of friendship.  And I treasure every one!

The Kindness of Swatting the Sweat

"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends.  I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."
~ Jane Austen

On a hot and humid evening, I accompanied my children to a high school football game.  Many years ago, it would have been the highlight of my weekend or even my month.  But at this point in my life, it was a challenge at the end of a busy week.  Throngs of young people, heat and many stairs.  I was dispatched to buy refreshments for my children and I asked my lovely friend to accompany me, which of course she did without hesitating and with her ever-present smile.  On our way back with the food, my hands were full but I was convinced that I had a mosquito on the side of my face that I could not swat.  I kept asking my friend if she could see a bug.  Finally, she decided to brush my face to see if she could remove whatever was driving me crazy.  "It was sweat," my friend said.  "Great," I said, "Now you are wiping away my sweat."  "What are friends for," she replied, "Wiping away sweat and moving bodies."  As we continued on our way, I realized how much her company meant to me at the end of a long week.

The Kindness of a Perfectly Timed Package

"An effort made for the happiness of others lifts above ourselves."
~ Lydia M. Child

"... Brown paper packages tied up with strings.

These are a few of my favorite things."
~  Rodgers and Hammerstein

We have friends who rank up there with the kindest and most thoughtful people ever.  Some of their kindnesses have made their way into my blog posts and some of their kindnesses are too huge to share.  But one of their kindnesses recently arrived in the mail with "do not open" instructions on it.  It was a birthday gift for one of the members of our family -- as always, perfectly timed to arrive early.  Knowing what it takes to remember a birthday, purchase a gift and then go to the post office to mail it, I am always surprised when they accomplish this feat again and again.  It never ceases to amaze me and it always is a welcomed surprise.  There are still a couple of days to go before the gift can be opened, but just sitting in its place, the brown paper-wrapped box is a beautiful reminder of their thoughtfulness and friendship.

Kindness on a Rainy Day

"The marvels of daily life are exciting; no movie director can arrange the unexpected that you find in the street."
~ Robert Doisneau

On a very rainy day, I rushed to my son's school to drop off his lunch and his clothes for an after-school activity.  I pulled my car up as close as I could to the school office.  But when I opened the car door, I looked down into standing water several inches deep.  As I wondered what to do, I heard someone yelling at me to wait.  I looked up and one of the women who works at the school was signaling for me not to come out of my car.  Instead, she came close to the car and I was able to hand her the items through the window as she stood on the curb, which saved me from wading through the water.

The Kindness of a Check In

"A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles."
~ Washington Irving

Having been out of the country for a few days, I was happy to receive a short text from my lovely friend:  "Hi-don't want to bug you-welcome back."  Thoughtfulness always makes me smile.

The Kindness of Defense

"A faithful friend is a strong defense; And he that hath found him hath found a treasure."
~ Louisa May Alcott

Recently at a work-related function, someone was giving me a hard time about my forgetting to run an errand.  A colleague who was present told the person giving me a hard time to "let it go."  In an instant, that person endeared himself to me, probably forever.  When someone rushes to our side or defends us, she or he earns a special place in our hearts.

The Kindness of Parent Feedback

"Kindness is always fashionable, and always welcome."
~ Amelia Barr

The other day, another parent at my son's school stopped to tell me how helpful my son is to her son, who has been on crutches because he sprained his ankle.  Apparently, my son carries her son's books and helps him with doors.  I was glad to hear of my son's kindness and appreciated the other mother's kindness in sharing it with me.

The Kindness of Being With

"A good painting to me has always been like a friend.  It keeps me company, comforts and inspires."
~Hedy Lamarr

Oh, those teenage girl years...  I am thrilled whenever I hear about any instances of kindness among teenage girls.  Recently, a teenager shared with me that she saw another girl in her class alone during a free period, so she decided to just be with her.  As we get older, we appreciate people who understand the importance of being with us during life's toughest and happiest moments.  But company on a regular day is pretty good, too.

The Kindness in a Name

"A person's name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
~ Dale Carnegie

One of my teenagers recently recounted a kindness she experienced.  At school, she held a hallway door open for several other students.  One girl not only said thank you, but used my daughter's name, which meant a lot to my daughter.  "It made me so happy that she took the time to recognize my face and say my name,"  my daughter said.

Curbside Kindness

"Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you."
~ Princess Diana

Walking into a hotel to meet business colleagues, I was carrying a large box of materials.  Two bellmen walked by me.  And then a gentleman who was standing outside the hotel with his wife asked me if I needed help.  I said that I was okay as the box wasn't that heavy.  It really wasn't -- it was more awkward than heavy.  The gentleman insisted and carried my box inside.

The Kindness of a Principal

"It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge."
~ Albert Einstein

My son loves math.  And his school principal knows it as she teaches an extra-curricular class called Math Rocks, which of course my son takes.  So when the principal opened our car door at morning drop off recently, she greeted my son with a math question.  I smiled all the way home.  It is terrific that she not only is on hand in the mornings to welcome the children to school, but also knows the children so well that she can personalize morning greetings and capture their imaginations.

The Kindness of a Greeting

"Send out a cheerful, positive greeting, and most of the time you will get back a cheerful, positive greeting.  It's also true that if you send out a negative greeting, you will, in most cases, get back a negative greeting."
~ Zig Ziglar

Junior high and high school girls seem to have this uncanny way of seeing you -- and yet not seeing you.  Especially if they are with their "group."  But there are some girls brave enough to break away from the group for a few seconds and greet adults.  Those unexpected greetings always make me smile.

Kindness and Mondays

"Monday, Monday.  Can't trust that day."
~ The Mamas & the Papas

I once worked with a very successful attorney who used to say, "Don't try to get anything done on a Monday -- just try to get through."  She certainly was no slouch, but she did have quite a sense of humor.  I frequently think of her on Mondays as I try to navigate things the things that Mondays bring without getting overly frustrated.  Then there are those Mondays that begin a couple of hours before any respectable Monday should and you are really thrown off your survival game.  But in the middle of the madness, a thoughtful teenager sends you a photo of your daughter dressed as a villain in the latest version of high school silliness.  And your mood brightens and the teenager's thoughtfulness gives some much-needed perspective to your day.  You really never know when a small kindness is just what someone else needs.

Sunday Evening Kindnesses

"Everyone responds to kindness."
~ Richard Gere

Sunday evening can sometimes be a bit of a downer as we say goodbye to the weekend and begin to worry about what is waiting for us on Monday morning.  But a series of kindnesses brightened my Sunday. 

My lovely friend, whom we ran into at Mass, insisted on treating us and another family to dinner.  A while later at the supermarket as I made my must-buy-before-Monday purchases, there was only one cashier available.  Another cashier opened her register and motioned for me to go to her lane.  "I was going to do something else, but I want to make sure you get out of here," she said.  And then the cashier thanked my daughter as my daughter helped bag the groceries.  "You're helping me get out of here faster," she told my daughter, who beamed, of course.  Lastly, two teenage girls holding a pack of frozen cookie dough were standing in line behind a woman with a large purchase.  "Is that all you have?" the woman asked the girls.  Yes, they said, and the woman had the cashier ring it up with her groceries so the girls could leave.  They yelled a big "thank you" as they left the store.  Lots of kindness is a great thing and certainly perked up the end of my weekend.

The Kindness of Supportive Outrage

"Friendly people are caring people, eager to provide encouragement and support when needed most."
~ Rosabeth Moss Kanter

My steadfast friend is the best.  An incredibly grounded person, she is pretty unflappable.  But every so often, she will become outraged at something.  It is rare, but it happens.  Recently, she was offended at something that someone said to me.  I felt the kindness in her outrage.

Remembering Overwhelming Kindness

"Even the smallest act of service, the simplest act of kindness, is a way to honor those we lost, a way to reclaim that spirit of unity that followed 9/11."
~ President Obama

On this day, we remember tremendous sacrifices and overwhelming expressions of kindness.  And I ask that you keep in prayer the families of all of those personally impacted by September 11th.

Kindness at Critical Moments

"A tree is known by its fruit; a man by his deeds.  A good deed is never lost; he who sows courtesy reaps friendship, and he who plants kindness gathers love."
~ Saint Basil

I saw someone today at a business lunch whom I don't see very often.  Although I have known him for years, I am sure that a decade could easily have gone by between our seeing each other.  Some years back, we saw each other more frequently because he was on the board of an organization at which I worked.  During that time, my father died.  I still remember arriving at the church for the Mass and this gentleman was one of the first persons I saw.  I have never forgotten that and I suspect I never will. That's how it is with kindnesses that happen when you need them the most.  They endear to you the people who were thoughtful and generous when it really mattered.

The Kindness of Making Life a Little Easier

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
~ Aesop

Spouses are in the habit of performing acts of kindness for their partners.  It is an everyday occurrence.  Many times, the smallest kindnesses are done without great thought.  But that doesn't mean that they lack impact.

In our family (as I imagine in many others), it is a mad scramble in the morning to get several children and two adults ready and on their way to school and work.  "Do you need your violin today?" "Oh no, I can't find my shoes..."  "Keys?"  Any small challenge can derail our semblance of a morning routine and thwart our efforts to get out the door in time.  Against that backdrop of madness is a small kindness that my husband does every day -- probably without giving it much thought:  filling the children's water bottles.  I appreciate it more than he knows. 

After my husband leaves with the first group, I finish packing my son's lunch and invariably look for his water bottle.  I usually spy it on the counter by the fridge, which is a good sign.  I hold my breath for a nanosecond until I lift the bottle and feel the weight of its contents.  Immediately, I feel relieved.  One less thing to handle.  My son's water bottle in particular is a challenge to fill because it requires pouring ice and water from a cup and trying to get it in the not-so-wide neck -- not what you want to be doing as you rush out the door.  As I grab the water bottle and struggle with my too-heavy purse, the lunch box and the keys, I silently thank my husband for making my life a little easier.  Every time.

The Kindness of Reminders

"My wife, whenever I'd go off to work and I'd be kind of anxious, she'll say, 'Remember, have fun.'  Oh, I forgot, thanks for the reminder.  Because sometimes we do forget.  We take it all too seriously and there's a lot of joy to be had wherever you are."
~ Jeff Bridges

I love reminders.  I appreciate meeting reminders.  And I especially appreciate the friends who text, call or email to remind me about things that are important to me, but that in the hurry scurry of life, I might forget.  We are so inundated with information that sometimes our brains -- certainly mine -- can't possibly process it all. A dear mom friend texted me tonight to ask me if I wanted tickets to an event that she had asked me about a few days ago.  And I was very thankful.

The Kindness of an Idea

"Music is a moral law.  It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything."
~ Plato

Our violin teacher came up with a great idea:  Saturday morning music jams at a local cafe.  She invites her students as well as music teachers to meet at a cafe and play music.  It is a complete win-win.  For the music students, it is a wonderful opportunity to play with other musicians, to hone their improvisation and group playing skills, and to learn from other teachers.  For the teachers, it seems to be a motivational opportunity as well.  The cafe wins, too, as the music provides ambiance and increased sales.  The first Saturday, there were tourists taking photos -- and selfies -- with the young and not-so-young musicians.  And for the parents, it is an enjoyable hour or so on a Saturday morning when our children are engaged in creative activity and we reap the benefit of music, conversation and great food.  We are all grateful to the teacher for translating her idea into a terrific experience.  She calls it The Jam: A String Thing.  And when I think of it, I see the kindness in her effort.

The Kindness of Understanding

"The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding."
~ Leonardo da Vinci

A friend of my daughter's is going away to boarding school and wanted to spend some time with my daughter before leaving.  The mother and I agreed that a Sunday afternoon would be a good time.  Knowing that we were involved in an all-consuming weekend project, the other mother offered to pick up and drop off my daughter -- even though where we live is not close to her house.  I greatly appreciated her thoughtfulness.

Kindness that Begins a Friendship

"The only way to have a friend is to be one."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Recently, I was in the car with my children and a classmate of my daughter's.  I overheard our guest compliment my son on a drawing that he shared with her, which reminded me of how kind this girl is.  When my daughter began at her new school, it was this girl who was the first to reach out and invite my daughter to her house.  Three years later, they are still friends and I suspect that they will probably be friends for life.  Having gotten to know this girl, it does not surprise that it was her kindness that began the friendship.

Kindness and a Pizza Delivery

"Lennon was very helpful.  What he taught me seems completely obvious: he expected people to treat each other well."
~ Annie Leibovitz

When the pizza delivery gentleman arrived with a recent pizza order, I asked him how much it was.  He looked at the sticker that lists the price on the box and told me, but then immediately said, "I think that sounds like too much."  He began calculating the costs of the various items and then said he would call the restaurant to double-check.  And he was right -- the price was $5 less than I was being charged.

The Kindness of Peace... and Friendship

"Rejoice in the Lord always.  I shall say it again: rejoice!  Your kindness should be known to all.  The Lord is near.  Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God.  Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
~ Philippians 4:4-7

These verses from Philippians are among my favorites.  And I am reminded of them every day when I see a gift tag that I keep on my computer keyboard.  The tag says simply, "The greatest gift we give each other is peace of mind."  The tag is from one of my dearest mom friend (yep, the one who moved away).  She attached it to a gift she gave me and it is a reference to the peace that we each feel when the other steps in to help, usually with our children.  Peace of mind is a precious gift and when we can give it to each other, it is priceless.

The Kindness of an Unexpected Lunch Treat

"A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

One of my favorite people is a former boss of mine.  A true grande dame, she is elegant, wise and a joy to be around.  She celebrated a birthday recently and so we made plans to go to lunch.  I arrived a few minutes early, gave the hostess my credit card and explained that I wanted to make sure that I paid for lunch.  As I waited for my friend at the front of the restaurant, a waiter came to tell me that she was already seated.  We had a lovely lunch as always.  I was a bit smug, content in the knowledge that I would finally be able to treat her.  When the waiter brought the bill, he gave it to her and returned my credit card.  "Sorry," he said, "She had already taken care of it."  I looked at her in disbelief and she smiled with satisfaction.

The Kindness of a Good Chuckle

"You take away all the other luxuries in life, and if you can make someone smile and laugh, you have given the most special gift: happiness."
~ Brad Garrett

There is nothing like a good chuckle at the end of a long and crazy day.  And thanks to technology, after a recent terrible day, I was able to twist open a bottle of Perrier and settle in for a long chat -- and many chuckles -- with my dear friend who is now in Australia.  My friend is funny and happy, and she raised my spirits.  Some people may prefer a glass of wine after a hectic day, but I will take my fizzy water and a good laugh with a dear friend any day.