Kindness and Impacting Others

"A young child is a leader to an elderly person once his purpose has a faithful, sincere and trustworthy influence on people.  Leadership is not restricted to position and age; it is self-made and influential.  Everyone has this self-leadership quality."
― Israelmore Ayivor

The other day, I waited in the car while one of my children went to buy some sandwiches at a local boulangerie.  As she was entering the shop, my daughter held the door open for an older gentleman.  This place sometimes uses a number system and sometimes not, so my daughter did not take a number.  But on this particular day, the number system was being used.  A couple of minutes later, the gentleman walked over to my daughter and gave her a number.  "Thank you for holding the door for me," he said.  My daughter was happy to recount her kindness story when she returned to the car.

Saving Each Other with Kindness

"It's only in fairy tales that princesses can afford to wait for the handsome prince to save them.  In real life, they have to bust out of their own coffins and do the saving themselves."
― Meg Cabot

A woman I know works mightily to balance the demands of a professional career and being a mother.  She usually manages to get most of the important things done ― with a fair amount of juggling.  But the other day, a last-minute professional commitment threw her into a tailspin, and she struggled to figure out how to meet competing demands.  She called one of her mom friends to see if she could help with an after-school activity pick-up.  The other mother told her not to worry and volunteered to do more than was asked, including an additional pick-up.  The extra duty required a detour, time in another school pick-up line, and confrontations with a police officer and school security guard, but undeterred, the mom friend plugged ahead and completed her mission.

The woman I know was incredibly grateful for the other mother's kindness.  It wasn't just the kindness of the help, but the graciousness and generosity with which the kindness was extended.  She thanked her mom friend for "saving" her.  The other mother shrugged off the importance of what she had done and replied, "Do you know how many times you have saved me?!"

A little later, the woman I know met another mom friend for dinner.  As soon as she sat down, the other mother said, "You don't know how you saved me..." And went on to thank her for something she had done.

It seems we survive by constantly saving each other.

The Kindness of Paying It Forward

"A purposeful act or extension of kindness to another is never wasted, for it always resides in the hearts of all involved in a chain of love."
― Molly Friedenfeld

A friend of mine recently shared that she had given a fellow teacher a gift certificate for a manicure that a parent had given her.  The gift certificate was for services at a salon that my friend was not familiar with, but that the other teacher liked.  My friend said that someone had done something similar for her, so she figured she would pay it forward.

Being Intentional About Kindness

"If you have an impulse to kindness, act on it."
― Douglas Coupland

Earlier this week, a dear college friend wrote from Rhode Island where she was with her mom who was having knee replacement surgery.  "I tried to be kind to all the hospital workers," she texted.

She also shared that she and her husband were rescuing two standard poodle brothers whose owner went into a nursing home.  "They are so beautiful," she wrote.  "I hope we can make a good home for them."

I think the poodles are blessed to be going home with someone who is so intentional about being kind.  And I am blessed to have her as a friend.

Small Kindnesses Add to the Landscape of Our Lives

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
― Aesop

Some days don't have big splashy kindnesses, but there are plenty of small kindnesses that dot the landscape of our lives.  Here are a few that I encountered over the last couple of days:

§  As I was pulling into a parallel parking space, the woman parked in the car in front of me pulled up to the parking space in front of her, which was empty, so that it would be easier for me to park.

§  I needed to pick up some photos from my child's former school, but one of the teachers dropped them off at my house.

§  A friend who works at one of my children's schools sent me several photos that came across her computer screen with my children in them.

§  A work colleague e-mailed me to check in on how I was doing.

The more I look for kindness, the more it seems to appear.  I am grateful for all of it!

The Kindness of a Ride, Take 2

"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance."
―Dieter F. Uchtdorf

This academic year has brought changes for many of my mom friends -- their children beginning new schools.  One of my friends called me last week and we talked about how things were going.  For her, the new schools have meant transportation issues as both of her children are now attending different schools much farther from where we live.  With gratitude, she shared the kindness of the father of another friend.  He takes his sons every morning to the school where my friend's son goes and he offered to take hers as well.  My friend is incredibly grateful for his kindness.  Knowing the father in question, I am not surprised.  His life is all about service.

The Kindness of a Ride

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention."
―Khalil Gibran

I am not sure what makes these first couple of weeks of school so crazy, but all the parents with whom I speak seem to feel it.  In the midst of the madness, I forgot that there was a Back to School night at one of my children's schools.  After a long day and not a lot of sleep the night before, the thought of driving to the school and back was less than thrilling.  And then kindness appeared on my cell phone screen.  A very dear friend who had been away all summer texted to ask if I wanted to ride with her.  It may not have been a big deal to her, but to this exhausted mom, her kindness was heaven sent!

Remembering a Long-Ago Kindness

"To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die."
― Thomas Campbell

One of the first people I met in college was a handsome young man from Wisconsin who had spent a year in Spain after high school.  As freshmen in the same program, we became fast friends.  In our second or third year, he participated in a university program in Thailand working with refugees along the border.  He brought me back a set of three fabric-covered boxes that I have carried with me from move to move for more than three decades.  I store my sewing supplies in them and they always make me smile and think of Michael -- one of the first friends I made in college.  He returned to Thailand and did not graduate with us.  We lost touch. 

Over the years, I often wondered what happened to him.  Periodically, I would Google him with no luck.  This summer, I found him with another Google search -- I was saddened to learn that he had died last year in Thailand.  Although he had lived in the States, that experience during college clearly impacted him.  His obituary said that he returned to Thailand to work more than once, first with the United Nations and then with his own company.

I keep the boxes he gave me in my closet.  And I suspect they will always be with me.  When I see them, I think of his kindness all those years ago and they remind me of our friendship.

The Kindness of Camaraderie Among Moms

"The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism and become a fearless mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly -- indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection."
―Arianna Huffington.

I found myself back at the uniform store today -- even though we had gone last weekend to finish up our back-to-school shopping -- and I ran into a couple of moms I know.  One had bought the wrong size tie for her son (who knew ties came in different sizes!) and the other had bought socks that were too small.  I had bought the wrong size skirt for one of my children and I had forgotten a couple of other items.  Although the line at the cashier was not as long as last Saturday, we were still there for a while, so we talked... about our uniform buying misadventures, about summer camps, about how fast our children grow.  These were not one-upping conversations, but rather sharing and connecting conversations.  There is a kindness when moms can come together to share and connect, to embrace our imperfections and to realize that we are very much on this journey together.

Kindness to a Stranger

"The words of kindness are more healing to a drooping heart than balm or money."
― Sarah Fielding

We have two friends, a married couple, who are truly amazing people.  Although they live elsewhere, they have a home in our community and visit frequently.  Today, my husband received a call from them asking for assistance with translation.  At a bookstore, they saw a man in a wheelchair with what looked like terrible gangrene on his legs.  The man spoke Spanish, but no English, so they could not understand him.  Using my husband as a translator, they learned that the man was in severe pain, homeless and with no family.  They had the man transported to a hospital, so that he could receive the necessary medical care.  And they are now trying to find the man a place to stay when he is discharged.

Kindness in Getting the Job Done

"Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness.  Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness."
― George Sand

A mom friend of mine who is an amazing school volunteer was putting together a slideshow of the previous school year for the parents in her daughter's class.  She wanted the photos of a particular event that another mother had taken.  But the other mother had been incredibly busy and had not given her the photos.  With an incredibly kind and gentle approach, this friend of mine texted and called the other mother until she managed to get her to download the photos. 

The Kindness of Reminding Our Friends that We Care

"Friendship... is not something you learn in school.  But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything."

―Muhammad Ali

The beginning of the school year brings with it the awkwardness of adjusting to a different schedule and the unpleasantness of heavy traffic.  Everyone seems a little busier and even harried until things settle down. 

So I was delighted to receive a call from a mom friend whom I used to see fairly regularly and with whom I did a fair amount of volunteer work.  But our children are now at different schools and she had been away for part of the summer, so we haven't seen each other much.  In the midst of new school year craziness, she called to say hello. 

After we exchanged updates, my friend said that she wanted me to know that she greatly values me as a friend even though she doesn't reach out as much as might make sense.  "Don't give up on me," she said.  "Never!" I replied.  

I, too, value our friendship.  And even though my friend doesn't think that she makes as much of an effort as she should, her kindness in making the call was a nice reminder of what I already know -- that our friendship is important to her.

The Lasting Kindness of a Compliment

"There is no effect more disproportionate to its cause than the happiness bestowed by a small compliment."
― Robert Brault

A woman I know was rushing to get ready for an appointment, but did not like what she had put on.  Then she remembered a compliment given to her more than a month earlier by a very stylish older friend.  Her friend had remarked how much she liked a certain outfit.  The woman put on the outfit and smiled as she headed out the door, remembering -- and thankful for -- the kindness of her friend.

We never know how long a kindness that we share will be remembered, but my guess is that it is much longer than we imagine.

The Kindness of Cheering Others On

"Love is cheering and sharing and compassion and giving and receiving.  Love is an action thing more than a word thing, that brings comfort or joy or relief to anyone or anything."
― Ziggy Marley

It's back to school! 

Classes began for most children in our area today and my son is attending a new school.  I was very surprised to receive texts from various people telling me that they were thinking about him and asking about his new school.  The messages came in from friends as well as from his assistant teacher last year.  I was especially surprised last night to receive a message from one of his preschool teachers.  Preschool was a number of years ago and it touched my heart that she was still thinking of us as the new year begins.

A new beginning at a new school can give a child -- and his parents -- a little bit of angst.  As with most things in life, it is nice to know that others are cheering us on.

A Bank Manager's Kindness

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed."
― Maya Angelou

Several years ago, a woman I know was asked a very strange question from the branch manager at her bank.  "What size do you wear?"  The branch manager had downsized -- literally.  She had lost quite a bit of weight and wanted to give away her larger-size clothes.  They made arrangements to meet in the bank parking lot one morning and the banker gave the woman eight bags of clothes that she no longer needed.  The woman took the bags, looked through them and kept a few of the items.  She gave the rest to a family that could use them.

Fast forward more than four years, the banker had moved to another part of the state, and the woman herself lost weight and gave away the banker's clothes that she had used.  But she kept one top that she particularly liked and that seemed to fit regardless of size.  She recently found the top in her closet and wore it to Mass one Sunday.  As she drove to Mass, she thought of the banker's kindness and said a little prayer for her.

The Kindness of Presence

"We convince by our presence."
― Walt Whitman

I went to the funeral of a friend's sister this morning.  She died prematurely, leaving behind three children, a mother, a sister and a brother, and numerous other relatives and friends.  As I sat in the crowded church, I thought about how communities come together on occasions like these and how important presence is during these very difficult times.  While nothing can take away the sadness, there is comfort in the presence of others -- both in the moment and then later on when we remember. 

Kindness and Chivalry

"Chivalry is not just a fancy word with a neat meaning; it's a way of life."
― Vaughn Ripley

On a recent evening at our neighborhood pizza joint, I went to the counter to pick up our food.  As I reached for the tray that included a filled-to-the-brim pitcher of water, a gentleman standing nearby grabbed the pitcher and took it to our table.  "You probably could have made it," he said with generous chivalry.  "Yes," I said, "but it would not have been pretty."

He was kind in helping me with the water and also in letting me know that he did not completely doubt my capacity to do it myself.

Snippets of Kindness Along the Way

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart."
―Confucius

On a recent business trip, I caught a few snippets of kindness along the way.

At the airport security checkpoint, a woman was placing her things on the conveyor belt when her book slipped behind the table.  The passenger behind her immediately picked it up for her.

And then on the airplane, before I even looked at my bag to place it in the overhead compartment, the gentleman behind me offered to stow it for me.  Naturally, I did not refuse his kindness.

Kindness Gives Way to More Kindness

"Kindness begets kindness evermore."
― Sophocles

A woman I know travels for business -- not very often, but enough.  In one city to where she travels, she is fond of a particular hotel -- mostly for the yoga mats and M&Ms in every room.  As arrangements were being made for a recent trip, she was told by her office that there was no room at her favorite hotel and that she would have to stay at another one, which she specifically did not like after a negative experience there.  She decided to reach out to Vernon, the front desk manager at her preferred hotel, who had been very kind to her on a previous visit.  He immediately responded that he had a room for her.  When she advised her office, a colleague asked her if she could try to negotiate two additional rooms -- including one for her boss, who also is partial to the hotel.  Once again, she wrote to Vernon, who came through! 

As a small thank you for his kindness, the woman I know bought some treats for Vernon, including his favorite candy (which she learned about from one of his employees).  He wrote her a very thoughtful e-mail, which could not have been more effusive if she had given him a bottle of champagne.

Kindness Connects Us

"Over time, offering loving kindness to all beings everywhere, including ourselves, unites us to one another so that we know that we can not go forward forgetting those left behind."
― Sharon Salzberg

Driving into a McDonald's recently, a dear friend of mine saw a homeless man.  When she drove through to buy her food, she bought a gift card and drove back to where the homeless man was to give it to him. As she handed the gift card to him, his eyes filled with tears.  And so did hers.  Nearly always, kindness is something that we share, it connects us to each other, and it touches the giver as well as the one who receives it.

Parking Lot Kindness

"No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted."
― Aesop

The other day as I was exiting a parking garage, I was having trouble negotiating a narrow turn with cars coming in the opposite direction.  As I patiently waited for a break in the traffic, a security guard from the building came over.  He stopped the oncoming traffic, so that I could make the turn.  As he walked away, I rolled down my window to thank him.  We both smiled.

Once again, I was reminded how even the smallest kindness gladdens the heart ― and lingers.

The Kindness in an Invitation... and in Reading

"We shouldn't teach great books; we should teach a love of reading."
― B.F. Skinner

I found a lovely invitation on my door this morning.  It was for my children from a friend of ours who is visiting from out of state.  She has a home in our same community, and in the 13 years that we have known her and her husband, we have become very good friends.  They also have become very fond of our children and are incredibly thoughtful toward them.

On this particular occasion, our friend had left a beautiful hand-made card inviting my children to a story reading later in the afternoon.  It would include popcorn, she added. 

At the appointed hour, we went to visit our friends.  As usual, there was a lovely table set out.  And my friend had the book ready.  She read to my children for an hour and completely captured their attention with her animated reading, which included different voices, gestures and even questions about vocabulary words.  The experience was incredibly special.  I have no doubt that my children will always remember it.

The Kindness of a Teenager's Postcard

"Alongside my 'no e-mail' policy, I resolve to make better use of the wonderful Royal Mail, and send letters and postcards to people.  There is huge pleasure in writing a letter, putting it in an envelope and sticking the stamp on it.  And huge pleasure in receiving real letters, too."
― Tom Hodgkinson

Today we received a postcard from the daughter of one of my dearest friends who was attending debate camp in another state.  That a teenager had handwritten and mailed a postcard itself seemed pretty amazing.  But when I read it, I also was impressed with the thoughtfulness and kindness that she expressed.  First, she wrote the postcard to our whole family and included each of the children's names.  She told us how things were going for her, and then said that she missed us and was hoping to see us soon at a favorite restaurant that we frequent together.  Finally, she shared that she had chosen a postcard with instruments on the front because we like music.  My children were thrilled to receive the postcard and each took turns reading it.  I was glad to have it as an example for them -- especially as they look up to this teenager.

When I mentioned this teenager's thoughtfulness to her mother, she replied:  "I did not even think of telling her to do it!"  Another surprise.

The postcard is now hanging on our refrigerator.  And for me, it is a reminder that -- despite the craziness of the Internet and all the electronic gadgets -- some teenagers can still put pen to postcard and send kindness through the good ol' U.S. mail.

Ground-to-Air Kindness

"Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter."
―Izaak Walton

I woman I know travels for business, but she is something of a Nervous Nellie in the air. On a flight to a recent business meeting, she managed to calmly deal with a rerouting based on the plane's not having enough fuel to reach its destination.  But on her return flight, a bumpy ride made her very anxious.  Having purchased the in-flight wireless, she began casually texting several people.  One of her friends answered and kept her company until the plane made it through the turbulence.  Her friend sent her a prayer, told her entertaining stories about her children and sent a funny photo.  She accompanied this woman during the scary part of the journey.  Having company -- even virtually -- made the woman feel that she was not alone and that is always appreciated during a rough ride.

The Kindness of a Colleague's Warm Greeting

"All the statistics in the world cannot measure the warmth of a smile."
~ Chris Hart

Earlier this week, I attended a large business meeting. I was only attending a portion of it, so when I walked in, it was already in progress. I found the first empty seat and sat down. I looked around, but did not immediately see anyone I knew.

A few minutes later, a colleague I knew came over and greeted me very warmly. "I'm so glad you're here," he said with a big smile.

After my colleague went back to his seat, I realized that I was still smiling.  And it occurred to me that no matter how many times I have walked into rooms where I don't know people and how comfortable I am doing it, I very much appreciated the kindness of his warm greeting. It made me feel very welcomed.

The Kindness of My College Friend Overseas

"I appreciate anything thoughtful."
~ Hillary Rhoda

I have a very thoughtful friend from college who lives overseas.  Although years can go by between our visits, I greatly enjoy our e-mail communication.  One of the things that he does regularly is send me articles about acts of kindness, which I truly appreciate.  This latest one is titled "50 Unbelievable Acts of Kindness."  Some of these acts are hard to replicate, but there are ideas here for all of us!

Thank you, Dave!

http://news.distractify.com/people/faith-in-humanity-restored/?v=1

The Kindness of A Young Teacher's Generosity

"Generosity is the most natural outward expression of an inner attitude of compassion and loving-kindness."
~ Dalai Lama

The coming school year is much closer than the end of the last one, but I am still thinking about the kindness of one of my children's teachers.

I was one of two "Room Mothers" for my son's class. It was not onerous work. For the most part, my job involved sending e-mail reminders, fielding calls from parents, and helping to organize a few class events during the year.

At the end of the school year, my son's teacher gave me a gift certificate to my favorite store. I haven't used it yet, but when I think about what I will buy, I appreciate her generosity -- again.  I know that teachers, especially newer ones like her, don't make a lot of money, so I especially value her thoughtfulness.

I continue to be amazed by the long-term or continuing impact of kindness.  Like a nice memory, remembering a kindness always makes us feel good.

The Kindness of Giving Directions

"Be a blessing to someone else."
~ Joyce Meyer

Although some of us have more difficulty than others asking for directions, we are all generally met with kindness, or at least courtesy, when we do ask.

But, without asking, I recently received a schedule of meetings with an added bonus from a colleague -- directions!  My meetings were scheduled in a multiple-story building with mazes of cubicles on each floor.  So next to the location of my meetings, this very kind colleague added directions.

"This will save you asking 'Where is this room?' every time you change locations," she wrote.  My bonus schedule included notations like "corner room by green wall past Susan's cube" and other similarly explicit directions.

In addition to making my life easier, my colleague's kindness also lets me know that she cares about me.  She thought of something that would help me and then took the time to do it.  Having colleagues like that is certainly a blessing!

The Kindness of Bringing Joy

"Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls."
― Mother Teresa

A dear friend of mine who lives in another city, one of the Kindness Muses, wrote to me a couple of weeks ago about joy.  She shared:  "I have been praying recently...  for joy in my life: both to have joy and to show and bring joy to others.  And why do I pray for this?  Because I believe the message of our faith is joy itself."

Bringing joy to others is a gift -- and a message, a reflection of who we are and in what we believe.  And my friend is someone who consistently shares this brand of kindness.

The Kindness of Another Mother

"A kind thought, word or action creates infinite ripples of caring, consideration, and peace."
~ Amy Leigh Mercree

During a recital at violin camp earlier this week, a woman I know wanted to take a video of her children's performance. As they were about to begin, she moved to the front of the auditorium and sat on the floor in the aisle to shoot the video.

Just as the woman was wondering how she would gracefully get up after the performance, another mother who was sitting in the front row motioned to an empty seat next to her and said, "Won't you be more comfortable up here?"

The woman I know accepted the offer and quickly sat down in the chair, which was infinitely more comfortable than the floor.  As she sat there, it occurred to her that this simple act of kindness changed her view of the other mother, whom she had seen at camp for several years, but with whom she had never exchanged a word.

Kindness is funny that way.  A single act, even a seemingly small one, can not only help us, but also make us rethink our perceptions of others.

How Much Kindness in an Hour?

"Kindness is a magical spell -- performed by enlightened beings -- meant to enchant hearts and lift weary souls that might fly."
~ Richelle E. Goodrich

At one point today, I wondered if I was living in a film about random acts of kindness or if I was walking in an enchanted place.  In the space of about 45 minutes, I witnessed the following acts of kindness as I walked around historic Charleston.

• At a crowded Subway restaurant, a customer's credit card was declined when she tried to pay for her food. Before the woman could answer the cashier's  "Do you have another card?", the young man standing behind her in line handed the cashier his card and paid for the woman's order.  The woman looked stunned as she thanked him and left with her food. 
• Several people behind the young man in line at Subway, a woman had observed his kindness. In addition to her order, she bought a Subway gift card and gave it to the young man who was eating his sandwich with his friends at the restaurant. 
• A couple and their daughter were walking through a historic cemetery and taking turns taking photos of themselves. A woman also walking in the cemetery offered to take a photo of the whole family. "Yes," said the mother.  "We just don't like to bother people."
• Not far from the Subway in a camp dining hall, a boy spilled his cup of water as he was helping his mother clear the table."  The mother began wiping the spill with the one napkin she had. Before she could grab more, a father at the table next to her got up and handed her several napkins -- enough to take care of the spill. 
• A man sitting outside the Charleston Library Society saw a woman trying to negotiate a baby in a stroller and a couple of other children up the front flight of steps. He stood up and helped her carry the stroller up the stairs. 

And that doesn't count the numerous doors open and held, the thank yous said, and the smiles and greetings shared. 

There is something about so much kindness that truly lifts the spirit. Charleston is my kind of town!